Big, fat, lazy, ugly, slob.

whatireallywant

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I have gone from being too skinny (as a child) to somewhat overweight but still "statistically average" (now). The only advantages I've seen to being slimmer were that it's easier to find clothes, and I had more energy (but that could be due to age rather than weight).

I would like to lose some weight so I could wear a wider variety of clothes, however, I have this problem that I don't want to lose weight all over! I want to lose particularly in one part, and actually would like to gain in another part! It doesn't work that way.

Plus, I truly despise cooking. I simply won't do it. If I tell myself that I'm going to cook something, I'll go to the store and buy all the ingredients, then a week or two later I have to throw out all the perishable ingredients because I simply never got around to cooking whatever it was!

I like to exercise, although the exercise class I've been in (it ended this week) injured the back of my knee, and my legs are still stiff from it! I don't want to go back to being sedentary, and I can't afford to go to the gym. I've been chatting with SensualGoth about maybe being exercise buddies.

I've been under a tremendous amount of stress since 2003. In 2003 I nearly died from an illness, then it took me over a year to fully recuperate, and about the time I was recuperating, I was laid off from my only steady job that I've ever had, and I have not been steadily employed since. I've gained over 30 lbs. since 2003, and while that may not sound like all that much, to me it is.
 

simcha

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Snoozan, I just want to say, "Congratulations" as you continue to do what you want to do with your body to make it the best it can be. I'm encouraged to hear that you are feeling better about yourself. That's fantastic.

This subject always bothers me. It's because I'm on the large end of the scales. I have always been a big guy.

During my mid to late 20s I lost 75 pounds and went from a 44 inch waist to a 32 inch waist. I thought I was the hottest little thing. I was still very large framed. I was a vegetarian. I did eat dairy and eggs. I religiously stayed away from deserts. I went to the gym 6 days per week and spent at least 2 hours a day there. All of it was exhausting. That was the price of attempting to remain that thin. Was it all worth it? No.

I took it to a compulsive extreme. I felt very guilty if I would get a cold and miss one day at the gym. I would beat myself up for indulging in extra portions, even though I remained painfully thin. I look at old pics of myself from that era and I can say that I was way too thin. My Father kept telling me that I was too thin. I didn't listen to him.

I was high on being thin and having all of this attention from other gay men and being high on sexual compulsion. It really kept me from knowing myself or others.

I crashed. I gave up vegetarianism. My joints started to have problems due to over-use and my Chiropractor told me that I had made a mess of myself for over-doing it in workouts. I tried to moderate, I really did. For a while being omnivorous and going to the gym about 4 times per week for an hour at a time was a good thing. I gained weight and I looked better. I was happier about my body. I was in less pain. I was getting regular chiropractic adjustments.

Then I went back to school and moved to California and started to have school and work related activities almost 80 hours per week for three years. I gained weight. I exercised less.

Now I have gained back all the weight I had before my mid-twenties. But I'm only a 40 inch waist so I carry it better because I have much more muscle. My legs are like tree trunks and I have that barrel chest with nice pecks. I have extra fat, certainly. I'm not flabby. I don't have any rolls. However, I'm considered "fat" out here in California because so many gay men think that looking like a walking stick is the ideal.

I try to ignore the obsession over being thin. I try to feel good about myself and my accomplishments, intellectual, physical, spiritual, social, and emotional. I have friends who appreciate that people come in all different sizes and some of them prefer larger men. We are called "Bears" by the gay community here. I'm not sure I identify as a bear because there's kind of a culture that goes with it. My body sure is bearish. I'm hairy chested, big chested, thick thighs, big ass, barrel trunk, and just very large.

What I've been trying to do is be happy with the body I have. I've had some recent difficulties with it that have nothing to do with my level of weight or anything. I have doctors who know the difference between healthy larger people and people the stupid "BMI" labels as "morbidly obese."

Even the medical profession discriminates against large people. There is the general assumption that I sit around eating crap all day and that I get no exercise. Only I have no heart disease, no plaque in my veins, and no strain on my body from the weight. I have a large skeletal structure to hold all of this flesh. I'm big like my ancestors all were. We are large and live well into our 90s usually unless something freakish happens. Doctors, by the majority, don't seem to get it that you can be healthy at any size and that the BMI chart is a political/insurance tool used to discriminate against large people.

It's a tall order to be comfortable and to feel attractive as a large person in today's world where people are so obsessed with weight and size. I can't say it's easy for me. More and more though I recognize that the problem is society and not my body. My body is the way it should be. I'm active, healthy, and there are many men who find me attractive if I allow myself to be aware of it.

It makes my blood boil when I read posts disparaging people who are large and personal ads that use terms like height/weight proportionate, no fatties, "fit", "in-shape", etc. Those terms are all subjective and perpetuate the bias against larger people. No they aren't simply about preference. They point to a deep seated dislike of people who are large. It's frustrating.
 

Not_Punny

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I don't know how I feel about that. I think your sentiment is spot on, and I also think that the overall effect would be desirable if everyone did it, but what you're saying still validates the idea that fat people are somehow "different." We just wanted to be treated somewhat equally. In the same vein, I find it hard to interact with people who are handicapped because on one hand I don't want to ignore them, but on the other hand, I don't want to hurt their pride. It's difficult to overlook something if you see it as a handicap or pitiable. It's not an issue if you just see it as a piece of neutral information.


I seem to have a rare talent for putting my foot in it. Upon reading it back, I realize that what I said sounded condescending and supercilious. I truly apologize for that.

