10 years ago I fell out with a guy who was a close friend of mine. Looking back on it know, our friendship was on the verge of being a bit closer than just good mates but I had no idea I was gay and was way too sexually naive in most respects to notice it or take advantage of it. He was straight but a bit of a sexual predator, I'm sure if the chance had arisen, he wouldn't have said no, well, not too loudly anyways, lol. Anyway, we fell out, he was nasty as fuck to me as i remember and I doted on him until enough abuse was enough and we lost touch for many many years, with little regret on my behalf if the truth be told. Well, not that long ago, I braved making contact with him through the net, although I don't really know why. Part of me had missed him I guess. I had made another best mate in our time apart but that is another long and very sad story. Anyway, he responded and although it took a few months to really get to know each other again, online, we seems to have picked up our friendship from before things turned nasty. He then asked me to come and stay for a few nights, which I was very hesitant to do, as he now has (effectively) a wife and two kids but I went a stayed. He's straight and has a beautiful family but my feelings for him came back quite easily and this time, with the benefit of 10 years of hating, fighting and then understand my sexuality, I still fancied the arse off him and I knew it. We had very little time alone, but the time we did have, I'm sure I felt a slight charge building in the air and I found myself constantly checking him out. I even got to see him bare foot (they were beautiful, big and hairy) and for this pup, that was a joy, lol. Well, nothing happened before anyone gets too excited, at least nothing sexual. I have found a close friend after all this time apart and I know he feels the same. I flirt with him quite badly and I know he's flattered by it, although I've never said I'm gay or that I fancy him, he's the sort of man that instinctively knows shit like that I'm sure. I know now, in my heart if the chance was to ever arise, our friendship would take on a special dimension that could exist without either of us having to shout about it, which has been something I've always wanted in my life, but sadly, due to the little turns we make in life, there is a good chance we will never meet again and I've been really quite sad about it for some time now. We chat often, flirt more, but in reality, now I have found my friend after all this time and have the will and courage to let our friendship become discreetly intimate, I have to live knowing it never will. I feel like I've lost him all over again. Just a ramble to get this out my head before it hurts me too much. Pup, x.