Bisexual in a straight relationship - how do you get it to work

[KennF]

I fancy women in all shapes and sizes and if single i would predominantly be having sex with women. Maybe i crave what i dont have, which is one sex act.

I think this is more than you are letting onto, to yourself.

You state, repeatedly, that you aren't attracted to men, but are sexually aroused by sucking cock. In general, that's great, but then I wonder, do you feel the same turn on when you suck a dildo?

If you do, then the answer to your dilemma is to slowly introduce this into your masturbation and/or love making.
If you don't, then there is more going on than just the cock sucking.
Either way, your sexual desire does not dictate your sexual choices.

I would also consider whether you are denying yourself honesty within your relationship. You feel a desire to suck a cock, and you are sharing that with us, but you are choosing to not share that with your girlfriend of two years.

Is this someone you think you picture yourself marrying? How do you think you'll manage intimacy while guarding yourself from, accidently, revealing your sexual desire?

Are you two at a point where you are sharing your sexual fantasies with each other?

 

[rtg]

I have to be a woman to have a sense of what women would think? I have women friends, I have dated plenty of women, etc etc, What I said was not all that outlandish.

You can't make unsubstantiated claims about what most women think was merely my point.

 

[wavejock]

You can't make unsubstantiated claims about what most women think was merely my point.

I know what you meant...I just dont agree. We all make comments/assumptions based on what we observe based on our years living and interacting with people. yes I have never done a scientific study about whether women would be ok with their spouse or boyfriend watching gay porn..but I am pretty confident that the majority would not be. Its like saying most people arent into scat lol...did I take a poll of all people about that...no. But I think its a pretty safe assumption.

 

[rtg]

I know what you meant...I just dont agree. We all make comments/assumptions based on what we observe based on our years living and interacting with people. yes I have never done a scientific study about whether women would be ok with their spouse or boyfriend watching gay porn..but I am pretty confident that the majority would not be. Its like saying most people arent into scat lol...did I take a poll of all people about that...no. But I think its a pretty safe assumption.

Comparing scat to a guy watching male porn is just offensive and immature. I'm doubtful that you've even spoken to many women about their thoughts on this topic. So my point still stands. Just because you think something may be the case, doesn't mean it is. I don't think it would bother me and I've never spoken to any other females about it so I'm not going to make assertions either way because of that.

 

[Doranq]

The same way you do if you were only into women. You don't fuck other women or men. Perhaps you have an urge to go blow 10 dudes 1 day, you don't act on it.

If you want to open your relationship. This is something to discuss with your partner. This may be a dealbreaker. Even the mere suggestion could actually be a dealbreaker for some. She may just say nooooooo, in which case your decision is to stay and be faithful or leave and do w/e it is you wanted to leave to do.

 

[hvdude]

I say - be honest. If you want to make love with a man, do so. Fuck everyone else.

 

[KennF]

Comparing scat to a guy watching male porn is just offensive and immature. I'm doubtful that you've even spoken to many women about their thoughts on this topic. So my point still stands. Just because you think something may be the case, doesn't mean it is. I don't think it would bother me and I've never spoken to any other females about it so I'm not going to make assertions either way because of that.

I think something is triggering you, because you're coming off rather harsh on @wavejock. It sounds like you've gone out of your way to be offended in this circumstance.

I felt he was anecdotally portraying his perceptions of what "most women want". He wasn't talking scientifically, and you're free to call him out on what "most" women want if you have your own opinion.

I don't feel he wasn't making a direct comparison... saying that "scat" was the same as watching "gay porn". He was saying, he didn't feel it necessary to poll the world in order to feel that most people don't like 'scat'.

And, I will say, that while @wavejock generalized, he isn't far off the mark. Many people, men and women, feel threatened by a spouse watching porn. Insecurities are commonplace.

It isn't uncommon to hear "What does he/she have that I don't have?", a statement of competing with the porn object.
Add to it the gender and it becomes "How can I compete when I don't even have a cock/tits?"

