Big, fat, lazy, ugly, slob.

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by snoozan, Oct 13, 2007.

  1. snoozan

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    *I don't know where this belongs, it's could go in relationships or women's issues as well, but Etc. seemed like the best fit to me, so apologies if this works better elsewhere.*

    I've been thinking about starting this thread for a couple weeks, but a thread by someone else this morning on getting in shape got me thinking more.

    Just about a year ago I weighed 235 pounds. Stress, pregnancy, medication, and various other things caused me to gain a lot of weight in a very short period of time. Before that, I was overweight, but not obese the way I was after I had my son. The pounds kinda crept up on my after I quit smoking and got married, but I didn't really gain a lot of weight until I had my son. He's 2.5 years old now.

    Right now I weigh 165 pounds and have about 20-25 more that I'd like to lose in the next few months, but now that the bulk of the weight is lost, I've noticed a lot of things about how my life has changed, specifically, how people treat me.

    One of the hardest things for me to deal with is the mindset that people who are fat just need to stop eating. While this is true in a very simple sense, getting and being overweight is a little more complicated than that. I have obstructive sleep apnea, and it's linked very strongly not only to being exacerbated by excess weight, but to causing weight gain as well. It's very difficult to exercise or be active when you don't sleep. Many medications change metabolism-- so starting or stopping these can cause weight gain. Stress eating is a huge problem for people prone to it, and many people don't have any idea what a reasonable portion of food is because they are used to eating out so much.

    Losing all this weight has been a daily challenge. It's not just about eating less. For the first month or so, I was ravenous all the time. My body wanted the food it was used to. That got a lot easier, but there are still times when I get unreasonably hungry (usually from not eating earlier in the day) and have to slow myself down from wolfing down a huge meal. I count calories like it's a religion. This is the only way I was able to gain perspective about the amount of food that constituted a reasonable meal and it sure wasn't what TGI Friday's puts on plate, even their "healthy" alternatives. I'm still surprised from time to time that, for example, the donut I ate for breakfast was 400 calories.

    One of the things that motivated me to lose weight was actually LPSG. Even though it is "just a website," it's here that I realized that thin women get taken more seriously and get more attention than fat women. Yes, this is a sex site, but noticing it here made me notice it more in the real world. It's not just men either-- other women treat thin women better than fat women.

    In the industry I work in, my clients are women and their mothers. I realized that having to sell my services to these usually very young women, I had to present an image of myself that, to them, mirrored the elegance and beauty I was trying to sell them. It had nothing to do with my work and creativity and all to do with my image sometimes. It goes further than being well dressed-- I could wear $400 suits when I was heavy and still have brides treat me a lot different on average than they do now. At one wedding I photographed, I actually had some (male) guests pointing and laughing at me because my shirt came up and showed some of my belly when I was shooting. Had I been thin, I probably would have been, at the very most, noticed and filed away.

    Men look at me more, obviously. I've just started noticing that I am able to turn heads again-- partly because I got smaller but my breasts did not. I like to think that I carried my weight well, but I still didn't get much attention.

    Clothing for women over a size 12 is impossible to find in attractive, flattering styles. It's like the fashion industry either doesn't want to acknowledge the existence of fat women, or they think fat women all want to wear track suits and stretch pants all the time. It is altogether possible to make clothing tailored for overweight women rather than just tailoring clothing for thin women and making it bigger. I have to be grateful to stores like Lane Bryant for doing this among the scores that don't bother. Lane Bryant also uses models who actually can wear their clothing which I much admire. Most catalogs feature very thin women in plus-size clothing. The reason? It sells better that way. I'm glad Lane Bryant is fighting this trend, and I voted with my wallet by giving them a lot of money.

    The biggest thing I notice now is that I'm not invisible or even unlikeable anymore for my appearance. People talk to me more now. If I approach a stranger to pet their dog or ask about their child, they are more open and willing to talk. Strangers approach me now where they wouldn't before. In general, people are nicer to me. It's like when I was fat people were embarassed to be seen with me-- even a couple "friends." I felt, at times, like I was invisible and at other times like I was a pariah. Now I'm just another mom with her kid instead of the fat lady with her kid.

