Bisexual And Pansexual Discrimination?

[Peacemusic]

To all of the Bi-Sexual and Pansexual or sexually fluid members of the Rainbow communitty have you been discriminated against outside and within the rainbow community. I've heard countless stories of bi-phobia and pan-phobia from gay or lesbian people and its really hard. People just want you to "pick a side" I don't think it's that hard to believe that someone can be attracted to more than one gender identity. I think it's silly. Plus there is already so much inner discrimination within the Rainbow Community from racism, to misogyny, Transphobia, the stupid people who dont understand that ALL the letters have significance, to the terrible "masc for masc not fats no femmes"
But For the Bisexual and Pansexual members here of all races and identities what has your experience been like in life?

 

[DiomedesXVI]

Sadly yes, some of it personally to me and some of it generically to all bisexuals.

I’ve personally been told by a bi woman no less (an ex of mine) that she could never be with a bi guy because “they’ll just cheat”. So I never came out to my gf, I broke it off after a few months anyway since I was moving overseas but even if I didn’t, that biphobia would have caused me to end it anyway.

I can sometimes be quite effeminate, since I tend to chameleon the energy of the other people I’m around. So if I’m around a feminine person, I tend to lean more that way too. If I’m around a masculine person, same tendency of leaning masculine. I view myself as naturally pretty neutral though with a little more lean toward the masculine. Still, once I came out to a feminine gay male friend and when I told him I am bi, all I got was “surrrrre”, as if my mirror of his effeminate energy meant I just can’t be bi, but must be gay in denial.

Then of course I’ve seen general stuff like, “I don’t mess with bi guys” on scruff, jackd, and Grindr profiles. Seen social media posts telling bi people who are in opposite sex relationships that they aren’t welcome in lgbt spaces or at lgbt events, because they “chose” to be with a non same-sex partner. Like, are we forgetting the B in lgbt? What do these people think it stands for, “bitches”, “bananas”, “bacon”, “Bill Clinton”, “Bigfoot”?

 

[Barbarian73]

So many people that I've met who claim to be part of that "community" are the garbage of humanity. Most are great and wonderful. I've heard over and over again from gay men that being bisexual and/or pansexual is disgusting. They've bought so hard into the politics, perceived social status within ther cliques and hatred of anyone that thinks or feels differently than their alphabet herd they have actually lost sight of the struggle they once went through and many are still suffering through. It's very sad that I've had to defend myself because I'm sexually attracted to literally the rainbow, but have only and will only be in a relationship with women.

 

[pengucat]

I've legitimately gotten more shit from gay guys than any other group. I've had a bad conversation with a straight woman or two, but nothing like the kind of ignorance I've heard from gay guys.

I personally think it stems from low self worth and a fear that they'll be dropped at the first sign of an available woman. The rare combo of unattractive self deprecation and an inability to trust what someone is telling you about themself.

 

[halcyondays]

This is the major reason I don't advertise as bi... and almost never use dating apps. Most people cannot or will not think outside the this-or-that box. Their worlds are black and white. Fears and prejudices follow.

I come off as a straight masculine male. That's my look. But I have an empathic personality type which doesn't register as masculine or macho. I attract who I attract.

When it comes to the intimacy of sex I cannot change or eliminate the prejudices of others nor do I attempt to. I can only work on my own.

I see LGBTQ+ as a political movement and a voting block not a group where individuals abandon their preferences or opinions when it comes to something as personal as choosing a mate or partner.

 

[malakos]

so you became homophobic just because a guy tried to put a finger in your ass? lmao, that's pathetic

There were absolutely no indications of homophobia in the post you were responding to. Well, at least not on the poster's part. Maybe on the part of the guy who was mistreating him. Come to think of it, it's not cool of you to turn it around on him like that.

 

[DiamondJoe]

Like, are we forgetting the B in lgbt? What do these people think it stands for, “bitches”, “bananas”, “bacon”, “Bill Clinton”, “Bigfoot”?

Definitely "bacon". That sounds about right.

 

[DiamondJoe]

"I don't want to be some straight person's experiment" is a line I have heard a lot in media portrayals of Bi-phobia from Gay People the TV Show "Grown-Ish" touches on this entire subject in the first couple of episodes.

Really?

When I was growing up I knew I was attracted to males and females, which didn't make much sense to me. I knew what straight people were, and I didn't feel like I fit there, and I knew what gay people were but that didn't seem right either. It was a topic of endless introspection for me but one afternoon in the newsagents my eyes alighted on a glossy interiors magazine where on the cover was a (suitably plush) bedroom and sitting up in the bed, looking back at the camera was a young man (suitably handsome). Sleeping on either side of him were another man and a young woman (both suitably pretty).

