Big Guy New To Topping, Need Advice

[Cale2]

Hi all,

I've been out for 15 years but I'm still new and relatively inexperienced to topping, believe it or not. Pretty new to bottoming as well, but that is not what I need help with...

I feel like I am not getting as much pleasure out of the topping experience as most other guys. Maybe this means I'm "not a top" but I also feel like I have some factors weighing against me...

For one thing, I'm 8x6", so that can be difficult for a lot of guys to take. Also, as I'm getting older (I'm 35) it's harder to maintain a strong erection. Viagra helps a lot, but sometimes my nerves still get the better of me and my big dick gets a "kink" in it as I'm trying to penetrate if I am not 105% hard. Moments like those honestly make me wish my dick was smaller.

For another, I'm uncut and my foreskin is very tight. Not so tight that I can't pull the foreskin back, but it is difficult. Often as I'm penetrating, the skin goes back over the head of my penis, and then I can't feel stimulation on my head.

Finally, my cock tapers at the head. I don't have that nice, big head with a prominent ridge like so many other guys. So usually when I am penetrating, I can feel pressure on my shaft but I just feel empty space around my head.

Have any other guys encountered these kinds of issues? What techniques do you use to work around them when you're topping? Thanks for any advice you can offer. Also, if you honestly think I'm just not going to be a good top, let me know that too.

 

[engineer805]

I had the same problem, a bit more severe, with my foreskin. The "too tight" foreskin is medically called "phimosis". In my case, if I pulled the foreskin back, it was so tight that it cut off blood flow to the head and it turned purple and went numb. So, at age 20, I saw a doctor and was circumcised - in a hospital and with 12 stitches! During the healing process (while the stitches were still in) even starting to get an erection caused enough pain to kill it! But it eliminated the phimosis. Only later did I appreciate the precision of the surgery - doctor had neatly spared my frenulum, that sensitive bit of tissue on the bottom that links the foreskin to the shaft. Only later did I also discover that there's another option for dealing with phimosis - foreskin stretching. It takes a bit of time, and some tools that can be found with an internet search. It can stretch the foreskin permanently to fit the head normally. But my personal preference in any case is "cut" penises - I just like the look better.
At 7.5" L x 6.25" C, mine's not quite as big a yours but I have similar issues when I top. Many bottoms have never experienced anything beyond average size and experience a lot of pain, no matter how long they take or how much poppers they inhale to relax. I usually tell them they need to get a dildo, appropriately sized, and practice. But, for me, experiences like that (inflicting pain) causes me to think a bit too much as I'm trying to get it in - and thinking about it can kill my erection, so there's a downward spiral as "performance anxiety" sets in. I rarely used Viagra until I was about 65 and, even now at age 76, if I'm fucking a guy I see regularly, I'm good to go - I think largely because I know in advance that 1. he can take me in without any pain, and 2. once in, he enjoys my cock thoroughly - evidenced by his hard, dripping cock and, if I make the right moves, a hands-free orgasm. But, if it's a first time, especially with a 20 or 30-something younger guy (my preference), I take Viagra or Cialis to counteract the fear of causing pain. Even then, it helps me if my bottom verbalizes how much he's liking it. Lately, my doctor has prescribed tri-mix and I've been experimenting to find the optimum dose. It's amazing stuff and can virtually guarantee being hard as steel for several hours. It lets me entertain fantasies about having a fuck party marathon with several younger bottoms - with hands, mouths, cocks, and asses busy in every conceivable combination - and my cock as the "main attraction" of course.

 

[hippestguy]

Topping w a big dick, like taking a big dick, just takes practice. You have a very lovely cock. Don't sweat it. Find a regular and have fun.

 

[SmoothWarlock]

First off there’s no bottom that wouldn’t get off to that big meaty cock. In order to really enjoy topping it’s not just about the motions. It’s a lot of mental stimulating knowing another man is submitting to your dominance. Also something I don’t see a lot of tops doing is push the butt cheeks up alittle bit when you’re in doggy style. Especially with bubblebutt bottoms you can actually dig deeper with minimal effort pushing the butt cheeks up. Also try starting face down ass up when you’re first inserting. You have a really thick cock and that’s a lot to fit in such a small hole initially.

 

[interpid1]

Great looking cock!

 

[auncut10in]

Something that I have learned that really helps is to lay on your back with your dick sticking straight up. Have the bottom lower his ass onto your dick. That way he is in complete control and can take your dick at his own pace. It helps him to relax and is actually faster than you slowly inserting your dick which can cause them to tense up and causing pain.

Once your dick is in, and the bottom gets used to it, flip him over and fuck the hell out of him.

 

[EquusAZ]

"For one thing, I'm 8x6", so that can be difficult for a lot of guys to take. Also, as I'm getting older (I'm 35) it's harder to maintain a strong erection. Viagra helps a lot, but sometimes my nerves still get the better of me and my big dick gets a "kink" in it as I'm trying to penetrate if I am not 105% hard. Moments like those honestly make me wish my dick was smaller"

First of all, I feel your pain. Just a tad thicker than you and a bit shorter. It isn't the length that's the challenge, its the girth. As far as the 'harder to maintain an erection,' while thats a part of getting older, it could just be a contributing factor to your issues. The issues with your foreskin, inexperience, doubt about being a top, etc, can all just build up.

Its important to remember that everyone is different, and how we function sexually is different. On your foreskin, I'd look into the stretching exercises mentioned by @engineer805. As a 'loose cut' guy, I do sometimes experience issues with my foreskin while topping, but I've gotten used to it since I've been topping for a long time. Also with experience and anxiety, once we begin to acknowledge that and de-stress most of the other issues (anxiety / performance) go away. I know for me that I've learned to 'read' my own mind / body during sex as there can be things that affect me. Again like @engineer805 I'm affected by whether or not I'm causing pain. Nothing makes me go soft quicker than thinking I'm causing someone pain - which is why I've learned how to NOT cause pain.

Just address these issues one at a time. First those that affect your comfort (foreskin), second those that affect your anxiety. Be systematic and factual with yourself and things will get better!

 

[steel33]

Like hippedtguy said, practice. Find a FB or Feb that you are comfortable with that has some experience, communicate with him and see what works and what doesn't and have fun. Have some patience and the fact that you have a smaller head in a thicker shaft should make it easier get your cock into him. Once you're in find different angles in different positions that work to run your head along the inside of him so you get the maximum amount of feeling on your head