That's one of the reasons the OP should really consider this situation. If he doesn't feel like sharing his sexual desire for cock sucking with his girlfriend of two years, then how will he handle that in 15 years, if he wants to remain monogamous?

 

[pengucat]

-_- this thread aint lookin so good for the bisexual community

For what its worth, while I'm currently single I've never cheated on any man or woman i've dated.

And i am a SLUT when im single

 

[rtg]

I think something is triggering you, because you're coming off rather harsh on @wavejock. It sounds like you've gone out of your way to be offended in this circumstance.

I felt he was anecdotally portraying his perceptions of what "most women want". He wasn't talking scientifically, and you're free to call him out on what "most" women want if you have your own opinion.

I don't feel he wasn't making a direct comparison... saying that "scat" was the same as watching "gay porn". He was saying, he didn't feel it necessary to poll the world in order to feel that most people don't like 'scat'.

And, I will say, that while @wavejock generalized, he isn't far off the mark. Many people, men and women, feel threatened by a spouse watching porn. Insecurities are commonplace.

It isn't uncommon to hear "What does he/she have that I don't have?", a statement of competing with the porn object.
Add to it the gender and it becomes "How can I compete when I don't even have a cock/tits?"

That's one of the reasons the OP should really consider this situation. If he doesn't feel like sharing his sexual desire for cock sucking with his girlfriend of two years, then how will he handle that in 15 years, if he wants to remain monogamous?

What's triggering me is that I'm tired of men on here generalising women and making claims about what "most women" think when they are not a woman nor have provided valid reasons for their statements. I don't go around claiming to know what most men think or how they would act in a certain situation because this site has taught me better. It's fair enough to say "most women in my experience....", but not generalise us as a whole.

I never denied that ppl don't have a reason to be insecure.... but women generally are insecure from other women in porn so in my opinion I don't see how that's any different than someone having a cock in porn. Some men also get insecure from porn. I don't know how the discussion has turned into a topic about watching porn because that's not what the OP was referring to.

 

[KennF]

What's triggering me is that I'm tired of men on here generalising women and making claims about what "most women" think when they are not a woman nor have provided valid reasons for their statements. I don't go around claiming to know what most men think or how they would act in a certain situation because this site has taught me better. It's fair enough to say "most women in my experience....", but not generalise us as a whole.

I never denied that ppl don't have a reason to be insecure.... but women generally are insecure from other women in porn so in my opinion I don't see how that's any different than someone having a cock in porn. Some men also get insecure from porn. I don't know how the discussion has turned into a topic about watching porn because that's not what the OP was referring to.

I respect your frustration with generalization, however, I should like to point out, you're on a big dick website. You should expect a certain level of generalization of women from the men.

And while you have every right to point out the generalization, you may want to consider that the reaction is about your frustration, more than the posters' comments.

Lastly, just be aware you yourself can't refute what most women want. You can only speak from your own experience of what women want.

Just food for thought...

The issue where isn't about either porn, nor scat, nor what women want. But rather how the OP should/shouldn't handle his being attracted to cock sucking while keeping it from his girlfriend, and, wanting to remain monogamous without denying his feelings.

 

[rtg]

I respect your frustration with generalization, however, I should like to point out, you're on a big dick website. You should expect a certain level of generalization of women from the men.

And while you have every right to point out the generalization, you may want to consider that the reaction is about your frustration, more than the posters' comments.

Lastly, just be aware you yourself can't refute what most women want. You can only speak from your own experience of what women want.

Just food for thought...

The issue where isn't about either porn, nor scat, nor what women want. But rather how the OP should/shouldn't handle his being attracted to cock sucking while keeping it from his girlfriend, and, wanting to remain monogamous without denying his feelings.

Just because I expect men to generalise women it doesn't mean that I should accept it. I don't see what being on a big dick website has to do with generalising women.

