Bi guys, did you ever tell your GF you were BI? How did she take it?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by lokican, Jul 26, 2011.

  1. lokican

    lokican Member

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    Hi guys, ok so here is my situation and would love to hear your feedback.

    I'm was dating a girl while I was working overseas. We dated for 2 months, but we were both leaving the country at the same time. and it was the best relationship I was ever in.

    However I never told her I was bi-sexual. I'm usually very upfront about these things with my friends, but when I'm dating I usually let them get to know my first before I bring it up. Also I found out later she was a virgin when we were dating and I was the first guy she was ever with. (She is a christian but not a fundamentalist) I decided not to tell her because I really did not want to give her a complex about me being her first, and figured since it was ending in 2 months that there was no point.

    The thing is I still keep in contact with her, and there is a chance we might be moving back to the same country for work. If we do I know I have to tell her if I want to keep dating her, but I'm worried she'll freak out and get even more upset I didn't tell her earlier on.

    Also the fact that she is a christian does not help me out either. Like I said she is not an extremist, but more old fashioned. She does have gay friends, but I know that is different than dating someone who is in to men.

    Has anyone been in a similar situation?

    Bi guys any advice on how to approach this with the girl your dating?
     
  2. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    This may seem too blunt of a response but I personally wouldn't be involved with a woman who thought my sexuality was morally wrong because I don't think it is. But you haven't said if she thinks that your being bisexual is wrong to her. The other thing is that for me it's been much more easy to be in relationships with women who are also bi. This may seem difficult but in actuality there are a lot more bisexual women who are open about it than there are guys. Many bi guys are closeted.
     
  3. jameshawket

    jameshawket Member

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    This is not to be discouraging, but I told my girlfriend of almost three months, and she flipped a freakin lid when I told her. She broke up with me the next day. I don't know this girl you like, only you do, so you should use your best judgement. The one thing I can give as advice is to be open and honest right from the beginning, don't hide anything. If she doesn't like you for it, it's better to know now and her be a little hurt, then to find out a long time down the road and hurt you even more for not accepting you. If it's going to happen anyways, why delay the inevitable? However, if she might take it well, now is the best time, cuz you're building your relationship off of trust, which is always a good thing.
     
  4. kjguy

    kjguy Well-Known Member

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    I never told my last girlfriend, of course I was still kind of coming to terms with myself! We dated for 3 years and eventually broke up lots of other reasons. I never wanted to bring it up, because I had a feeling she would freak. That and the fact that she said once that she didn't believe in bisexuals, which kind of upset me. I have discovered recently that a mutual acquaintance of ours had spilled the beans about my bisexuality to her. I wish I would have been there to see how she reacted.
     
  5. mephistopheles

    Gold Member

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    This is a sticky bit of string to tussle with.

    I've had good and bad responses from ex's about being bi, some hate and some LOVE it. One of my ex's was okay with me being bi because the idea of me getting it on with a guy didn't bother her, in fact it seemed to make her think I hadn't had sex with any girls.

    Some people are really stupid and as soon as you say Bi, they say Gay.

    Just make sure she knows it doesn't matter that you're a bisexual because you're with her. Right?

    I think being straight and gay is really only for people who are single, I mean that's the way I see it anyway.
     
  6. AdamTaylor

    AdamTaylor Member

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    This is actually my first post and I thought I could help. I recently got engaged to a wonderful girl and we've discussed sexuality in depth. Now, bisexuality on my part only consists of finding some guys sexually attractive and never doing more than oral with any of them.

    We have both talked about our sexual desires and early on I was nervous to tell her about my infrequent desires for some men. She actually brought up her own bisexual desires first and that made it easier for me to tell her about mine. We are committed to each other emotionally and ultimately we're in love, but we both understand the occasional desires to explore with the same sex.

    Neither of us could have an actual loving and committed relationship with the opposite sex, but we are aware of each other's feelings toward the opposite sex and it has made our relationship more open and honest.

