I am a 29-year-old bisexual young man. I considered myself straight for all my life before college since even though I was sexually attracted to guys, I was more sexually attracted to girls. In college, I had some good mutual masturbation experiences with other guys. As a freshman in college, I masturbated with another freshman guy named Bo when he and I were visiting in his room during a party on his hall. He kept saying that he "wanted to experiment."
I told him that my male friends and I at boarding school used to masturbate around other through our shorts, and Bo told me that he "wanted to try it." Then, we both started masturbating through our shorts as we sat next to each other on his bed.
"Can we have them out," he asked. "It feels so much better to have them out."
I knew that he meant having our penises outside our shorts.
"Will you keep it a secret." I asked.
"I will not tell anyone" he said.
Then, he and I took our penises outside our shorts and masturbated while watching each other masturbate. He and I took off our clothing and continued masturbating in the nude. I told him that penis looked big, and he told me that I also had a really nice penis.
His penis looked slightly bigger than mine, but his penis and my penis were about the same size. I think that he and I had penises that were the same size as each other, but the perspective made it look to both of us as if the other guy's penis was the slightly larger of the two penises. He and I masturbated in silence for a long time as we expertly edged our penises.
Finally, I asked him, "Are you gay?"
"No", he replied. "Are you?"
"No. I am not." I said.
At the time, he and I did not know about bisexuality and were confused by our homo-erotic arousal since we both knew that we were more sexually attracted to girls than to guys and thus both identified as straight; a lot of guys in my generation were implicitly taught that any guy was either straight or gay.
Then, Bo became more sexually aroused as my penis grew to its full erect length. I could have ejaculated at any moment at that point, but I did not because I did not want the room to get messy and because I had always practiced edging for as long as possible when I masturbated since I had been taught to masturbate in that way when I first learned to masturbate.
"Can I touch it." Bo asked.
"No," I said immediately. My repressed sexuality caused me to say no immediately without my thinking about what I actually wanted.
"Please may I touch it?" said Bo. "I will be really gentle." His voice was full of burning desire, and his desire to touch me made me begin to waiver in my decision; I sympathized with his wanting something so badly and not being able to have it. I did not want him to have to feel that emotion since many times, that same emotion had been so excruciating to me whenever I had experienced that emotion in my life. In this line of thinking, as I thought about his touching my penis, I became more open to the idea of his touching my penis.
"Yes," I said. "but I want to finish in the bathroom first." I did not explain what I meant, but I thought that he understood.
I wanted him to touch my penis, but I did not want him to touch my penis at that point when it was already fully erect because my fantasy [that I had had for several years] which I wanted to act out was a fantasy of someone else masturbating my penis, beginning from its flaccid state and continuing until I ejaculated.
I then put on my shorts and left for the bathroom while leaving my shirt on the floor.
"You should put your shirt on," he said. "or someone might know." He was afraid that my being shirtless would indicate to other guys that he and I had been masturbating together. I thought that his fear was silly since guys often went shirtless in the dorm at any hour of the day. He was knew to living in a boys' dorm hall and had not yet learned that it was normal for boys to go shirtless on the hall. I had lived in a boys' dorm at my previous school and was used to going shirtless in an all-male dorm setting. I put on my shirt as I went to the bathroom since I did not want Bo to be afraid. I quickly went and sat on a toilet in one of the stalls of the bathroom and continued to masturbate with the intention of ejaculating into the toilet. I started masturbating more quickly since I wanted to finish ejaculating as soon I could so that I go back to Bo's room and have him masturbate me, starting with my penis being flaccid and continuing until my penis ejaculated again. I was highly virile then [age 19] and could easily ejaculate six or more times per day.
As I tried to more masturbate quickly in the bathroom, I got nervous from my excitement that Bo was going to touch my penis, and the nervousness caused my penis to become flaccid again. I was good at edging but did yet not know advanced techniques for maintaining full arousal during an entire edging session. As my penis continued going flaccid from my nervousness, I was frustrated. By the time I finally ejaculated and then returned to Bo's room, he had left to go out with other friends. I was disappointed that I did get to have him touch my penis.
I wanted to talk with him again to clarify our thoughts about the mutual masturbation experience, but I was never able to talk with alone since whenever I saw him again, there were other people around, and he did not talk to me ever again, but I fantasized a number of times about his touching my penis. I almost got to experience his touching my penis.
I was so close but so far away to what could have been between Bo and me.
