BF goes flaccid during sex/has nice lenght & width

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by summertime01, Dec 10, 2011.

  1. summertime01

    summertime01 New Member

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    Anyone have nay suggestions? I've mentioned cock rings to him. I have used them with ex-husband, who by the way kept his erection for a long time, but we divorced due to his HUGE drug addiction problem. This BF isn't too much into things that help. He states that he hadn't been with a woman (he is straight) for 5 years before me, and his ego is very damaged that he can't keep an erection long enough for me. We are very frustrated, esp. since he can get off in about 3-4 min. and i'm left very upset. I'm tired of him finishing me off with a vibrator and when we do 69, I still have to have fingers inside my vagina & he claims that the angle that he has to turn his wrist hurts. We have been dating since mid august & exclusive since 10/08 this year & I've ha donly 3 orgasms with him, twice with his using 2 vibrators, one was on my clit. He is a very loving man & very hard working & has a professional job. He is talking of marriage, and I will consider thatl However, at this point after having been raised in an extremely sheltered home & not knowing a thing about sex until I was married at age 20. Then that husband had two affairs & became a drunkard, we divorced. My 2nd husband whom I mentioned in the beginning of this post has a severe drug addiction problem & it only got worse & to the point hwere he did not want to have sex by about once ever 3 months. I have a high sex drive & about to go out of my mind trying to find someone compatible in every way. I had always believed until this BF that sex would just happen and never have a problem, now I have found out otherwise. I'm considering trying to find some one on here who is also willing to meet me so I can be fulfilled in every way!
     
  2. Ben_c

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    I use cockrings myself due to my very large size, they just help to maintain the errection. There certainly nothing to feel ashamed of or feel a ego dent by. I'd try discussing it with him and explain that big guys often use cockrings they just help out. I have alot of great sex with my gf due to the use of a cockring so i'd reccomend them as a solution.
     
  3. WSEATTLE

    WSEATTLE Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like you are already looking..Good luck. Maybe he can get a Penis Pump to open up some flow..
     
  4. D_Char_D_Naye

    D_Char_D_Naye New Member

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    Using a rubber-ring Very OK for us
     
  5. OhWiseOne

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    Agree, she is advertising..
     
  6. B_Hornaplenty

    B_Hornaplenty New Member

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    You haven't mentioned your partner's age. Nor have you commented on the most obvious solution to sustain his erections...ED meds. Has he tried Viagra? Normally young men don't need a "booster" to have a stiff erection that lasts, but some younger men are using Viagra or Cialis to ensure that their cock remains hard long enough to satisfy both partners, and even go for a second round. I suggest you have him check with a doctor about it.

    At my advanced age I still get erections easily enough but they don't last long enough for me to cum (it takes me about 25 minutes to reach orgasm). I went on Viagra and now get very hard erections that last until I cum, then after about 10 minutes I can get it up again and go for another ejaculation. It really is satisfying to have that endurance and I can understand your frustration having little success with your partner.

    If you are concerned about the high cost of Viagra or Cialis, use the generics. They are much less costly and just as effective as the brand names if you buy from a reputable pharmacy online.
     
  7. Rikter8

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    Paragraph spacing... must use paragraph spacing....

    You've got several things going on, so let me see if I understand your points correctly.

    1. He can't get you off by intercourse or by masturbation without extreme measures
    2. He pops prematurely
    3. He's not large enough to pleasure you
    4. He's going soft before he finishes
    5. Your condeming your previous husband of having an affair, yet you are requesting to do the same to your current Boyfriend.
    6. You are looking for a hookup to find the 100% perfect man.

    From sorting through that post, it means you are not sexually compatable with each other and you should exit the relationship BEFORE you go looking.
    Consider posting in the Large Penis Personals Ads.

    Because he gets hard and then goes soft, it could be a mental issue such as performance anxiety, or he's turned off or not stimulated by you.

    Cock rings help. ED drugs can help in this situation. A visit by his Dr. is in order.
    Counseling can help you from the urge to wander.

    You said you are considering marriage. I would resist the urge to run to the altar and date for longer periods of time before getting married. Say - 6 years.
     
