belcurv: This is a good question, let's get back to it.
I thought I was totally straight til age 22. Always pushed aside any thoughts of bisexuality. What turned me on to it was seeing well hung men in porn, and being constantly hit on by gay men in the showers (I worked out every day at college gym). It was my wife, then my gf, who urged me to "go ahead and try it" with some of those guys.
She was totally turned on by it. Early on, I wanted only 3ways with her there, and we did some. One partner who was with us was sexually PERFECT for us, and it felt totally equal, we were all 3 in love, but it fell apart after a few months... he became wierdly bitchy... it wasn't unlike a lot of relationships you have in your early 20s where it starts out great and you find you just aren't compatible.
For YEARS we wanted to find another "3rd person", as we were constantly calling him. One who would be truly into a 3way love relationship. But we never found anyone. We had one other sex-fun male pal for a few years who was married. His wife also knew, was okay with it. They had three kids, very nice people.
Anyway, it's hard enough to find ONE person you can have a successful relationship with, much less three who can have everything all just right between them.
Later, I began wanting just to have a stag one-on-one with other guys, tried it a few times, even had a regular lover for over two years who she was perfectly supportive of. But more recently, I sense she would feel badly if I went out and found a new guy. Part of it is because she has health problems now which make birth control almost impossible, which has meant no intercourse for us for a long time, which changes everything. A lot of it is that she's scared I'll get some disease now, not just HIV but all the other crap that's floating around, even skin diseases that you could get if you used condoms.
Now I would like to have a bj buddy, and I have even been in e-contact with an LPSG friend who it may happen with, but it's been so long since my wife and I had this component to our lives, that combined with all the other junk, I'm having trouble bringing it up with her. I don't agree that it is "none of her business". That might be true for someone who could do it and not let it affect his relationship with his gf/wife in any way, but I know it would bother me not to share the experience with her.
Yeah, it's a tough one!!!
Might be a good topic to take to the Women's area of this board.