Bi-Guys - How Open are you about your orientation

[Kimahri]

This has been an interesting thread. If I were bi, I'd probably keep it under wraps. I don't tell too many people that I'm gay. Except at my last contract job. Everyone knew there. Never tell a girl anything.

j/k

 

[Industrialsize]

Except for LPSG,I'm out to very few people,Cigarbabe knows and loves me for it, also her mother and a good friend, who are both lesbians.
Industrialsize,It's just easier to stay in the closet in the "straight" world. I've had co-workers who got their ass constantly busted for being gay.It's just so much easier to go with the flow and not have rip someone a new asshole for being an asshole.My private sex life is just that,private.I don't go to gay bars, [or any bar,very often] and when we do,it's always out of town.Maybe we'll see you in P-town someday.

Is it really easier to deny a part of your life???......Isn't being BI more than just about sex and your private sex life?.....This question of whether to come out or not is something every gay person has to go through. I can tell you, in my experience, not ONE of the gay people who has "come out" has regretted the decision.

 

[BiItalianBro]

I identify "coming out' as a personal process of acceptance, regardless of your orientation . Speaking for myself, I am a man who happens to be bisexual, not a bisexual man. It is part of who I am but it does not define what I am.

 

[Principessa]

*SNIP*

Went back to my buds and we had several good laughs about it, but looking back on this and similar situations, as has been said in other threads, its probably true that we (bi-guys) often send out mixed and confusing signals.

Probably? It is absolutely true! All bi-sexuals send out mixed signals. You can't help it, it's who you are.

I've found these posts fascinating. But I have a question to the Bi guys here. If you're NOT in a relationship(and maybe even if you are in a relationship), why is everyone so "quiet" about being BI.....I don't get it. I'm confused.

Being bisexual has a negative stigma attached to it, at least in the US. Society seems to have decided that being straight or gay is okay; being bi isn't. People like to compartmentalize other people. Bisexual really doesn't fit into a nice neat box. :redface: Many straights and gays will not have anything to do with bisexuals because they feel they aren't trust worthy and that they will cheat with the next pussy or cock that passes by.

I tend to be quiet about it because in the gay community you're kind of looked upon as one who is shunned because you won't commit totally. In that sense, because you can deal with both sexes, you're looked upon as a liability.

EXACTLY!! As a 100% straight woman, I understand this.

Is it really easier to deny a part of your life???......Isn't being BI more than just about sex and your private sex life?.....This question of whether to come out or not is something every gay person has to go through. I can tell you, in my experience, not ONE of the gay people who has "come out" has regretted the decision.

Indy, I think you gotta leave P-Town more often in order to understand. :tongue: For the gay man or straight woman who encounters a bisexual man in the workplace or some place neutral other than a bar. The bisexual person sends out a vibe, sort of like a green stop sign. In your mind green means go. Yet an octagonal sign which says stop in white should mean stop. Do you stop or go? Do you continue to talk and maybe flirt or get up and walk away? Most people will walk away. Or if they are bold enough to ask your preference and you say to a man "no, I'm not gay." He is going to walk away. This makes perfect sense to me. If a woman asks a bi man if he is straight and he says "no", she is going to be like "Damn my gaydar is broken;" and stop flirting; because whats the point.

 

[Industrialsize]

I identify "coming out' as a personal process of acceptance, regardless of your orientation . Speaking for myself, I am a man who happens to be bisexual, not a bisexual man. It is part of who I am but it does not define what I am.

Nor does my being gay define who I am......I just know for me, personally, being open with others about my being gay had made my life "easier" not feeling like I have to "hide" part of myself....and I'm not talking about discrimination and all of that, cuz that will go on,.....I'm talking about letting people know who my authentic self is.....(I hope this makes sense)

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I identify "coming out' as a personal process of acceptance, regardless of your orientation . Speaking for myself, I am a man who happens to be bisexual, not a bisexual man. It is part of who I am but it does not define what I am.

I'm like BiItalianBro. I'm bisexual but I don't completely identify with all the baggage that comes with being a bisexual or gay man. I'm not interested in women and men equally from the point of view of attraction to their bodies. I usually find myself more attracted to the person whatever their gender. So while I'm open about my attraction for certain individuals, I think most people wouldn't understand these subtle distinctions.

 

[Primal_Savage]

....Being bisexual has a negative stigma attached to it. Being straight or gay is okay, being bi isn't. People like to compartmentalize other people. Bisexuals really doesn't fit into a nice neat box. Many straights and gays will not have anything to do with bisexuals because they feel they aren't trust worthy and that they will cheat with the next pussy or cock that passes by.....

Think your post is right on target! There have been a few potential "first encounters" like the one I described where I have admitted that I'm bi. Some of the responses have actually been worse than if the guy had simply walked away, leading to comments like "Man, you're wasting my fucking time." followed by strings of other unsavory remarks including being called a "moral pervert."

I understand why a lot of guys would look at my 2 married buds as being deceitful. In my case, they were two of my closest friends throughout H.S. and as such I won't judge them and they don't judge me.

15shooter - no we didn't go home alone. The four of us went back to the hotel. One room - not much sleep.

