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Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Imported, Mar 11, 2004.
drambone: I am most interested in hearing about this topic from you guys!
I have had a purely sexual relationship with a female friend of mine(we are just friends w/benefits) and she was perfectly ok with the fact that I also have sexual relationships with other men. I think that she appreciated my honesty more than anything, because it is her decision if she wants to have a sexual relationship with a bi guy, all my cards are on the table, which is more than I can say for all the closeted bi men that live in Atlanta, GA with me!
Hey, they recently had this thing on TV about the gay vague. (That's basically the love affair pop culture's having with ambiguous sexuality right now.) Anyway, they had a gay for pay actor saying that his girlfriend wanted to see one of his movies. Looks like lesploitation has a mirror.
Yeah, ATL has a lot of the whole DL thing. That's actually how AIDS spread to heterosexuals, bi men who stayed in the closet.
As for me, I'm basically straight, but I have this tendency toward tatusexuality. (That's where you're straight, but flirt with both sexes.) My girlfriend doesn't mind if I flirt, but if I do anything with anyone else, male or female, she would probably kill me.
Javierdude22: Hell...I dont even understand....
No seriously...more and more I get depressed over this issue...how the hell can you expect anyone to understand if you wanna have a steady relationship with them? I like monogamy...but my sexual preferences dont seem to wanna cooperate...although I will never cheat.
Your better of on one side if monogamy is your thing...otherwise it causes seriosu dilemmas, and disrupts what you wish for in the future...
But I can imagine the fun for people who not so much believe in being faithful.
[quote author=Javierdude24 link=board=relationships;num=1079114282;start=0#3 date=03/12/04 at 20:25:54]
I like monogamy...but my sexual preferences dont seem to wanna cooperate...although I will never cheat.
Jav, say never, never !!
At the beginning of finding out my sexual preference I always believed I'm or could/would be Bi. Girls where normally around but I also wanted to "know" more about the guys. After seeing a movie, called
"Threesome" with Stephen Baldwin I througt that's my thing. Being with a guy and a girl having a triplet relationship would be the nicest and best thing ever. After several try-outs bi relations with boy/girl couples I find out it didn't work for me. You're always the III person and although I didn't want to cheat, basically you cheating yourself and your feeling.
But I have to say, One of my outmost fantasies are great, hot and passional sex with another boy & girl.
hungcuriousNC: I loved that movie.. You just reminded me how long it has been since I seen it. I think I'm going to find that now... btw, NICE PICS!!
Javierdude22: [quote author=lacsap1 link=board=relationships;num=1079114282;start=0#4 date=03/13/04 at 17:08:57]
Jav, say never, never !!
I have kept my experiences to myself and have no intention of telling!
Jim31415: My wife knows. I'm not sure she understands. The point is a bit moot since most probably (I didn't say never ) I'll never do anything more about it.
I'm not above cyber-cheating, but as far as real life goes, being a father, husband, scientist and athlete (in that order!) takes up just about all my time and energy. So for the forseeable future, my bisexuality will be confined to looking at picture of other hung men and talking to them online. Of course the same goes for busty women.
GeorgenFLA: I really dont think a wife needs to know everything that her husband does. Boyfriend/girlfriend thing is the same way. I mean if I go take a crap, and its one of those specially pleasurable ones, I dont share that information either. If I meet up with a buddy, and we jackoff together, its not a woman's business. These are guy things that women could never understand. Of course, I dont want to know how much my wife bled during her last period either. Somethings are not a spouse's business. :-X
Javierdude22: [quote author=GeorgenFLA link=board=relationships;num=1079114282;start=0#9 date=04/05/04 at 10:31:41]I really dont think a wife needs to know everything that her husband does. Boyfriend/girlfriend thing is the same way. I mean if I go take a crap, and its one of those specially pleasurable ones, I dont share that information either. If I meet up with a buddy, and we jackoff together, its not a woman's business. These are guy things that women could never understand. [/quote]
I think taking a crap is a bit different than cheating.
I would actually have no problem with your lifestyle were you to have the balls to tell her that you enjoy jacking with other guys Otherwise, this 'its not her business' thing, seems like a cheap excuse to say your scared of her and save face.
Well, Jav, there actually are men who don't see homosexual contacts as sex, so sex with another man isn't cheating. (They also say they aren't gay because they're with a woman.) It's called 'down low' and it's basically a damn lie.
GeorgenFLA: I would never cheat on my wife, and two men hanging out together jacking off is not cheating. A man's business is his own, not his wife's or girlfriend's business. Some people enjoy making a big deal out of something that is normal behavior, that's your business. I am very comfortable with my masculinity, and enjoy it very much. Nobody can enjoy masculinity like others that are also masculine.
GeorgenFLA: Also, I would like to state, Javier, it's unfortunate that some men haven't achieved the American dream of a family (wife, children, dog, nice home, job, etc.). I am very happy with my healthy American lifestyle, and I'm definitely sorry that other men don't have this. I feel no guilt for achieving these things just because an unfortunate few don't have the drive and confidence to have it "all". For these, my sympathy should be felt, but I feel no guilt.
