Biguy, gf doesn't know, please read

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by stevenotsean, Jul 13, 2010.

  1. stevenotsean

    stevenotsean New Member

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    I'm in a serious relationship with a girl, and she doesn't know I'm bisexual. I've repressed the urges for years, and when I finally addmitted them to myself, didn't get a chance to do anything before I ended up in a relationship thats turned serious.
    I love her, and I don't want a relationship with a guy, and I can't tell her and I'd feel terrible cheating on her.
    Having said that, I want a pretty boy thrusting his dick in my mouth and making me choke on it
    Wtf should I do?
     
  2. SweetLovesVick

    SweetLovesVick New Member

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    Any chance she is interested in a threesome? I think if you have no interest in leaving her then you should be honest that you want some mmf action?
     
  3. HiddenLacey

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    Why don't you talk to her about it? Question her and see how she feels. For everyone that has an issue with you being bi there will be someone else who doesn't. I'm assuming you are not planning on cheating on her?
     
  4. stevenotsean

    stevenotsean New Member

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    No way she's interested, she's told me she's not 'cos an ex suggested it. Two of her ex's turned out to be gay so it'd just kill her if I turned around and told her I wanted a guy too.
    I'm not planning on cheating on her as I'd feel guilty and I don't want that on the relationship, but I honestly can't see any other way off dealing with my feelings. I know she would not be comfortable with it at all
     
  5. HiddenLacey

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    Well then if you know she wouldn't be ok with it you are going to have to decide between her or a guy, unless your going to cheat, which you said you didn't want to do. I'm not sure what else to tell you. Maybe one of the guys can help you, sorry! Goodluck!
     
  6. stevenotsean

    stevenotsean New Member

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    Yeah it's a real conundrum. Thanks!
     
  7. thetramp

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    I'd talk to her, you might lose her, in fact judging by the picture your painting you liekly will, but for how long can you be dishonest to her and yourself and keep your desires under control? Imagine her finding out you cheated on her with a guy.
    It might be hurtful now but yet you got a chance to work it out even if it is a very slight one.
     
  8. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I don't think this is any more of a conundrum than if you were lusting after another woman. Just because a man has different body parts doesn't mean you have to have one of them in addition to a woman. Your options are:

    a) Forget about it and stick to your fantasies.
    b) Cheat on her.
    c) See if she wants to include another.
    d) Break up with her.
     
  9. X5158

    X5158 Active Member

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    I'm not going to lie I have to agree with the last post. Your options are limited. I'm kinda in the same boat just a bit more serious. This is your post so I won't go into it unless you contact me directly. However, I will say that you need to be true to yourself. If you really want this relationship to work, and she is nowhere close to being remotely interested in exploring the different avenues of your sexual desires then you should take a real hard look at how healthy this relationship will be in the future. This could build resentment and possibly regret in your mind later on. Sorry to put it this way but you really need to understand what is more important to you. I really hope it works out for you!
     
  10. D_Harvey Schmeckel

    D_Harvey Schmeckel New Member

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    One thing that might be worth considering is limiting your male encounters to cybersex. But instead of satisfying your hunger for men, that might just increase it. As the previous contributor remarked, this is your whole future at stake, and hers too. Even if your future mate is destined to be female, wouldn't it be far better if it were one who has at least a little sympathetic understanding of your bisexuality? Women who throw away guys for being bi are welcome to the 100% straight assholes who will cheat on them with women.
     
  11. DV8

    DV8
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  12. stevenotsean

    stevenotsean New Member

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    Thanks guys :)
     
  13. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

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    Another thing: to your own self be true!

    In order to be happy with anyone - M/F - U have 2 B happy & at peace with who U R!
     
  14. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    This is a little simplistic and one dimensional. Having sex with a man and having sex with a woman are different things. It's not just body parts. What about personality, emotion, etc.

     
    #14 B_RedDude, Jul 13, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2010
  15. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    The question might be why does she (unknowingly) keep picking guys who are not (totally) straight. I don't know what the social situation is where you live, but this seems like a bit of a pattern for her.

     
  16. D_Relentless Original

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    Stevenotsean, its your life, your decision but honesty works, may hurt in the short term, but as everyone knows times a healer mate.

    Keep in touch, let us know how you go on, even just to talk mate.

     
  17. ColoradoGuy

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    I wanted to ask that question, too.

    At the end of the day, regardless of what her answer might be, you're not doing her any favors by intentionally suppressing your desires just because it might be too painful for her to find out that she managed to hook up with another guy who seemed straight, but wasn't entirely.

    Nobody can tell you what to do; you're going to have to figure that out for yourself. Maybe it's time for you to do a mental reset? Suggest to your girlfriend that before you two get any more serious, you need to take a time out and sort through some issues. You don't even have to tell her what the issues are, she just needs to know that you're not out screwing around behind her back. You can find non-judgmental therapists who can help you explore your feelings and think about your options by going online and using Google to see who is in your area.

    A couple of thoughts:

    1. No serious mental health professionals think we're capable of changing our preferences so don't look for therapists who can help you change or cure you. Instead, focus on therapists who state they have experience helping clients work through understanding their sexual preferences and its implications.
    2. Your happiness and mental health should, and must be, your primary focus. If you are happy, you will have happy relationships. You may feel pressured by guilt, by shame, or by familial influences to do something that you know is not going to make you happy. Resist those!
    After you feel comfortable with your discussions with your therapist and the results and decisions you've come to, you can sit down with your girlfriend and explain how you feel. Honesty is the absolute best policy here. You may ask her to stay with you and she might agree to that -- however, begin with the end in mind: you're making decisions about your life, not about a particular relationship.

    Good luck, stevenotsean.
     
  18. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    This may seem harsh but it's not meant to be: I think that honesty is more important than love in a situation like this. If your g/f loves you as you love her, why not approach the subject with her? If you both trust each other then it can only make the relationship stronger. I know guys who have never revealed their bi feelings to their wives or g/fs and who have gotten really depressed by the whole thing. At some point the truth may come out, and to me it seems that it would be better now at the beginning of your relationship than somewhere down the road. All the best. :smile:
     
  19. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Every individual differs in personality, emotion etc whatever gender they are. Just because a person is bi, it doesn't give them the right to have two partners at once. If a person has an open relationship, all is good. The OP doesn't seem to have open relationship, therefore all is not good. Cheating is cheating, no matter what gender you do it with.
     
  20. guynmn

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    I agree, cheating is cheating and know few...if any...women who would be happy their boyfriend/husband "protected" them from his being bi by sneaking around. Also, I know a number of ladies who keep dipping their toes in the gay/bi pool thinking they finally got a str8 one. They have always found out either catching a cheat or finding porn, internet history, what have you. All felt lied to, used, and like their relationship was a total lie. The truth might hurt,, but stumbling across a lie by omission 10 years down the road is a killer. Who wants to think you have been duped by the person you love most and trust with your deepest feelings?
     
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