Bisexual guys: Where are they (in real life)?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Meniscus, Jul 22, 2007.

  1. Meniscus

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    I've been thinking about bisexuality lately, ever since I joined this
    forum a few weeks ago, because so many guys here identify as a mix of
    gay and straight, usually leaning one way or the other. I suspect the
    guys here are not representative of the general population; probably
    this forum is more attractive to gay/bi guys than completely straight
    guys.

    I know some gay men who seem to live in a gay world. They know lots of
    other gay people. Me, I'm a gay man living in a straight world. It
    seems like only 1-2% of the men I meet are gay (an impression supported
    by some statistics). OK, I shouldn't assume that the other 98-99% of
    men are straight--some of them could be bisexual--but if they are, they
    don't give any indication of the fact. Most men I know are married to
    women, or at least have girlfriends. The few that are single seem to be
    looking for girlfriends.

    So bisexual men are like mythical creatures to me. I hear rumors of
    their existence, but I'm not sure I've ever really seen one myself.
    (Bisexual women, on the other hand...sometimes I'm not sure if there's
    such a thing as a truly straight woman.)

    OK, I have met a couple of guys who called themselves bisexual, although
    most of them were usually somewhat reluctant to identify themselves as
    such saying things like, "I don't like labels" or "I'm attracted to the
    person, not the gender." On the other hand, a few of them seemed to
    practically brag about being bisexual (or just "sexual"), but they
    always seemed to be all talk and no action. Most of them dated
    women exclusively, all the while claiming to be open to meeting a guy, but never actually doing it, even when handsome, willing guys were interested and available. The rest hung out at gay bars and pursued other men, having seemingly tepid, chaste relationships with women.

    I can only conclude that the truly bi guys, if they are out there, are
    ending up in hetero relationships. It's not surprising. They have far
    more opportunities to meet women than other guys. Obviously they don't
    "come out" the way gay men do. They have no need to. I'm also guessing that they don't spend much time at gay bars or other "gay" settings, because they are perfectly comfortable in regular bars. I have no idea if they bother to come out to their wives/girlfriends and/or their close friends. I suspect that some do and some don't.

    But after spending some time at this forum, I'm starting to wonder if
    there are bi guys all round me and I just don't know it. Even worse,
    what if there are bi guys who are interested in me but aren't acting on
    it because they aren't open about their sexuality? Some gay men have
    really good "gaydar" and will pick up on your interest, and some are
    willing to have discreet relationships with bi guys. Some are even
    willing to hook up with you even if your primary relationship is with a
    women. But my gaydar has never been that finely tuned, and I'm not
    going to bother to pursue you if I think you're straight. (Though I
    might have wistful daydreams every time I see you.) I'm openly gay, at
    work as well as among friends and family, so as far as I'm concerned if
    there are any bi guys around, it's up to them to let me know if they're
    interested.

    In another thread, kiwi_in_uk asked if bisexuals should come out to
    their parents. I don't know. But I do I wonder if bisexual guys, by
    not coming out, are depriving themselves of the opportunity to meet
    other gay/bi guys. You're certainly depriving me of the chance to meet
    you. And I would love to meet you.

    Here's kiwi's thread.
    http://www.lpsg.org/relationships-discrimination-and-jealousy/56385-
    coming-out-for-bi-guys.html
     
  2. D_Harry_Crax

    D_Harry_Crax Account Disabled

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    According to the article, "The Science of Gaydar," New York magazine (not The New Yorker magazine), June 25, 2007, and previous articles I've read, much research suggests that men are not physically bisexual--we respond sexually to either men or women but not both--which suggests that bisexual men are responding to one gender for lots of reasons including sexual arousal, and the other gender for reasons excluding sexual arousal. And some men are just in denial about being gay--I've known several quite well over the years.
     
  3. speshk

    speshk New Member

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    I have heard that most bi men usually end up pursuing heterosexual relationships. Feeling they have a choice, maybe it's a question of their taking the "easier" route.

    Perhaps bisexuality is more a condition of nurture than nature. Maybe it's just old fashioned narcissism and self-indulgence.
     
  4. Principessa

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    Bisexual guys: Where are they (in real life)?

    I have often wondered the same thing. Lately (the last 18 months) all the nice men I meet are married, engaged, or in a serious relationship...translation TAKEN.

    So lately I have been thinking I should expand my net to include bi-guys; but have no idea where the single bi-guys hide. Do they have a secret code amongst themselves?

    Are the bisexual guys the ones sporting backwards baseball hats and goatees? :confused: Are they the ones who cuff their dark rinse jeans just so, or are they the ones wearing silver thumb rings and Raymond Weil watches?

    Maybe the problem is that society tends not to have the same view of bi-sexual men as they do of bi-sexual women. Most people think bi-sexual women are cool; but they think bi-sexual men are just gays who aren't ballsy enough to come out of the closet yet. :frown1:
     
  5. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    True that.
     
  6. canZ

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    I'm sure they're all over but the majority probably keep it hidden to everyone except their closest confidants.

    Try the grocery store or the library *shrugs*
     
  7. slate_australis

    slate_australis New Member

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    In my experience (as a man who more or less identifies as bisexual) there is the HUGE double-standard. Bisexual women in a way are considered more feminine, while bisexual men are also seen as more feminine (despite my complete lack of attraction to a "femmy" man). Also a lot of straight women see us as promiscuous disease storehouses.
     
  8. Blerty

    Blerty New Member

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    Nice pic's Slate..
     
