Birth Control and Lower Sex Drive - Help Us!!

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by 8+Club, Jun 11, 2008.

  1. 8+Club

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    This will probably be a long winded question so I apologize in advance.


    I am hoping some of the ladies here in the lpsg community can share their experiences with birth control side effects and give me some insight into this issue. My wife and I have been dealing with sex drive issues for years and things have improved, but I know we still have a long way to go.

    Here’s the background. We’ve been married for 5 years now and we dated 4 years before that (high school sweethearts… adorable I know.) For the first 18 months or so, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. No sex - we were young and into taking that slow - but everything else was going on all the time and everywhere. This is when we both learned that she can squirt when she cums :biggrin1: - she has a very intense sexual response. Anyway, it was a year and a half of near constant fooling around together - Amazing!

    Clearly, we couldn’t put off sex forever, so she went on the pill and that seems to be when the issue began. We didn’t have sex immediately when she went on it, but I noticed that the other good stuff started to slow down. When we started having sex, we fell into a routine of between 0 and 3 times per month. Oddly enough, when I can get her really interested, the sex is mind blowing. We’ll collapse afterward all shaky and glassy eyed and agree that it was fucking amazing - then we won’t do it again for weeks. Sometimes if I’m lucky she might agree to a BJ or just go through the motions of sex, but if she’s not enjoying herself it’s not really that fun for me. What really gets me off is getting her off.

    We communicate very well about our problems and this has been no different. We talk it over and things will improve to a max of 3 times per month for a few months. But things always seem to slide back to the old pattern where we do it once a month or so and it’s common for us to go 6 - 8 weeks without sex. She will usually point to the birth control pill as the source of her low sex drive. I have heard they can have this side effect and her sex drive did seem to drop off soon after she went on it. We just don’t know of any way to counter the effect.

    I have really tried to do my part for what its worth. I work full time, I do most of the cooking, I pitch in around the house and all the yard work and handyman stuff is my responsibility. We spend lots of time together, talk often and I try to do special things regularly just so she knows she’s loved. I try to keep myself in shape and my hygiene above par. I also try to be careful when we have sex not to go too deep too soon since it can be painful for her if she’s not warmed up - I won’t go balls deep until she asks for it.

    If any women are still reading after all that, Thank You! If you have experienced some similar side effects with birth control pills please give me some advice on how to get past the problem. I’m also open to suggestions for anything else I can do myself to improve the situation as well as anything I can bring up for my wife to try next time we have the inevitable sex talk. I am just about out of ideas so any suggestions are very welcome.
     
  2. MisterClean

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    i am in the same situation with my wife. i would love to hear some feed back on this. almost to the point of telling her to get off the bc and start using something else... 8, your not alone.
     
  3. nismosimo

    nismosimo Member

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    I had the same problems w/my ex-wife. She was on the depo shot and said that was the problem. When we dated it was about once a week for us but shortly before marriage things started to slow down. Even after she finally got off the depo she really never got her drive back. I guess some of that was b/c she wasn't into me as much since we started having problems. Anyway, someone told us that the Norplant injections can actually increase the sex drive. You might want to look into that if birth control is still required w/you 2. My ex got off the the b.c. so that we could have a child.
     
  4. B_Bette

    B_Bette New Member

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    I avoided the Pill for most of my life because of side effects. I'm now on POPs, which is different from The Pill in that POPs is progesterone ONLY. NO ESTROGEN. I have no negative sexual side effects.

    If POPs is an option for your wife, try it. Most doctors, clinicians and obgyn's will refuse to prescribe The Pill for women over 35, hence POPs.
     
  5. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    the thing about birth control is that all women have different reactions. it also depends on what birth control method your wife chooses and the level of hormones it contains. if she is taking something that's making her lose her sex drive, she may want to consult her doctor and use another brand.
     
