Bisexuals in the closet, are they really hiding who they are?

hot_topic90

Just Browsing
Joined
Dec 30, 2008
Posts
170
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
101
Location
Sexville, USA
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
It really isn't a "fucked up" way to deal with one's unique sexuality, hot topic90. Some of us, due to the ways in which we became sexually active, have discovered that we are able-- and have in times past-- to sustain long-term loving relationships with both men and women. In my own case, my lifetime partner happens to be a dear lady; after many years I do not deny that "other side" of my unique sexuality; I just am not active on the gay side of my sexuality. You see, I do believe in being faithful in a relationship; I do not cheat.

What happens sexually between two persons is personal and private and in my view ought to remain so. What the public gets is what they can see. Were I single today I might very well find a relationship with a man appropriate; in that case, the outside world would be free to draw its own conclusions; but, except on a site such as this, I would not let them have any details of my private and personal sex life.

you don't even know what i'm talking about. how about asking before you jump to conclusions? i think terms like "gay" or "straight" do human sexuality little to no justice. when it comes to sexuality there are no absolutes. i think everyone is bisexual in varying degrees, with some people preferring one sex over the other. sexuality is also subject to change over time. a marjority of psychologists would agree with me that the traditional view of sexuality as "gay" or "straight" is a social construct, that distracts from reality. without religion and the conservative right telling us how to run our lives, i think we would see more of this. sort of like an ancient greece 2.0. so the fact that bisexuals have "to be in the closet" is fucked up to me, because thats natural human sexuality and you shouldn't be in the closet. THAT is what i meant.
 
Last edited:

lokican

Experimental Member
Joined
Oct 27, 2004
Posts
220
Media
0
Likes
22
Points
163
Age
39
Location
Canada
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Male
sexuality is also subject to change over time. a marjority of psychologists would agree with me that the traditional view of sexuality as "gay" or "straight" is a social construct, that distracts from reality.

I used to think that as well, but recently wonder if that isn't a real me point of view (I'm bi so assuming everyone is a bit bi, seems like i'm assuming everyone is like me seems a bit egocentric.

Just to clarify a few things, all my friends know I'm bi and the only people I don't feel comfortable teeling are co-workers and family (well sister does know). I'm also 24 bigitalian bro, should update my info.

Thanks for all the opinions from everyone, I love getting everyone's unique perspective on this.
 

hot_topic90

Just Browsing
Joined
Dec 30, 2008
Posts
170
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
101
Location
Sexville, USA
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
I used to think that as well, but recently wonder if that isn't a real me point of view (I'm bi so assuming everyone is a bit bi, seems like i'm assuming everyone is like me seems a bit egocentric.

Just to clarify a few things, all my friends know I'm bi and the only people I don't feel comfortable teeling are co-workers and family (well sister does know). I'm also 24 bigitalian bro, should update my info.

Thanks for all the opinions from everyone, I love getting everyone's unique perspective on this.

there have been extensive research/evidence to support the claim. when i mentioned ancient greece, i was referring to how most of the male population were openly bisexual. not sure about women, i don't think they were allowed to have a sexuality. but it was socially acceptable for men to be bisexual and since no one was condemned for it, people were more open about it. on a smaller scale, it would be similar to how female bisexuality is viewed in a favorable light today. this gives many more females the "green light" to be more open about their sexuality, open to exploring.

we can also look to the animal kingdom and see how widespread it is. bisexuality has been documented in more than 10,000 species, if memory serves. our closest relatives, the bonobo, are completely bisexual.

believe it or not, conformity plays, arguably, a larger role in sexual identification than biology. being that humans are social creatures, we're far more likely to change who we are to fit the majority. thats called internalization.

i'm too lazy at the moment to pull up anything else. maybe later.....
 
Last edited:

killerb

Expert Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Nov 13, 2007
Posts
2,090
Media
3
Likes
211
Points
383
Location
USA
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
Hi just throwing the question out there, in your opinion, do you think bisexuals who are in the closet, are they really hiding their true selves? Yes, I think they are...I've heard gay people tell some real horror stories of being in denial and driving themselves crazy, or going to great lengths appearing to be straight for peers. Now for bisexuals, is it the same? Again, yes...If they choose to keep their gay side on the downlow, are they relay keeping who they really are secret as well? Yes...Since they are have an attraction to both, they can still express their hetro sexuality,and don't have to live a lie, just keep the gay part private/secret.

