Bisexual guys: Where are they (in real life)?

wingnut84

Experimental Member
Joined
Jul 4, 2007
Posts
265
Media
0
Likes
10
Points
163
Location
SATX
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
I'm glad I'm not to only one who noticed this. LoL.
I'd think if a guy was bi, he probably wouldn't tell you. Not that easily. A bisexual would have a lot more to lose than a gay person would, from a standpoint. While gay is not fully accepted in our society, bisexual is that far behind. Mainly because they catch heat from gay people and straight people. For example in this thread, I see gay people complaining that a bisexual person wouldn't have a relationship with a man like they have one with a woman and then straight women will complain that a bisexual man is a house of disease and promiscuity, etc. What bisexual guy would come out and say to a guy who asks, "Yes, I'm bisexual." A straight guy will say, "Yeah...you're confused/gay." and a gay guy will say, "Yeah, you're gay...but you just don't know it yet."

I can imagine the scrutiny in such a situation.

A gay guy wouldn't want to mess with a guy who is bisexual because a gay guy would want a relationship with the bi guy and have to know that the bi guy could leave him for a girl at any moment. A straight girl would have the same fears about the bi guy leaving for another man.

It seems to be a sad life for an "out" bisexual. Which is why I assume that most would rather just not say anything at all.

Bingo. It's good to see a monosexual (especially a str8 one) understanding our plight :biggrin1:

However, I do think we all tend to universalize our own experience, and so of course some bisexuals might believe everyone is actually bi, while some monosexuals incorrectly believe that all bisexuals are confused or in transition.

Exactly. This is a huge cognitive bias of which most people are very unaware.
 

Kenyth

Sexy Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2007
Posts
297
Media
5
Likes
75
Points
248
Sexuality
80% Gay, 20% Straight
Gender
Male
Haven't had time to read all the posts here, but going back to the original post.

Maybe I live in a different world?????? Ive come across SOOOOOO many bi guys & girls in my life. Its like almost trendy to be bi, people actually want to be bi? Back in high school, with all the Emos, Goths etc, and the arty people.

I don't know I guess it really depends where you live and where you socialise, I mean you are more likely to find geeks in a library and jocks in a football match. So I guess depends where you hang out or where in the world you live in makes a difference. I do believe the overall percentage of bi people is about the same, but different group of people with different interest are attracted to different parts of the world to live in. Gay & Bi & the more 'out there' population are generally attracted to live in bigger cities, so if you live in a small village, I guess the chance for you to meet another gay or bi is rather slim....

I believe sexuality is on a continuant from gay to straight, majority is somewhere on the line, its very rare to have absolutely 100% gay or 100% straight, no matter what people say they are. Most people doesn't want to believe in this bisexuality stuff as no body likes uncertainty and just want to group themselves in either box ' gay or str8 '. Is like you are either male or female, society doesn't allow intersex people..
 

Matthew

Legendary Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 27, 2005
Posts
7,291
Media
0
Likes
1,503
Points
583
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
A lot of people had said that your sexuality isn't based on the here and now, but more the gender that you will think you will end up having as a partner for the rest of your life.

By that logic, no one would be bisexual.
 

B_dxjnorto

Expert Member
Joined
Apr 22, 2006
Posts
6,876
Media
0
Likes
199
Points
193
Location
Southwest U.S.
Sexuality
69% Gay, 31% Straight
Gender
Male
A lot of people had said that your sexuality isn't based on the here and now, but more the gender that you will think you will end up having as a partner for the rest of your life.
By that logic, no one would be bisexual.
No I think he's right. Orientation may be all over the map, but most people will prefer a partner of the opposite sex so as to fit mainstream society.

I always thought I would be married with kids, but when I did marry, I just didn't want that as much as I thought I would. The idea of being mainstream was more attractive than the day-to-day reality. I can be sexual with women, but I'm not really very interested in women, so pursuing women doesn't really work very well for me. But I did it for a long time because I thought I was supposed to.
 

Matthew

Legendary Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 27, 2005
Posts
7,291
Media
0
Likes
1,503
Points
583
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
No, if people categorize themselves by the gender of the life partner they plan to have, then everyone would either be straight or gay.

Under his scenario, in order to be bisexual, you would need to end up in a life partnership with two people of different genders. And obviously, very few people do that.
 

