Let me start off by saying that this thread is fantastic. The discussion is very thought provoking...in fact, even though I first read some of the posts yesterday morning and kept returning to read the new posts, I haven't been able to offer my own input as you guys have left me with much to reflect upon...thanks!
To answer the original question presented by the OP, my answer would be a yes and a no when it comes to encountering misconception/discrimination when coming out (and bear in mind that I'm still in the process of coming out). I'll start with my positive experiences.
When I really and I mean REALLY understood what my being bisexual was all about I tried to have an integrated approach on things. I didn't only look at my sexual identity and attempt to glean information about an orientation that really is layer upon layer of grey, but to also look at my own identity, my relationships and to try to understand which areas within myself come from my sexuality and which ones come from who I really am. I also reflected upon how my new discovery(ies) impacted my relationships, most especially my marriage and what further impact I was still to encounter. It meant that I at least two months "on a mountain" trying to make sense of and formulate answers for myself. All of these layers of grey really challenge us bisexual folk to re-define our own personal ethics and values because our orientation comprises of at least 13 different forms and we find ourselves caught between the straight world and the gay world.
I believe that a vicious circle is in play because most of us are in hiding because misconceptions are rife, but misconceptions are rife because we are in hiding. It presented me with a challenge: "What are you going to do about it?" My only answer was one of, "To treat both my sexual orientation and myself with the honesty, respect and dignity that we deserve".
I sat down and documented my journey where I openly expressed my angst, confusion and pain...it proved helpful in making sense out a lot of thought and experiences. I decided that my way of coming out would be to provide those that are near and dear to me with a copy of it as well as an explanation about bisexuality and thirteen of it's forms. I didn't only want to educate them about me, but about bisexuality as well. I wasn't going to sugar coat things - I needed for them to know the truth about me, my sexual orientation and give them the opportunity to make informed decisions for themselves. I however didn't use this approach on my wife as she deserved to have the news broken to her face-to-face. I won't go into much detail because I've shared about this in other threads, but we are still happily married and my journey through my orientation is a journey that she has been willing to join me on...in the sense of a lot of sharing, discussion and open heart-to-hearts.
All of my friends have responded positively - offering me only acceptance, support and understanding. It really has been on of: They wouldn't want to tarnish our friendship with judgement or misunderstanding. I haven't outed myself to my family and purely for one reason only: My Mom spent almost two months in ICU and underwent three operations...hectic operations. It will take her at least six months to fully recover. I know that my siblings are gossipmongers and news will soon reach Mom's ears. I've been faced with the question: "Dare I place this before her right now while she is still very weak and trying to find her own feet again?" I think that to be unmindful of her own physical and emotional needs would be incredibly selfish of me at this stage in her life. I certainly do want to let them know about who I really am.
There have also been the negative experiences and quite a bit of them have come from the gay community. I approached a "GLBT" organisation wanting to join a support group. I received all bright and wonderful promises however, the therapist running the group is gay who, three months down the line still hasn't bothered to try to make arrangements for me to join. I've tried to follow up on numerous occasions with their mental health manager who hasn't had the courtesy to respond to my emails, not even by saying, "Fuck off".
I've tried to live a live truer to who I am and thus incorporate more gay folk into my circle of friends and have been met with either them running for the
hills or having to deal with an attitude of, "right, so lets fuck". The irony of it all is that most of the misconception and resulting discrimination that I've experienced from the gay community has really been projected from their own experiences of misconception and discrimination put before them by straight folk.
Yes, there certainly are bisexual men that hide behind their marriages and a straight facade (yet seeking a bit of m2m action on the side unbeknownst to their wives)...and there are also gay men that hide behind a bisexual facade. I could stand in judgement of them and try to tar and feather them for ruining the reputation of my orientation but in all honesty, I cannot because it is very, very sad. I've just recently become very good friends with a gay guy and though he's known that he is gay for quite some time, he is still very much in the closet and adamant that this is where he intends to stay. This has led him to now have little if any self esteem, he has isolated himself from everyone meaningful to him (I am the only person that knows that he's gay) because he is forced to relate with them on an almost superficial level...will he ever really feel as if he is relating with them on a level of acceptance and love for who he is? The most heartbreaking part of all, is that he has closed himself to any opportunity of finding love and fulfillment. It is a tragic loss. At times he even approaches me with fear because "What if he falls in love with me?" I keep reminding him that he ought to be asking himself, "What if I disappoint him by not being who he perceives me to be?...since he's put me on a pedestal. I've told him that I would like our friendship to enable him to go out there and find his man...that I'd like to go to gay clubs (above board gay clubs) so that I am able to be in an environment true to who I am...and one that's true to him where he is opening himself up to the opportunity of meeting "Mr Right", but his only reaction was one of almost attacking me. It's frustrating to see someone live in fear, desolation and a strong sense of being helpless yet I remind myself that I have no right to impose my wishes or hopes for him upon him.
Regardless of what our orientation is, sexuality can be very grey, confusing and at times, even isolating. The best that we can do is to try to find our own truth and to remain faithful to it. I am happy and grateful to be bisexual, June Jordan expresses how I feel beautifully, "Bisexuality means I am free and I am as like to want to love a woman as I am likely to want to love a man, and what about that? Isn't that what freedom implies?" Yet at the same time, it's not all roses, there are thorns as well.