Bi and wanting to come out to my wife

purepilot73

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I’m married but bi-curious. She doesn’t know. I’ve experimented with other guys. I like cock but only want a relationship with her. I’ve thought about bringing up a MMF threesome to see if she would be interested. I’ve mentioned it before in passing and she has always dismissed it because she doesn’t think I’m serious. Any married guys have experience with coming out as bi to your wife and staying together? How did you approach it? Would a MMF threesome kill our marriage?
 

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I’m married but bi-curious. She doesn’t know. I’ve experimented with other guys. I like cock but only want a relationship with her. I’ve thought about bringing up a MMF threesome to see if she would be interested. I’ve mentioned it before in passing and she has always dismissed it because she doesn’t think I’m serious. Any married guys have experience with coming out as bi to your wife and staying together? How did you approach it? Would a MMF threesome kill our marriage?
I’m not sure about your situation because everyone’s circumstances are different. I came out to mine before we married. But we didn’t really formulate any plans for me to get some cock action until years later. When I first told her about me, she initially was ok, and then doubted whether she could continue to be with me. She eventuallly worked through that.

When she started letting me be sexual with my boyfriend she was initially shocked/confused/outraged and I thought she would leave me. But then within days she would get over it and let me try again and again she would feel regrets about it hurt and anger. This repeated until the boyfriend and I started to include her. Since then there have not been many instances of hurt feelings about sex. But she still can get her feelings hurt if I fuck up and put more emphasis on him than I her. Like if I take into account prioritizing a phone call or text to him over a phone call or text to her. I have to make sure she is first and he is second. And she’s ok with that, he’s ok with that and i’m Ok with that.

Who knows though. Maybe one day she will tire of it and leave me.
 

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The best way to get anything from a woman is to let her think it was her idea.

Is watching porn together an option? If so, mix in some bi-oriented stuff with "normal" porn and see how she reacts. If she says, "That looks hot!", you know you've got a chance...
 

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This is a very tough question to answer without knowing you and your wife. I truly admire your desire to be open with her for honesty's sake, but none of us here can truly gauge what her reactions to that information will be. Only you can do that. I can speak only from my own experience in this. I have opted to keep this part of me to myself, not because my wife isn't "gay-friendly." In fact, she's very much so. However, she has her own personal insecurities, and I would never want her to doubt herself, her attractiveness, or suffer whatever internal turmoil this information would cause her. In short, I don't tell her for her sake. Please let us know how you're doing as you consider and weigh all the aspects of this. I'm truly interested, and I'm sure many of the other posters here are, too.
 

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I'm not a very good example for you. When my current (second) wife and I met, we had both been unfaithful with our previous spouses. I had gained some experience in the lifestyle, and I told her early in our relationship that I would never be monogamous again.

She had never had any lifestyle experience, but one night I slid a dildo into her ass and I fucked her pussy. I told her to imagine it was two real cocks. We had her first MFM experience within 2 weeks.

We gained lifestyle experience from there, realizing that for it to work we would have to be absolutely open and honest with each other about everything. Based on that openness, she was the one to tell me that she had always been bi-curious, but that with the few experiences were had early on with couples, she decided she was fully bi. It was sometime after that that I admitted the same to her.

My point is that the lifestyle may seem intimidating at first, but handled sensitively, responsibly, and honestly, it can absolutely work. You can dip your toes in TOGETHER and explore both of your desires at your own pace.

I had never expected to marry again, but now we're a bi couple that has been married and active in the lifestyle for almost 10 years.

Good luck! I hope things work out for you!
 

Abagnale12

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Can’t really answer without knowing her. Does she think two men together are hot? Find a porn like that and guard her reaction. I never “came out” but my wife knows I’ve done and saw me do it. She doesn’t feel like that labels me as gay or bi. She knows how horny I am for women. It’s just she knows I’ll suck a big dick. Lol
 
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My wife and I were texting the other day and it got into fantasies we both have. I mentioned one particular situation when I was younger that involved me and another guy. So I told her a fantasy of mine was a MMF. I explained I like cocks and I’ve played with a few in my life lol. I have no interest in sex or kissing a man. She asked these questions which were answered truthfully. We watch porn every once in a while together so I feel like it will come up again and we’ll get there eventually. She explained she wants to keep me happy and will do anything. But I don’t want to push the issue. I’m just going to let it happen. I like watching guy on guy and playing with cocks. Mostly frot and mutual jerking. But I feel that’s something you need to just let happen. But also need to throw it out there carefully. Some women don’t take to kindly to that kinda thing lol.
 

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My wife and I were texting the other day and it got into fantasies we both have. I mentioned one particular situation when I was younger that involved me and another guy. So I told her a fantasy of mine was a MMF. I explained I like cocks and I’ve played with a few in my life lol. I have no interest in sex or kissing a man. She asked these questions which were answered truthfully. We watch porn every once in a while together so I feel like it will come up again and we’ll get there eventually. She explained she wants to keep me happy and will do anything. But I don’t want to push the issue. I’m just going to let it happen. I like watching guy on guy and playing with cocks. Mostly frot and mutual jerking. But I feel that’s something you need to just let happen. But also need to throw it out there carefully. Some women don’t take to kindly to that kinda thing lol.
You have some fucking nice big cock!
 
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I'm not a very good example for you. When my current (second) wife and I met, we had both been unfaithful with our previous spouses. I had gained some experience in the lifestyle, and I told her early in our relationship that I would never be monogamous again.

She had never had any lifestyle experience, but one night I slid a dildo into her ass and I fucked her pussy. I told her to imagine it was two real cocks. We had her first MFM experience within 2 weeks.