bbobb21: I agree with a lot of what was said. On one hand if my wife was not who she is then I might be very discrete about it. However, when we were first out of grad school we visited friends and did a joke Ted and Alice etc. (it was a swinging movie back in about 1970). First Tom took picture with us covered by a sheet with our pants on and the girls bras on. Then Sue took her bra off and then Gail folowed........we started joking but ended up having sex together. When we got home to the east coast, I got a job doing nude marathons and my wife joined me. As time passed we started having sex with the other group leaders after all much of the sessions were focused on sexuality.........After a while, my wife and one of the other women noticed that her husband and I seemed to be attrached to each other and suggested that we might get it on.........Jim and I later found out that our wives were already doing it together. I had had sex with guys in high school and during to summer of 1966 I went on an all male marathon at which we all touched and tasted each other. Three guys had cum in my mouith and I liked it so when Jim and I started to kiss all I could think about was sucking his cock and all he could think about was getting my huge one in his mouth and up his ass. Well, 30 some years later, we have a nice group of 8 bi married coules and four male/male couples and two unattached males...........all were married when they joined the group. Since 1982 we have not taken any new members and have agreed to only have sex with each other. I t has worked out really well especially as we have gotten older. Though I still like to cum once a day- it used to be more- my wife is not interested as much. Once a month she enjoys a good sex group together but in between not so much. She still likes to be gang banged and has no problem with my having sex with others. Last week end our friends, Jim and his wife were over for dinner. Jim and I had sex in the family room while our wives made dinner.......nice day.........cum before dinner..........bob
Javierdude22: [quote author=GeorgenFLA link=board=relationships;num=1079114282;start=0#13 date=04/06/04 at 09:38:47]Also, I would like to state, Javier, it's unfortunate that some men haven't achieved the American dream of a family (wife, children, dog, nice home, job, etc.). I am very happy with my healthy American lifestyle, and I'm definitely sorry that other men don't have this. I feel no guilt for achieving these things just because an unfortunate few don't have the drive and confidence to have it "all". For these, my sympathy should be felt, but I feel no guilt. [/quote]
Hm, don't mistake my principles and morality for jealousy George.
I must have hit a nerve, sorry if I came on too strong. All I'm saying is that if your so confident about the things you do, why don't you tell her at dinner?
I also don't really understand this 'none of her business' thing. I must have misunderstood how relationships work. Certainly when it comes to acts of sexual behaviour. I always thought that in a relationship, you tell eachother your business, this exactly being the point of being in an honest, open, an loving relationship.
But I guess we all define things differently...
Velcro_Avenger: first i better explane my situation. i am potentially bi. i have never had sex with a man, but i am atracted to them. i like the look of of the male boddy and would like to try sex with guys. maybe i will some day if i'm unattatched at the right time. anyway my girlfriend knows and is cool with it but she wants to watch. uh -NO. first of all i'm in a serious relationship with her and sex with someone else is cheating in my book wether its with or without the other partners consent. i am "forsaking all others" and i expect her to do the same while she is with me. am i unreasonible in that? secondly i dont want anyone to watch me having sex. in my opinion sex is a private matter between two people, not a spectater sport. and third i definitely dont want someone watching a first time attemt with a man. if i do something wrong like throw up while i try to blow him i definitely don't want witnesses. i would have to shoot them before they blabbed. vomiting while giving a blowjob cant be too cool. so yeah my girlfriend knows and is more confortible with it than i am.
Javierdude22: [quote author=Velcro_Avenger link=board=relationships;num=1079114282;start=0#16 date=04/09/04 at 09:28:19]anyway my girlfriend knows and is cool with it but she wants to watch. uh -NO. first of all i'm in a serious relationship with her and sex with someone else is cheating in my book wether its with or without the other partners consent. i am "forsaking all others" and i expect her to do the same while she is with me. am i unreasonible in that? secondly i dont want anyone to watch me having sex. in my opinion sex is a private matter between two people, not a spectater sport. and third i definitely dont want someone watching a first time attemt with a man. if i do something wrong like throw up while i try to blow him i definitely don't want witnesses. i would have to shoot them before they blabbed. [/quote]
Ok so wait...let me get this straight.
You do nót want to cheat, you think sex is a private matter between two people, you don't like people watching, and you expect her not to cheat either?
Dammit man, get with the program, it's the new millennium!!...sex should be with a group (anything with two digits is ok) and preferably on NBC during prime time!
turning sarcasm mode off now
Anywayz...good on ya man.
belcurv: This is a good question, let's get back to it.
I thought I was totally straight til age 22. Always pushed aside any thoughts of bisexuality. What turned me on to it was seeing well hung men in porn, and being constantly hit on by gay men in the showers (I worked out every day at college gym). It was my wife, then my gf, who urged me to "go ahead and try it" with some of those guys.
She was totally turned on by it. Early on, I wanted only 3ways with her there, and we did some. One partner who was with us was sexually PERFECT for us, and it felt totally equal, we were all 3 in love, but it fell apart after a few months... he became wierdly bitchy... it wasn't unlike a lot of relationships you have in your early 20s where it starts out great and you find you just aren't compatible.
For YEARS we wanted to find another "3rd person", as we were constantly calling him. One who would be truly into a 3way love relationship. But we never found anyone. We had one other sex-fun male pal for a few years who was married. His wife also knew, was okay with it. They had three kids, very nice people.
Anyway, it's hard enough to find ONE person you can have a successful relationship with, much less three who can have everything all just right between them.
Later, I began wanting just to have a stag one-on-one with other guys, tried it a few times, even had a regular lover for over two years who she was perfectly supportive of. But more recently, I sense she would feel badly if I went out and found a new guy. Part of it is because she has health problems now which make birth control almost impossible, which has meant no intercourse for us for a long time, which changes everything. A lot of it is that she's scared I'll get some disease now, not just HIV but all the other crap that's floating around, even skin diseases that you could get if you used condoms.
Now I would like to have a bj buddy, and I have even been in e-contact with an LPSG friend who it may happen with, but it's been so long since my wife and I had this component to our lives, that combined with all the other junk, I'm having trouble bringing it up with her. I don't agree that it is "none of her business". That might be true for someone who could do it and not let it affect his relationship with his gf/wife in any way, but I know it would bother me not to share the experience with her.
Yeah, it's a tough one!!!
Might be a good topic to take to the Women's area of this board.
Jav, don't you know anything? It's FOX, not NBC.