Bisexuality

[B_HungSpermBoy]

Originally posted by madame_zora@Oct 10 2005, 04:15 AM
Lex, you are an amazing person, and I admire the way you've found a way to make your life work inside the framework of your existing realtionship. I know it took a lot of courage to do what you did, knowing what was at risk. I remember when it was going on, and you were prepared to accept her decision either way, that was impressive. I'm glad it worked out, we like to see the good guy win sometimes!

Here's a thought, guys. As tough as it is for you to figure out your own sexuality, it is just as tough for the people in your life to adjust their expectations accordingly, it's a process on both sides. I feel a great deal of chagrin to admit this, but when Julianna first told me about her bisexuality, I thought maybe it was a phase too. I gave her my unqualified support, as I believe a parent always should, but I held onto the notion that she'd probably outgrow it someday. I had no idea at that time about the complexity of the issue because I had never experienced it myself, my sexuality was rather clear to me. What has helped me more than anything was finally giving myself permission to investigate my own issues wrt sex that I had not seriously contemplated in the past.

Honestly, it wasn't until we moved the site to Invisionboard last year that I began to see it better. When Mark gave us the option of listing percentages, it opened up a lot of conversations about why that was a good idea. I thought there were three categories- gay, straight and bi. I thought bi meant 50/50. I now believe that there is an unlimited spectrum of possibilities, but I could not have understood that without the help of so many honest voices on this site. Most of the people in your lives will not have that opportunity, so you have the onerous task of educating them if you want them to actually understand. If you just "drop the bomb" and expect then to react gracefully, it probably won't happen. This is not a conversation- it is an education process, and an ongoing one at that.

Julianna and I are lucky. We have decided a long time ago what kind of relationship we want to have and all other things are secondary to that, but most people never have THAT conversation, so every little thing seems like a big deal. To many, something that upsets the paradigm threatens the relationship. your parents might feel "If my son isn't going to marry a girl and give us grandchildren, then who is this person we raised?" It's not that they don't love you, it's that they don't know how to relate to you. Parents, being older, may feel insecure to let you see them uneasy so they react negatively thinking it makes them appear strong. Of course, they are completely unaware of their own motivations because this is all so subconscious, but it's there nonetheless. Another thing is that they've become accustomed to their role in your life as being the one who makes the rules, so clearly this is an area where you have "disobeyed" to an extent, their natural reaction deep inside may be to tell you you're not allowed to be gay!

My best advice is to take the leadership role from the start. Give them lots of praise for the job they did of raising you (there have to be SOME good things, right?) and reassure them that nothing has changed in your relationship because of this. You are only telling them because you want to be closer and let them in. Don't give them an opportunity to believe they have a choice in the matter and they will have an easier time with it. The most frighteneing thing in the world for most people is the fear of having to make a decision. They are terrified that they will choose wrong, so don't make them feel that way. Don't ask "How do you feel about that?", this is not the place for an open ended question. Tell them that you've appreciated them making you feel loved and that's why you felt comfortable enough to talk about this with them. Tell them you knew they'd be good about it, and they probably will be. Lead them into being nice and you'll have a better chance.

[post=350238]Quoted post[/post]​

Madame_Zora,

I've read every word of all the posts you've written today, and they've really got to me. What you've said on this thread is almost over-whelming. I only wish that there were more parents like you in this country. I definitely want to have kids some day, and I'd like to be the kind of parent you've been. It's hard for me to believe the amazing things I read on this site.

I wanted to say a BIG THANK YOU TO YOU!

:loveya:

 

[Lex]

Originally posted by Cosota@Oct 11 2005, 02:50 PM
...

On another subject, Lex your comment about the forum being a ‘pornographic playground’ for some, seemed to have a slight derogatory connotation. It reminded me that I often read comments about other posts as being less worthy than others. What makes the forum so dear to me is that you can find in it from the heartfelt thought-provoking argument to the silliest thread.

...

[post=350607]Quoted post[/post]​

Oh, you misread me Cosota. I am all about porn --make it, watch it, get off to it (as long as its all adult. People take from this forum what they put into it. I was just noting that, for me, this place has gone far beyond penises. Nothing more.

