bbobb21: I agree with many of the comments but would also like to add my two cents.
Oddly, American/British culture is one of the few cultures that actually practices monagomy. Helen Fisher in "The Anatomy of Love" studied 40 diferring cultures both primative and modern and found that the most common practice was for married men and WOMEN to have sexual affairs but they were very discrete. Men talked only to best friends about them and women to only their best girl friends in general. In modern societies, Germany is typical. Of course France is just more open about it and has always been. Odd in French mores of about 1900, mistresses were invited to respectable salons but if the guy married the mistress, she would not be able to be included and neither would his children. Proust chronicals this in 'Swan in Love". Italy is at the other end. Affairs are never acknowledged though everyone knows about them. If someone makes any sort of reference to individuals involved in affairs, the the one making the reference is ostracised not those involved in the affair. The point in these countries is that affairs are permitted but they are never allowed to interfer with the primary committed relationship and everyone knows that. Very different from the general attitude in USA, though where I was bore in the PA German county, the norms were actually more like Germany that the general AngloAmerican morality. (Oh, yes the Dutsh word is a misunderstanding of the English and though more acceptable now, was the equivalant of the N word when I was growing up.) So that's my first remark.
Secondly: We are what we are. To be sexually attracted to someone is not necessarily wishing to spend our lives with them. I have been married 35 years. Our marriage involves sex and we have a way that works for us but what has made the marriage work has very little to do with sex. AS for us I too am bisexual. I grew up in the 50s when we really did not understand any of what is so clear today. I knew that we were never to do anything with a girl but nothing was said about what we guys did together in language that we understood. It was not until sophomore year of high school that a group of us guys figured out that what we were discussing in biology class applied to humans. I was 15. I had been jerking off since I was 12 and still did not understand what you did with it to get a girl pregnant and that the cum that I ate was what make girls pregnant. So I did things with other guys as a teenager. I had gone to a Catholic high school and we had retreats. The priest would talk about masterbation and felatio but we jerked off and I for one enjoyed sucking cock. In senior year when I realized what the big words meant I stopped doing other guys and tried not to masterbate. I was not very successful. After college and my first grad school I married never seeing myself as anything but heterosexual. My wife and I went off to grad school together and when I completed as a young psychologists it was the beginning of the swinging lifestyle and discovering sexuality. My wife and I were involved in leading nude marathons (I had been a nudist since I was 13). In 1970, this was mostly about discovering and accepting one's sexuality. It was during that time I discovered or began to understand my bisexuality. For me this was fortunate in that my wife also discovered that she was also bi. Eventually while doing these marathons over a five year period we became involved in a bisexual swinging group. We are still in that group. Over the years my wife's sexual drive has dimenished while my has remained fairly robust. This is true for the other couples in the group so that the bisexual part has worked out well. The men now have more sex together that the women. Over the years there have been a number of differences that have emerged. Four of the guys have realized that they are really homosxual. They still joins but they have separated from their wives.
As for cheating being cheating, I find it interesting that culture that tolerate affairs have low devorce rates while USA has such a high devorce rate.
Oh! one last thing. What is Turkey today was part of ancient Greece. The pattern of having sex with younger men/adolescents was part of what was acceptable behavior for men in ancient Greece. Again though it was not to interfer with the primary relationship. Oddly, our homophobia comes from ancient Rome. Caesar was accused of having a sexual relationship with the King of Bythinia (in modern Turkey). Caesar did everything to let people know that he did not have sex with men and on the other side of the coin the Queen of Bythinia thought it odd that Caesar refused to have sex with her husband. On the other hand Sulla who was bi closed off his relationship with Metrobius when he started his political career. When he stepped down from the Dictatorship, he went off with his current wife and Metrobius and whored it up until he died. Oh! and soldiers caught doing it together were stoned. We have inherited the Roman ways, not the Greek. Bob
Oddly, American/British culture is one of the few cultures that actually practices monagomy. Helen Fisher in "The Anatomy of Love" studied 40 diferring cultures both primative and modern and found that the most common practice was for married men and WOMEN to have sexual affairs but they were very discrete. Men talked only to best friends about them and women to only their best girl friends in general. In modern societies, Germany is typical. Of course France is just more open about it and has always been. Odd in French mores of about 1900, mistresses were invited to respectable salons but if the guy married the mistress, she would not be able to be included and neither would his children. Proust chronicals this in 'Swan in Love". Italy is at the other end. Affairs are never acknowledged though everyone knows about them. If someone makes any sort of reference to individuals involved in affairs, the the one making the reference is ostracised not those involved in the affair. The point in these countries is that affairs are permitted but they are never allowed to interfer with the primary committed relationship and everyone knows that. Very different from the general attitude in USA, though where I was bore in the PA German county, the norms were actually more like Germany that the general AngloAmerican morality. (Oh, yes the Dutsh word is a misunderstanding of the English and though more acceptable now, was the equivalant of the N word when I was growing up.) So that's my first remark.
Secondly: We are what we are. To be sexually attracted to someone is not necessarily wishing to spend our lives with them. I have been married 35 years. Our marriage involves sex and we have a way that works for us but what has made the marriage work has very little to do with sex. AS for us I too am bisexual. I grew up in the 50s when we really did not understand any of what is so clear today. I knew that we were never to do anything with a girl but nothing was said about what we guys did together in language that we understood. It was not until sophomore year of high school that a group of us guys figured out that what we were discussing in biology class applied to humans. I was 15. I had been jerking off since I was 12 and still did not understand what you did with it to get a girl pregnant and that the cum that I ate was what make girls pregnant. So I did things with other guys as a teenager. I had gone to a Catholic high school and we had retreats. The priest would talk about masterbation and felatio but we jerked off and I for one enjoyed sucking cock. In senior year when I realized what the big words meant I stopped doing other guys and tried not to masterbate. I was not very successful. After college and my first grad school I married never seeing myself as anything but heterosexual. My wife and I went off to grad school together and when I completed as a young psychologists it was the beginning of the swinging lifestyle and discovering sexuality. My wife and I were involved in leading nude marathons (I had been a nudist since I was 13). In 1970, this was mostly about discovering and accepting one's sexuality. It was during that time I discovered or began to understand my bisexuality. For me this was fortunate in that my wife also discovered that she was also bi. Eventually while doing these marathons over a five year period we became involved in a bisexual swinging group. We are still in that group. Over the years my wife's sexual drive has dimenished while my has remained fairly robust. This is true for the other couples in the group so that the bisexual part has worked out well. The men now have more sex together that the women. Over the years there have been a number of differences that have emerged. Four of the guys have realized that they are really homosxual. They still joins but they have separated from their wives.
As for cheating being cheating, I find it interesting that culture that tolerate affairs have low devorce rates while USA has such a high devorce rate.
Oh! one last thing. What is Turkey today was part of ancient Greece. The pattern of having sex with younger men/adolescents was part of what was acceptable behavior for men in ancient Greece. Again though it was not to interfer with the primary relationship. Oddly, our homophobia comes from ancient Rome. Caesar was accused of having a sexual relationship with the King of Bythinia (in modern Turkey). Caesar did everything to let people know that he did not have sex with men and on the other side of the coin the Queen of Bythinia thought it odd that Caesar refused to have sex with her husband. On the other hand Sulla who was bi closed off his relationship with Metrobius when he started his political career. When he stepped down from the Dictatorship, he went off with his current wife and Metrobius and whored it up until he died. Oh! and soldiers caught doing it together were stoned. We have inherited the Roman ways, not the Greek. Bob
