Best Friend-ships

[dafeesh]

Hello Folks!

So I was thinking about this topic throughout the weekend and it bugged me that I'm 23 and don't have a real best friend. Maybe a guy/girl who i can confide in and be there to support me and give me advice..someone who knows me and cares about me genuinely.

A little background..I moved to the states and left my friends back home and when I moved here I didn't really know any English or knew anything about being cool or fashionable and even though a LOT of people were nice to me and introduced to the culture I didn't really become that close to anyone. By the time high school rolled in, I had a few friends and actually knew English and topics of conversation that were relevant to the youth so I did a little better but still no best friend.

Then I started to hang out with this kid who shared most of my interest and was really smart so we complimented each other well. He was a really close friend. One of the kind where you don't necessarily have to do anything...we would just be happy sitting there talking.

The only person closer was my girlfriend of four years. She knew my ins and outs. We all hung out together and were like a family.

Then we broke up and the two of them started to date. At the beginning, i was pissed at both of them. He hadn't talked to me about it and had gone behind my back and apparently when my gf had complained to him about me in the past, he had advised that she should dump me. I took this as a backstabbing move since he never talked to me about it and never got my side of the story and as intentions to be with her. He never called or came to see me. He texted me...didn't say he was sorry or how bad he felt..he just asked if I was ready to talk. I didn't reply. Suddenly I was all alone. I had roommates and other friends but for the most part I was hanging out alone.

They broke up..she tried to get back together. I declined. They got back together..broke up.

We haven't reconnected or talked. I don't want to. I have forgiven them but honestly...with friends like that, who needs enemies?

haha geez...I know that's a long story..sorry about that but it has completely changed my outlook on how I see people and how much of myself I will expose.

The discussion I wanted to start is the way we come across honest people that we can call best friends. Have they been in your life for long? Did you meet them in high school? College? Have you been screwed over by a close friend? Is it your significant other or a family member?

Thank you in advance for your input!
Cheers

 

[D_DoctorDoltlittle]

Been there... they didn't steal my gf... but I have had those "friends"... I understand how you feel.

 

[ggsitc]

Friends come and friends go. Some people are lucky to have friends that they have known since they were toddlers and they are still friends 50, 60 or more years later. I think most people, though, have different friends at different times in their lives.

In my own case my best friend growing up was the kid next door who was about a year older than me. We spent a lot of time together in our grammar school years at each other's houses and doing all the usual kid-type stuff together. We ended up going to different high schools and I went out of town to college. We didn't see a lot of each other any more after high school. He got a girlfriend and had her pregnant by the time he was in his early 20s and got into a shotgun marriage that didn't last despite having two more kids with her. I've seen him twice, I think, in the last ten years, even though we still live in the same area.

In high school I met up with a guy who was in my same area of study and we ended up best friends throughout high school. We spent long hours on the phone in the evenings, spend time at each other's houses and all that. I went away to college and he went to work. By the time I was out of college he was married and I did spend a weekend with him at his house one time with his wife and new baby, but we didn't have a lot of contact after that and the last time I saw him was at his mom's funeral which was probably 20 years ago now. His baby is now in his late 20s and is likely married and/or attached, etc.

In college I met a guy who had a lot of similar interests as myself and we hit it off well and I still keep in close contact with him going on 30 years later. We have been like brothers to each other and have even said so to one another. His kids even call me "Uncle -----" and will email me from time to time. I was even invited to parents' weekend last spring at his oldest kid's college where she was performing in a couple of concerts that were being put on.

I have some good friends that I have met through work. They are all somewhat older than me and are now all retired, but we remain in contact with each other and sometimes will do social things together. I also have friends I have met through some of my hobby activities, but they are a "different" kind of friend in that we don't do things together outside of club activities, but when we are together we talk about things going on in our lives and have concern for each other and so on.

