Bit off-topic, but curious.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by _Jonesy, Jun 2, 2010.

  1. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

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    Like the title says I know this is a bit off-topic, but this is my favourite site for advice and mature responses, and it may get a few people saying they have the same situation.

    This has been on my mind lately, and I am noticing it more and more. It could be because of me, or is it other people? I have no idea. The issue is simple, communicating with people. The same happens on nights out, wherever I am, even with friends. I feel as though if I want to talk to people I have to talk to them first, organise to do stuff with them or they wouldn't ask me.

    I know I sound like a loner lol, but as soon as I talk to them they're fine, or up to do stuff. So what is it? Why do I always have to initiate conversation with people, am I being paranoid, or perhaps something about first-impressions I give off.

    Does anybody else share similar stories (now they mention it) or perhaps in reverse, do people usually wait to be talked to rather than talk to.
     
  2. abriel

    abriel New Member

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    I think most people are really so caught up in themselves that it doesn't even occur to them to initiate a conversation or make plans.
     
  3. ges

    ges Member

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    As far as making initial contact, I find the same thing - if I don't initiate, nothing would ever happen. I put this down to the fact that people tend to think they are so busy, AND they seem to think that their social contact via email, text messages, Facebook, etc is satisfying socially.
    In regard to initiating talk, in my case I think that I feel uncomfortable with silence, so maybe too-quickly fill that silence by saying something (evidenced by the fact that I feel that what I say is often trivial). Perhaps if I let it go a little longer, the other person might offer something.
    Don't know if this relates much to your situation, but an interesting topic.
     
  4. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

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    It does relate ges, and I have even gone as far to experiment if you like by not talking to a customer at work or someone I would be sat next to at College, and rarely people would ever speak. The question begs my mind: Are they waiting and expecting to be spoken to, or are they too shy where I am more confident talking to people?

    Other than that I am like you, I don't like the silence, it feels awkward so I start up a convo anyway I can. It does happen on facebook too though, people won't speak to me unless spoken to. Maybe they just don't like chatting, or maybe people just think I'm an arsehole :p
     
  5. boxerboy

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    I feel pretty much the same. And i don't know why it is. I always seem to be the one who rings people or arranges everything. I've tried the same where I will wait a few weeks to see who calls me first. It always ends with me being dissapointed. I know I'm a good friend and people like me but it's frustrating and tiring that I'm always the one to make the effort and the first initiations :(
     
    #5 boxerboy, Jun 2, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2010
  6. Brensta

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    I'm the "social organiser" of the group myself. Is it possible all yours friends think that you are the person who initiates these things, so they just leave it to you because they know you will do a good job of it? :)
     
  7. thadjock

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    you may need to recalibrate your expectations on that first part.

    as for the rest of your question, i can't really relate to your situation. I guess i've always been more of an organiser/initiator personality. I never really considered that I should sit around waiting for someone else to do that.

    I grew up with 3 brothers, and a military dad, so it was sort of a built in assertiveness training camp from the beginning. you either stepped up, spoke up , and made your own thing happen or you got lost in the crush.

    be more confident, sounds like people like hanging out with you, don't be afraid to be the social initiator, make ur own thing happen.
     
  8. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

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    True, and I don't mind setting things up. I'll see what happens when I meet people at Uni. Although sometimes, people will organise stuff I have to ask them about it to get an invite (although not all the time must admit).

    And this still doesn't explain why people tend to not speak a word to me when they meet me, while they may for other people.

    Very interested to see people thinking the same though.
     
  9. Wish-4-8

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    I think this is an issue of extroverts vs. introverts, and assumptions really cant be made about a person because there are many variations in both.

    Sure, extroverts tend to talk more, and/ or take the intiative. Im like that. And believe it or not, IRL, I am not always full of hot air. I may actually have something to say. I can join groups of strangers together and basically, break the ice.

    Introverts are not neccesarily shy or reserve. Just uncomfortable making the intial first move. But once in, they can be just as chatty.

    In my circle of friends, its what I do for the group. In our last outing, I basically made all the plans just to get it going. Or it would have been a night of, "What do you want to do? I dont know. What do YOU want to do?"
     
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