 

[Oralius]

I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this thread, it is probably the most intelligent thread I have ever read in this or any website. I too have dealt with the feelings of being torn from understanding which part of my sexuality to fully commit to, however, I did decide that gay was the best way to define myself.

But I actually have a question coming from the view of a gay man who is scared to enter into a relationship with a bisexual man.

My main concern is the heightened level of competition one would have to endure dealing with a person who is fond of both sexes on multiple levels. Unfortunately, I have only seen relationships where one party is bisexual end horribly, usually due to the bisexual person (my father) cheating with a member of the opposite sex. I don't have a problem with the person being attracted to women as well as men, or them being able to carry out equally fulfilling relationships with either sex; I am concerned that there is something underlying that a woman can give that I cannot. How am I going to know (not that I can, truly) how to give the right amount of what he needs without making him feel like he's missing something from the other sex?

I truly care about this person, and I know the best thing I can do is be myself, but I don't want to end up hurt and alone while I watch the other person happily raise a family

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

This is a great post....You guys are very brave to be so open....Lex I have always admired your openiness and awareness of yourself and your feelings....I myself can somewhat relate too....I have always said that bi-sexuality feels more like a curse than a blessing....Funny I always get hit on the majority of the time by straight guys....I consider myself straight and most times I laugh it off....I hang out with a lot of straight guys and my straight guy friends seem to naturally gravitate towards me that sometimes feel kind of weird....This site opened my eyes that I am not alone with my feelings and lately been thinking that a lot of my friends probably feel the same way but are just not comfortable saying it so they throw me subtle hints (which I am bad at getting) to me because how open I seem to be....

I do not like to label my sexuality but I know I have an slight attraction for guys which most times I never act on....At a club, I take notice to guys and girls even though a girl is who I focus on the hardest....The few times I have hooked up with guys it has been a one night stand with mixed results....And because I have only ever hooked up with straight guys, I am always fine with it but it kind of weirds the other guy out because he starts to question his sexuality....

I prefer women sexually and for relationships and emotional support....Guys it is more of a sexual thing at the moment and visual stimulation....Funny I really haven't hooked up with as many guys as I could because, guys that I find hot or attractive, I end up getting to know them and really like them and we end up to be very close friends and then I value the friendship more then an one night stand so the sexual feelings go away....Like I said before - it is difficult to be bi-sexual....

On a side note, I do have one friend that kind of only came out to me that he was bi-sexual and he seems to be having major problems with it....I made the mistake of telling him that I have hooked up with guys in the past and I think that made him think that we are just alike....Personally he is way more into guys than I ever will be....Now he feels the need if we are together to tell what guys he thinks is hot or if I think they are hot too....And he kind of kiss and tells about straight guys that he hooks up with and he questions me of who in my core group of guy friends do I think would hook up with a guy too....It really makes me uncomfortable to have conversations with him like that....Most of the time I change the subject by telling him about some girl I had a date with the other day....

I think my sexuality goes through phases....Lately all I have been dating is women alot....I haven't even hooked up with a guy in almost 3yrs but I have probably made like 6 to 7 really close guy friends in that time too....

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Originally posted by Oralius@Oct 12 2005, 10:39 AM
But I actually have a question coming from the view of a gay man who is scared to enter into a relationship with a bisexual man.

My main concern is the heightened level of competition one would have to endure dealing with a person who is fond of both sexes on multiple levels.

[post=350806]Quoted post[/post]​

That is why I think it is harder for bi-sexuals....I feel if a person really cares for you then they want cheat on you....You have to be secure enough to realize that the person is with you and not another person....You have to be comfortable with that....Competition is always going to be there if you let it....Just because you find men and women equally attractive doesn't mean you want to act on those feeling too when you are in a committed relationship....

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

In my experience, it is true that it is definatly not "Having your cake and eating it", a better way of putting it is having two cakes and not sure which one to eat - knowing full well that if you eat one, you'll still want some of the other.

