Bisexual And Pansexual Discrimination?

[michael_3165]

I'm bi and most biphobia comes from colleagues who ddont know I'm bi. They come out w some down right offensive shit when they think they are among straight ppl. I've also had girls say they thought I'm hot but wouldn't get w me because guys fucking is apparently yucky..

 

[Barbarian73]

So many people that I've met who claim to be part of that "community" are the garbage of humanity. Most are great and wonderful. I've heard over and over again from gay men that being bisexual and/or pansexual is disgusting. They've bought so hard into the politics, perceived social status within ther cliques and hatred of anyone that thinks or feels differently than their alphabet herd they have actually lost sight of the struggle they once went through and many are still suffering through. It's very sad that I've had to defend myself because I'm sexually attracted to literally the rainbow, but have only and will only be in a relationship with women.

 

[Sagittarius84]

A lot of biphobia seems to come from people wanting to exert control over that which would be their romantic/sexual competition because they've already subconsciously accepted the probability of their partner cheating. I think for bisexual men that means most women arent keen on possibly sexually competing with men, and that gay men are not looking to have to compete with straight women. I think this further extends to lesbian disdain for bisexual women.
What i find interesting is that straight men for the most part dont seem to find female romantic/sexual competition as threatening, that we almost see it as an auxiliary connection with little to no bearing upon our desires and strategies.

 

[Jaden90]

I'm a gay guy but I have a number of bi and pan people in my circle of friends and family and I actually spoke to a few of them about this recently.

I think they all experience discrimination on some level from both straight and gay people.

Most of all they feel a sense of imposter syndrome sometimes, especially when they're in a hetero-facing relationship because 1) people don't understand how that could work in a monogamous couple situation and 2) because it isn't as visible and therefore not likely to experience the same abuse that I might experience holding my husband's hand in public.

Personally, whilst I think the labels are important for identity and summarising a set of characteristics, it does go someway to intensify the tribalism in the LGBTQA+ community which we really could do with much less off.

 

[Haggard_Wisdom]

Maybe its a different scene in Australia or maybe I'm just hit on for one night stands but before the covid lockdown I've never seen any of this discrimination. I realise one night stands are a bit different to someone wanting real lasting commitment in a relationship so maybe its just us bi/pan people being good for a 'right there and then' fuck and that's it. Sexual hedonist that I am I can actually live with that

 

[the audacity]

Yep, years ago I was hooking up with a gay friend of mine for a while and he never accepted the fact that I wasn't fully gay. He kept forcing fingers in my ass before I was ready and kept saying I was gay and I just hadn't accepted it yet. My stance on ass play has since changed, but I still consider myself bi at best. It seems I'm not alone in my psuedobisexual orientation either, since it seems many other guys have no interest in men outside of the sexual experience. Instead of the acceptance I expected, I was called a tease or a "closet fag" as he put it. It definitely had an effect on how I interacted with the gay community moving forward.

so you became homophobic just because a guy tried to put a finger in your ass? lmao, that's pathetic

 

[the audacity]

So many people that I've met who claim to be part of that "community" are the garbage of humanity. Most are great and wonderful. I've heard over and over again from gay men that being bisexual and/or pansexual is disgusting. They've bought so hard into the politics, perceived social status within ther cliques and hatred of anyone that thinks or feels differently than their alphabet herd they have actually lost sight of the struggle they once went through and many are still suffering through. It's very sad that I've had to defend myself because I'm sexually attracted to literally the rainbow, but have only and will only be in a relationship with women.

so you can call us the alphabet herd, but we can't say that you're confused? how about you grow a pair and stop whining?

 

[someperson]

Our survey said...

3 out of 3 bisexuals said that gays didn't prefer them.

Bad gays.

never had an issue with a gay guy.. maybe your not pretty enough

 

[DiamondJoe]

never had an issue with a gay guy.. maybe your not pretty enough

Maybe you confuse my humorous little straw poll of the three previous bisexual posters who all said they had experienced biphobia with me actually giving a shit about what you think.

Have a nice day.

 

[malakos]

so you became homophobic just because a guy tried to put a finger in your ass? lmao, that's pathetic

There were absolutely no indications of homophobia in the post you were responding to. Well, at least not on the poster's part. Maybe on the part of the guy who was mistreating him. Come to think of it, it's not cool of you to turn it around on him like that.