B_dxjnorto

Expert Member
Joined
Apr 22, 2006
Posts
6,876
Media
0
Likes
199
Points
193
Location
Southwest U.S.
Sexuality
69% Gay, 31% Straight
Gender
Male
No, if people categorize themselves by the gender of the life partner they plan to have, then everyone would either be straight or gay.
But that is what happens.

Under his scenario, in order to be bisexual, you would need to end up in a life partnership with two people of different genders. And obviously, very few people do that.
I think IanTheTall is in something like that. It's not outside the bounds of possibility that's for sure. Isn't this something like the partner who has a man or woman on the side? Then it's illicit. Better to be honest and let the chips fall where they may? (But then you lose that [perhaps false] social respectability.)
 

dreamer20

Worshipped Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Apr 14, 2006
Posts
7,963
Media
3
Likes
19,694
Points
643
Gender
Male
Bisexual guys: Where are they (in real life)?

I can show you where they are, but I have to blindfold you before I take you to their secret location.:wink:

According to the article, "The Science of Gaydar," New York magazine suggests that men are not physically bisexual---

I agree with playainda336. Another one of those articles written by someone convinced that men are either straight, gay or "lying" if they claim to be bi.:rolleyes:

An article that was probably written by a gay or a straight guy. LOL

If guy says "I'm bisexual" they say "No, you're confused." (Male or Female) If a girl says, "I'm bisexual" they say "Hey, let's go out so we can have threesomes!" (Male or Female)

Which can present a huge double standard...

To answer the specific question of the OP. Bisexual men are probably in fact all around you, and you will never find them. lol:biggrin1:
 

Matthew

Legendary Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 27, 2005
Posts
7,291
Media
0
Likes
1,503
Points
583
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
But that is what happens.

So that means everyone is either straight or gay? Because that's the logical extension of the position you're supporting.

I think IanTheTall is in something like that. It's not outside the bounds of possibility that's for sure.

I'm sure there are a few - very, very few. So are you agreeing that his situation is the only one in which a person can be considered bi? Instead, better to completely dump this whole theory that the gender of the partner you end up with determines your sexual orientation; it's illogical, miselading and erases almost all bisexuals -- sure, IanTheTall being one exception. There are LOTS of people who are bisexual; some of them end up with women, some with men, and in neither case does it erase their bisexuality.
 

B_dxjnorto

Expert Member
Joined
Apr 22, 2006
Posts
6,876
Media
0
Likes
199
Points
193
Location
Southwest U.S.
Sexuality
69% Gay, 31% Straight
Gender
Male
Matthew I'm not advocating any position. I was saying that my interpretation of what usafarox said is that most people will try pretty hard to fit in. In the past that meant you were either straight, a spinster or a confirmed bachelor. There were no gay people.

I don't know much about lesbians, except that many of them have been married and have children. I know there are plenty of straight guys who like dick a little too much. I agree with you that there is plenty of bisexuality in the world. So I'm not meaning anything in particular if you don't mind. Also, if you don't mind I like to make a distinction between orientation and preference. Orientation being the broad spectrum of what individuals are aroused by. Preference is heavily influenced by what most people do. And what most people do is heavily influenced by social convention transmitted by culture. (What our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents did.)
 

Meniscus

Legendary Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Posts
3,434
Media
0
Likes
1,946
Points
333
Location
Massachusetts, United States of America
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
Since this is troubling you, why not stick to openly gay/bi guys? Then you wouldn't have to worry about any of this.

Good question. I've been wondering that myself. I think it's because I've never met another openly gay guy that I wanted to be in a relationship with, but I've met quite a few other guys of unknown sexuality whom I could fall for...if I thought they were gay or bi. In the past, I assumed all these guys were straight, and so I never really wasted any time or energy lusting after what I couldn't have. But over the past couple of years I've started to question that assumption. At my company there are a handful of kind, friendly, intelligent, handsome, charming men whom I've started to wonder about. Sometimes they seem like they are flirting or dropping hints. Two of these guys got really close for a while. I always saw them talking, walking down the hall together, going out to lunch together. They looked like a couple, and they looked really good together. I seriously began to wonder if they were having some kind of relationship. But they are both married (to women) and have young children. Rather suddenly, their friendship seemed to end. I never see them together anymore, so I wonder if they "broke up."