Also, in the extremely predudiced area in which I live I feel that I must hide half of myself to save a lot of hasstle and a lot of hatred.

 

[oldbodybuilder2004]

Hi to All;

After reading thru these thoughts I am more confused than ever. I havve never stated I felt most comfortable with. Str8 , Gay , or BI I was married for almost 10 yearsan it ended in divorce. Since then i have lived alone. I have never had any reelations with man, but feel drawn to men more than women. And since I found this site I have sspent hours a day on it. I really don't know whatI want. and at 74 I had better damn soon decide. NO?

OBB2004

 

[Lex]

Originally posted by Oralius@Oct 12 2005, 10:39 AM
I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this thread, it is probably the most intelligent thread I have ever read in this or any website. I too have dealt with the feelings of being torn from understanding which part of my sexuality to fully commit to, however, I did decide that gay was the best way to define myself.

But I actually have a question coming from the view of a gay man who is scared to enter into a relationship with a bisexual man.

My main concern is the heightened level of competition one would have to endure dealing with a person who is fond of both sexes on multiple levels. Unfortunately, I have only seen relationships where one party is bisexual end horribly, usually due to the bisexual person (my father) cheating with a member of the opposite sex. I don't have a problem with the person being attracted to women as well as men, or them being able to carry out equally fulfilling relationships with either sex; I am concerned that there is something underlying that a woman can give that I cannot. How am I going to know (not that I can, truly) how to give the right amount of what he needs without making him feel like he's missing something from the other sex?

I truly care about this person, and I know the best thing I can do is be myself, but I don't want to end up hurt and alone while I watch the other person happily raise a family

[post=350806]Quoted post[/post]​

In my opinion, the competition issue is HUGE in the GLBT community. SO many people are constantly looking for the "next, better partner" that it causes this almost insane paranoia and insecurity. As far as my situtation, my wife and I had open and honest conversations about it. Her perspective was that it was unrealistic to expect me to be this person attracted to both sexes and NEVER act upon it, even as my (our) realization of my homosexual leanings emerged.

For us, that meant she came to me and said--"I can deal with this--but it can't be random sex. It has to be someone who wants to partner with you You are my familky and this other sid eof you is now apart of our family and a special person should be so as well." It's called a "Closed Loop. Now, a LOT of wives in MOMs (Mixed Orientation Marriages) prefer that their bisexual husbands NOT get emotionally involved with another man and prefer a strictly sexual exploration (that for me, in and of itself, is just riskier and emptier--what I want is to be able to be with a guy--I can fuck a hole in the wall, y;know?). I have no right to expect what I have to work or last--I am just grateful that, for now, my partners understand my need for both of them in my life in order to feel whole.

Then there are the tons of committed gay men who are in "open" relationships where they either play together and/or separate or have a "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" policy. This works for a lot of men-the underlying belief being that men are hounds and are gonna do stuff, so why even pretedn otherwise. I don't buy that this has to be the case.

I think that if you love a person, you love ALL of them. You should not go into a relationship with a bisexual (or any other person) expecting that he (or she) will only want you because their very existence and nature makes that impossible. What, then, is the answer? I dunno.I think you can start by finding the inner security to know that no person will ever make the rest of the world seem ugly and undesirable. Who says a man can't be rugged an tough, yet caring and tender like a woman? I mean, unless you're really alluding to sexual things a woman has that a man does not (breasts, vagina). Don't be mad when a partner looks or when someone looks at them--everyone likes to look and be looked at and appreciated. Moreover, You can't miss what you can't measure.

 

[B_hungrick]

Originally posted by Lex+Oct 12 2005, 02:26 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Lex &#064; Oct 12 2005, 02:26 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-Oralius@Oct 12 2005, 10:39 AM
I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this thread, it is probably the most intelligent thread I have ever read in this or any website. I too have dealt with the feelings of being torn from understanding which part of my sexuality to fully commit to, however, I did decide that gay was the best way to define myself.

But I actually have a question coming from the view of a gay man who is scared to enter into a relationship with a bisexual man.