Being closeted in any way is hiding who you really are...I don't recommend it...
 

rbkwp

Mythical Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2007
Posts
80,298
Media
1
Likes
45,692
Points
608
Location
Auckland (New Zealand)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
lokican has just replied to a thread

Thanks for all the opinions from everyone, I love getting everyone's unique perspective on this.

- Agree with you lokican
definitly one of the better threads on LPSG one of the reasons i joined
everyone seems to be offering more than interesting perspectives of there life and feelings
Think i can honestly say theres only been 1/2 a dozen truly good threads lpsg
..being a matter of interest to myself of course.
enz
 

Phil Ayesho

Superior Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2008
Posts
6,189
Media
0
Likes
2,792
Points
333
Location
San Diego
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
I am a bi man.

The idea that we are hiding something about who we are is a short-sighted view held by both straight and gay people about what it means to be bisexual.

Basically, it means that we can't really be bi ... we must be hiding our true nature, which is more narrow and limited like being straight or being gay is.

Well Put.

A lot of folks seem to think that the term "bisexual' means "HALF GAY".

Well in some cases it might... but not in most.
While I can and have had sex with men, I have never been interested in a long term relationship with any man. I have had friends who I regularly serviced over a period of many years... but never kissed, cuddled, lived with or went shopping with them...

I don't think of myself as "partly gay' even tho I like gay porn as much as hetero... rather, I think of myself as sexually open minded.

That is, my interest in men is all about the cock and pure physical lust.


When it comes to my heart... I fall for women. I prefer to live with and spend time with and cuddle and go out on romantic dates with women.

I have no hidden side, really... My wife knows of my past, and she knows that I am faithful regardless of my comfort with homosexual sex. Regardless of my fantasies or sexual past... I live an entirely heterosexual lifestyle...

So how is that "hiding" who I really am?

In terms of not walking around with a t-shirt proclaiming my bisexuality to one and all... life is simply easier if you seem to fit into some community norm.

There is a myth that anyone claiming bisexuality is really gay... and in denial... but I think that is because the Gay community is as hide bound in their sense of THEIR community norms as is the straight community.

Everyone wants you to be identifiably ONE thing or Another. And a sliding scale of sexual ambiguity is not something they want to have to deal with.


I have no problem with other people assuming I am Straight...

But then... I happen to know that nearly half of all men who Claim to be straight have porn collections that feature a LOT of big throbbing cock... as if having a girl in the picture makes all that cock innocuous.
- a huge percentage of the stright community has sexual thoughts and fantasies of the same sex...

And they ALL hide it... fearful of the consequences if it were generally known...

So, I guess I have to conclude that the KIND of hiding you are referring to is, in fact, the social norm.
People into S&M don't generally advertise it at work... people into cross dressing, infantilism, bondage, rubber... or same sex encounters, keep that non-conforming behavior secret... to avoid the unnecessary condemnation from those who are not into it, yet would not want their OWN sexual peculiarities known, either.

To be frank, no one you are not actively trying to date really wants to know about your sexual life.

Straight people, by and large, are as uncomfortable with public displays of hetero affection as they are with homo affection.

It is a puritanical, overly religious, society. So everyone keeps the deeper darker portion of their sexuality pretty much to themselves....
 

Primal_Savage

Cherished Member
Joined
Dec 10, 2007
Posts
874
Media
28
Likes
394
Points
128
Location
Southeast
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
Well Put? Perhaps in your eyes, but then again opinions are a lot like assholes. Everyone's got one.

As I said above, my sexuality defines a small portion of who I am and my true nature as a human being. I have a low tolerance of queens, fag hags and effeminate whimps, along with other things that have little relevance in my life such as people that thrive on gossip, chick flicks, cry babies, afflicted speech and women that want to change me. My true nature leaving out the sexuality is that I'm a gym-rat, I like to hang out with my buds (titty bars, ball games, play pool and touch fb and other sports), place a great deal of importance on my appearance and in the workplace, be the best that I can be. What I do with my bf is no one's business but his and mine. If we remain closeted that's also our business. We're also both very happy with our jobs, our families, and our time together. The way we see it, we're more than well-adjusted. There's really no rational argument as to why we should come out of the closet.
 
Last edited:

Phil Ayesho

Superior Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2008
Posts
6,189
Media
0
Likes
2,792
Points
333
Location
San Diego
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
Okay- but what, exactly, that I said , or agreed with, are you taking exception to?