    #7 Rikter8, Dec 10, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2011
  8. summertime01

    summertime01 New Member

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    Hornaplenty, He is 49. I have mentioined Viagra & Cialis to him & it bothers him to think that he needs that kind of help. He says he has been with 9 women and has never failed to please them, so this bothers him alot that he just cannot hit my sweet spots, and keep an erection. Yes, the cost is part of the factor of his resistance, too. He says he is going to make an appt. with his doctor (He is a veteran, by the way) so I hope that VA healthcare (whatever Tier of Tricare he gets will prescribe for him). I'm afraid that he will be too shy to be really upfront with the doctor & not mention all the difficulties. Also, for some reason this man thinks that ALL women should orgasm in about 3-4 min., and my usual time is 20-30 min. He goes flaccid! and does not understand that I have spots & motions that have to be done or I WILL GET No Where towards an orgasm. It is damaging him that he he has come across a woman whom he cannot get off and/or this woman jsut cannot orgasm as quickly as his previous women. I work in women's healthcare and I've tried showing him the research that women take an average of 20-45 min. Then, he gets upset that I'm trying to show him a textbook or research on the Internet, which documents the same info as my books. After having been so unfulfilled for so much of my adult life, I don't know if I want to continue with him being so stubborn and not understanding that as we age, we sometimes need some special help. Thanks to you all
     
  9. summertime01

    summertime01 New Member

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    Rikter,
    Thanks,
    We are in a very rural area and sex counselors are nowhere around here at all, as in the closest is 3 hours away. He is almost the same size as my 2nd husband (my first was on the smallish side & that was back in the days before i even knew that penis' came in different sizes). I am not in favor of going looking for a partner before cutting ties with this man. I'm encouraging him/us to try various helpful measures. But, if he is unwilling then that means to me he is/will be stubborn in other areas of marriage/relationship.
    He does insist that he is very turned on by my body, my stimulation, etc. He has a hard on just by taking a quick dance turn around the living room floor.
    I mentioned cock rings & Viagra to him, again, just yesterday after a very frustrating 3 horu episode the night before of trying to have orgasms. He also got so frustrated to the point that he could not orgasm at all, not even with me & him masturbating him.
     
  10. Rikter8

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    Buy a cock ring and slip it on him during sex.
    Having him get it wouldn't probably happen. If its handy, use it, and go from there.

    Also buy some de-sensitizing cream for his glans if he pops too quick.
     
  11. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    putting too much pressure on him will not help. and could make the situation worse. get some ED meds. generic, foreign sources make it affordable. google forzest, caverta. his veterans ins or benefits will probably not cover ED meds. a lot of docs will give you free samples. I would also suggest that you guys come up with some better foreplay so it doesn't take YOU as long to cum.
     
  12. NC_BBC

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    First of all...NC in the house!!!! But yeah... I say staying erect is all about excitement for me. As long as I'm still into what I'm doing I'm still at full hard-on. Sounds like he's losing interest mid way through. Which is probable if he really does "feels like all women should orgasm in 3-4 minutes" Add to that all the pressure, that's perfect conditions for a soft cock. I say take all the seriousness out of the situation...go back to just having fun. Whether either one of you cums or not...just enjoy each other. Once sex becomes a "science" or some kind of performance exam....there went all the fun....and the boner...just MHO.
     
    #12 NC_BBC, Dec 10, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2011
  13. B_Hornaplenty

    B_Hornaplenty New Member

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    Your guy is like a lot of men...too proud to adapt to reality. It's time for him to understand that aging progressively brings changes to our body systems, so he should respond reasonably to problems and use what's available to maintain his pleasure, and certainly your satisfaction, his partner. His memory about satisfying women previously may be his perception...lets hear from those women about how good he was.

    It's difficult to understand why he wouldn't want to maintain stamina, to be able to last like you do for 20 - 30 minutes. I certainly don't want to bring my woman to orgasm in a few minutes when I can prolong fucking her, and maintain the hard cock to do it. His priority should be to do what he can to remain hard, in order to keep you hot and throbbing and having multiple orgasms. If he uses Viagra he'll have a hard cock to perform as long as you need it.

    He shouldn't worry about the cost of the meds because the generics are very good. When Viagra went from $12 each to $22 each for 100 mg I bailed and went to the generic viagra. My last order cost $3.75 each for 100 mg tablets and the shipping was free. I'm an older guy and need 100 mg each time, but your man will be able to split the tablets and get more use from each one.