My main concern is the heightened level of competition one would have to endure dealing with a person who is fond of both sexes on multiple levels. Unfortunately, I have only seen relationships where one party is bisexual end horribly, usually due to the bisexual person (my father) cheating with a member of the opposite sex. I don&#39;t have a problem with the person being attracted to women as well as men, or them being able to carry out equally fulfilling relationships with either sex; I am concerned that there is something underlying that a woman can give that I cannot. How am I going to know (not that I can, truly) how to give the right amount of what he needs without making him feel like he&#39;s missing something from the other sex?

I truly care about this person, and I know the best thing I can do is be myself, but I don&#39;t want to end up hurt and alone while I watch the other person happily raise a family

[post=350806]Quoted post[/post]​

In my opinion, the competition issue is HUGE in the GLBT community. SO many people are constantly looking for the "next, better partner" that it causes this almost insane paranoia and insecurity. As far as my situtation, my wife and I had open and honest conversations about it. Her perspective was that it was unrealistic to expect me to be this person attracted to both sexes and NEVER act upon it, even as my (our) realization of my homosexual leanings emerged.

For us, that meant she came to me and said--"I can deal with this--but it can&#39;t be random sex. It has to be someone who wants to partner with you You are my familky and this other sid eof you is now apart of our family and a special person should be so as well." It&#39;s called a "Closed Loop. Now, a LOT of wives in MOMs (Mixed Orientation Marriages) prefer that their bisexual husbands NOT get emotionally involved with another man and prefer a strictly sexual exploration (that for me, in and of itself, is just riskier and emptier--what I want is to be able to be with a guy--I can fuck a hole in the wall, y;know?). I have no right to expect what I have to work or last--I am just grateful that, for now, my partners understand my need for both of them in my life in order to feel whole.

Then there are the tons of committed gay men who are in "open" relationships where they either play together and/or separate or have a "Don&#39;t Ask/Don&#39;t Tell" policy. This works for a lot of men-the underlying belief being that men are hounds and are gonna do stuff, so why even pretedn otherwise. I don&#39;t buy that this has to be the case.

I think that if you love a person, you love ALL of them. You should not go into a relationship with a bisexual (or any other person) expecting that he (or she) will only want you because their very existence and nature makes that impossible. What, then, is the answer? I dunno.I think you can start by finding the inner security to know that no person will ever make the rest of the world seem ugly and undesirable. Who says a man can&#39;t be rugged an tough, yet caring and tender like a woman? I mean, unless you&#39;re really alluding to sexual things a woman has that a man does not (breasts, vagina). Don&#39;t be mad when a partner looks or when someone looks at them--everyone likes to look and be looked at and appreciated. Moreover, You can&#39;t miss what you can&#39;t measure.

[post=350930]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]


Maybe this issue is like many others when it comes to relationships. It presupposes that all women and men are looking for a "better" partner than the one they&#39;re with. I subscribe to the view that there are people who we&#39;re more attuned to, and therefore who we&#39;ll be more compatible with. It doesn&#39;t really have to do with looks or personality, as much as the chemistry with the other person. Some call it our soulmate. But I also think that to get to the place in your life where you&#39;re able to discern who&#39;s your soulmate, you have to know a great deal about yourself. So self-awareness or a more subtle self-analysis is a prerequisite for "finding the right one" or ones. Just my opinion.

 

[mattsrod7]

Lex
In my opinion, the competition issue is HUGE in the GLBT community. SO many people are constantly looking for the "next, better partner" that it causes this almost insane paranoia and insecurity. As far as my situtation, my wife and I had open and honest conversations about it. Her perspective was that it was unrealistic to expect me to be this person attracted to both sexes and NEVER act upon it, even as my (our) realization of my homosexual leanings emerged.