My point is your circle of friends constantly morphs and changes, depending on what is going on in your life. My earliest friends were met in school, my later friends I have met through work and hobby interests. You're only 23. I know a lot of people -- and younger people in particular -- think they'll be friends with all their current friends forever, but the reality is you might be lucky enough in your lifetime to have one friend that you are friends with for a long time -- and "long time" being a different number for each pair of friends. Friendships are like any other relationship, you have your ups and downs, good times and bad times. And friendships don't always last forever. It's a part of life.

 

[Stephenmass]

@ggs what a great answer!

 

[B_debonair87]

I don't have a best-friend either. I've burned a lot of bridges throughout the years

The 2 best friends that I had pulled some shady shit on me and I haven't talked to them in years.

Don't get me wrong, I still have friends and a lot of acquaintances but no real close friends. I'm a very private person and I've learned not to trust people through various bad experiences.

Would be cool to have a confidant/right-hand-man but can't get passed these trust issues

 

[dafeesh]

I don't have a best-friend either. I've burned a lot of bridges throughout the years

The 2 best friends that I had pulled some shady shit on me and I haven't talked to them in years.

Don't get me wrong, I still have friends and a lot of acquaintances but no real close friends. I'm a very private person and I've learned not to trust people through various bad experiences.

Would be cool to have a confidant/right-hand-man but can't get passed these trust issues

I am also a private person and I think it's better that way. It makes relationships more personal and special.

How long has it been since you have been going through without a best friend? Who do you tell those things you can't tell your close friends?

 

[dafeesh]

Friends come and friends go. Some people are lucky to have friends that they have known since they were toddlers and they are still friends 50, 60 or more years later. I think most people, though, have different friends at different times in their lives.

In my own case my best friend growing up was the kid next door who was about a year older than me. We spent a lot of time together in our grammar school years at each other's houses and doing all the usual kid-type stuff together. We ended up going to different high schools and I went out of town to college. We didn't see a lot of each other any more after high school. He got a girlfriend and had her pregnant by the time he was in his early 20s and got into a shotgun marriage that didn't last despite having two more kids with her. I've seen him twice, I think, in the last ten years, even though we still live in the same area.

In high school I met up with a guy who was in my same area of study and we ended up best friends throughout high school. We spent long hours on the phone in the evenings, spend time at each other's houses and all that. I went away to college and he went to work. By the time I was out of college he was married and I did spend a weekend with him at his house one time with his wife and new baby, but we didn't have a lot of contact after that and the last time I saw him was at his mom's funeral which was probably 20 years ago now. His baby is now in his late 20s and is likely married and/or attached, etc.

In college I met a guy who had a lot of similar interests as myself and we hit it off well and I still keep in close contact with him going on 30 years later. We have been like brothers to each other and have even said so to one another. His kids even call me "Uncle -----" and will email me from time to time. I was even invited to parents' weekend last spring at his oldest kid's college where she was performing in a couple of concerts that were being put on.

I have some good friends that I have met through work. They are all somewhat older than me and are now all retired, but we remain in contact with each other and sometimes will do social things together. I also have friends I have met through some of my hobby activities, but they are a "different" kind of friend in that we don't do things together outside of club activities, but when we are together we talk about things going on in our lives and have concern for each other and so on.

My point is your circle of friends constantly morphs and changes, depending on what is going on in your life. My earliest friends were met in school, my later friends I have met through work and hobby interests. You're only 23. I know a lot of people -- and younger people in particular -- think they'll be friends with all their current friends forever, but the reality is you might be lucky enough in your lifetime to have one friend that you are friends with for a long time -- and "long time" being a different number for each pair of friends. Friendships are like any other relationship, you have your ups and downs, good times and bad times. And friendships don't always last forever. It's a part of life.

Great answer indeed, thank you for your input.

 

[B_debonair87]

I am also a private person and I think it's better that way. It makes relationships more personal and special.

How long has it been since you have been going through without a best friend? Who do you tell those things you can't tell your close friends?

i've been without a best friend for about 4 years now.

and i usually just keep my problems/secrets to myself. i don't really confide in people.