Better to have loved than never loved at all?

B_ScaredLittleBoy

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Well when you're in love/with someone you're happy a lot of the time. On your own you're probably not as happy. So even if you had five minutes of love its better than a lifetime of being on your own. And you will always find someone else to love.

So I'd say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Even though it might not seem like that at the end/til you find someone else.
 

dudepiston

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Might be helpful to also define what 'being in love' really is, for you. I'm not sure it's a universal thing! I'm in love, but I don't usually feel those "gooey, happy" feelings that I felt when I was a younger guy, meeting a guy or girl, getting to know them, feeling like I'm "falling." But then I came to realize there are portions of our existence which reside closer to our physical selves, and some that reside further away, like a distant planet orbiting a sun. For me, these intense feelings & sensations (probably including most of the more intense sexual feelings of attraction) are one of those closer, more obvious "planets." But the stuff that seems to last, through out ones lifetime, might be those more distant parts of your personality....the stuff the person only gets to know after they have known you for a LONG time, and vice-versa. For me personally I noticed that when I "fell in love" I rarely really knew the person very well and were more in love with the fantasy of who I thought he or she should be, not really with him or her. Oh I *thought* I understood what I was doing, and I thought I knew what was feeling but from my perspective now, I can see I wasn't really accurate. Conversely, after you've turned your thoughts inward, and if you still see yourself with this person, and you're quite sure you really know him, then I wouldn't let another day go by without TELLING him for chrissake, and furthermore, looking into (just LOOKING) into visiting him wherever he's from. Perhaps even making it a long visit ;)
 

D_Gunther Snotpole

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It's not like you would have avoided pain by not having loved.
You would have had the pain of an opportunity forsaken.
This way, at least you have the love you shared, your memories of the months you had together ... and probably some kind of relationship (emails, telephone calls, visits?) in the future.
By playing big, you've come out ahead.
And you've done as I say, not as I do.:cool:
 

fortiesfun

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I don't know...I've loved once and it ended so painfully that I have rejected every opportunity since. I was young, dumb and I obviously didnt get it right then...I just dont want that pain again. Ever.

After a few years I didnt miss the love, sex, or any of it. I know it sounds bad, but I'm used to being alone. I am sometimes jealous of couples and what they have, but I cant see it being worth all that hurt and misery.
As someone who has been there, I think fear of the pain can become greater than the pain would be. You get older and you get better at reading the signs. I am definately of the "Loved and lost" school. It hurts sometimes but you get over it. If you never try again, you just perpetuate the loss.
 

D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

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Love with all your heart
Show love to the ones that deserve it
Allow yourself to be loved
If you do get hurt
Know that it is all part of life and its lessons
And the best way to learn a lesson is to experience it
Also know it could be the best experience of your life
 

Gabriel

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Again, this advice helps tremendously, but I have one more question.

As we all probably know, maybe even subconsciously, there are many different layers of love. I've only dated this guy for about a month, and already I've felt myself slipping way too fast. On several occasions I've had to hold back the urge to blurt out "I love you."

Why do I hold back? I'll tell you it's not out of fear, no. It's because I can't decide if it's the truth or not. Everything about him is just so incredibly amazing that I get all lucid and can't process things the moment they happen with him; I normally need 20 minutes without him to understand everything that happened in the time I was with him, which is weird on it's own.

I've always been one of the people to say you can't love someone in a month. Or two. Or hell, even six. I've always believe in love as such a strong, deep, bonding word that should not be used so absently like it is, yet here I am thinking I could love someone after a month. Now I feel like I'm one of those people who completely destroys the sacred bonds of the word love with my premature proclamation.

So tell me; do you need to be with someone much longer than a month to know when it's love?
 

B_Hung Muscle

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It's possible to be in love with someone after knowing them for a month.

There are no rules to this stuff, and no advice anyone else can offer you that's better than what's in your own heart and head are telling you. Love, attraction, lust, friendship, amusement -- it's all so individual, it defies pigeonholing. Over the years, I've learned to lie back, relax, surrender, and enjoy the ride.

I've had a "long-distance" relationship for years now. We spend more time apart than together physically, but strangely I always feel that my partner is around. That's us. Does it work for everyone? Of course not, and guess what? I don't care.
 

Love-it

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I have only been in love once, it started almost 33 years ago, can't explain it, don't understand, can't change it and still enjoying it. We have had our problems but I still love to hold her close.

If I could change specifics, that would be great, but I wouldn't trade my wife for any other woman.