For us, that meant she came to me and said--"I can deal with this--but it can&#39;t be random sex. It has to be someone who wants to partner with you You are my familky and this other sid eof you is now apart of our family and a special person should be so as well." It&#39;s called a "Closed Loop. Now, a LOT of wives in MOMs (Mixed Orientation Marriages) prefer that their bisexual husbands NOT get emotionally involved with another man and prefer a strictly sexual exploration (that for me, in and of itself, is just riskier and emptier--what I want is to be able to be with a guy--I can fuck a hole in the wall, y;know?). I have no right to expect what I have to work or last--I am just grateful that, for now, my partners understand my need for both of them in my life in order to feel whole.

Then there are the tons of committed gay men who are in "open" relationships where they either play together and/or separate or have a "Don&#39;t Ask/Don&#39;t Tell" policy. This works for a lot of men-the underlying belief being that men are hounds and are gonna do stuff, so why even pretedn otherwise. I don&#39;t buy that this has to be the case.

I think that if you love a person, you love ALL of them. You should not go into a relationship with a bisexual (or any other person) expecting that he (or she) will only want you because their very existence and nature makes that impossible. What, then, is the answer? I dunno.I think you can start by finding the inner security to know that no person will ever make the rest of the world seem ugly and undesirable. Who says a man can&#39;t be rugged an tough, yet caring and tender like a woman? I mean, unless you&#39;re really alluding to sexual things a woman has that a man does not (breasts, vagina). Don&#39;t be mad when a partner looks or when someone looks at them--everyone likes to look and be looked at and appreciated. Moreover, You can&#39;t miss what you can&#39;t measure.

[post=350930]Quoted post[/post]​

You say your married to your wife, correct? Why would you need another partner? Isnt the point of having a partner, such as a wife, satisfactory enough. Think how she must feel inside, knowing that she was unable to satisfy your love, but you still keep her around.
I think that is someone is bi, they should pick and choose, but remain loyal and faithful to only one partner at a time, wheter its male or female.

 

[BuffMusicIdol]

Amen, Lex.
And again, I say AaaaaaaaayyyyyyMEN&#33;

I&#39;m in my SECOND divorce. My SECOND EX is spreading to EVERYONE that I&#39;m gay. I was completely faithful to her as I was to my first wife. I entered my second marriage with NO secrets about my feelings of being bi, but with the understanding that I have NO track record of being unfaithful, and would remain faithful, because I was SO IN LOVE WITH HER.

Well, guess what?

13 months later, we are in a heated battle about every detail you can imagine, with lawyers and my credit and debt load being completely over the top, in a situation that should resolve quickly but drags on because of a need for revenge. For what? Because she has never been jilted by a man, and I left her, because she is a spoiled brat. Her name would be better suited as Demanda.

I now have a roommate who is a prince of a guy. We are not sexual because I have a lot of healing to do. But there is comfort in knowing that there are people on the planet who won&#39;t try to castrate you on an assumption that you CANNOT be faithful, since you are BI, and that if you are BI, it&#39;s a perverted form of being GAY. He is wonderful, gentle and affectionate. That&#39;s all I need for now.

I have NOTHING against women. I just made two lousy choices. But I think I&#39;m done with the marriage idea. From now on, my family includes my kids and people adopt as family. I consider some of you here like family. (You are generally all wierd enough to qualify.)

My rant was not supposed to be all negative. If it was, sorry. Still in the heat of battle. However, as Lex so eloquently stated, being bi is NOT necessarily a "gee, how would it be?" kinda thing. Most people are scared and very distrustful, and even disgusted with bis from my experience. I keep a low profile. When people ask about being gay or bi, I state that&#39;s like me asking them if they are swingers, use porn to have sex, or what positions they used last night. It&#39;s PRIVATE, and it&#39;s between the couple involved, and no one else.

Thanks Lex. I didn&#39;t have time to read the other posts. I don&#39;t get on her much anymore because of working long hours. But when I do check out posts here, I&#39;m always a little relieved to see the names and comments of people I&#39;ve learned to admire here.

Cheers, gang.
:hi:

 

[BuffMusicIdol]

One last comment.
The "yearning" doesn&#39;t go away with one or the other as lovers or partners. There is still a private ache for the other half to be fulfilled by the opposite gender when you are bi. Thus being faithful is always a dilema for a bi guy. However, there are MANY bi guys out there who decide to deal with the ache and save the marriage. Everyone is different, and everyone has to decide for themselves. It&#39;s usually a private hell to work out such difficulties. It never quite goes away for me, anyway.