Oh please don't tell me what my own reaction is based on. It is wholeheartedly based on his comments. I don't think it's fair to the OP to make a statement about how most women apparently think about an issue like this.

And I'm pretty sure that I said multiple times that I can only go by my own experiences and those of the women I know, so don't put words in my mouth.

I'm perfectly aware of what the issue is of the OP and already provided my thoughts on it.

Anyway this shit isn't helping the OP and I'm done arguing with men who just don't get it so I'm removing myself from the conversation.

 

[KennF]

I don't see what being on a big dick website has to do with generalising women.

If I walk into a convention of proselytizing people in order to evaluate the convention center, I am going to expect them to attempt to convert me while I am there. If I argue with them how their comments are offensive, then what was my purpose for entering the room? To evaluate the space or to argue?

 

[wavejock]

I cant Fng believe that a pretty innocuous statement has turned into some sort discussion about "generalizations". And yes I wasn't comparing scat to watching gay porn ( or else id be in trouble lol) The point was that you do not need to be a fng brain surgeon or a pollster for Gallup to understand a few things. It is hardly that much of a generalization to say that most straight women wouldnt be too keen to know their spouse or partner is watching gay porn or interested in guys. Are there some...sure...are most? you need a poll to tell you that?

And the dude is asking for opinions...so that would infer that we have opinions on things. I think someone has a bit of a chip on his.her shoulder.

 

[rayray]

So-- you lied to your wife 14 years ago- and you deal with that by cheating on her homosexually behind her back?
Obviously its damn hard, but that doesn't mean you have to stick it in people outside your marriage.

sure its too late to NOT be a cheat and a liar.... but that no excuse for choosing, every day, to continue being a cheat and a liar.
Even if you don't feel you can confess to your past transgressions, you CAN choose to stop cheating on her from today forward, and who knows? if you haven't managed to give her some disease - then maybe those pigeons will never come home to roost.


To the OP- how bisexual men of any character cope is by simply being faithful to their mates. Or by being honest and open with them.

Being bisexual is NOT a craving of which you simply have to indulge both aspects. It is Ni fucking different than being straight- because every straight person on earth meets OTHER people they feel attracted to.
Every straight fantasizes about sex with different women. And every straight woman fantasizes about sex with other guys.

The fact that you fantasize about people with dicks has no bearing on the fundamental challenge of fidelity.


So- its super easy- not hard. you simply CHOOSE to be honorable. Or you choose to be a self centered and dishonest prick.

Some guys get their wives consent- or even participation. Other guys simply decide that they have made a choice and a commitment and keep that faith. And still others either try and get they wives consent and instead get a divorce- or they decide that a marital commitment is incompatible with the lifestyle they feel compelled to pursue.

And all of these are honorable options.

But lying and concealing and sneaking around behind the back of someone proves that you know what you are doing is wrong in the eyes of the person you claim to love and honor. And so you dishonor them.

You become the person you practice being.
Don't practice being a deceitful fuck.

So-- you lied to your wife 14 years ago- and you deal with that by cheating on her homosexually behind her back?
Obviously its damn hard, but that doesn't mean you have to stick it in people outside your marriage.

sure its too late to NOT be a cheat and a liar.... but that no excuse for choosing, every day, to continue being a cheat and a liar.
Even if you don't feel you can confess to your past transgressions, you CAN choose to stop cheating on her from today forward, and who knows? if you haven't managed to give her some disease - then maybe those pigeons will never come home to roost.


To the OP- how bisexual men of any character cope is by simply being faithful to their mates. Or by being honest and open with them.

Being bisexual is NOT a craving of which you simply have to indulge both aspects. It is Ni fucking different than being straight- because every straight person on earth meets OTHER people they feel attracted to.
Every straight fantasizes about sex with different women. And every straight woman fantasizes about sex with other guys.

The fact that you fantasize about people with dicks has no bearing on the fundamental challenge of fidelity.


So- its super easy- not hard. you simply CHOOSE to be honorable. Or you choose to be a self centered and dishonest prick.