    In all of this, my friends and family have been unwaveringly supportive. My husband was no less in love with me at 235 than he is now. With that said, he loves that I've lost weight-- for him as well as me. He's also toned up and lost weight, and though I thought he was attractive before, now I love feeling and touching him even more. He also looks great in jeans and a t-shirt, and, at 40, looks better than most men his age. I can't say it's not nice for me, and I know it's the same for him. I think for both of us, we're having more fun with each other even though we don't love each other any more now.

    I can also keep up better with my son-- running, playing, and getting around with him. I exercise regularly, and I'm starting to enjoy not getting out of breath when I chase him. I enjoy being able to walk fast and carry things without getting out of breath. I like being able to stand on my feet and work all night and still be functional the next day. Since my work is physically demanding, I like not having to be in pain and out of breath all day, and sore the next.

    There's more, but I have to get to work now. :biggrin1:
     
  2. novice_btm

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    As always, another thoughtful post. Congrats on the great work, and keep it up. It's obviously paying off well for you. :kiss:
     
  3. D_N Flay Table

    D_N Flay Table New Member

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    good work kiddo!
    I used to weigh around 300lbs.. so I know how you feel..
    keep at it!
    D
     
  4. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    You've realized something that advertisers and movie producers have already known for a really long time. Anyway... good luck Susan.
     
  5. arliss

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    when I was 43 I weighed 420 lbs....
     
  6. got_lost

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    WOW!!! Thanks for the inspiration!!

    I am a long way behind you, but have started the process.... 45lbs gone, loads more to go....

    I also find that LPSG has had a very similar effect on me, and have noticed the same... 'prejudices' (that may be too strong...) against 'large' women. Though are aware I put these upon myself too.

    Thank you so much for sharing. I shall sit here patiently waiting for you to continue.... what time do you finish work?!?!?! LOL
     
  7. Ethyl

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    :tool:
     
  8. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    It is amazing to me how it is ok in society to treat fat people like shit.

    I have lost 50lbs this past year and feel much better about myself.

    When you struggle with an addiction like food, you can't hide it. Alcoholics can hide it for a while, maybe even their whole lives. Drug addicts can hide it as well, but not food addicts.

    I know what you mean about how people treated you snoozan. I have had a couple men send me messages about how I shouldn't post my pic as an avatar cause it grosses them out.

    My reply? "Fuck You!"

    If you don't like how big I am, don't look at me. I am proud of how much weight I lost and how I look now. I am still big, but I am happier and that's what matters. I feel confident when I walk in a room and am dressed up. Maybe others don't think I look good, but I do. My opinion of self is worth much more than another's.
     
  9. SpeedoGuy

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    Thoughtful post. Well done and good luck, Susan.
     
  10. Gillette

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    With that pointless post, it's hard to argue.

    Snoozan, you've highlighted one of the less visible discriminations in our society, weightism. It's unfortunate that people make assumptions about others based on their BMI but it happens all the time. Without the model physique we're so exposed to by the media people become to some degree invisible.

    No one is more or less engaging as a person due to body fat percentages.
     
  11. Not_Punny

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    This is a really insightful posting.

    I usually go out of my way to say hello and be social to people who carry more weight, but this posting makes me even more aware of the problems here. But I will do this even more now.

    Our entire society is geared to cause people to gain weight -- and then derides them when they do. Heck, it discriminates against them! (Jobs, insurance, everything)

    I only hope that the real culprits are found and that the people themselves are vindicated. And in the meantime, my hat is off to people who "go there" and successfully battle what is so insidious in our society. They are heroes, not pigs.
     
  12. earllogjam

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    That's wonderful Snoozan. I'm sure your son likes the adventure of being chased by a more agile mom. Sounds like your husband does too.

    What are you going to do with all your extra energy left over?
     