    I hope you can convince him to think this through and act intelligently about it. An important element of his life is riding on it, and he still has a lot of years ahead.
     
  14. D_Fred_Fisterbottom

    D_Fred_Fisterbottom Account Disabled

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    Summertime, lots of good advice posted already, allow me to give my 2 cents.
    I am 47 and have always had what I would describe as "fragile" erections (easily lost), I put it down to thinking too much with the big head, instead of the little one.... but in recent years the problem got worse.
    I went to the doctor, described the problem, and had my testosterone level tested and found it was on the low end of normal for a man my age. Testosterone replacement was offered, but I decided against it, at this time, for various reasons.
    I did get a Rx for Viagra and what a eye opener, I have never had erections like this in my life! I suspect that my testosterone level has been low all my life, but have never had it tested. Talk about a lot of lost fun.... guys if you have problems, go see a doctor, even if you are 20!
    I'm not thrilled about the price, $14.65 per 100mg pill here in Canada, which I cut in half, but it is still worth it. If anyone knows of a online pharmacy that ships generic Viagra to Canada please post.
    As a side note, my wife and I are the opposite, she cums in less than 5 minutes and only rarely wants to go for a second, while I would prefer to go longer. Luckily I have learned to let her orgasm trigger mine, so we have had many simultaneous orgasms.
     
  15. B_Hornaplenty

    B_Hornaplenty New Member

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    I've been ordering my supplies from a Canadian pharmacy for a couple years and never had a problem. It is shipped from Germany. The generic viagra product I get is as good as the Pfizer brand. Service is prompt, pay by check or credit card. If you watch the website you can order when they are offering free shipping. I have been paying $3.75 each for 100 mg tablets. Check out <northwestpharmacy.com>
     
  16. summertime01

    summertime01 New Member

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    625 Girth, I have tried to explain that to him (good foreplay-the kind that I need) and show him what gets me wet & moaning, and he will do it for a short while & then go back to whatever he had got used to over the years, and then I totally lose my building up sensations. He gets very angry when I try to gently/softly direct him, and says, "you're just taking too long, all the other women and most of the world gets sex over with in 3-4 minutes. Like I said he refuses to read the actual research proving otherwise (he is a lawyer by the way, which for him does make him rather stubborn & thinking that i'm just trying to throw book knowledge at him). I have said, and done the "okay, i'm here, I'm freshened up, I'm warm & cozy, and since you don't like directions, even gently worded ones, I'm going to lie here & let you figure me out by my moans, hip movement, etc. " He says, 'Hmm, no I want to do things for myself, too." MY response is "well., I thought you wanted to figure out what really turns me on/hits my sweet spots, so here I am." It becomes hopeless, because for some reason once he's found something that obviously turns me on, he stops that particular thing & then does what he wants to to do & I lose it. It's like he refuses to understand that there's a build up of sensations in a woman. He thinks as soon as I'm the slightest wet, then it's time for him to penetrate and ride hard and finish up and of course, I'm just starting my build up to an orgasm that will take about 30 more min. of stimulation.
    I have finally got him to consent to a cock ring & I ordered one about an hour ago, we'll see what happens.
     
    #16 summertime01, Dec 10, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2011
  17. kscird

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    Girl, you have been burned twice already! its time you were a little selfish and stop putting yourself last. its sweet you want to work things out but ultimately if you are not getting what you need out a this partnership and you have an participant who is unwilling to seek out help or at least try the suggestions then you have to take a step back and weigh whether or not this man is someone you want to be with short term and long term.

    I mysef have been there, where i stuck around too long, hoping that things would get better. maybe they will for you, but sounds like its not. it maybe time to cut your losses and see what else is out there.
     
  18. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    so maybe it's time to find a new lover, and hopefully a man with some meat twixt his legs and the knowledge to use it. your man sounds difficult

    try genericforall.com to shop for some ED drugs
     
  19. snbk

    snbk New Member

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    i know someone who has this problem, he wears flat wide rubberbands that will help hold the vein shut wihtout cutting off circulation. the penis rings are ok but the box of rubberbands is cheaper and he is offically a stud and women think the bands are a sex toy. well, i guess they are. [​IMG] this might help him. if he goes to a urologist, and asks them to put the blood pressure cuff on it they can tell him right away if its a venous leak. viagra won't help this. just bands and other restrictive devices.
     
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