 

[slate_australis]

Being bisexual has a negative stigma attached to it, at least in the US. Society seems to have decided that being straight or gay is okay; being bi isn't. People like to compartmentalize other people. Bisexual really doesn't fit into a nice neat box. :redface: Many straights and gays will not have anything to do with bisexuals because they feel they aren't trust worthy and that they will cheat with the next pussy or cock that passes by.

This is the case generally, but especially true for bisexual men.

The LGBT community doesn't exactly have open arms for bi men, largely because of the "next stop Gayville" or "denial" comments that come from many gay men. Bi women generally are more likely to be respected, as to many in some way it adds to their feminiity... bi men just seem like slutty disease storehouses.

Given those reactions, I totally understand why many bi guys choose to keep their traps shut. I do think there is a difference between being closeted and not talking about it. My sexuality is important to me, it certainly doesn't define me, it's fine if you talk about your sexuality as just being about sex... but that's very rarely the case for anyone.

 

[Hellboy0]

Think your post is right on target! There have been a few potential "first encounters" like the one I described where I have admitted that I'm bi. Some of the responses have actually been worse than if the guy had simply walked away, leading to comments like "Man, you're wasting my fucking time." followed by strings of other unsavory remarks including being called a "moral pervert."

I understand why a lot of guys would look at my 2 married buds as being deceitful. In my case, they were two of my closest friends throughout H.S. and as such I won't judge them and they don't judge me.

I reckon those so-called failed first encounters were with guys that would have been dud roots ('bad fucks' as we say here in OZ) and not very fun to get to know anyway, hence their responses. All they should have done was talked to you and make the 'proposition'. Your response was all that is necessary. I get real ticked off when folks make bad assumptions, or can't handle the answers.

As for your married friends, you don't have to make any apologies for their behaviour or defend your friendship with them. I admire anyone this day and age who actually stands up for their mates, despite what small-minded (jealous?) onlookers might feel.

Lastly, acknowledging in public your bi-ness is your decision. If it helps, I don't run around with a gay flag hanging off my ass but I don't back down if asked. But that attitude has come in my own time and in my own way. Do what you need to, when you need to, and (no disrespect to my fellow members here) fuck what anyone else thinks about how you should conduct yourself. You are obviously more than just your interest in cock, crotch and pit...:biggrin1:

 

[Mr Ed in Mass]

Probably? It is absolutely true! All bi-sexuals send out mixed signals. You can't help it, it's who you are.

Being bisexual has a negative stigma attached to it, at least in the US. Society seems to have decided that being straight or gay is okay; being bi isn't. People like to compartmentalize other people. Bisexual really doesn't fit into a nice neat box. :redface: Many straights and gays will not have anything to do with bisexuals because they feel they aren't trust worthy and that they will cheat with the next pussy or cock that passes by.



Indy, I think you gotta leave P-Town more often in order to understand. :tongue: For the gay man or straight woman who encounters a bisexual man in the workplace or some place neutral other than a bar. The bisexual person sends out a vibe, sort of like a green stop sign. In your mind green means go. Yet an octagonal sign which says stop in white should mean stop. Do you stop or go? Do you continue to talk and maybe flirt or get up and walk away? Most people will walk away. Or if they are bold enough to ask your preference and you say to a man "no, I'm not gay." He is going to walk away. This makes perfect sense to me. If a woman asks a bi man if he is straight and he says "no", she is going to be like "Damn my gaydar is broken;" and stop flirting; because whats the point.

Industrialsize, NJQt said it better than I did! Sadly, I've known a few gay people who wished they hadn't come out.

 

[B_Italian1]

It is part of who I am but it does not define what I am.

That's one of those catch phrases from the '90's, and now everyone's using it. As much as we say our sexuality doesn't define us, it does to a certain extent.

Probably? It is absolutely true! All bi-sexuals send out mixed signals. You can't help it, it's who you are.

A straight guy may be cool with having a bi chick, but most women are going to be downright confused and not so cool with it if it's her b/f.

Many straights and gays will not have anything to do with bisexuals because they feel they aren't trust worthy and that they will cheat with the next pussy or cock that passes by.

They are stereotyped as promiscuous, but that doesn't mean they all are.

Nor does my being gay define who I am......I just know for me, personally, being open with others about my being gay had made my life "easier" not feeling like I have to "hide" part of myself....and I'm not talking about discrimination and all of that, cuz that will go on,.....I'm talking about letting people know who my authentic self is.....(I hope this makes sense)

You live in a gay town, you're married, and probably in an open relationship, since you have a link to a hookup site. Of course you're very different from them.

I understand why a lot of guys would look at my 2 married buds as being deceitful. In my case, they were two of my closest friends throughout H.S. and as such I won't judge them and they don't judge me.

If their wives are fine with it, that's okay. If not, then they are cheaters, deceitful, adulterers, broke their marriage vows, and are not very nice people. I don't care who they are. If they are my best friends from high school or a relative, it's not right. When I hear things like this I wonder if these guys would be cool if their wives were having sex behind their backs? You have every right to judge them, especially if you know their wives. I'm not sure how you could look their wives straight in the face if you know they are cheating.

