bf giving a hard time because of a sleepover

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by molotow11, Mar 29, 2009.

  1. molotow11

    molotow11 New Member

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    I am rather fresh around these shores.
    My bf is having hard times. He always thinks that I am cheating on him with friends of mine. What I do not do.
    Last night a new mate missed his train and I offered him a sleep over. So he stayed in our bed (bf was in a different city for a good party).
    Bf was rather upset when he came home and there was another man sleeping in the bed. Within some minutes I told him that nothing happened but still he was angry.
    I could have slept on the sofa but I didnt feel the need to... otherwise I would never let a giest sleep on the sofa. I think its rude.

    What are your opinions?
     
  2. hoggindaz

    hoggindaz New Member

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    so a strange guy slept in your bed and you dont see how that could be looked at?
     
  3. kaladioz

    kaladioz New Member

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    ahahaha, you had another guy sleep in bed with you and don't know why your insecure boyfriend is pissed :)

    unnecessary. either one of you could have slept on the couch, it would not have been rude. you posed the offer in the first place, which was obviously out of kindness at least. but really, talk about giving him a reason to be angry. he came home to his girl sleeping in bed with another guy. i mean, really.
     
  4. thadjock

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    doesnt' sound like u have a solid , trust-built relationship yet.

    i don't have a prob sleeping in the same bed with a friend (nothing sexual needs to happen) but ur bf obviously doens't see it the same way. here in america people are freaky about adult males sharing a bed just for sleeping, but in other countries i've lived it's not a big deal.

    there's a congenital homophobia that is completely irrational in the US. not sure why, it just is. it's almost impossible for two males to enjoy a physically close friendship relationship here without enduring ridicule. in my opinion that culture makes for rather incomplete adult men. unequipped to manifest real feelings for each other.

    maybe you've given him reason to be suspicious, or maybe he's just not as secure as u. and some people are just natrually jealous, even of platonic relationships.

    i don't know either one of u, so how the hell should i know? maybe u should talk it out with ur bf.
     
    #4 thadjock, Mar 29, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2009
  5. MarkLondon

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    Your b/f was partying in a different city? Sounds like you trust him. Why can't he trust you?
     
  6. TheWB

    TheWB New Member

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    :lmao:gee i wonder why
     
  7. Captain Elephant

    Captain Elephant Active Member

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    So, same scenario, different situation, my wife comes home and finds a friend, who happens to be a woman, comfortably snoozing in my bed. Even if she had wool PJs with feet I'd still be in a world of trouble.

    Sorry, friend, somebody should have slept on the couch.

    It's not that I doubt you, it's just prudent action would avoid any appearance of impropriety. That's always been my rule.
     
  8. funguy44

    funguy44 New Member

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    VERY good point!!!!!
     
  9. Himura

    Himura Member

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    yeah it's not really a good thing to try that kind of stuff haha
     
  10. Jovial

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    If you did cheat you would say nothing happened, so there is no way for your boyfriend to tell if you are lying or not. And with STD's like HIV a people should be distrustful of situations like yours. I wonder how many people in your boyfriend's situation trusted their partner that had said nothing happened and ended up with an STD.
     
  11. Principessa

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    #1 - Your bf has every right to be angry and possibly some to be distrustful, we don't know.
    #2 - Your 'friend' needed to sleep on the sofa. It is NOT rude!
    #3 - What you did was F'g stupid.
    #4 - Now you will have to bend over backwards to prove nothing happend. If that guy had just slept on the sofa there would be no problem. Use your head next time.:rolleyes: This is a total no brainer.

    OP is either an idiot or looking for justification for his slutty behavior. :cool:

     
  12. molotow11

    molotow11 New Member

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    WOW! I am amazed by so many replies.
    Okay, I totally understand most POVs and I absolutely understand him being a bit pissed. We talked and its more or less "i didn't expect someone and was shocked".

    The last sleepover stayed on the sofa and was an even bigger drama due to the fact that the bf expected the person to have had a sneak around the flat and a look at things... So I wanted to avoid it this time by having that person under closer surveillance.

    I think it basically is: i should have txt hi that someone is staying over.

    I do feel a bit ashamed by some implying that I would cheat to my bf in OUR BED. Sorry thats sad. But actually a no go zone for others...hmmm right...

    Thank you!

    Cheers

    Molotow!
     
  13. molotow11

    molotow11 New Member

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    a small correction: The guy he went ballistic the other times sleept in the guestroom, not the sofa..
     
  14. dean88

    dean88 New Member

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    If you have a guestroom then why do you let guest sleep in your bed, with you in it?

    Anyway, I understand that you think it's rude to let guest sleep on the sofa. But in this matter it isn't, it would be if you had invited the guest to sleep over and then let him sleep on the sofa. But this guest missed his train so he should be happy he could even stay over. And of course there's always the option to let him sleep in your bed and sleep on the sofa yourself. That's not a strange option, even very gentle.
    Personally, I totally understand your boyfriend. It isn't fun to find out that your boyfriend has other men sleeping in your bed while you're away! It isn't for straight couples and it isn't for gay couples.
     
    #14 dean88, Mar 31, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2009
  15. eric19831

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    Dude, You're asking for trouble when you let another man sleep with you in your bed. Let him sleep on the couch... Its not rude. How could giving someone a place to sleep be rude?
     
  16. molotow11

    molotow11 New Member

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    Yes, I think I didn't think in that moment. I will explain and apologise again and hope we can clear that matter quickly.
    I have mentally swapped places and I think even I might have went ballistic in this situation... thank you guys for your insights!

    xx
    Molo
     
  17. hlbvulcan

    hlbvulcan New Member

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    Beautifully put and also true in my opinion.
     
  18. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    I think my BF would go ballistic too if he came home to find someone in our bed when there's a guestroom and a sofa available. When I was single and a friend would stay over (I'm talking open minded straight friends) they always slept with me in my bed, not the guest room. Nothing ever happened, we were close enough to sleep together. Now that I have a BF those same friends will sleep in the guestroom, even if BF is out of town. It's a respect thing, I think.
     
  19. matt121matt121

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    Did you know when your Boyfriend would be back? If so you definatly should have not had the guest spend the night in your bed, since he would surly want to take a rest or surprise you when he gets back from his trip, and finding someone else in his spot after what was proabably already a stressful journey doesn't help. When I was non dating dating a guy, the best sex we would have would be when one of use would have been gone for a little while.

    Do you know his past? Were his previous boyfriends big cheaters? I know that after I have been cheated on it takes me a while to realize that not everyone is a cheater (thought lots of guys are, so this is trust that must be earned)

    I can understand the whole snooping thing, but if this is a huge problem, then maybe you need to reorganize your place, and be sure there isn't stuff out that's private, like putting your important papers away in a locked filing cabinet, and latching cabinets, furniture, etc. I once had a boyfriend who liked to have parties (I was invited, and I know at first I was paranoid that they were going to steal or destroy things, so after an incident we did a whole reorganization and that made things alot better).
     
  20. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

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    i always sleep with my friends in the same bed but they hate it cuz i end up cuddling in the middle of the night.
     
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