Biphobic gay men and lesbians.

[B_HeartsAfire]

Any other gay or bisexual men here get annoyed at how some gay men can be biphobic and do not believe that bisexual men and women exist or that it's just a phase or other things they say? Or how a lot of Lesbians do not like bisexual women? Some of my best male lovers who I stayed with for decades in monogamous relationships have been bisexual men, and I do not care if a male lover of mine is bisexual and in many ways I prefer bisexual men to gay flaming queens.

 

[B_ballablang]

im with ya brotha

 

[D_Rod Staffinbone]

yup.

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

Everyone knows some gays hide behind bisexuality. That doesn't mean true bisexuals don't exist.

 

[D_Adoniah Sheervolume]

I dated a bi guy for a year--he was wonderful. It was amazing, though, how many of his "friends" and our mutual acquaintances would come to me in private, asking how I could date a bi guy when he could possibly leave me for a woman.

My reply was: "What difference does it makes if he leaves me for a woman or another man? He'd have left!"

We parted amicably after the year together, and remain friends 8 years later.

In my opinion, sexuality is more like a dimmer than a light switch. Some of us are full-bright, some full-dim, but (if we were honest with ourselves, and society--straight AND gay--would permit) most of us are somewhere in between.

 

[B_HeartsAfire]

Here is an article that explains what I am talking about. It is too long to paste in but it is a good read. The last bastion of prejudice | Gary Nunn | Comment is free | guardian.co.uk

 

[invisibleman]

Any other gay or bisexual men here get annoyed at how some gay men can be biphobic and do not believe that bisexual men and women exist or that it's just a phase or other things they say? Or how a lot of Lesbians do not like bisexual women? Some of my best male lovers who I stayed with for decades in monogamous relationships have been bisexual men, and I do not care if a male lover of mine is bisexual and in many ways I prefer bisexual men to gay flaming queens.

Well, for the record, this gay dude doesn't hate anyone for whatever their sexual orientation may be. The distinction from where my hatred lies...lies in the rigidity of social gender roles pressured upon men in society. Can you imagine how much stress men could be lessened if people didn't give each other flack over this masculine ideal?

I can respect your likes and preferences for "bisexual men" over the flamers. If you don't like them, leave them alone--they don't need your abuse. Because the men are effeminate, they aren't acting that way to piss you off. They are just being themselves. Just like you are being yourself.

I have met some pretty interesting flamers with amazing personalities and experiences though. I have dated a few flamers. One thing for certain when I was going through a rough time in life, the people that were there talking to me or helping me out were the flamers...and straight women. And one straight guy. Amazing factoid.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I dated a bi guy for a year--he was wonderful. It was amazing, though, how many of his "friends" and our mutual acquaintances would come to me in private, asking how I could date a bi guy when he could possibly leave me for a woman.

My reply was: "What difference does it makes if he leaves me for a woman or another man? He'd have left!"

We parted amicably after the year together, and remain friends 8 years later.

In my opinion, sexuality is more like a dimmer than a light switch. Some of us are full-bright, some full-dim, but (if we were honest with ourselves, and society--straight AND gay--would permit) most of us are somewhere in between.

I feel we're fortunate to love and be loved by anyone we're attracted to. I don't think it has "to last" forever because no relationship really does anyway. I say, "Love the one you're with". :biggrin1:

 

[AsA3DollarBill]

In my opinion, sexuality is more like a dimmer than a light switch. Some of us are full-bright, some full-dim, but (if we were honest with ourselves, and society--straight AND gay--would permit) most of us are somewhere in between.

I think that biphobia and the attitude that "most of us are somewhere in between" are two sides of the same coin. And frankly, I really get sick of being told by my bi friends how most everybody is bi if they'd just be more accepting. How is that any different then believing that all bisexuals are just gay people who haven't fully come out yet? And if I told the bisexuals I know that most of them are truly gay and just haven't accepted it yet, they would be just as offended as I am when I'm told that "everyone" is bi.

I'd say at least 50% of straight people are exactly that, 100% straight. And at least 50% of gay/lesbian people are 100% gay/lesbian. Yes, some mostly-gay folks suppress their straight feelings and certainly many "straight" people are secretly bisexual. But I think that's no more than 25-30% of people out there, and certainly not "most" people.

 

[B_ballablang]

cant we all just get along, i mean cmon, you are what you are and just do what you want, man life too damn short to fuck with the fuss

 

[hud01]

I dated a bi guy for a year--he was wonderful. It was amazing, though, how many of his "friends" and our mutual acquaintances would come to me in private, asking how I could date a bi guy when he could possibly leave me for a woman.

My reply was: "What difference does it makes if he leaves me for a woman or another man? He'd have left!"