Some guys get their wives consent- or even participation. Other guys simply decide that they have made a choice and a commitment and keep that faith. And still others either try and get they wives consent and instead get a divorce- or they decide that a marital commitment is incompatible with the lifestyle they feel compelled to pursue.

And all of these are honorable options.

But lying and concealing and sneaking around behind the back of someone proves that you know what you are doing is wrong in the eyes of the person you claim to love and honor. And so you dishonor them.

You become the person you practice being.
Don't practice being a deceitful fuck.

So- its super easy- not hard. you simply CHOOSE to be honorable. Or you choose to be a self centered and dishonest prick.

@Phil Ayesho . I know you are responding to the OP and @fbneros but looking at other threads, there are a lot of self-centered and dishonest pricks on this site .

 

[Phil Ayesho]

So- its super easy- not hard. you simply CHOOSE to be honorable. Or you choose to be a self centered and dishonest prick.

@Phil Ayesho . I know you are responding to the OP and @fbneros but looking at other threads, there are a lot of self-centered and dishonest pricks on this site .

There's a lot of self centered and dishonest pricks in the world.

We just elected one president.

But the question is whether you want to walk thru life being one of them.

 

[NautiRogue]

BiCurDave, My wife and I are both bi, but we didn't start out like that. When we met, I was in the lifestyle and I told her early in the relationship that I'd never be monogamous. This was new to her, but she was open to it. She'd always been bi-curious, so this gave her the opportunity to act on it with my permission and complete support. As time went on, I also gave into my own bi-curiosity.

My wife and I are bisexual swingers. Openness, honesty, and trust have been incredibly important in making this work. She has a full hall pass to play with whoever she wants, but she has to tell me about it if it happens without me. I have to ask for permission to play when I want to play without her, and I'm fine with that.

The point here is that openness and honesty is key. You need to trust her to be understanding of your interest by opening up to her. If the two of you talk and agree on comfort levels, boundaries, and rules, then you exploring within those set limits is not cheating.

The funny thing is that openness, honesty, and trust are foundational premises of any successful relationship. By relentlessly practicing each of these with your partner, you're going to have a better and more stable relationship, regardless of the lifestyle, but the lifestyle is such a dangerous relationship activity that these characteristics are even more critical to swingers.

Trust your wife. Tell her about your interest. Be honest to yourself and be open with her so you don't have to even think about going behind her back to experiment without her knowledge or permission.

Good luck!

 

[deleted817718]

It's not hard to be bisexual and have a normal, monogamous relationship with a woman. All you have to do is not fuck anyone else. Just like in any monogamous relationship. It's not rocket science.
I'm bisexual, my wife knows I am too, and I get the urge to put my dick in other men and women... But I don't, just like straight men get the urge to have sex with other women, and straight women get the urge to have sex with other men. Being bisexual doesn't make you a sex addicted monster that can't be loyal to one person, and being bisexual is does not mean you can't keep your urges in check.
I haven't had sex with another man since I got together with my wife, and I honestly believe, if we stay together for the rest of our lives, I never will. And I'm happy with that!

 

[KennF]

It's not hard to be bisexual and have a normal, monogamous relationship with a woman. All you have to do is not fuck anyone else. Just like in any monogamous relationship. It's not rocket science.
I'm bisexual, my wife knows I am too, and I get the urge to put my dick in other men and women... But I don't, just like straight men get the urge to have sex with other women, and straight women get the urge to have sex with other men. Being bisexual doesn't make you a sex addicted monster that can't be loyal to one person, and being bisexual is does not mean you can't keep your urges in check.
I haven't had sex with another man since I got together with my wife, and I honestly believe, if we stay together for the rest of our lives, I never will. And I'm happy with that!

The things that makes this so great is that (a) you haven't denied your bisexuality or desire to have sex with a man; and; (b) you've shared your feelings with your wife.

You don't have to act on every impulse, but you shouldn't deny they exist.