 

[Matthew]

Sorry in advance if I seem bitchy, fightinghunger, but your post was pretty super judgmental...

Originally posted by fightinghunger@Oct 19 2005, 01:57 PM
You say your married to your wife, correct?

Umm ... by definition, that would be a yes ...

Why would you need another partner? Isnt the point of having a partner, such as a wife, satisfactory enough.

I guess maybe those are honest questions, but your emphasis makes it seem like you have never imagined that other people have different experiences/needs than you - different sexually, emotionally, romantically, etc.

Think how she must feel inside, knowing that she was unable to satisfy your love, but you still keep her around.

Ouch ... that sounds like your stuff, not hers. Why would you be a better judge than Lex of what his wife is feeling?

I think that is someone is bi, they should pick and choose, but remain loyal and faithful to only one partner at a time, wheter its male or female.

[post=353236]Quoted post[/post]​

So again, seems like that decision is best left up to the parties involved. How would you react if bi guys wrote in with sweeping pronouncements on how straight guys should behave? Would it bother you?

 

[BuffMusicIdol]

Damn, I am trying to get through all your posts on this subject, and I just don&#39;t have enough time to read them all in one sitting.

My profile has changed a little since I first did it. I think I&#39;m more 50/50 now than when I joined. That is partly due to my catastrophic marriages. My roommate, I&#39;ve mentioned is a truly remarkable human being.

I read your first post, Jana, and the only thing I can say after all that is, "Will you please be my mom for just a little while until I can heal from all this?"

I know how stupid this all sounds guys, but so many of you have touched a nerve and poured some healing balm all over me at the same time. I have been through so much hell over my sexuality (as evidenced by my failed marriages) and emotional pain from my children (18 and 21; "Dad, we love you, but you are SO screwed."), my fear of REALLY talking about it to my parents, who will NOT accept that I have a roommate because it&#39;s a gay thing to do, etc.

I can&#39;t even hardly type because my emotions are running so high. I&#39;m all a jumble and an endless ramble for words.

The only thing I truly want to say is, thank you, guys (and gals) for helping me feel like I DON&#39;T have to do this alone, that life is do-able as a bisexual, and that I have plenty of company who can relate to all this.

Keep this thread going for a bit, please. I think I need it.

:loveya:

 

[Lex]

Originally posted by fightinghunger@Oct 19 2005, 04:57 PM
You say your married to your wife, correct? Why would you need another partner? Isnt the point of having a partner, such as a wife, satisfactory enough. Think how she must feel inside, knowing that she was unable to satisfy your love, but you still keep her around.
I think that is someone is bi, they should pick and choose, but remain loyal and faithful to only one partner at a time, wheter its male or female.

[post=353236]Quoted post[/post]​

I neither expect everyone/anyone to agree or understand my situation. It is my path and thus, can&#39;t really be walked by anyone else--someone else can walk a similar path, but they can&#39;t walk mine because they aren&#39;t me. I have posted many different threads throughout this process and as I have said over and over again, I did not realize my bi-sexuality until AFTER I was married (for about 5 years) and my wife was very instrumental in my realzing and uncovering this aspect of myself.

We as a couple have decided to redefine our relationship in this manner, and she has made 90% of the rules. She could have chosen to divorce me, take the house, etc. She chose not to do that. In here words "I don&#39;t want anyone else, I want you. I married you--ALL of you and this is part of you." I have not and will never force her to do or agree to anything she does not wish to.

I cherish the fact that we have been able to push thorugh these VERY difficult issues and are making our marriage work. If she chose TOMORROW that she had to leave, I would respect that and try to move forward. I know I have no right to expect this--I am just grateful that my wife is a mature, secure person.