The LGBT community doesn't exactly have open arms for bi men, largely because of the "next stop Gayville" or "denial" comments that come from many gay men.

That's what you hear a lot--they are gays in denial, but the all-accepting gay community is not accepting them.

Bi women generally are more likely to be respected, as to many in some way it adds to their feminiity.

Bi women are more accepted because the big male fantasy is having a 3-way with two women. Porn plays a big part of that. When it's two women and a guy, the two women touch. When it's two men and a woman, they guys never touch.

... bi men just seem like slutty disease storehouses.

Bi men were blamed for bringing STD's into their m/f relationships. And now it's the African American men on the down low, which is believed to be causing an HIV increase in black women.

I'm bi, but faithful to my wife. While I have felt attracted to other men as well as women, I am not attracted to most people of either gender. It takes someone special. So I basically feel like it's no one's business but mine (and my wife's) whom I feel attracted to.

Good answer. You respect your wife and take your marriage vows seriously.

 

[novice_btm]

Bi women are more accepted because the big male fantasy is having a 3-way with two women. Porn plays a big part of that. When it's two women and a guy, the two women touch. When it's two men and a woman, they guys never touch...

That's ill-informed, and just not true. There are tons of movies where the men are bi, and swap back and forth between the woman, and the other man.

 

[johnson1000]

i agree with novice_btm i saw some today!!

 

[rob_just_rob]

Back when I was bi, I kept it pretty quiet.

 

[B_Italian1]

That's ill-informed, and just not true. There are tons of movies where the men are bi, and swap back and forth between the woman, and the other man.

I'm talking about mainstream straight porn, not amateur or bi-sexual geared porn. I'm not familiar with who the well know guys are now as I don't watch it, but Ron Jeremy, John Holmes, Tom Byron, Jerry Butler, and Peter North were not ever touching the other guys when they were in three ways.

i agree with novice_btm i saw some today!!

I've never seen her films, but wasn't Jenna Jameson very well know in porn until recently? If she was ever in 3-ways, were the men involved with each other?

 

[Industrialsize]

I'm talking about mainstream straight porn, not amateur or bi-sexual geared porn. I'm not familiar with who the well know guys are now as I don't watch it, but Ron Jeremy, John Holmes, Tom Byron, Jerry Butler, and Peter North were not ever touching the other guys when they were in three ways.



I've never seen her films, but wasn't Jenna Jameson very well know in porn until recently? If she was ever in 3-ways, were the men involved with each other?

Peter North being touched but another guy....lol....PETER NORTH

 

[novice_btm]

I'm talking about mainstream straight porn, not amateur or bi-sexual geared porn.

Um, I suppose it's a bit semantic, but...
a) you never specified "straight porn" in your post
b) if it WAS strictly straight porn that you were referring to, then it's a bit redundant/unnecessary to say that the two guys never touch, isn't it?
c) slighting these films as "amateur", as if that's the only way they'd be made, is unnecessary as well

...but Ron Jeremy, John Holmes, Tom Byron, Jerry Butler, and Peter North were not ever touching the other guys when they were in three ways.

Ron has, although they were TVs, I swear I remember Holmes doing outright gay, or at least bi work, which I thought was a 3-some, and Peter North, well, "Matt Ramsey" anyway...

 

[B_Italian1]

Peter North being touched but another guy....lol....PETER NORTH

lol I know he started in gay porn, and is possibly "straight for pay", but when I saw his straight movies, he was always in 3-ways in which the guys didn't touch.

Um, I suppose it's a bit semantic, but...
a) you never specified "straight porn" in your post
b) if it WAS strictly straight porn that you were referring to, then it's a bit redundant/unnecessary to say that the two guys never touch, isn't it?
c) slighting these films as "amateur", as if that's the only way they'd be made, is unnecessary as well

Ron has, although they were TVs, I swear I remember Holmes doing outright gay, or at least bi work, which I thought was a 3-some, and Peter North, well, "Matt Ramsey" anyway...

Yes, Holmes did gay and so did Peter North. But once they made it in straight porn they didn't do gay porn. Ron Jeremy did tv's as a novelty, and not that often. I'm talking about straight porn. The men would always do 3-ways and never touch each other, but if it were 2 women and a guy, the women would. And I mention amateur because that's a fairly new genre in porn, and you can find just about anything you want in it. Bi porn is like a small dot in the big world of porn.

 

[B_Monster]

Peter North being touched but another guy....lol....PETER NORTH

Yes sir, thats touching aright!

 

[xemnasfury21]

Those that know I am fine around and might mention things but in my general nature I don't tend to only outwardly express, especially in conversation, a straight persona. I feel it is generally other people that can have instant opinion changes and automatically redfine your whole character based on it when actually it in no way is who I am in a sense other than what I get up to in the bedroom.

I have only been "gay in public" once and nobody I knew managed to see. In fact I didn't tell anyone except the guy I had been with a few times including when we were kissing in the club and I left with him that I liked guys until that day, because I assumed people would have seen.

I do wonder if I would kiss and stuff in public if I wasn't pissed, and I don't think I would.