  9. sexbom

    sexbom New Member

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  10. kalipygian

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    There is a bi support group that meets at our GLBT community center here, I had supposed similar groups existed elsewhere.
     
  11. Principessa

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    GLBT groups are nationwide, but I'm pretty sure they frown on straights cruising for dates during a meeting.:tongue: :redface:
     
  12. psidom

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    it is a myth...we are just a figment of the underworld. :)
    where are they? you make it sound like we are deep sea anglars.lol
     
  13. playainda336

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    An article that was probably written by a gay or a straight guy. LOL

    Outside of a true scientific study carried out by psychiatrists and a large enough control group, it's going to be difficult to prove that. I think this goes into this point:
    ...plus the fact that everybody wants you to choose one thing or the other.

    If guy says "I'm bisexual" they say "No, you're confused." (Male or Female) If a girl says, "I'm bisexual" they say "Hey, let's go out so we can have threesomes!" (Male or Female)

    Which can present a huge double standard. I assume that most bisexual guys just end up pursuing heterosexual relationships and (from the amount of requests I got off nude africa, lol) they do tell their wives and some of them are lucky to get wives who do not have a problem and allow them to explore their natures.

    I assume most will pursue a heterosexual relationship also because of the stigma of the gay man...if they truly love both sexes, they will find it more difficult to pursue women if society denotes them as a gay man. So it becomes the choice of the easier life. And then they live out their bisexuality in the world of fantasy. Which would explain the case someone pointed out earlier saying they have encountered a guy who claimed to be bi, but didn't pursue men. That's probably why. That plus I'd assume a bisexual man would only pursue another bisexual man. Which piques the question, how do bisexual men find each other?

    I assume they don't. It's highly improbable. But when they do, it has to be a great thing for both, assuming neither has anything more to lose than the other. A bisexual man wouldn't out another bisexual man, because they know the dilemma of the other. Therefore, a gay man wouldn't know where the "true" bisexual man was in that sense. A woman is more likely to find a bisexual man than a gay man is, because it would suit the bisexual man much more. Whether or not she finds out, I wouldn't know. LOL

    This is as far as I can get into the mind of a bisexual. :biggrin1:

    To answer the specific question of the OP. Bisexual men are probably in fact all around you, and you will never find them. lol
     
  14. avg_joe

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    Bi-sexual guys are hiding because of pressures from their societies especially from a conservative society like the United States.
     
  15. SomeGuyOverThere

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    From personal experience, it's not that i'm particularly in hiding, it's that you wouldn't actually know I'm bisexual unless you directly asked me about it or approached me.

    I think there's probably a lot of bisexual guys out there, but we're harder to find than gay guys because we don't have "bisexual bars" etc. so we sort of blend in with the straight crowd. :p

    I don't believe this crap about "bisexual is gay in denial" I respond sexually to men and women, and I can equally see myself in a relationship with either.
     
  16. Male Bonding etc

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    My response to men and women is NOT egual.

    I tend to respond more to homoerotic images for casual visual stimulation, but there are certainly some images of women that get me heated up. And it is rather a narcissistic thing with looking at guys since I prefer to see them not engaging in sexual activities for the most part.

    For casual sex my inclination is also more toward men. Seems like they'll be more receptive to that level of engagement. When I get wrapped up with a woman it tends to be much more serious intellectually, emotionally, sexually, and so on.

    Like the "hot or not" threads? I'd love to meet probably at least half of the guys shown there, but it'd be so that they could take the edge off my horniness. The h or n thread for women? Most of them when I looked, looked too much like hookers or something. I'm more interested in looking at women who've got something going on besides makeup and long finger nails.
     
  17. Not_Punny

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  18. Not_Punny

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    Interesting thread.

    Gays have made huge progress in establishing their sexuality as part of everyday America. And soon, I hope, gay marriage will be honored instead of being debated.

    But what about the rest of us -- bisexuals, trisexuals, and swingers?

    Fast forward about 50 years into the future -- will there be bi bars and swing clubs dotting the corners of major cities? Will THREE people be able to marry?

    And will sheep and man finally be able to say, "I d-d-d-doooo"?

    On a serious note, I wish it was easier to meet "deviants".... '-)
     
  19. witchway

    witchway New Member

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    I agree with you 100% SGOT! I feel sexually attracted to both sexes and have been in the sack with both at the same time several times! But I've only done that here in Europe. In America I always feel like I have to choose on side or the other. I think it is definetly a double-standard that everybody thinks it's cool for women to be Bisexual but not OK for a man!:mad: But as for me I love being a Bisexual and wouldn't want to change for anything!:biggrin1:
     
  20. D_Andy_Whorewall

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    You have no way of knowing...that's the charm ! I am as interested in cock as I am with pussy, and am married and happy.

    Do I like the gay lifestyle....No F'n way ! It's a total turn off for me. It's not who I am. I'm as str8, one on one, as could be, but when/if the time is right, I'll suck and be fucked .

    My wife has a sense of this side of me, though we don't discuss it at the dinner table. And it was probably this web site that really made it easy for me to say the above words...I like cock !

    I'm not in hiding, nor am I on the hunt. I do have a bi-sexual friend, but we haven't hooked up yet. I guess that would be MY denial at work.

    How then do I think I'm bi-sexual....My first sexual experiences were man on man as a growing teen, and it was great. I knew then I wasn't gay, as did the other boy. I've subdued those feelings for 30 years, until I joined LPSG....It's like therapy.
     
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