I remember staring at that magazine for what seemed like and age before thinking, That's what describes you.



Real lightbulb moment.

Took a while before I discovered the word bisexual but in my head it made total sense to me from then on.

 

[BIGBULL29]

Some many dudes are bi, but won't admit it because they are really "bi", which is not possible in the gay/straight dichotomy of Western society. If you're a bi man , you're just a gay man in denial, which is completely false for many bi-identifying men. I personally know a bi man who loves pussy as much as Hugh Heffner; the only difference is that the former is also aroused by a well-hung stud. But that bi man I am talking about is not interested in same-sex romance (but realize that could change over time as well, as our sexualities can evolve over time). So many real bi men stay closeted because their attraction to women is strong enough to play the straight part.

 

[Fallchild337]

Yep, years ago I was hooking up with a gay friend of mine for a while and he never accepted the fact that I wasn't fully gay. He kept forcing fingers in my ass before I was ready and kept saying I was gay and I just hadn't accepted it yet. My stance on ass play has since changed, but I still consider myself bi at best. It seems I'm not alone in my psuedobisexual orientation either, since it seems many other guys have no interest in men outside of the sexual experience. Instead of the acceptance I expected, I was called a tease or a "closet fag" as he put it. It definitely had an effect on how I interacted with the gay community moving forward.

 

[7815281]

Wow. Glad I found this thread.

Like most people who have posted, I've experienced way more discrimination/judgment/condemnation about being bisexual from gay and lesbians than straight people. It's not even a close race. It's sad to see how many people screeching about being tolerant and accepting to others are so intolerant and unaccepting of people like me.

Thankfully I don't particularly care what people think of me, so it's easy to just write people like them off.

 

[DiamondJoe]

Yes.

For inclusive, tolerant types, I've had waaayyy more shit from gays than I ever had from straights. Isshewss.

 

[DiomedesXVI]

Definitely "bacon". That sounds about right.

Well I can’t argue that bacon is definitely a contender.

 

[DiamondJoe]

Our survey said...

3 out of 3 bisexuals said that gays didn't prefer them.

Bad gays.

 

[nailz]

Reading my post again, It seems I worded it in a way that could be misunderstood.

Let me try to rephrase it:

If you're bi or bi-curious I think you should be open about it with your partner as soon as possible.
Sneaking around behind your partner's back to act on any sexual urges is wrong no matter what orientation you are.

I've just noticed a disturbing trend here on LPSG of a lot of bi-curious people acting on, or planning to act on those urges behind their partner's back and it worries me.

 

[9038421]

Some of the nastiest people I’ve met are gay men. They are so judgmental, yet hate being judged. It’s toxic and there is no need. My mate is bisexual and at clubs guys have said “oh just greedy or stop lying and admit you’re gay!” I don’t have an issue with whatever sexuality someone is, there bodies, cock size or anything in between. We are all unique and everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity and not be judged. Being gay I was badly bullied at school and my dad was homophobic, so family didn’t know until my late twenties.

 

[7053701]

Our survey said...

3 out of 3 bisexuals said that gays didn't prefer them.

Bad gays.

I like bi/straight men. Then again, I am surrounded by them.
Oddly enough, I divorced myself from being involved in the gay community.

Preferences. Everyone has them.

 

[DiamondJoe]

I like bi/straight men. Then again, I am surrounded by them.
Oddly enough, I divorced myself from being involved in the gay community.

Preferences. Everyone has them.

I am joking

I've had lots fantastic friendships and fucks with gay men. I've also had quite a bit of intolerance from gay men too.

Preferences can go fuck themselves.

 

[Peacemusic]

I like bi/straight men. Then again, I am surrounded by them.
Oddly enough, I divorced myself from being involved in the gay community.

Preferences. Everyone has them.

Preferences are shaped by societal factors, biases, desirability politics, as well as what society deems as "attractive" . The "preference" thing has been used to defend discriminatory behavior for years, especially on grindr and dating apps in general. They should be de-constructed. I'm not saying i haven't been affected by preferences but I'm trying to confront my internal bias and take off my society glasses.

 

[Jaden90]

I'm a gay guy but I have a number of bi and pan people in my circle of friends and family and I actually spoke to a few of them about this recently.

I think they all experience discrimination on some level from both straight and gay people.

Most of all they feel a sense of imposter syndrome sometimes, especially when they're in a hetero-facing relationship because 1) people don't understand how that could work in a monogamous couple situation and 2) because it isn't as visible and therefore not likely to experience the same abuse that I might experience holding my husband's hand in public.

Personally, whilst I think the labels are important for identity and summarising a set of characteristics, it does go someway to intensify the tribalism in the LGBTQA+ community which we really could do with much less off.