Hey folks thanks for the welcome and the tips on threads to visit, etc.
To answer some questions, my wife knows I am bi. I was honest about that before we got married. I don't necessarily think being bi precludes monogamy, but it can make it more challenging. She cheated early in the relationship, and the hot sex, including oral sex, of dating just sort of went away. I spent about 10 years of marriage trying to get that back, counseling, whatnot. Then I just started sneaking around and meeting men, and letting them meat me.
Yeah it was scary and sleazy and secretive. I never liked that about it. Except I kind of did. With a man I get submissive, very much want to provide dedicated service, follow orders, focus on his pleasure. Sometimes I prefer to not even take my clothes off. The first guy I met up with had an 8.5 inch dick that was very thick. He knew it would be my first time. He met me at his secluded door with this giant, beautiful dick hanging out of his pants. I was surprised at myself. Sure, I had fantasized about it for years, but I just walked in, fell to my knees, and immediately started trying to deepthroat it. And succeeding, with some struggle.
That was when I learn that some gagging, some struggle, some tears running from the corners of my eyes, was kind of awesome and hot. I seemed to have an innate talent for it. But I would get tired. My first guy would still be huge and hard 45 minutes in. He, like I suspect a lot of big-dicked guys, seemed to also get off on the struggle, on my gagging, and he always seemed to hold off from cumming it drag it on, keep me sucking on and on. Yet he was forgiving if I tired out before he could cum, and didn't care if he came. Just that I swallowed that cock and held it down, for as long as possible.
I realized I had been that way with my wife. I simultaneously felt more sympathy for the sore jaw she complained of when blowing me, yet I also felt instantly at least ten times her superior at cocksucking.
After a few years of playing like that my guilt built up and one summer I confessed all this to her and was stunned when she in turn confessed she had been fooling around with my best friend of 20 years. So I guess for both of us it was a different experience, us both having done wrong, than her previous straying.
So that was traumatic for us both but more balanced. Hey we aren't just lovers, we're friends and co-parents. We tested clean of STDs and recommitted to our marriage. After that she quit drinking and I quit smoking weed and sucking off men.
Now, we been together 17 years and are 39(me) and 41(her). We have teenaged kids and no privacy at home. We struggle to have even regular sex now. After a couple of years of this I guess if she thinks oral sex is gross than so be it. She loves to be fucked, but she doesn't love to suck.
But though I love to be sucked I just don't respond to men messing with my junk. So, with men, I am a cocksucker, and I get as much satisfaction from that as I need. I think. Or as I can have. I haven't really been active since we last confessed to each other. She's not usually receptive to any idea of playing together. Or of me playing on my own. Can anyone blame her? I can't. I don't have any interest in being cuckholded and watching he fuck some other guy. Even at my modest size I hit her cervix and she hates that shit.
And yet there is this shadowy, businesslike men-only club of dudes like me matching up with dudes with similar problems who CAN get off in a deep, hot, wet, moaning throat regardless of who it belongs to. So, ya know... I'm tempted.
Also, I started smoking weed again. It seems like the noble life, free of gettin' high and the pleasures of a big, thick cock, just isn't entirely doin' it for me. I wish I had scored a stable buddy, and really am still looking for one.
In Denver.