 

[naughty]

Originally posted by Lex+Oct 21 2005, 01:35 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Lex &#064; Oct 21 2005, 01:35 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-fightinghunger@Oct 19 2005, 04:57 PM
You say your married to your wife, correct?  Why would you need another  partner?  Isnt the point of having a partner, such as a wife, satisfactory enough.  Think how she must feel inside, knowing that she was unable to satisfy your love, but you still keep her around. 
I think that is someone is bi, they should pick and choose, but remain loyal and faithful to only one partner at a time, wheter its male or female.

[post=353236]Quoted post[/post]​

I neither expect everyone/anyone to agree or understand my situation. It is my path and thus, can&#39;t really be walked by anyone else--someone else can walk a similar path, but they can&#39;t walk mine because they aren&#39;t me. I have posted many different threads throughout this process and as I have said over and over again, I did not realize my bi-sexuality until AFTER I was married (for about 5 years) and my wife was very instrumental in my realzing and uncovering this aspect of myself.

We as a couple have decided to redefine our relationship in this manner, and she has made 90% of the rules. She could have chosen to divorce me, take the house, etc. She chose not to do that. In here words "I don&#39;t want anyone else, I want you. I married you--ALL of you and this is part of you." I have not and will never force her to do or agree to anything she does not wish to.

I cherish the fact that we have been able to push thorugh these VERY difficult issues and are making our marriage work. If she chose TOMORROW that she had to leave, I would respect that and try to move forward. I know I have no right to expect this--I am just grateful that my wife is a mature, secure person.

[post=353877]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]



Yes Lex,

You ARE a very lucky man to have a wife who will allow you to follow a path that makes you feel happy and fulfilled .I am sure you cherish your wife and are secure in knowing because of her sacrifices that she truly loves you. I hope you continue to be blessed with her love and support.

Kim

 

[BuffMusicIdol]

Lex, hang on to her, don&#39;t lose her.

I would give almost ANYTHING to have found such a woman as you are married to.

I have a friend that I&#39;ve known since I was 6. She was a highschool cheerleader, winner of many beauty pageants, and when I was 17 I had a crush on her like every other guy. They all wanted to lay her. I just wanted to love her. Her husband died 4 yrs ago, and she is an actress, local celebrity, etc. She called and had a hey-day teasing me about not being stupid once but TWICE about my choice of women, then went on to invite me to Sunday dinner. We are like brother and sister. But then she said:

"You could have chosen me or any of my friends, dear, we are all NORMAL, healthy women."

I wanted to wretch. I cut the conversation off, wrote her an email declining dinner, and said I wouldn&#39;t be coming to singles mixer.

You know, people, I don&#39;t want a NORMAL woman. I wanted someone who was like Lex&#39;s wife. I wanted someone who could see into my soul and realize it isn&#39;t perfect, but be willing to NOT throw me away because I was a mix of a lot of GOOD things, not just scarey things they didn&#39;t comprehend. I have met extremely few women like Lex&#39;s wife, but I have met a couple. Their husbands realize what a treasure they are, and the wives realize what a treasure their husband is. And believe me, I would never have thought ANYONE could tough out the crap some of them have gone through. And it wasn&#39;t even about sexuality.

The only point I want to make is that I realize there are incredible people out there. I&#39;m not anti-women. But I have been pretty run over and become road kill to two of them.

If you have such a woman in your life as Lex does, cherish her. I never once, missed an important occasion without acknowledging it with flowers, a card, a gift, a special trip away--anything. I tried to go the extra mile to cherish the women I loved. But I scared them because I was "wierd" about sexuality, or what ever it may have been that they didn&#39;t like. Thing is, I told my second wife everything about me BEFORE we married.

If you have a partner, a mate, a love, cherish them. Make it work, as long as both parties are willing. And try not to be judgmental about what works in others&#39; relationships, with you feeling like it&#39;s "wierd" or something. If it works, then it works. Let them have their privacy and dignity to keep it working.

 

[invisibleman]

Even though, I am totally gay. I find bisexuality very interesting. Maybe I am the exception to the gay rule: I can and have had sexual relationships with bisexual men before. I am very male oriented. I think that it is interesting that bisexuals can find something in both sexes sexually appealing enough for a relationship. Some think that that would be kind of maddening. I think that having any relationship is difficult for any sexual orientation. Relationships are just that--dealing with relating to one another. Everybody isn&#39;t perfect. Everybody changes. Be happy knowing that. You&#39;ll be much happier. Sometimes people put each other through very unnecessary BS because of their projections of what a perfect relationship should be like. If you get somebody like that, you&#39;re better off breaking up.
Invisibleman :yourock: :beer:

 

[invisibleman]

Originally posted by BuffMusicIdol@Oct 20 2005, 05:59 PM
Damn, I am trying to get through all your posts on this subject, and I just don&#39;t have enough time to read them all in one sitting.

My profile has changed a little since I first did it. I think I&#39;m more 50/50 now than when I joined. That is partly due to my catastrophic marriages. My roommate, I&#39;ve mentioned is a truly remarkable human being.

I read your first post, Jana, and the only thing I can say after all that is, "Will you please be my mom for just a little while until I can heal from all this?"

I know how stupid this all sounds guys, but so many of you have touched a nerve and poured some healing balm all over me at the same time. I have been through so much hell over my sexuality (as evidenced by my failed marriages) and emotional pain from my children (18 and 21; "Dad, we love you, but you are SO screwed."), my fear of REALLY talking about it to my parents, who will NOT accept that I have a roommate because it&#39;s a gay thing to do, etc.

I can&#39;t even hardly type because my emotions are running so high. I&#39;m all a jumble and an endless ramble for words.

The only thing I truly want to say is, thank you, guys (and gals) for helping me feel like I DON&#39;T have to do this alone, that life is do-able as a bisexual, and that I have plenty of company who can relate to all this.

Keep this thread going for a bit, please. I think I need it.

:loveya:

[post=353649]Quoted post[/post]​

You may have some setbacks in your life but you aren&#39;t a failure. As far as your children are concerned, you just keep on being the best parent you can. Young adults are crazy and kinda cruel at that age. The young adults are a little "screwy" themselves you have to love them more. You aren&#39;t alone in feeling the way you do. I still get a lot of flack for being gay. I have had my share of broken long-term relationships. Yeah, this guy has shed a tear or two being heartbroken. Life goes on. It is okay to be feeling a little out of it for a while. Make those mistakes don&#39;t be beating yourself up over them. A good book to read would be "How To Mend Your Broken Heart: Overcoming Emotional Pain at the End of a Relationship" by Paul McKenna, Ph.D and Hugh Willbourn, Ph.D . Find yourself a bisexual support group in your area or online. Invisibleman :yourock: :bounce:

 

[Pene_Negro_Grande]

Wow I do find this thread very interesting....BuffMusicIdol - I really don&#39;t envy you on the problems that you are going through right now....All I can say is you need to make yourself happy for a change and stop worrying about everyone else feelings...Glad you have a roommate that is that cool to support you....I know this is cliche and everything - but at this point in your life - I wouldn&#39;t care what anyone thought about my personal life....I use to be the same way as you and trying to live my life the way my family and friends wanted me to but I really wasn&#39;t happy making everyone else happy....Now I live to make myself happy and I realized now that I have some really truely great friends who I consider my family who really love and care about me....It is hard being bi-sexual and I really hate to label myself that way because I feel a stronger sexual and emotional attraction to women but I definitely know I have an attraction to guys too but can maintain just great non-sexual friendships with them....And as much as I get hit on by men and women - I should be hooking up left and right every night but that is just not me....I am really everyone else - looking for that right person to settle down with....

Personally I am looking for a woman who I can be honest with about my sexuality too....And I have never cheated while I was in a committed relationship either but I think women feel that they can&#39;t compete thinking you are going to jump in bed with a guy and cheat on them....I don&#39;t see what the big deal is since I have dated many bi-sexual women and I never had an issue thinking they would cheat on me with a woman....Even though most of the time that is why the relationship with bi-sexual women never work for me....At least in my case I always feel they are more into women than men....But BMI - take care of yourself and it does get better....