Bisexual guys: Where are they (in real life)?

Matthew

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I can only conclude that the truly bi guys, if they are out there, are ending up in hetero relationships. It's not surprising. They have far more opportunities to meet women than other guys. Obviously they don't "come out" the way gay men do. They have no need to. I'm also guessing that they don't spend much time at gay bars or other "gay" settings, because they are perfectly comfortable in regular bars.
I think you always have to be careful about universalizing your own experience. For one thing, "bisexual" encompasses an enormous variety of sexual preferences and behaviors. What you are describing certainly describes some bi guys, but FAR from all.

I have no idea if they bother to come out to their wives/girlfriends and/or their close friends. I suspect that some do and some don't.
And there we have it.

Even worse, what if there are bi guys who are interested in me but aren't acting on it because they aren't open about their sexuality? ... so as far as I'm concerned if there are any bi guys around, it's up to them to let me know if they're interested.
Sounds fair to me. Once again, you've answered your own question.

But I do I wonder if bisexual guys, by not coming out, are depriving themselves of the opportunity to meet other gay/bi guys.
Perhaps so, for some of them at least. But then, we've all got our crosses to bear, right? Since this is troubling you, why not stick to openly gay/bi guys? Then you wouldn't have to worry about any of this.
 

D_Harry_Crax

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An article that was probably written by a gay or a straight guy. LOL

Outside of a true scientific study carried out by psychiatrists and a large enough control group, it's going to be difficult to prove that.l

The entire article in New York magazine was based entirely on truly scientific studies carried out by physicians and/or psychiatrists and/or psychologists. (I have a research-oriented Ph.D. myself, and I wasn't just quoting a sex advice column or something!)
 

B_RedDude

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I'm openly gay, at
work as well as among friends and family, so as far as I'm concerned if
there are any bi guys around, it's up to them to let me know if they're
interested.

My strong guess would be that a gay guy would have a better chance hooking up with a bi guy if he is not obviously/openly gay (and this doesn't mean it would be necessarily easy or necessarily make the chances all that great). A lot of times in postings they seem to be looking for someone in a situation similar to theirs --- girlfriend, married, etc. -- i.e. another bi or curious guy.
 

JMeister

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They are hanging out on Swingers sites as a couples where the man wants a man-man experience and his woman wants to see it or where the woman is dominant and wants see her cuckold man service another guy.
 

D_Ball Walker

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Bi men do exist. Where are they? Straight bars. Gyms. Some strip in gay clubs. Some escort. Some give massages to only other men. Many are in gay porn movies; yes moreso than gays depending on who you ask. Some are in bi porn movies; or course.

Some bi married guys only have sex with other bi married guys. Some bi married guys only have sex with rough thugs (and some of the thugs don't consider themselves gay or bi). Some bi married guys only have sex with gays (sometimes on the bi guy terms when he wants it).

From personal experience they exist. From stories from others that I've met:
1. a gay guy told me - he was in a live in relationship with a bi guy. bi guy left gay guy for a woman. it happens. he could have easily left him for a man perhaps?
2. another gay guy told me that he was in a situation once with a married man who had a wife, a mistress, and the gay guy on the side. the married guy would go between the three at will; whichever was available and didn't have a headache I presume. i'm assuming that the married guy had a high sex drive or just really, really, enjoyed sex?
3. another guy I met at a gay club. told me he was married and I asked if his wife knew that he had sex with men, he told me after they got married he told his wife that he would always have a boyfriend. he didn't consider himself bi but gay.

If you go into a str8 club and notice guys looking at you, and you might get hit on, bi guy or gay. if they hit on you, ask them if they are bi. some bi guys, but not all bi guys, make a step from saying that they are str8 to saying that they are bi to saying that they are gay.

oh. i typed too much.
 

wingnut84

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Bi-sexual guys are hiding because of pressures from their societies especially from a conservative society like the United States.

I wouldn't say it's "conservatism" per se that causes most bi guys to stay (at least somewhat) closeted, although this plays a factor. The fact is, though, that there are some very open minded people out there that have no antiquated religious or moral qualms against same-sex love but hold unfounded stereotypes about bi men nonetheless:

1. That we're "really just gay and don't want to admit it yet" (yes, there are guys that are like this and it pisses me off to no end because they make life worse for us guys who truly are not gay)

2. That we're disease factories (yes, this is sometimes true but many of us aren't into unsafe sex)

3. That we cannot stay faithful (because we all know that straight men are notorious for never cheating...)

4. That we don't know what we want (just because I love coffee doesn't mean I don't like tea)

5. Bullshit ad infinitum (you get the picture...)

I mean, yes, some guys fit some or all of the stereotypes, but individually we vary as much as any other group.

If people had realistic views of bisexuality and didn't automatically group us into inaccurate boxes I would be a lot more open about my preferences. That's not to say I'm totally in the closet. My sister, cousin, pretty much all the close friends and girlfriends I've ever had and quite a few other people I've known have been privy to this info, and I'd answer truthfully to almost anyone who asked. Still, most of the time at work or in public I downplay my bi side quite a bit and I wish I didn't have to.