The fact that people can be exclusionary and cruel to those who don't have similar inclinations?

You said yourself that you have a low tolerance for a large sector of the gay community. yet you offer no actual response to the question at hand.

Does EVERYONE in your world, from employers to friends to dates know about your bisexuality?

OR do you, in fact, coming off masculine and macho, simply allow most people to jump to the conclusion that you are straight?
 

Primal_Savage

Cherished Member
Joined
Dec 10, 2007
Posts
874
Media
28
Likes
394
Points
128
Location
Southeast
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
I'm taking exception to the statement: "Basically, it means that we can't really be bi ... we must be hiding our true nature, which is more narrow and limited like being straight or being gay is."

While it's true that I have a low tolerance for a large sector of the gay community, I wouldn't display it in public as the way I see it cruelty only begets more cruelty. I also have a low tolerance for gay bashing and other hate crimes. In fact, I'd probably come to his/their defense both verbally and physically if needed.

Basically, except for my SO and others whom I've had relationships with are the only individuals that know about my bisexuality and past. The same is true for my partner. As we're not out cruising or involving others what the hell difference does it make. Yes, we're both quite masculine and I suppose, as bodybuilders, that to a lot of people we may seem overly macho. That, however, is not an act, it's a reflection of our upbring and part of our human nature.
 

prince_will

Cherished Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Apr 5, 2006
Posts
2,039
Media
51
Likes
355
Points
403
Verification
View
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Male
If you chose to keep your bisexuality to yourself then that is totally your choice. No one can really tell you what you should do, as long as you feel it's right.

For me personally, I dont think I would feel the need to "come out" as being bisexual unless I wanted to have a full blown relationship (ie not just sex) with a guy.

My views exactly. I don't really need to tell the world about it, because i know that i'm bisexual and i'm OK with that. and whoever i choose to be in a relationship will know too.
 

B_bflr

Experimental Member
Joined
Dec 10, 2008
Posts
136
Media
0
Likes
10
Points
103
Location
Minneapolis
Sexuality
60% Straight, 40% Gay
Gender
Male
As stated recently in another thread, I like pussy, and I like cock. My "true nature" is that I'm a man, and I like sex. I say I'm bisexual because I'm attracted to both men and women, and am active sexually (and actively sexual) with one woman and also one man.

This does not mean I'm in the closet. The whole planet need not know my situation. My two sex partners should and do.

I don't think I will ever, ever understand why anyone thinks they have the right to accuse another of being "in the closet" or "in denial" or "living a lie", especially if one labels oneself "bisexual." To make such an accusation is arrogant and pointless.

If you think I'm a "closet" gay, it doesn't make. Both my sex partners love me, and my cock, and I love them, and what they got. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, so why should I have to advertise? Should we accuse gays of really being closeted straights, they're just afraid of women? I've heard that one before, and it's just as ridiculous.
 

Phil Ayesho

Superior Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2008
Posts
6,189
Media
0
Likes
2,792
Points
333
Location
San Diego
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
I'm taking exception to the statement: "Basically, it means that we can't really be bi ... we must be hiding our true nature, which is more narrow and limited like being straight or being gay is."


Okay--- I think you misunderstood the statement.
What the author was saying is that, because BOTH Straight and Gay people tend to believe that guys claiming "bisexuality" are really just in denial over being gay... that bisexuals tend to be under more pressure to hide their orientation than any other group... and that it's easier, since they can, and usually do, end up living with women.

He was saying that the assumption by most people is that a "bisexual" is TREATED by others as if he can't possibly be REALLY bisexual.

HE was not saying we can't... just that both straights and gays cop the tude that we can't be.

Basically, except for my SO and others whom I've had relationships with are the only individuals that know about my bisexuality and past. The same is true for my partner. As we're not out cruising or involving others what the hell difference does it make. Yes, we're both quite masculine and I suppose, as bodybuilders, that to a lot of people we may seem overly macho. That, however, is not an act, it's a reflection of our upbring and part of our human nature.


Exactly my point. I think MOST people conceal any sexual interests that vary widely from the accepted norms...

That most of the time such "concealing" is NOT in the from of lying about it... but simply not actively volunteering it.
Most people don't ask... most people don't pry... most people just make an assumption based upon how you seem to be.

Not going out of my way to CORRECT other people's assumptions about my sexuality is NOT lying about myself.

Its just minding my own business.
 
Last edited: