Bi Female - Need help badly!

[vanessa_c]

Ok I'll to make this short because its a long story. Nothing to do with large penises, sorry.

Met a beautiful girl 3 years ago. Helped her through a bad breakup with bf. Since then, we've been going out alone as friends, however a lot of times when dancing at clubs, things have gotten pretty intense. There's no obvious sexual overtures, however, we give each other lapdances (pressing on each others vagina) take body shots etc. However, both never admitted to being bi as I had and have a long term bf and she has dated guys on and off.

Now last year she had a bf that she KEPT from me, although I figured it out. We weren't too close and had been having fights in between. Then one night we went out to a party where she got pretty drunk and asked me to be her girlfriend. I was pissed at her behavior before and that night and said no. Then after I calmed down and said i'd reconsider, however she was pissed and left with her bf.

The next day she called me bf crying her ass off (never mentioned why we fought to him though). Over the next 5 months we weren't close at all.

Then we slowly started back talking and began going out. Again, all this time we've never mentioned our feelings for each other (I was always inlove with her, but couldn't be with her due to her seeming distance half the time).

We went out one night and basically acted like total lesbians (again no making out etc) without admitting it to each other again. We basically grinded and danced face to face with either one of our legs pressed against the other's pu$$y at a club for 3 hours ignoring all guys.

Shortly after we had a big fight again because she got a new bf and began being distant. We eventually made up and she called me her soulmate blah blah, very lovey stuff.

I then after holding it in for soooo long asked her to be my gf. Her reply "I can't be bi and we should be just friends"...this devastated me and we didn't talk for 3 months. All this time, she has been talkin to my bf asking him how to fix stuff. Again not mentioning how she turned me down to him.

For Xmas, i sucked it up and got her a very thoughtful gift. She started crying and we admitted our love and started being close again.

However, because of her family issues she had to move in with her bf. Now, I rarely see her and she rarely made effort to see me.

Before my bday, this act was pissing me off as I really went all out for her bday a month before (in Jan). I told her forget our friendship and went out on my bday with another bisexual girl who she hates! Didn't do anything with her, just went out as friends.

Since then she has been ignoring me totally....and well so have I.

But my question is what the f*ck is up with her.

Is she bi? A pu$$y tease? She acts so gay with me when we go out alone. She never talks about her bf and when i mention mine she changes the topic always.

 

[D_Gawtley Goodstones]

she is definitely a pussy tease. but she cares about you too, she really does. i think she wants to be with you but wont admit it to herself. Hope you end up with her, you seem destined for each other x
Col x

 

[B_subgirrl]

I don't know what's going on with her, but neither of you are being fair to your boyfriends.

 

[BiMaleHungWV]

subgirl - true if they hide it from the bfs. However, I have seen it work when everyone is honest and ok with the other playing. Three rules are essential - honesty, safety, no jealousy.

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

I don't know what's going on with her, but neither of you are being fair to your boyfriends.

This.

My honest opinion is that you seem confused, selfish and most likely young...and your friend most likely is as well. The only advice is to cut the alcohol and clubbing out of the picture, then re-evaluate your relationships. You owe at least that much to yourself as well as your bf. Good luck.

 

[B_subgirrl]

subgirl - true if they hide it from the bfs. However, I have seen it work when everyone is honest and ok with the other playing. Three rules are essential - honesty, safety, no jealousy.

Oh, I totally agree that open relationships can work, but it doesn't sound like either the OP or her friend are being honest with their partners.

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

subgirl - true if they hide it from the bfs. However, I have seen it work when everyone is honest and ok with the other playing. Three rules are essential - honesty, safety, no jealousy.

I agree. Honesty is definitely the best policy and it works for a lot of people. The problem here is that the other girl has been calling the OP's bf for advice about mending ways with OP after they've had a lovers spat. They are hiding it and I just can't muster sympathy for cheaters.

 

[Machete69]

I think you're both gay for each other but afraid to admit it

 

[vanessa_c]

I've been honest with my bf the whole the time. He has tried to help without directly confronting her about what I wanted with her.

However, I doubt she has been honest with any of her bfs, athough some have suspected stuff going on between us.

And yes we're both young (in college).

So where do I go from here? Is this typically how bi girls behave? I've never had a gf before her.

 

[vanessa_c]

she is definitely a pussy tease. but she cares about you too, she really does. i think she wants to be with you but wont admit it to herself. Hope you end up with her, you seem destined for each other x
Col x

I believe that too...but why is it so hard for her to 'come out' and admit it??

Why keep me at arms length while trying to have a straight life?

 

[lucidbass]

I believe that too...but why is it so hard for her to 'come out' and admit it??

Why keep me at arms length while trying to have a straight life?

I've been in a... comparable situation (of sorts? I'm a straight guy and had a long back and forth with a straight girl, long story, it's posted somewhere) and to me it just looks like her falling for you goes completely against what she expected from herself, in her life and from her relationship with you.

Does she come across as someone who likes to be in control of a situation? Not necessarily a control freak, but someone who appreciates predictability?

 

[vanessa_c]

I've been in a... comparable situation (of sorts? I'm a straight guy and had a long back and forth with a straight girl, long story, it's posted somewhere) and to me it just looks like her falling for you goes completely against what she expected from herself, in her life and from her relationship with you.

Does she come across as someone who likes to be in control of a situation? Not necessarily a control freak, but someone who appreciates predictability?

No....I think her problem is what her family expects from her and how she feels obligated to them. Her current bf cheats on her a lot, yet she doesn't leave him because he's rich and her family likes him.

When we're close, she constantly talks about escaping her life, and about all her passions (art and writing) etc. She always wants to do romantic stuff with me like go down the sea front and drink wine. Basically, at times we behave and talk like we're in a relationship, yet we both never admit what we have. She calls it a special connection.

I think her feelings scare her and it's not a life she believe she can live, hence her pulling away all the time.

I know I should be more upfront about this to her, but honestly given her behaviour and situation can she ever be my girlfriend? I can't let go of her, she's so beautiful and so sweet

 

[lucidbass]

No....I think her problem is what her family expects from her and how she feels obligated to them. Her current bf cheats on her a lot, yet she doesn't leave him because he's rich and her family likes him.

When we're close, she constantly talks about escaping her life, and about all her passions (art and writing) etc. She always wants to do romantic stuff with me like go down the sea front and drink wine. Basically, at times we behave and talk like we're in a relationship, yet we both never admit what we have. She calls it a special connection.

I think her feelings scare her and it's not a life she believe she can live, hence her pulling away all the time.

I know I should be more upfront about this to her, but honestly given her behaviour and situation can she ever be my girlfriend? I can't let go of her, she's so beautiful and so sweet

I can sadly relate to the bolded part.

Anyway, I suppose I was thinking too narrowly when I pinned it down to expecation she has of herself, even though (clearly from your post) it can all be due to anyone's expectations.

I'll not get too much into my past similar situation, but I'll just say that it's healthiest for you to drop it and get as much as you can out of the 'current' situation and accept it for what it is until she learns to deal with it in a manner and speed that she is comfortable with. I've lost the girl I was in love with (who was also my best friend) because I wanted more out of the situation than she could give me at the time.

If you can't stand the thought of her being in your life, but not as your girlfriend, then it's maybe healthier to part ways. But seeing as you clearly love her a lot beyond that, I can see that you would do everything you can to keep her in your life, anyway.

 

[Machete69]

Also, it seems as if she's afraid to be gay, hence her hot and cold treatment. Either that or she is using you, but that's doubtful as she wouldn't have gotten so emotionally invested.