  6. Phil Ayesho

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    If she genuinely has a low libido... you can see if a doctor will prescribe testosterone cream.
    She rubs it on her skin and the testosterone is absorbed.
    It doesn't take much, but women on T report an enormous increase in sexual interest and activity.
    They also report that they become more assertive in their careers and social lives.

    Side effects can include a drop in vocal pitch ( thickening of vocal chords) minor Hair growth in areas not wanted ( facial hair- around areolas, etc) and enlargement of the clitoris.



    However... what it sounds like to me is that you are settling into married life...

    I assume you have jobs?
    Bills to pay? housework to handle? Cooking?

    It is not at all unusual for folks married 5 years to have sex less often than when they were first together...

    Adult life in the real world is taxing.


    and, frankly, I would rather have celestial sex with my mate 2 or 3 times a month than have mediocre and boring sex 3 times a week.

    I donlt want my woman to associate our lovemaking with anything dull, ordinary or lackluster.



    Opt for quality over quantity... and get more sleep.
     
  7. 8+Club

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    Thanks for your input everybody. We talked it over this week and she's going in to the doc soon anyway so she's planning on asking about progesterone only options as well as IUD's. So were going to take another crack at it. And you're totally right Phil, Its way better to enjoy stellar sex sometimes than mundane sex all the time. I'll try to be more positive.

    Anyway, thanks for the support everybody.
     
  8. D_Ed69s girl

    D_Ed69s girl <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    In my expereince there is NO BIRTH CONTROL that doesn't kill your sex drive, they all make you a train wreck that is fatter than a cow. Yes when my husband and I first got married we thought me getting on birth control would be the answer. It turn me into a raging bitch for two months and we said forget it. After the birth of our daughter I got a PROGESTRON only birth control and went totally numb for two and half years. We finally decided it had to be the birth control. The damage had been done, yes my sex drive come back to a dull roar and about eight later flat lined again. I am currently in a drug study to help woman who have flat out lost there sex drive and yeah it is working but when the study is over well I go flat line again.

    But I am not going out without a fight I have found a natural suppliment that I hope well work. It is getting great reviews in the homeopathic world. Herbs that increase Sex Drive : by Ray Sahelian, M.D., supplements for low sex drive, increase sex drive this site has a couple of suppliments that might help. Yes I do believe in homeopathic medician because I am allergic to several over the conter and prescription drugs.

    Good luck on finding a birth control that will help but just realize that it may take a while if at all to reverse the side effect of the birth control.
     
  9. diamond

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    I am on a Progesterone only type of pill ( low dosage) and my sex drive is full and kicking.

    I always seemed to have issues with estrogen based birth control pills. Although I am over 35 ( but a non smoker) I am being watched carefully by my gyno.:rolleyes: So far so good, no apparent mood swings, and my skin has cleared up significantly..for me overall great results, but then again, every woman is different.:confused::confused::confused:
     
  10. ZOS23xy

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    My wife used an IUD for her birth control, and had no lessening of the sex drive.

    It isn't for every lady though, might cause spasms and extra bleeding.
     
  11. Rommette

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    As far as birth control i've never had the pill (i would forget to take them for sure) and i don't want nobody sticking a fishhook (IUD) into me or any kinda of ring (nuvaring) but i have had the shot (depo) and the only side affect i' had was weight gain. I gained 50 lbs in 1.5 years (i'd been on it since i was 17) so i got off it in december. Everyone else i know has had weight gain too but nothing like what your wife is experiencing. I'm gonna try to arm implants next week. they last 3 years and can be removed earlier if you're looking for children. Maybe your wife should try the implants. May change her "lazyness". You seem like a good husband to take over where your wife is lacking though.:smile:As far as the sex drive for me, i've always been big cock hungry so nothing ever slowed my sex drive. In fact me and my ex would get laid every chance we got. I was in a dorm so whenever my roomate left we were boning. We even had her class schedule memorized.
     
    #11 Rommette, Jun 13, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2008
  12. episcalo

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    Try different pills. There are at least a dozen you get easily get. My GF lost all her sexual appetite when going on a pill (don't remember the brand sorry) now she's on Alesse and it seems much better.