  13. IntoxicatingToxin

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    For starters, there is no such thing as extra leftover energy when you have a child. :tongue:

    I have been working on losing weight as well, but I've been taking it pretty slow. Several months ago, I changed from regular pop to diet pop and have lost about 25lbs just from that change. On Thursday, myself and two friends decided to have our own little "weight loss challenge". We measured our arms, legs, bust, waist, hips, and neck, and whoever loses the most inches by April gets a gift in the amount of $200 from the other two participants. It should be fun, and knowing that I'll get a prize in the end is motivating. Also knowing that I'll have the constant support of two friends is good as well. We're going to be working out together and sharing recipes and whatnot throughout this whole process. It's a contest, but we are behind each other 100%. I'm pretty pumped. :biggrin:

    Congratulations, snoozan. I'm proud of you. :smile:
     
  14. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Yet another example of LPSG magic. God what a bizarre place this is.

    You're a great inspiration Susan. I'm losing weight and didn't even notice it at first. I've lost 25lbs in the past year just by deciding to cook more for myself rather than eat out. I've always enjoyed cooking Chinese and so started stir-frying and steaming while making most of everything from scratch. It was remarkable in that I never felt deprived. I've also taken to making myself an omelet in the morning along with some fruit and oatmeal. Tastes great and very filling. Lunch is usually a sandwich and dinner something steamed or stir fried or I make myself pasta usually with sausage. I've never been fond of beef though I love barbecue and good cheeseburger so I eat those things on occasion. I really had no idea I was losing weight! I thought my pants had all become stretched out and now I'm down to a 42" waist. Not great but still amazing for not even trying to lose weight or realizing it was happening.

    Getting rid of stress is important too. I eat more when stressed. It's not good. Now I feel good enough about myself to do things I wouldn't have earlier and it's given me impetus to quit smoking and get to a gym.

    I am so proud of you Susan and your experience has helped to boost my morale and confidence in myself. Thank you for sharing it :hug:.
     
  15. Osiris

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    You go Snoozan. Great inspirational post. So far I have lost 15 and still counting. A lot of mine had to do with stress and now that I have controlled it, I am on the road to lean mean fighting machine again.
     
  16. SpoiledPrincess

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    It's a vicious circle Snoozan, if someone's overweight they can't exercise, their metabolism drops, they comfort eat because they're miserable, because their metabolism is slower the food they eat adds more pounds than it would have when they weighed less. It's as simple as saying if you eat more than you need you'll put weight on, but when you've dropped it can get so that if you ate less you'd be practically eating nothing and eating less would drop your metabolism even more.
     
  17. JustAsking

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    snoozan,
    Overweight or not, your writing style is as flowing, conversational, and insightful as always. Which brings me to a different kind of "ism" prejudice. Having never seen pictures of you except for your previous avatar with you and the camera, I have always thought of you as an attractive, energetic, hip, thin person.

    This is based on your writing style. From this I am realizing that I am prejudging people based on their writing style.

    But to your comments, I can identify really well. I have never given birth to a child, but for the last few years I have been trying to give birth to a software company. I have worked night and day writing the software myself from one of the rooms in my house (until recently when we now can afford a real office space).

    Living at the keyboard most of the day, and near the same keyboard at other times of the day, the amount of excercise I have had over the last few years is pathetically small. So here I am over 200 lbs of totally out of shape guy.

    Like your sleep apnea problem, there is a kind of positive feedback loop where being out of shape leads to more sedentary behavior rather than the opposite.

    So you and I and others here in the same boat need to break the cycle somehow and get back on track.

    What has worked for me in the past is the realization that being way out of shape is already very fatiguing just going through the day. So your motivation to excercise is close to zero. I did find that at that point if I used weight machines for a month or so, it would get me out of that "tired of being tired" state. After that I would be more interested in being physically active in general and I would do things like run on the treadmill daily.

    So for me, weight machines at the gym gets me out of the cycle of unfitness.
     
  18. snoozan

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    You still won't have sex with me though, will you? Or will you? :naughty:

    Actually, you were one of my inspirations. Once I read your story, I really started thinking I could do it. We're about the same age and somehow it really resounded with me.

    Thanks, Ryan.