We gained lifestyle experience from there, realizing that for it to work we would have to be absolutely open and honest with each other about everything. Based on that openness, she was the one to tell me that she had always been bi-curious, but that with the few experiences were had early on with couples, she decided she was fully bi. It was sometime after that that I admitted the same to her.

My point is that the lifestyle may seem intimidating at first, but handled sensitively, responsibly, and honestly, it can absolutely work. You can dip your toes in TOGETHER and explore both of your desires at your own pace.

I had never expected to marry again, but now we're a bi couple that has been married and active in the lifestyle for almost 10 years.

Good luck! I hope things work out for you!

Great story. Great ending. Thanks for sharing.
 

DevonTexas

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My wife and I were texting the other day and it got into fantasies we both have. I mentioned one particular situation when I was younger that involved me and another guy. So I told her a fantasy of mine was a MMF. I explained I like cocks and I’ve played with a few in my life lol. I have no interest in sex or kissing a man. She asked these questions which were answered truthfully. We watch porn every once in a while together so I feel like it will come up again and we’ll get there eventually. She explained she wants to keep me happy and will do anything. But I don’t want to push the issue. I’m just going to let it happen. I like watching guy on guy and playing with cocks. Mostly frot and mutual jerking. But I feel that’s something you need to just let happen. But also need to throw it out there carefully. Some women don’t take to kindly to that kinda thing lol.

Me too! I’m married - again - and I told her before we got married the same thing. She’s pretty progressive and was cool with it. Here’s to open minded women :)
 

bi20sman

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I told my wife in the heat of some sexy talking and playing. In hindsight not the best time. I should explain our history and then I will tell how it worked out.
We are high school sweethearts in the Midwest, only ever had sex with each other. I had shared BJ's with a friend in JR high as we got older we stopped once we had meet our girlfriends, turned out to be our wife's.
So as my wife and I got more willing to talk about fantasies, I started to get back in touch with my bi side. We got a few toys and I even had her start to use the dildo on my ass when I was in the mood.
After a few years of her fucking me with a strap-on, I spilled it. That night she was pushing me to tell her a fantasy so I did. I told her that I was bi and that I truly wanted to have a bi MMF threesome with her, not just talk about it. In hind sight don't it when you are in the act of sex.
She got a bit upset and started thinking that I was going to leave her for a guy. I had to talk her down and drop it for some time. A few days or a week later she started asking more about it and within a year or two we fully opened our relationship.

Keys for us
1) trust, don't ever mislead or lie to her about what you do (even if we broke a rule).
2) I always make sure she is first and most important.
For us it has improved her sex drive and kept me for getting angry when she just was not up for it as much as I am.
Last don't push to hard, she may get threatened that you like guys more than her. It's an odd dynamic more than just an open relationship. She has to know that you are hers fist and that being bi is not a reason to cheat. If all she could ever do is put on the strap-on and let you ride tell you are done be happy with that, don't ask for more right away.
Personal sharing our fantasy's was a good start. Get her to tell you some of hers, let the tension build. If she offers up her have a few guys tell her you like it and you join in.
Worked for me just don't do what I did and jump right to lets do this for real. Bring that up later after you both cum. then find a time to tell her you might be bi.
 

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I told my wife in the heat of some sexy talking and playing. In hindsight not the best time. I should explain our history and then I will tell how it worked out.
We are high school sweethearts in the Midwest, only ever had sex with each other. I had shared BJ's with a friend in JR high as we got older we stopped once we had meet our girlfriends, turned out to be our wife's.
So as my wife and I got more willing to talk about fantasies, I started to get back in touch with my bi side. We got a few toys and I even had her start to use the dildo on my ass when I was in the mood.
After a few years of her fucking me with a strap-on, I spilled it. That night she was pushing me to tell her a fantasy so I did. I told her that I was bi and that I truly wanted to have a bi MMF threesome with her, not just talk about it. In hind sight don't it when you are in the act of sex.
She got a bit upset and started thinking that I was going to leave her for a guy. I had to talk her down and drop it for some time. A few days or a week later she started asking more about it and within a year or two we fully opened our relationship.

Keys for us
1) trust, don't ever mislead or lie to her about what you do (even if we broke a rule).
2) I always make sure she is first and most important.
For us it has improved her sex drive and kept me for getting angry when she just was not up for it as much as I am.
Last don't push to hard, she may get threatened that you like guys more than her. It's an odd dynamic more than just an open relationship. She has to know that you are hers fist and that being bi is not a reason to cheat. If all she could ever do is put on the strap-on and let you ride tell you are done be happy with that, don't ask for more right away.
Personal sharing our fantasy's was a good start. Get her to tell you some of hers, let the tension build. If she offers up her have a few guys tell her you like it and you join in.
Worked for me just don't do what I did and jump right to lets do this for real. Bring that up later after you both cum. then find a time to tell her you might be bi.
 

Bittydrew

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Thats how me and my wife started was first with her vibrator up my ass then worked into a strap on then she decided she didn't like doing that then the no sex at all ever since so I'm at the point to where I really don't care if I do meet with another guy and hook up since we don't do anything at all anyway...
 
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Tight_End_SC

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I’m married but bi-curious. She doesn’t know. I’ve experimented with other guys. I like cock but only want a relationship with her. I’ve thought about bringing up a MMF threesome to see if she would be interested. I’ve mentioned it before in passing and she has always dismissed it because she doesn’t think I’m serious. Any married guys have experience with coming out as bi to your wife and staying together? How did you approach it? Would a MMF threesome kill our marriage?
Hey man, My advice would be to tread lightly with that subject. You know your wife better than anybody on this site. OK, think of how you may expect her to react to that. Your fantasy may not align with her's. Sometimes we have to realize that it's not about us and acknowledge the possible ramifications of disclosing something like that.

You WILL get a reaction for sure. Keep us posted on how it works out if you do 'go there'. Good luck mate!