And about talking to the guy . . . I'm not sure there's a way you could do it without both of you feeling really uncomfortable. Maybe you could begin a conversation about oral in a more general sense and try to feel out why he doesn't like to do it?
Well now, this goes back to why we ever started talking about the state of oral in their relationship at all. The reason is goofy but interesting. Basically, the three of us plus another good friend were hanging out at their house and her boyfriend made a comment to the effect of, "Sure, I'll go down" in response to whether we were going to go down the street to the store. So I said, in classic form, "I bet you'll go down!" The other friend chuckled, but my best friend basically turned to her boyfriend with one of those, "SEE!" looks and he turned red and averted his eyes from her. And then she says, "Actually, probably not!"
So yes, we do talk about our sex lives in pretty specific detail with each other but not typically in front of our significant others that way. But the box was now open and the devil already got out, so now we talk about it.
As for talking to him about it, that's not likely. He doesn't want to talk about it with me, I'm sure, and honestly I don't want to talk about it with him.
Regarding the possibility of a yeast infection or something, that's not the issue. Yes, I asked. Yes, she laughed and said no, she was sure she didn't have some kind of infection and that she didn't smell/taste bad. So no more 90% gay dudes need to ask about it. :tongue:
Sometimes it's just a matter of that person realizing WHY they have a hang up....and if they finally over come their personal objections through UNDERSTANDING and not threats and try it, they may see how much pleasure they are providing the other partner which usually stimulates the reluctant individual to do it even more for the other person and then they BOTH get into more.
Oh, I agree. I did say something similar to her, that she needs a frank conversation (as I said earlier). She told me that she has tried it but he gets evasive and doesn't want to talk about it. He says that his ex basically told him he was bad at oral and didn't ask for it after he tried it a couple times. He basically told her that he doesn't want to do it because he thinks he's bad at it, but he's good at sex otherwise, so he'd rather do that.
The thing is, that's not good enough for her, and I agree it shouldn't be. He should be willing to get over his insecurity for her. And it's not like she'll be judgmental--she'd help him if he were doing it wrong or something. So I honestly think the whole story is a pretty flimsy excuse for some other reason he doesn't want to do it (but I have no idea what that reason could be outside a control issue).
It sounds like the problem could be more than just his refusal to lick her.
Apologies if I've missed this from the thread, but has she asked him why he won't go down on her? Is he squeamish about pussy generally, or just hers? Does he know how much she loves receiving oral?
I agree. I just told you the answer to the first question. She has asked and he gets evasive and has some weird sob story about a traumatic cunnilingus experience.
He may well be squeamish about pussy generally. That, in fact, is a big possibility. Combine that with a weird control issue where he wants to be "the man" in bed and you have a recipe for "no pussy licking".
And yes, he's well aware how much she loves receiving oral.
I've been in a relationship where our sex drives didn't match and I can sympathise with her feeling less attractive as a result. Constantly being the initiator of sex made me feel like he was doing me a favour. In my case, his lack of libido was due to a previously undiagnosed but treatable medical issue. Unfortunately his unwillingness to discuss it, coupled with his lack of desire, meant that I'd already moved on long before the diagnosis.
Same here. I've had that exact situation. I do think they're in a bit of that, but he does want to have sex every other day or so. She's more on the daily plan, but is willing to skip because, frankly, every other day is still pretty good compared to nothing at all. I think that's the thought process, though.
How would you feel if your gf's guy-friend made suggestions on how you could give her more pleasure? Does he know that his gf is talking to another guy about intimate details of their sex life? I think it's a bad idea for you to approach him. Regardless of your good intentions, he could see you as a threat.
Oh, I agree. I don't want to have such a conversation with him and I don't think he'd like it himself.
He does know that we talk about our sex lives intimately. We're best friends, and we do talk about everything. I've known her four times longer than he's known her, you know? I admit it's a rare relationship for a straight man and a straight woman to be such close friends without being in a relationship. But part of it is certainly that we're not very compatible. :smile:
Guy-jin, you're obviously a good friend to her. And a good friend with a tongue and an enthusiastic approach to using it.
Is it possible that she's angling for you to provide the oral she's missing from her bf? Or, that she wants you to replace her bf?
Haha! I've offered and she's said no thanks. She will not "cheat" even if it's with her best friend and just trading oral. Her loss. Then again, it means my mouth is available for certain other (gorgeous) individuals. Hint hint.