My ex-best friend is obese -- she is one of the nicest people I know, and my kids regarded her as a second mom during the time that we were close. I regret ever giving her any "get thin" advice because the odds were against it from day one. (I had no idea what she had to go through to stay un-obese, and when she finally found a man who loved her the way she was, she was in heaven) (We haven't been close in years because she moved out of state)

My dad was overweight and was gregarious and comfortable to hug. My mom was thin and "edgy" (not as comfortable to be around).

I happen to LIKE people with weight. They generally tend to be nicer, and I mean WAY nicer.

Unfortunately, there are health issues related with weight -- if there weren't, I'd say forget about it to anyone who worried about their weight.

So again, sorry that my posting came off so wrong.
 

B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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Snooz, I think you didn't get my point about Hollywood and the advertisers, or maybe I missed yours in the first post. It's not so much that trying to sell an image of a person that you think you should or could be, though of course that's definitely part of it in certain types of advertising, but rather that slim, attractive people are considered more sympathetic and easier to relate to. I thought this went along well with your observation that people were more interested in talking to you or treated you better. It's not that they think they are like you or necessarily want to be you... but on some level, conscious or subconscious, when you are thinner and more conventionally attractive people start treating you like you are a better person almost automatically. As a woman I think this probably goes double for the men you are interacting with, who on some level are all sizing you up as a potential sex partner whether they have any desire or any real chance of ever sleeping with you or not. With women they tend to be friendly toward other attractive women, but it's a little complicated when a woman is perceived as "too" attractive, because at that point they can be seen as a threat or unwanted competition and then other women become hostile.

I might just be rambling.
 

snoozan

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Even the medical profession discriminates against large people. There is the general assumption that I sit around eating crap all day and that I get no exercise. Only I have no heart disease, no plaque in my veins, and no strain on my body from the weight. I have a large skeletal structure to hold all of this flesh. I'm big like my ancestors all were. We are large and live well into our 90s usually unless something freakish happens. Doctors, by the majority, don't seem to get it that you can be healthy at any size and that the BMI chart is a political/insurance tool used to discriminate against large people.

Doctors are starting to come around to the idea that BMI is pretty useless. Body fat and waist/hip ratios are better indicators more or less of fitness and health than BMI. Still, you're right, some people are healthy with more fat on their bodies than others. My blood pressure right now runs about 100/55 or so, and always had except for when I had PIH (pregnancy-induced hypertension) when I was pregnant. My resting heart rate has also always been low-- about 60. My cholesterol levels as well have always been very healthy, and like you, the women in my family are big and tend to live into their 80s. My grandmother is 85 and can still keep up with my 2 year old son.

I think coming to a point of self-acceptance and overall good health is more important than being specifically in a tight range of numbers. The media is starting to report a phenomenon that they call "fat skinny people"-- people who have little to no muscle tone and are actually less healthy overall than their heavier counterparts. A lot of times this is caused by continual dieting and/or no exercise. Thinness doesn't always mean health, in fact, many women do themselves and injustice by not eating and grinding their metabolism to a halt so they don't get many of the nutrients they need because if they eat what should be a healthy amount, they gain. [/quote]

I seem to have a rare talent for putting my foot in it. Upon reading it back, I realize that what I said sounded condescending and supercilious. I truly apologize for that.

No, no, you were fine. I was addressing the idea that we hope to be looked at beyond our weight. I know that sometimes it's hard not to, but in my dreams, a well-dressed, well groomed person who is overweight will be regarded the same way as someone who is thinner.

Like you, many people have positive experiences and memories from parents and grandparents who are heavy, and tend to be more comfortable with them because of that. I think it's good that you have that.

Snooz, I think you didn't get my point about Hollywood and the advertisers, or maybe I missed yours in the first post. It's not so much that trying to sell an image of a person that you think you should or could be, though of course that's definitely part of it in certain types of advertising, but rather that slim, attractive people are considered more sympathetic and easier to relate to. I thought this went along well with your observation that people were more interested in talking to you or treated you better. It's not that they think they are like you or necessarily want to be you... but on some level, conscious or subconscious, when you are thinner and more conventionally attractive people start treating you like you are a better person almost automatically.

I get what you're saying, but what I wonder is whether it's a chicken-or-the-egg scenario, and I think that, no matter what, the media and people's reactions have turned it into a viscious circle where the people we see in the media get thinner and more "perfect" as we go along. I think the technology available to us is also making this perfection harder and harder for people to meet. In my business, retouching was somewhat limited, and retouching itself was a difficult process. The most effective things in our arsenal were lighting and soft focus filters. Now I can take off tons of weight, wrinkles, smooth skin, and give virtual facelifts, nose jobs, and tummy tucks very easily. I try very hard to strike a balance in my own work to make people look like themselves but also make them happy.

But, back to my original point, I wonder how much this is true and how much is perpetuated by advertising. I think it would be good if advertisers started including people of different shapes and sizes to help us accept who we are. We are, after all, a fat society, and possibly helping people accept their size may actually help them be halthier if they feel better about themselves.

As a woman I think this probably goes double for the men you are interacting with, who on some level are all sizing you up as a potential sex partner whether they have any desire or any real chance of ever sleeping with you or not.

Oh yeah, this is very true. Men check me out now, which is really strange. :cool:

With women they tend to be friendly toward other attractive women, but it's a little complicated when a woman is perceived as "too" attractive, because at that point they can be seen as a threat or unwanted competition and then other women become hostile.

I see this reflected in my own life. Women who are attractive but what comes across to me as warm-looking are much more easier to approach than perfectly coiffed, perfect looking model-types. Some of it is jealousy, and some of it is truly that I've had very bad experiences with women of this type before. In general, I relate better to women who have warm smiles, offbeat beauty, and are not stick thin. This is reflected in my work as well. I don't know, I'm a sucker for faces and smiles in general anyway.