Black guys

D_Birdy_Swallows

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So.... Doing the online dating thing. (Online more than actual dating since everyone is so far away.)

V lives in Texas, and yes, everything is bigger in Texas. He asked me if I had ever been with a black man, and that his past girlfriends have told him that black guys are "different."

L lives in Seattle, he seems concerned that I haven't been with a black man before "How you know you like black man?"

What am I missing? Are they just being coy about endowment? V has shared pics, ,he is 9" uncircumcised and thick.

L's endowment, I have no idea, we haven't shared pics yet.

Other men are large, so are they meaning some other quality? When I press for details, I don't get them.

Any insights?
 

paigexox

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I think it is a stereotype that leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. For instance, you might expect a difference for whatever reason and then act in a manner toward the other person (be it at a conscious or subconscious level) that will cause them to react in a fashion that confirms said expectation(s).

Sexually speaking, I do not believe that the color of one's skin causes any more variance in behavior or attributes than does individual differences.
 
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D_Birdy_Swallows

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I think it is a stereotype that leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. For instance, you might expect a difference for whatever reason and then act in a manner toward the other person (be it at a conscious or subconscious level) that will cause them to react in a fashion that confirms said expectation(s).

Sexually speaking, I do not believe that the color of one's skin causes any more variance in behavior or attributes than does individual differences.

This is what I am thinking too. But then I wonder if they are talking about something else? Maybe attitudes? I told L last night, I'm a woman, you're a man. I don't understand what color has to do with if we like each other or not?
 

paigexox

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Could be, but I like to err on the side of caution. To say that all black males are "different" (And from whom exactly? That'd be a good question to ask...) because of the attitudes they hold or for other social reasons is kind of, well, ignorant. Waaaay too many factors that could bring about differences are unaccounted for (e.g., socio-economic status, education, region of upbringing, etc).
 
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Jillang

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I dated an African American guy for a while and the biggest issue for us was dealing with other peoples opinions and attitudes. I really don't know your situation but I'm from a small town in Wisconsin and there just are not a lot of non-caucasians or interracial dating. I wasn't naive about some people being racist or anything but I was surprised about how many of my friends were concerned "who" I was dating and how many were either willing to share their opinions with me directly or with other people who know me. It was really an eye opener. It's just my opinion that besides having to deal with every other issue that relationships involve, you have to add on other peoples attitudes about race.
 

EllieP

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I really don't see where race has anything to do with a physical relationship since that stereotype has been squashed. Yes, I know porn will ferret out the biggest, blackest fellow and parade him around, but for the most part I doubt that on average there is any appreciable difference among the races as far as endowment is concerned.

Like Jillang said, the biggest difference I found is a frame of reference. I have dated only one African American and only one time. Awesome guy but we just didn't click. I shared that experience with an old high school friend who is also black. He really sent my head reeling talking about the differences between us.

He started talking about places we used to go to when we were in school. I recalled some of the hangouts and who was there and what we did. He mentioned three places that I never heard of before, and I asked where they were. He said "in town, but not on your side of town." That floored me. We went to the same school, and I just assumed we shared the same experiences. Not so. He talked about people, usually some of the old folks, who were the stalwarts of his community, and I maybe heard about one of them!

I only know of discrimination for being female. I think it's nothing compared to being black in the South.

One day this may change, but it's going to be a few more generations around here.
 

D_Birdy_Swallows

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It may be a moot point for L. I am pulling the plug with him. He keeps accusing me of lying, and it's damned annoying. And he said "I don't go down on women." I guess I'm supposed to cum from his good looks alone. </eyeroll>

That's not something I am going to give up.
 

Jillang

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I won't lie, a big perk would be watching my mom's head explode.

Ha ha my mom was fine but I think it almost killed one of my uncles :)
He's always been nice to me but I have to admit it really upset me at the time.
 

botticellisvenus

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I won't lie, a big perk would be watching my mom's head explode.
That is too funny!!!

My mother would have done the same thing, and her line would have been, "BVee, you know I'm not prejudiced. Why, the Smiths live right next door, and they're Black. I love them dearly, but [fill in the blank]." :redface:
 

EllieP

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It may be a moot point for L. I am pulling the plug with him. He keeps accusing me of lying, and it's damned annoying. And he said "I don't go down on women." I guess I'm supposed to cum from his good looks alone. </eyeroll>

That's not something I am going to give up.

Whoa, Girl! Run! Any man that accused me of ANYTHING is not worth me exhaling in his general direction much less trying to maintain or start a relationship.

And not going down??? WTF? I would say "Good, that makes two of us."
 

D_Birdy_Swallows

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I sent him a text this morning and told him I wasn't going to tolerate being called a liar, then blocked him on the dating site. He sent a text back telling me to delete his contact info.