    The problem is that movie producers and advertisers are also perpetuating all of this, and therefore making it worse. There's a bigger and bigger disparity between what we see on TV and what we see walking around on the streets. I think, as people on TV and in ads get less and less realistic, the more "real" people give up. Especially for women, it's never enough, and that kind of black and white thinking is, ultimately, detrimental to the advertisers and to women in general. After all, if you can't be perfect, then why bother? Even now, I feel that way a lot. No matter what I do, I will never be able to fix certain things, and many times I get exasperated enough to want to give up knowing that. Things have gotten too extreme, in my opinion.

    Dove has an ad campaign called Real Beauty, and they had billboards of women who were not models but still fit and attractive and there was a furor over it. A lot of people were outraged that these "fatties" were going to be in ads for various reasons that made little sense to me. A lot of women, instead of feeling somehow relieved, were up in arms. I imagine that few of these women bitching looked as good as the women in the campaign ads, who were most likely photoshopped to death anyway.


    Thank you and congratulations. It's hard, but after 45 pounds, you have to keep telling yourself that you can do it.

    I'm the same way. I got to a point where I didn't even care how I looked because no matter what I was still fat. Somehow, I felt like I was less of a person because I was overweight. It's amazing, my posture has changed, as has my attitude when I leave the house. I'm just starting to not be embarrassed by the way I look.

    Age and weight seem to be the final frontier in prejudice and bigotry.

    It's ironic that other eating disorders are actually acceptable, if not celebrated, in our society. People with bulimia and anorexia are rewarded in our culture because they live up to this increasingly extreme ideal. I can think of many women online and off who truly are unhealthily skinny and celebrate it-- and celebrate the fact that they don't eat and live at the gym. It's the same obsession/problem with food that the overweight have, but God knows, I too would rather be too skinny than too fat. Still, I don't want to minimize the suffering of anyone with an eating disorder-- it's hard on all sides. We just manifest it differently. It doesn't minimize the pain.

    Someone called me in one of my pics, "Porky." I giggled. He was a cunt.

    Thank you.

    Exactly. It's ironic to run into this even online where most of our interactions have nothing to do with physical appearance and all to do with the ability to interact that it still becomes an issue.

    I don't know how I feel about that. I think your sentiment is spot on, and I also think that the overall effect would be desirable if everyone did it, but what you're saying still validates the idea that fat people are somehow "different." We just wanted to be treated somewhat equally. In the same vein, I find it hard to interact with people who are handicapped because on one hand I don't want to ignore them, but on the other hand, I don't want to hurt their pride. It's difficult to overlook something if you see it as a handicap or pitiable. It's not an issue if you just see it as a piece of neutral information.

    Dear God, yes.

    You have been doing well, and I can't wait to hear that you've won the prize! Support is wonderful. If it weren't for my friends (especially one lately who shall remain nameless) who help me stay on track with exercising, it'd be a lot harder to stick to. Speaking of which, I wonder if this "nameless friend" wants to go walking anytime this week... (ahem!)

    Thank you. I regard you as the same, honestly.

    This is a huge thing for me. Eating out gives us such a skewed view of what portion size is, and it's no wonder people think they are eating well when they aren't. That fat free cream cheese on a bagel you get from the local cafe might run you 500 calories. Cooking for yourself is so rewarding, and it's something that's helped me a lot. I know exactly what's going into my body, and the quality of food is generally better, fresher, and tastes better.

    I'm waiting for the nudie pix. :tongue:

    Yes, it's a pain in the ass to deal with. Right now at the last 20 pounds I'm having more trouble than the previous 70. Grrrr... Now I have to exercise, which is not something that comes very easily or naturally to me.

    Thank you all for your thoughtful and warm responses. I appreciate them all.
     
  19. snoozan

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    You know, that's kind of how I've always thought of myself in my best moments. What was hard for me was seeing photos of myself and thinking, Jesus God, that isn't me, it's someone else. What a wakeup call.

    My husband was doing the same thing. He'd be plugged into the computer all the time whether at work or at home, and in that state you practically forget you have a body except for your eyes and hands.
     
  20. memyself90210

    memyself90210 New Member

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    If you were too skinny you'd hate that too! Be happy with who you are. Do what you can and screw everyone else who thinks you are less than them. Good luck reaching your personal goals.
     
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