    Also, i don't know if it's the case, but antidepressant kinda kill the sex drive too.

    Finally, as Phil said, mind blowing sex every 4 weeks is, imo, much better than "casual" sex. Good luck though :)
     
  13. WifeOfBath

    WifeOfBath New Member

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    I have to echo Phil and the others who are saying that a slowing down of the sex drive is just part of life-- and more for women than men at times because of all the hormonal changes a woman goes through in her life (periods, pregnancy, childbirth, etc.). I've been married for 7 years and we have sex anywhere from 2-3 times a week to spells where we don't have sex for maybe 3 weeks. It slowed down after the first thrill of meeting and it's slowed down because we had a child and have less time together as well as more stress. Thing is, it's almost always really good, and since we just accept it as the way it is, we're both pretty happy. We both have active fantasy lives and msaturbate as often as we need to.

    As far as birth control goes, it can't hurt to try an IUD or other non-hormonal methods to see what happens. There are so many side effects that are so different from pill to pill that you could also just try a couple others, as people have said.

    After that, try not to worry about it too much. If your relationship is good, you get along well, and sex is good when you have it, just masturbate more. LPSG is great for finding good internet porn of all kinds.
     
  14. B_hey listen up

    B_hey listen up New Member

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    I'm in pretty much the same situation. We have been together for over 8 years, married for almost 4. The sex is nothing like what it used to be, its far too infrequent for me. But when we do have it, its excellent. She has been on/off several pills to no avail. Let us know how it works out at the doctor.
     
  15. psosandra

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    Same thing happened to me a few years back, talked to my doc, he switched me to a low dose pill, and the sex drive came back. There are so many different options out there now, she just needs to tell the doc what is going on.
     
  16. dsimmons01

    dsimmons01 Member

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    You almost told my exact story... when we were dating and engaged... my wife couldnt keep her hands off me.. or my dick for that matter. She would brag to her girlfriends about how big I was.. (im not that big really, not compared to people here... but she thinks I am ;) We never had sex, but she loved giving me blow jobs and just playing with my dick in general.
    But about 6 months ago.. she started taking birth control and she begin to lose interest. Now we have sex, but she does it all for me.. and I cant seem to find any way to give her pleasure. Its quite frustrating.
     
  17. dsimmons01

    dsimmons01 Member

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    This is still the case for me... except since it has never gotten better... we almost never have sex. She has finally decided to stop taking the pills and we are going to use non-hormonal birth control. Ill keep you posted.
     
  18. Amber1

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    I don't take the pill...I have the coil...

    I can't have any type of synthetic hormone in my body because I suffer with migraine...

    But when I used to take the pill it killed my sex drive aswell....Just truly awful and worst still I couldn't stop eating...the pill injection was even worse.

    I am sooo grateful I don't have to have ANY of that now...it's truly shit!!!
     
  19. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    Being on the pill hasnt affected my sex drive at all. The timing of the waning sex drive could have a lot more to do with the phase in your relationship than the pill. If she has any issues with depression it could be interfering as well.

    Ive been on the pill for the better part of the last 15 years and estrogen added. This is not to say that our relationship hasnt had cycles and seasons where sex has been less often even though it was awesome everytime we finally did do it. I just dont attribute it to the pill.
     
  20. cbrmale

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    My wife was on the pill for a dozen or so years and there was no obvious change in her sex drive while taking it, and no change when she stopped taking it either. There have been a couple of recent studies that had documented waning female sex drive around the 3 to 5 year mark of a relationship that conflicts with a steady male sex drive. Anecdotally, I have a number of male friends who have confided similar scenarios to those posted here.

    My theory on this one is complete love and something more, and if the love and the something more is really, really strong, then sex remains constant and regular. Not everyone has complete love and the extra ingredient, but enough of us do and enough of us have good and healthy and satisfying sex lives as the proof.
     
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