Yeah, dumbass. Keep telling yourself it was your idea.
 

AlteredEgo

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It has been my observation that some American black men exotify white and Asian women, and treat them better than the treat other women, or feel more shame about mistreating them than they do other women. I have watched that play out over and over. When you point it out, they disagree, even if you give clear examples.

One such example is one of my very closest friends, who is also an ex-fiance. I laughed until I cried when he told me some shit his Jewish girlfriend was pulling at the time. I couldn't even talk to explain my laughter I was laughing so hard. When I was done, I just said, you would NEVER have let me get away with that nonsense, and I actually fucked you, cleaned your house, and cooked your meals. She already told you she's saving it for marriage, and won't marry you nor introduce you to anyone she knows because she's an orthodox Jew, which you cannot become via conversion. Which brings me to my next point: if I, or D*****, or A***** had ever treated you like a dirty secret, for any reason, you would have stepped!" He had a litany of justifications. Men like that always do. Always.

That's one difference I noticed. That, and white and Arabic men never try to talk me out of using condoms, but other men usually try, eventually. The Latin men I dated, with the exception of my husband (who is culturally white, barely speaks Spanish, and whom no one believes is Puerto Rican until he produces his drivers license) try harder to eliminate condoms. They pushed really, really hard for unprotected sex, and a little over half have called (or worse, texted) to see if I would let them impregnate me. Enough men that I have begun to wonder if it is cultural.

Oh. I thought of something else I have observed. Black men with Caribbean ancestry, and fewer than three generations in America have been more likely to tell me they don't perform oral than other black men. (And therefore, less likely to get anywhere with me sexually.)
 
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Mercurygirl

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I've never understood that comment, "have you ever been with a black man?" To me it's a red flag. Please, as if they're not exactly like every other male using any/all gimmicks or lines just to get into a girl's pants. As if they're special. It reeks of pretension, arrogance, and bigotry. Like that sentence would be followed by, "why you're in for a real treat this evening little white girl." Seriously what fucking difference does it make if I've been with a particular race? You horny bastards are all part of the same male species get over yourselves. "Ever been with a black man?" Why, you guys got two dicks or something? You'd prefer we talk all night and don't want to fuck me? Da fuck, how naive do you think I am?

I've never been with a black guy but I get hit on by them all the time here at college and more than once during an exchange that comment or a form of that comment will come out of their mouth. Oddly enough especially at clubs or a party when I'm with my boyfriend and he's gone off to the bathroom, for drinks, etc.. It's like a window of opportunity has opened and it's their cue to swoop in and quickly elude to the stereotype of their large black penis and sexual prowess. Yeah, lets ditch my boyfriend so you can show me in the parking lot why I'll "never go back." The fucking nerve.

Sorry, I don't want any part of that race shit, makes me feel uncomfortable.
 

Sexycyn

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Let me start by saying I'm a black female. My hubster is white. In my experience there is definitely a difference between white and black men, and I'm not talking about the physical. There's an attitude (subtle or out in the open) a lot of black guys (by no means ALL) have about women. It's a bit of a superiority attitude and because I have a sort of a headstrong, dominant personality and carry myself as though the world should recognize all sexes as equal, I have tended to clash with almost all of the black men I have been with.

I'm not going to expound on their attitude that they are superior sexually because I don't have that much experience with them in that area (I'm usually eliminated as soon as my personality shows up) but I've noticed it.

Having said that, when sex is eliminated and things are all platonic, I get along with men of all races just fine.
 

D_Birdy_Swallows

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Let me start by saying I'm a black female. My hubster is white. In my experience there is definitely a difference between white and black men, and I'm not talking about the physical. There's an attitude (subtle or out in the open) a lot of black guys (by no means ALL) have about women. It's a bit of a superiority attitude and

Let me preface by saying, I live in an area where to see a black person is unusual enough to make a mental note. So most of my personal interaction is online or via text. One of the dating sites I am on is geared for guys who like my body type. So the guys I am chatting with, by default, are attracted to me.

Having said that, most of the black guys that message me are pushy and arrogant. I don't know whether that's a black thing, or an internet creep thing. They certainly aren't the only skeevy dudes I come across.
 

Sexycyn

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Let me preface by saying, I live in an area where to see a black person is unusual enough to make a mental note. So most of my personal interaction is online or via text. One of the dating sites I am on is geared for guys who like my body type. So the guys I am chatting with, by default, are attracted to me.

Having said that, most of the black guys that message me are pushy and arrogant. I don't know whether that's a black thing, or an internet creep thing. They certainly aren't the only skeevy dudes I come across.

I'm amused by how you've chosen to lift verbatim some of the words in my reply (and sentence structure) and use it in your own reply.