Freddie, I have come to truly love you as an lpsg friend! I think like many men in our generation, things were very different when you were courting your wife and becomming involved. As things are now, I wouldn't rock the boat. Having been married over 20 years and no longer sexually active, it seems like a moot point, but then again I don't know the exact nature of your illness or injury so I'm kinda in the dark. I know you love your wife and family, so you more than many would be well qualified to let our younger members know what your experiences have been like.
I do believe that a person's orientation can change over time, but I deeply believe that it is more the person's willingness to admit to themselves who they are that changes. It's just my opinion, but I stand firmly behind it. Loving the company of women is not the same as being str8. Period. Neither is "being able to perform" with a woman. As a young man, you dick will shoot nomatter where you put it! It's about lust, desire, what causes urges- these things determine SEXUAL orientation, and if you're not lusting over women, but you do feel lust over men, then that's gay, not bi. Now, if you feel lustful urges for both (and you're not lying to yourself to hold on to your str8 world foothold), then that's bi. Only you will know where your life fits in.
Also, nomatter what I say, or anyone else, only you can know how satisfied you feel in your life. If neither you or your wife is in a place that sex is an option, then I wouldn't upset her whole world over something that you aren't going to act out anyway. If you've spent your life together, raised you kids, had a fulfilling career, she is probably your best friend, albeit a platonic one. If this is agreeable to both of you, then far be it from me to suggest you do otherwise. Happiness in life is fleeting enough, I wouldn't lose what you have. I've never had what you have, because my own husband was not receptive to having sex with me, it was horrible from day one.
To all our younger members reading here, my plaintive cry is that you find out who you are before you offer yourself in a relationship to another person. The damage I incurred from such a union was substantial and I would not wish that on another person. Hear what Freddie has said, his attraction to his wife did not grow with time! Neither does anyone else's. I can love a woman too, but I don't want to have sex with her. If she's expecting sex from me, it would be cruel beyond belief to let her believe in me for that, don't you think? We are all sexual beings, and it's unfair to push the old "If you loved me enough you'd be happy with me as I am", because be honest- which of you as a newlywed would be satisfied in your marriage with a woman who made every excuse in the book not to have sex with you? If you think this would be okay, you're probably gay.
Freddie, we all grow in our own way in our own time. I can't possibly know what your life has been like, but I sure do value you here and now. Your willingness to share so openly about yourself has led to many good discussions here that I suspect will be very meaningful to many. I have made many decisions in my life that I would do differently now, if I knew then what I know now, but life doesn't work that way. When we are young, we make the decisions our young minds, using our youthful experience CAN make. We do our best. We try hard. I am sure you felt sure of yourself in your choices in that time. Good for you that you can explore yourself now and redefine who you are inside. Nothing is quite as beautiful a the growth of an individual person! Sharing yours here has meant a lot to me, as well as many of us, I'm sure.