Another guy at work was an enigma for a long time. He's in his late 30s, single, very smart and attractive, and very private. Lots of people speculated about his sexuality. (In fact, someone just asked me yesterday if he was gay, as if I'd know just because I'm gay myself.) I've been interested in him for years, as was another woman I work with. She and I used to joke about which one of us would get him first. Well, she got him, but she tells me he's still very private, and he only tells her stuff about himself on the condition that she doesn't tell anyone else. So I wonder if maybe he's bisexual, and choosing to date a woman because he could never deal with people knowing that he was dating another guy. (And if he's that private, she can have him.)

Then I come to this forum and see so many guys identifying as something less than 100% straight... As I said in my original post, I realize that this forum is probably not representative of the general population, but combined with some of my real life observations (which I realized could be incorrect), I've started to wonder if bisexual guys are all around me and I just don't know that they are there. That's rather frustrating knowledge for me, because if the pool of potential partners is bigger than I had realized, I'd like to meet those guys before they all get married and start having kids.

But, in order for that to happen, bi guys have to be willing to make their presence known. Instead, most of them seem to be choosing to have relationships with women, and either they don't ever act on their attraction to other men, or they limit it to discreet encounters.

In other words, this is bothering me for purely selfish reasons. I want to meet more available guys.
 

Meniscus

Legendary Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Posts
3,434
Media
0
Likes
1,946
Points
333
Location
Massachusetts, United States of America
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
Maybe I live in a different world?????? Ive come across SOOOOOO many bi guys & girls in my life. Its like almost trendy to be bi, people actually want to be bi? Back in high school, with all the Emos, Goths etc, and the arty people.

Kenyth, I wonder if difference between our perspectives is because of our age difference. No one was openly gay or bi when I was in high school; it would have been social suicide at best. More likely anyone who was out would have been a target for harrassment and violence, and most of the teachers and administrators would have turned a blind eye, or blamed the gay/bi kid for stirring up trouble. In college there was less negativity about being gay, but it wasn't exactly a supportive environment, either.
I hope your perspective indicates that things are a lot better for gay/bi kids today.

I don't know I guess it really depends where you live and where you socialise...Gay & Bi & the more 'out there' population are generally attracted to live in bigger cities, so if you live in a small village, I guess the chance for you to meet another gay or bi is rather slim...

I'm neither in a big city, nor am I in a little town. I live in an area with lots of lesbians, and a surprising number of FTMs, but relatively few gay guys. I can only think of 2 bisexual guys (that I know of). While I can understand why lots of gay guys move to big cities, it seems like bi guys wouldn't have the same motivation, since they can meet women anywhere and don't need to have both.
 

Meniscus

Legendary Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Posts
3,434
Media
0
Likes
1,946
Points
333
Location
Massachusetts, United States of America
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
Thanks for all the thoughtful replies everyone.

A lot of people (too many to quote or mention by name) supported the idea that bisexual guys pursue relationships with women because
it's easier, don't bother to come out (because they don't need to and it spares them a lot of questioning and criticism), downplay their same-sex attractions (rather than wearing it like a badge, as many gay men do), and appear to society at large to be straight.

Bisexual guys: Where are they (in real life)?
I have often wondered the same thing...all the nice men I meet are married, engaged, or in a serious relationship...translation TAKEN.

Yup.

So lately I have been thinking I should expand my net to include bi-guys; but have no idea where the single bi-guys hide. Do they have a secret code amongst themselves?

I've often wondered that myself. Has anyone here ever broken the code?

Most people think bi-sexual women are cool; but they think bi-sexual men are just gays who aren't ballsy enough to come out of the closet yet.

As dxjnorto said before me, "True that."

it is a myth...we are just a figment of the underworld...where are they? you make it sound like we are deep sea anglars.lol

That's exactly how I was trying to make it sound. I know bisexual guys exist because of secondary evidence (like this forum) but just like the anglerfish or the giant squid, they're never SEEN live and in person.

If guy says "I'm bisexual" they say "No, you're confused." (Male or Female) If a girl says, "I'm bisexual" they say "Hey, let's go out so we can have threesomes!" (Male or Female)

Yeah, I get that impression, too.

I'd assume a bisexual man would only pursue another bisexual man. Which piques the question, how do bisexual men find each other?