    I'd say discuss it with her. It's better to know everything about a person instead of having secrets, no matter what they may be. You may get lucky like I did and find out that she has some undisclosed feelings as well and can mutually agree to respect each other's broad sexuality. It's made our relationship stronger and less uptight.
     
  7. lokican

    lokican Member

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    Hi thanks for the responses. I agree with the comments on being open and honest with your partner and would have normally been upfront about this, but as I said before I didn't want to give her complex about being her first if we never saw each other again.

    I'm going to wait and see if we're actually going to be together again, if we do move to the same place I'll be 100% honest with her. I have no idea how she'll take it, but I know if I can't keep this from her.
     
  8. NSX57

    NSX57 Member

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    I told my girlfriend before we even started dating. We were friends for quite sometime and I told her the reason I did not want to date her was because of this issue. We were both in High School at the time. After I told her she was okay with it and never had any problems with it, I think she kind of found it amusing sometimes. All my close friends know about this as well. No secrets here because I feel if you have to hide it, then they are not your true friends or partners.
     
  9. B_Castello

    B_Castello New Member

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    I told my ex GF, I was with her for almost 2 years (we just split apart lately) anyhow, I told her because I wanted to be honnest, and actualy I had a problem with a guy (long story). She was surprised, she ask me some questions, wich I didn't feel to tell her details about what I was doing in bed with a man. She said she would have never guess it. But if I saw a good looking guy, I kept it for myself, I think it would have been strange to share that with her. Anyway, after I told her, we never really discuss that again...
     
  10. D_Sir_Auquhorthy_Asspuddle

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    I have an ex-girlfriend and we are the best of friends today; however, years ago, we started playing with other guys together. I guess this sort of "turned" me and she in fact, enjoyed it. But in the end, we dissolved because of this type of thing, we got to "wild" together and we both felt it was proper to separate so she could have that picture perfect marriage and family. I still feel kind of bad in that I should have never engaged in it - she is getting married and all this. Everything I always wanted, but it wasn't how the cards were dealt so...

    Funny part of this story is the fact that we both met boyfriends at the same time after we "separated" and the two boyfriends got along so good you'd swear they had something going on.
     
  11. NSX57

    NSX57 Member

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    Very interesting story. It is good to hear that you are still best friends. It is a very rare thing to see today with ex's.
     
  12. latinluva

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    I told my gf of three years and she was in shock. But eventually got over it. It lasted another year before we broke up. I remember she would always ask me questions when we went out to the mall, eat, gym etc. "Do you think he's hot?" "Do you think he's cute?" "Would you go out with him?" I eventually told her that if I was completely straight, would you ask me about other women? She said,"no". It was cute, but eventually, like most relationships, she wanted more commitment. Great gal, bad timing.
     
  13. buddy629

    buddy629 Member

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    I personally have identified myself as gay since I came out 16 years ago. In that time I have had many friends, mostly women, who have come out to me as bisexual. I have experienced acceptance and bigotry from men and women throughout my 'out' life.

    However, I feel that bisexuality, especially in men, is extremely discriminated in our society. I hesitate to say, possibly the most discriminated. Bisexual women aren't taken seriously, but at least there is more social acceptance. The undercurrent of homophobia still alive in America today only supports the bigotry towards bisexual men. People will disregard your feelings; either by passing you off as gay or confused, never recognizing you as whole or complete in being attracted to both sexes. Both gay and straight people discriminate against you.
    The only advice I can give you is to live an open, honest life, and surround yourself with like-minded men and women who understand what it's like to be bisexual, or like-minded gay or straight people who respect you....just as you are. It's not easy being different. It takes guts. Be strong, and if someone gives you shit...fuck 'em. Move on.
     
  14. badger2395

    badger2395 Member

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    Damn. You said it, and it is the truth. Thank you.
     
  15. Uncutandthick

    Uncutandthick New Member

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    I'm lucky that I'm with a girl that loves me and accepts me, actually the fact that I'm bi gets her hot haha.
     
  16. NEWREBA

    NEWREBA New Member

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    If those photos are really of you, I can see why you get her hot! :wink:
     
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