Best places to meet other gay men?

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deleted1025121

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Where are some places gay men go to meet other guys? I don't drink and have never had luck meeting guys at bars or even gay happy hours. Seems most stick to their circle of friends offering little opportunity to interact in a conversation. So I'm curious how you guys do it.
 
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SpeedThePlow

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Apart from the obvious online options (and I really suspect that they are maybe the most common nowadays -- and with some positive things going for them, for all we moan) I don't think there's a *place* you meet other guys. I'd more say, based on the guys I know who are good at this (not me!) that it's more about the way you do it.

The successful manhunter is always looking to add to his collection--and not only guys he wants to sleep with, but just guys he likes, because having a big circle of (gay) friends increases the opportunities to meet other gay guys, and to be part of that "little circle of friends". These guys aren't shy, and they don't wait to meet someone a second time. When they meet someone they have even a modicum of interest in, they suggest they should meet for a drink (or, in your case, a coffee ...) or find some common interest, however flimsy, and they get their number. And if there's any sort of sexual attraction, they are ready to go with it.

Gay guys are everywhere, at least if you are in a decent sized city. You will encounter them at parties, at work events, at the gym (yes), in all sorts of non-gay environments. The more of them you know socially, the more you encounter in other ways. The key thing (which I stress I more observe in others than do myself) is not to be too diffident. If you're a decent guy and you keep it casual, and you lay on a little flattery, and you don't try it with total strangers, you will gradually build up a circle of friends and acquaintances which produces the necessary critical mass.

In other words, the big difference between those who end up with a big circle of friends and lovers and the rest of us who don't is not so much where they go as their willingness to "close the deal" quickly. No pretence at disinterest. No waiting for the other guy to make a move. No waiting for a second meeting. Just get it done.
 
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deleted1025121

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Apart from the obvious online options (and I really suspect that they are maybe the most common nowadays -- and with some positive things going for them, for all we moan) I don't think there's a *place* you meet other guys. I'd more say, based on the guys I know who are good at this (not me!) that it's more about the way you do it.

The successful manhunter is always looking to add to his collection--and not only guys he wants to sleep with, but just guys he likes, because having a big circle of (gay) friends increases the opportunities to meet other gay guys, and to be part of that "little circle of friends". These guys aren't shy, and they don't wait to meet someone a second time. When they meet someone they have even a modicum of interest in, they suggest they should meet for a drink (or, in your case, a coffee ...) or find some common interest, however flimsy, and they get their number. And if there's any sort of sexual attraction, they are ready to go with it.

Gay guys are everywhere, at least if you are in a decent sized city. You will encounter them at parties, at work events, at the gym (yes), in all sorts of non-gay environments. The more of them you know socially, the more you encounter in other ways. The key thing (which I stress I more observe in others than do myself) is not to be too diffident. If you're a decent guy and you keep it casual, and you lay on a little flattery, and you don't try it with total strangers, you will gradually build up a circle of friends and acquaintances which produces the necessary critical mass.

In other words, the big difference between those who end up with a big circle of friends and lovers and the rest of us who don't is not so much where they go as their willingness to "close the deal" quickly. No pretence at disinterest. No waiting for the other guy to make a move. No waiting for a second meeting. Just get it done.
Thanks. That is good advice. I see the advantage to being the instigator in life. Certainly the confident men do end up with more opportunities I guess. Still tough for me to decipher who is who in regards to orientation.
 

SpeedThePlow

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Thanks. That is good advice. I see the advantage to being the instigator in life. Certainly the confident men do end up with more opportunities I guess. Still tough for me to decipher who is who in regards to orientation.

Well the orientation thing can sometimes be difficult, that's true and all of us make mistakes and get surprises. But many guys are totally open especially if you are too (obviously, if you're not, that's a handicap right there). In any case the sort of people I'm talking about don't worry too much about orientation. If they like a guy enough to have a drink or meal with him, they like him to do that even if he turns out to be straight, and they know that sometimes the straight don't turn out so straight! Of course in most cases it goes nowhere; but the more frogs kissed the more chance that one turns out to be a handsome prince!
 
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Well the orientation thing can sometimes be difficult, that's true and all of us make mistakes and get surprises. But many guys are totally open especially if you are too (obviously, if you're not, that's a handicap right there). In any case the sort of people I'm talking about don't worry too much about orientation. If they like a guy enough to have a drink or meal with him, they like him to do that even if he turns out to be straight, and they know that sometimes the straight don't turn out so straight! Of course in most cases it goes nowhere; but the more frogs kissed the more chance that one turns out to be a handsome prince!
I wonder if things are different in London as opposed to US? I've been to London a few times but I was closeted...even though I still went to HEAVEN nightclub. haha. Maybe guys are more friendly in GB?
 