I'm not sure why you assume that bisexual men would only pursue other bisexual men, but I agree with your question about how bisexual guys find each other. I think someone mentioned the Internet as one possibility.

...I feel sexually attracted to both sexes and have been in the sack with both at the same time several times!

But are you openly bisexual? Do you go to gay bars or gay pride parades or other places where you could meet men? If not, how do you meet other guys? Do you only have sex with guys, or date guys? Can you see yourself in a serious, long-term relationship with a guy and letting your family, friends, and coworkers know that you're in a relationship with another man?

i'm more sexually attracted to guys than girls, but there is still this girl that i'm crazy about. it's frustrating being bi, but also fun. basically you get the best of both worlds. :)

Ah, but do you? How do you get the best of both worlds if no one knows you're bi? Maybe you're openly bi, but it seems like most bi guys aren't.

...most guys, if they get horny have an easier time finding quick release from another guy, than from a woman...Let's face it, guys are easy, don't need a committment and understand the need to cum. I hope that explains it a little

Yeah, it does, but it's not what I wanted to hear. It's more like having my worst fears confirmed. "Good news everyone, lots of guys really are into other guys (Yay!)...but only for quick sex, not meaningful relationships (Doh!)."
 

Meniscus

Legendary Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Posts
3,434
Media
0
Likes
1,946
Points
333
Location
Massachusetts, United States of America
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I feel that I am a straight guy with some homosexual tendencies. I love having sex with women, but I also appreciate the sight of a big cock. I like to and have masturbated with other guys...

Elsewhere in this forum there are a couple of threads about guys jerking off together. I've never had this experience, though I would love to. It seems like a significant percentage of the guys with stories about masturbation experiences with other guys identify themselves as straight, or mostly straight. This raises an interesting question: Are guys more likely to jerk off with other guys (and maybe even more) as long as they maintain the pretense that there's nothing gay about it? It kinda makes me wonder if all my straight friends ever jerked off together, but never did it when I was around because if they did it with a gay guy, then it would have been "gay." Oh, the things I could've been missing out on! Wouldn't it be ironic if I could've gotten more action if I hadn't been openly gay?

A lot of people had said that your sexuality isn't based on the here and now, but more the gender that you will think you will end up having as a partner for the rest of your life. Knowing that I want to and plan on getting married to the right woman, I consider myself straight.

I understand why Matthew didn't like this statement, but I think I understand what you're trying to say. I'm not completely disinterested in women, which is why I don't call myself 100% gay, but my interest in women is so minor and insignificant compared to my interest in men, that calling myself bisexual wouldn't be right, either. Since I want to marry a man and feel no need to ever have a relationship with a woman, I identify myself as gay. I think for a guy to identify as bisexual, he needs to have a signficant interest in both sexes.
 

Male Bonding etc

Experimental Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2006
Posts
920
Media
0
Likes
17
Points
163
Location
Southwest USA
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
So lately I have been thinking I should expand my net to include bi-guys; but have no idea where the single bi-guys hide. Do they have a secret code amongst themselves?
I have long wondered why I've never had fully functioning gaydar, because the guys I've wished were gay don't seem to be. Typically the men who CLEARLY are gay, I'm not so attracted to. Instead I'm always wondering about the guys who MIGHT be and might NOT be... maybe I've had bidar and just didn't know it!
 

25JASON

Experimental Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2006
Posts
94
Media
3
Likes
19
Points
153
Location
ky
Sexuality
60% Straight, 40% Gay
Gender
Male
I have long wondered why I've never had fully functioning gaydar, because the guys I've wished were gay don't seem to be. Typically the men who CLEARLY are gay, I'm not so attracted to. Instead I'm always wondering about the guys who MIGHT be and might NOT be... maybe I've had bidar and just didn't know it!
AMEN! I agree totally. I consider myself bi. I have not had to many friends over the years that I have not been somewhat attracted to. So I must have bi-dar as well. Some of my friends have ended up being bi and a small few gay, but most are completely str.
 

Not_Punny

Superior Member
Joined
Jul 7, 2007
Posts
5,464
Media
109
Likes
3,056
Points
258
Location
California
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Damn! I read this post, eagerly awaiting enlightment (I'm wondering if one of my bf's is bi)... now I'm more confused than ever (about him... not me!)