 

[Fallchild337]

so you became homophobic just because a guy tried to put a finger in your ass? lmao, that's pathetic

Lmfao I'll never understand the mental gymnastics needed to think that I; a crossdressing, dick sucking, dildo fucking, bisexual; am a homophobe

 

[malakos]

Lmfao I'll never understand the mental gymnastics needed to think that I; a crossdressing, dick sucking, dildo fucking, bisexual; am a homophobe

If one at all buys into the notion of "internalized homophobia", then that combination of traits would not prevent one from being homophobic, necessarily. But homophobia has to have a stronger sense to it than just one's approach to Gay men overall being shifted by having some sketchy sexual encounters with some Gay men (which is all that was indicated by your post). Interpreting that as homophobia would be really problematic and effectively lead to victim blaming.

 

[malakos]

never had an issue with a gay guy.. maybe your not pretty enough

He's probably too cool and they get anxious.

 

[malakos]

so you can call us the alphabet herd, but we can't say that you're confused? how about you grow a pair and stop whining?

"Confused" is different from "disgusting". The latter is the putdown that Barbarian73 has observed being directed at bisexual men from certain homosexual men, and it's definitely a more harsh putdown. By substituting an entirely different, more value term, you're downplaying the harshness of the derision he has encountered.

As for the "alphabet herd" remark, you're conveniently ignoring his prefacing those remarks with "most are great and wonderful", and then proceeding to specify a sub-class with very specific traits as what he had in mind. Perhaps you are part of that class (I wouldn't be surprised), but from looking at the post more carefully, it doesn't appear that you are entitled to construe it as an insult to queer people in general.

 

[Fallchild337]

If one at all buys into the notion of "internalized homophobia", then that combination of traits would not prevent one from being homophobic, necessarily. But homophobia has to have a stronger sense to it than just one's approach to Gay men overall being shifted by having some sketchy sexual encounters with some Gay men (which is all that was indicated by your post). Interpreting that as homophobia would be really problematic and effectively lead to victim blaming.

That's very true and I should clarify that my response was more of a shocked reaction to his than a thought out rebuttal of his accusation, which I will assert, is completely false. I assume he was referring to my final statement where I said that my experiences have influenced my interactions, however, he seems to have mistaken the reasoning. It was the name calling and treatment of me by a gay man who I thought would be more understanding about how I felt that ended up making me cautious of future encounters, not the finger in my butt. Which, I also stated, was an activity I ended up enjoying in later years.

 

[Peacemusic]

There were absolutely no indications of homophobia in the post you were responding to. Well, at least not on the poster's part. Maybe on the part of the guy who was mistreating him. Come to think of it, it's not cool of you to turn it around on him like that.

EXACTLY This is the antithesis of why I started this forum that guy is a troll and honestly sticking your fingers in someone when they are not ready is sexual assault and very predatory I can completely understand how that experience left him feeling extremely uncomfortable because he was violated. But this troll is being bi-phobic and using the term "confused" in other posts

 

[Peacemusic]

Lmfao I'll never understand the mental gymnastics needed to think that I; a crossdressing, dick sucking, dildo fucking, bisexual; am a homophobe

That's very true and I should clarify that my response was more of a shocked reaction to his than a thought out rebuttal of his accusation, which I will assert, is completely false. I assume he was referring to my final statement where I said that my experiences have influenced my interactions, however, he seems to have mistaken the reasoning. It was the name calling and treatment of me by a gay man who I thought would be more understanding about how I felt that ended up making me cautious of future encounters, not the finger in my butt. Which, I also stated, was an activity I ended up enjoying in later years.