We parted amicably after the year together, and remain friends 8 years later.

In my opinion, sexuality is more like a dimmer than a light switch. Some of us are full-bright, some full-dim, but (if we were honest with ourselves, and society--straight AND gay--would permit) most of us are somewhere in between.

Nice post

 

[B_ballablang]

yeah good post dude

 

[B_HeartsAfire]

I think that biphobia and the attitude that "most of us are somewhere in between" are two sides of the same coin. And frankly, I really get sick of being told by my bi friends how most everybody is bi if they'd just be more accepting. How is that any different then believing that all bisexuals are just gay people who haven't fully come out yet? And if I told the bisexuals I know that most of them are truly gay and just haven't accepted it yet, they would be just as offended as I am when I'm told that "everyone" is bi.

I'd say at least 50% of straight people are exactly that, 100% straight. And at least 50% of gay/lesbian people are 100% gay/lesbian. Yes, some mostly-gay folks suppress their straight feelings and certainly many "straight" people are secretly bisexual. But I think that's no more than 25-30% of people out there, and certainly not "most" people.

Excellent post! In this thread I have linked to one person thinks that it's simply impossible to be completely gay or straigh. Most people are not bisexual since most people are straight. http://www.lpsg.org/140835-if-you-are-100-straight-6.html

 

[heist]

To sum up this thread, I think the consensus is "Stop judging others." (On both sides.)

 

[D_Alfredo Hites]

Any other gay or bisexual men here get annoyed at how some gay men can be biphobic and do not believe that bisexual men and women exist or that it's just a phase or other things they say? Or how a lot of Lesbians do not like bisexual women? Some of my best male lovers who I stayed with for decades in monogamous relationships have been bisexual men, and I do not care if a male lover of mine is bisexual and in many ways I prefer bisexual men to gay flaming queens.

Amen...I consider myself bisexual and was shocked at some of my experiences with other gay men. it seems they always want to tell me what my sexuality is...as if i didn't fucking know for myself. it almost seems like they want to believe that every guy who messes with a guy is gay no matter what and just pretend to be into women.

maybe it's a jealousy thing...who knows?

 

[closetbi]

I think bisexuality is the most common sexual orientation. As much as straight people deny that they want anything to do with the same sex...they do have gay thoughts and are probably closer to being bisexual than they'd imagine. Visa versa for gay people.

 

[B_ballablang]

thats probably true my astute observer

 

[voyeuristic]

I think biphobia is unfortunate but understand where it comes from - heterosexual privilege. For gay folks, dating someone bisexual can be scary because they realize that their partner may not get the same perks (ranging from abstract ones like family acceptance to very concrete ones like dental benefits) in a same-sex relationship that they would in a heterosexual one. I like to hope that most people are strong-willed enough to stay with the person they love even if it's harder, but there a lot of people out there who crave social validation, and many gay folks have been burned by a bisexual who took the path of least resistance when the going got rough. I'm not saying that this justifies making a blanket assumption about all bisexuals, but it's something to consider when asking why the homos might have some misgivings about the AC/DC crowd.

 

[B_ballablang]

i agree girl well said

 

[B_HeartsAfire]

I think biphobia is unfortunate but understand where it comes from - heterosexual privilege. For gay folks, dating someone bisexual can be scary because they realize that their partner may not get the same perks (ranging from abstract ones like family acceptance to very concrete ones like dental benefits) in a same-sex relationship that they would in a heterosexual one. I like to hope that most people are strong-willed enough to stay with the person they love even if it's harder, but there a lot of people out there who crave social validation, and many gay folks have been burned by a bisexual who took the path of least resistance when the going got rough. I'm not saying that this justifies making a blanket assumption about all bisexuals, but it's something to consider when asking why the homos might have some misgivings about the AC/DC crowd.

Heterosexual privilege is a myth and just something that biphobic gay and Lesbian people claim that bisexuals somehow automatically get when they know nothing about bisexuality. Bisexual people I'm friends with have told me how even though they are partnered to someone of the opposite gender this does not make life easier for them or somehow make it easier to pass as straight. I'm gay and I get REALLY annoyed at how heterophobic a lot of gays and lesbians are and how they use heterosexuality or bisexuality as an excuse for their hatred or mistrust of anything that is different from being gay or lesbian. Straight people do not have it any easier than anyone else does, it just seems like they do. I'm a lot older than most posters here and nowadays being gay or lesbian is a lot more mainstream and it's way more consumer based, consumer driven, and political based than it was when I was first coming out. In reality despite what many biphobic and heterophobic gays and Lesbians want you to think there is really not much difference at all between gay people and straight people and the whole gay vs. straight argument is pointless today, and only pushes people who are not heterosexual away from acceptance by the majority of people who are heterosexual.