Oh yeah, that study Swede82 cited is absurdly easy to pick apart and one of the worst examples of "research" that I've ever seen. Either he's lying about having a Ph.D. or he has a vested interest in denying the existence of people that are not monosexual (just like the idiot who did the study). I mean, a fifth-grader who just learned about the scientific method could see through it. Sadly, the New York Times, one of the most influential newspapers in the country and (ostensibly) one of the more progressive ones, ran it completely uncritically.
 

prince_will

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i'm more sexually attracted to guys than girls, but there is still this girl that i'm crazy about. it's frustrating being bi, but also fun. basically you get the best of both worlds. :)

(this is a post from another forum...)
 

playainda336

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The entire article in New York magazine was based entirely on truly scientific studies carried out by physicians and/or psychiatrists and/or psychologists. (I have a research-oriented Ph.D. myself, and I wasn't just quoting a sex advice column or something!)
Oh yeah, that study Swede82 cited is absurdly easy to pick apart and one of the worst examples of "research" that I've ever seen. Either he's lying about having a Ph.D. or he has a vested interest in denying the existence of people that are not monosexual (just like the idiot who did the study). I mean, a fifth-grader who just learned about the scientific method could see through it. Sadly, the New York Times, one of the most influential newspapers in the country and (ostensibly) one of the more progressive ones, ran it completely uncritically.
I'm glad I'm not to only one who noticed this. LoL.
If you go into a str8 club and notice guys looking at you, and you might get hit on, bi guy or gay. if they hit on you, ask them if they are bi. some bi guys, but not all bi guys, make a step from saying that they are str8 to saying that they are bi to saying that they are gay.
I'd think if a guy was bi, he probably wouldn't tell you. Not that easily. A bisexual would have a lot more to lose than a gay person would, from a standpoint. While gay is not fully accepted in our society, bisexual is that far behind. Mainly because they catch heat from gay people and straight people. For example in this thread, I see gay people complaining that a bisexual person wouldn't have a relationship with a man like they have one with a woman and then straight women will complain that a bisexual man is a house of disease and promiscuity, etc. What bisexual guy would come out and say to a guy who asks, "Yes, I'm bisexual." A straight guy will say, "Yeah...you're confused/gay." and a gay guy will say, "Yeah, you're gay...but you just don't know it yet."

I can imagine the scrutiny in such a situation.

A gay guy wouldn't want to mess with a guy who is bisexual because a gay guy would want a relationship with the bi guy and have to know that the bi guy could leave him for a girl at any moment. A straight girl would have the same fears about the bi guy leaving for another man.

It seems to be a sad life for an "out" bisexual. Which is why I assume that most would rather just not say anything at all.
 

eager2do2

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No need to make it a psychological exercise. It's as simple as liking to have an orgasm, regardless of the gender of the partner. I adore the female body but like to see nice cocks also. And, receiving oral sex from either is a definite thrill. I believe there is a multitude of bi guys out there, you just have to find them.
 

speshk

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I have often thought that REAL tolerance is to be found among bisexuals.

The hypocrisy we see!

But I forgive. I have to.
 

Luge

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Speaking from experience, most bi guys, like me, are closeted. We like our straight lives, our straight friends, our women and both the appearance and reality of heterosexuality. It's just that we also are turned on by guys now and then. Most bi guys will not acknowledge their bisexuality except to another bi or gay guy, and then only if they think it will lead to sex. I place limits on any activity. I will only jerk off with another guy. That probably places me in the 80 to 90% straight category. One other reason is that most guys, if they get horny have an easier time finding quick release from another guy, than from a woman. You can typically find it at a gym, lockerroom, adult book store, or other place. If you are looking for a quick sexual tryst with a woman, other than a hooker, you really need to put in the effort, make an evening of it and even then you can strike out. Yet, if given a preference, I would prefer a women, I just won't limit myself to women. Let's face it, guys are easy, don't need a committment and understand the need to cum. I hope that explains it a little
 
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speshk

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Speaking from experience, most bi guys, like me, are closeted. We like our straight lives, our straight friends, our women and both the appearance and reality of heterosexuality. It's just that we also are turned on by guys now and then. Most bi guys will not acknowledge their bisexuality except to another bi or gay guy, and then only if they think it will lead to sex. I place limits on any activity. I will only jerk off with another guy. That probably places me in the 80 to 90% straight category. One other reason is that most guys, if they get horny have an easier time finding quick release from another guy, than from a woman. You can typically find it at a gym, lockerroom, adult book store, or other place. If you are looking for a quick sexual tryst with a woman, other than a hooker, you really need to put in the effort, make an evening of it and even then you can strike out. Yet, if given a preference, I would prefer a women, I just won't limit myself to women. Let's face it, guys are easy, don't need a committment and understand the need to cum. I hope that explains it a little

I think this summarizes the situation for most bisexuals, or at least the larger, hidden majority of them.
 

rimmer9

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My experience to talking to lots of men leads me to believe that all men and women are basically bi sexual. We are howver, programmed by society to leane one way or another. Put a bunch of guys in a particular situation and for reasons of either deep friendship or sheer horn they will end up having 'fun' together.
 

Matthew

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My experience to talking to lots of men leads me to believe that all men and women are basically bi sexual. We are howver, programmed by society to leane one way or another.

I've talked to a lot of people who think that. I actually don't think it's true; I think many people are bi, and many others are truly monosexual. However, I do think we all tend to universalize our own experience, and so of course some bisexuals might believe everyone is actually bi, while some monosexuals incorrectly believe that all bisexuals are confused or in transition.

But certainly, your point about social pressure skewing people's self-identification is unquestionable.
 

usafarox

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I feel that I am a straight guy with some homosexual tendencies. I love having sex with women, but I also appreciate the sight of a big cock. I like to and have masturbated with other guys but the big question is would I ever take it beyond that? The answer is probably not. I also enjoy anal stimulation and putting things up my ass, but I would probably not be able to take the plunge into having another guy's dick in me.

Now does liking jerking off with other guys and some ass play while loving having sex with beautiful women make me bi-sexual? I honestly think no. A lot of people had said that your sexuality isn't based on the here and now, but more the gender that you will think you will end up having as a partner for the rest of your life. Knowing that I want to and plan on getting married to the right woman, I consider myself straight.