From my view it sounds like that guy really took advantage of you and completely gaslighted you that
is inexcusable, he violated you with
his fingers and you said
that you were not
I'm so sorry, because that is traumatic he invalidated your identity and he is a very toxic person
He should have been empathetic and more understanding like you said because you would think if someone was discriminated against for their sexuality they would understand the nuances and complexities of sexuality and support others identities

 

[nailz]

My gay male friends couldn't care less what anyone's sexual orientation is.
I've been given the cold shoulder by a handful of gay men but that was just because I was a woman and had nothing to do with my orientation.
I don't know any lesbian women well enough for them to have told me to "pick a side"

I get more discrimination from other bi women than anything.
Apparently because I'm in a committed relationship with a man, never been in a discrete relationship with another woman, and only "play" with women I'm not "true bi"
I have a friend that sometimes joins us for threesomes, and she'll come stay with me for a week or two at a time when my bf is away on business.. for epic snuggling and sex and muffin-baking madness.. but apparently that doesn't count either
To meet their definition I would have to break up with my boyfriend, be in a relationship with a woman, and only then could I call myself "true bi". I'm like a bi "tourist" to them

I have no idea what relationship/commitment status has to do with sexual orientation, to me they are two complete and very distinct things. It's 2020, I thought we were past stupid definitions like this.

I’ve personally been told by a bi woman no less (an ex of mine) that she could never be with a bi guy because “they’ll just cheat”.

I'm personally guilty of this mindset.. years of reading shady bi-curious posts on LPSG has a huge hand in why I feel that way
Most of the bi and bi-curious male posts in the forums talk about experimentation or encounters behind their partner's back. You can only see so many "getting sucked in public restrooms while the wife is away" type threads before you either consciously or subconsciously start to associate bi-curiosity in men with cheating. Don't even get me started on the reckless, irresponsible behaviour described in most of these threads that's potentially exposing your partner to STIs. Honestly whenever I read these threads I can only think of their unsuspecting partner at home and it makes me angry

If a man was totally open with me about their sexuality from the beginning, and everything else about him indicated that he was looking for and capable of being in a committed relationship, him being bi wouldn't be a problem at all.

 

[DiomedesXVI]

My gay male friends couldn't care less what anyone's sexual orientation is.
I've been given the cold shoulder by a handful of gay men but that was just because I was a woman and had nothing to do with my orientation.
I don't know any lesbian women well enough for them to have told me to "pick a side"

I get more discrimination from other bi women than anything.
Apparently because I'm in a committed relationship with a man, never been in a discrete relationship with another woman, and only "play" with women I'm not "true bi"
I have a friend that sometimes joins us for threesomes, and she'll come stay with me for a week or two at a time when my bf is away on business.. for epic snuggling and sex and muffin-baking madness.. but apparently that doesn't count either
To meet their definition I would have to break up with my boyfriend, be in a relationship with a woman, and only then could I call myself "true bi". I'm like a bi "tourist" to them

I have no idea what relationship/commitment status has to do with sexual orientation, to me they are two complete and very distinct things. It's 2020, I thought we were past stupid definitions like this.



I'm personally guilty of this mindset.. years of reading shady bi-curious posts on LPSG has a huge hand in why I feel that way
Most of the bi and bi-curious male posts in the forums talk about experimentation or encounters behind their partner's back. You can only see so many "getting sucked in public restrooms while the wife is away" type threads before you either consciously or subconsciously start to associate bi-curiosity in men with cheating. Don't even get me started on the reckless, irresponsible behaviour described in most of these threads that's potentially exposing your partner to STIs. Honestly whenever I read these threads I can only think of their unsuspecting partner at home and it makes me angry

If a man was totally open with me about their sexuality from the beginning, and everything else about him indicated that he was looking for and capable of being in a committed relationship, him being bi wouldn't be a problem at all.

I see where you’re coming from, but in defence of bi men haha, you have to remember these forums are definitely not representative of the typical bi man. These forums are specifically aimed toward sex, hookups, hypersexuality, and discussions thereof. So of course you’ll find more sexually promiscuous bi guys here.

I’m happily with my boyfriend and have zero interest in straying from that though. I’m one of those bi people who frown on cheating. In my book, if you can’t be open with a partner and have agreements on boundaries and the expectations of the relationship, then that’s not the partner for you.

 

[nailz]

I see where you’re coming from, but in defence of bi men haha, you have to remember these forums are definitely not representative of the typical bi man. These forums are specifically aimed toward sex, hookups, hypersexuality, and discussions thereof.

I really hope that's the case and this is simply nowhere near an accurate cross-section of the general community