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SpeedThePlow lives in London though and the gay atmosphere in the UK and in Europe in general is different than in the United States. I don't think American men are as open as UK/European men but I get what he's saying.

la6nine, if you really want to find someone and it's not working, have you considered moving? Your location has you in Tucson but maybe things would be better if you were in Phoenix or Los Angeles? I think location is pretty important for example, I live in Miami and I just made a thread a few months ago about how this city doesn't really have gay scene, everything is either in Fort Lauderdale or Key West and most of it caters to tourist that come here for the beaches and weather. There are no local gay bars except for 3 on South Beach which (surprise) cater to tourists. So for me at least right now in my life, I don't really consider having gay friends or even a lover to be a top priority however I don't know if I'd feel the same way 5 years from now.

I'm 27 and I think the most popular millennial way to meet other gays is unfortunately through gay apps. However, larger cities with bigger gay populations offer you those options that SpeedThePlow was talking about.
 

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Looking at your photos you don't have anything to worry about. You look good. If you go to a bar you don't have to drink liquor, have a soft drink. Keep a positive attitude and open to meeting and talking to people. I know at first its very hard so maybe you only try it for an hour or two. Over time it will become easier, but always be yourself be comfortable in your own body.
In the states I've been very surprised at the small towns I've been in that have a gay bar. I'm sure Tucson has a few. Look around for one you feel comfortable in, maybe more of a lounge than a dance bar. There might be gay sports teams or a gay business owners association.

I wish you luck and hope you find a good, supportive circle of friends.
 
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SpeedThePlow lives in London though and the gay atmosphere in the UK and in Europe in general is different than in the United States. I don't think American men are as open as UK/European men but I get what he's saying.

la6nine, if you really want to find someone and it's not working, have you considered moving? Your location has you in Tucson but maybe things would be better if you were in Phoenix or Los Angeles? I think location is pretty important for example, I live in Miami and I just made a thread a few months ago about how this city doesn't really have gay scene, everything is either in Fort Lauderdale or Key West and most of it caters to tourist that come here for the beaches and weather. There are no local gay bars except for 3 on South Beach which (surprise) cater to tourists. So for me at least right now in my life, I don't really consider having gay friends or even a lover to be a top priority however I don't know if I'd feel the same way 5 years from now.

I'm 27 and I think the most popular millennial way to meet other gays is unfortunately through gay apps. However, larger cities with bigger gay populations offer you those options that SpeedThePlow was talking about.

Funny thing is I just moved from LA and SoCal where I lived for 25 years. So thats why I'm having some problems meeting guys in a town that isn't very "out" or friendly, or many options. Had to move here for family issues. So its a tough place. But I appreciate your words and I hear what everyone is saying.
 

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Talk to people. Make eye contact. Don't hide under a towel in the locker room.

Exactly, make eye contact, give a nod of acknowledgement, make small talk (especially in the sauna or steam room. I've seen your pics and there is nothing wrong with your body, or dick for that matter. You'd be surprised how friendly men can get in the sauna.
 
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deleted1124309

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Everywhere, there's no perfect place.
I've met great people on language classes, libraries, stores... It might be dangerous, since you might end up flirting with some crazy nazi bastard, but it pays off sometimes.
 
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cutelincs

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I totally agree with whats being said here... other than one nighters, I have never met a nice gay in the bar... my ex was in the gym, and that was from chatty in the sauna, my current of 9 years and soul mate was through work
 
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Thisisyourfinaltest

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SpeedThePlow lives in London though and the gay atmosphere in the UK and in Europe in general is different than in the United States. I don't think American men are as open as UK/European men but I get what he's saying.

la6nine, if you really want to find someone and it's not working, have you considered moving? Your location has you in Tucson but maybe things would be better if you were in Phoenix or Los Angeles? I think location is pretty important for example, I live in Miami and I just made a thread a few months ago about how this city doesn't really have gay scene, everything is either in Fort Lauderdale or Key West and most of it caters to tourist that come here for the beaches and weather. There are no local gay bars except for 3 on South Beach which (surprise) cater to tourists. So for me at least right now in my life, I don't really consider having gay friends or even a lover to be a top priority however I don't know if I'd feel the same way 5 years from now.

I'm 27 and I think the most popular millennial way to meet other gays is unfortunately through gay apps. However, larger cities with bigger gay populations offer you those options that SpeedThePlow was talking about.
Tuscon does'nt really have a large gay population its so little but here in phoenix its crazy how many gay men there are.
 
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deleted1025121

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Tuscon does'nt really have a large gay population its so little but here in phoenix its crazy how many gay men there are.
It is true. Phoenix appears to have a much larger gay community with restaurants and bars, etc.