Blonde Joke Thread

[nakedwally]

I didn't see any other threads like this and since i am blonde and love blonde jokes i wanted to start this thread so come on everyone post your blonde jokes. I will post the first joke.

Blonde Driving

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!" The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

 

[Gillette]

Inexplicably, I was blonde for the first three years of my life. I'll take a turn here.

Q. What did the blonde ask the morning after?

A. "So, like, are you guys all on the same team?

 

[Ethyl]

I'm strawberrry-blonde so i'll play.

How do you keep a blonde occupied?

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[Mr. Snakey]

I'm strawberrry-blonde so i'll play.

How do you keep a blonde occupied?

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Bliss you are living proof that blondes are not dumb........:smile:

 

[nakedwally]

Blonde in a Barber Shop
A blonde walks into the hairdresser with headphones on. She asks the woman working there for a haircut. The blonde sits down in the chair. The woman takes the blonde's headphones off and cuts her hair. At the end, the woman asks how she likes her hair but, to her surprise the blonde is dead! The woman picks up the headphones and listens.
She hears: "Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out."

 

[nakedwally]

St. Peter and the Blondes

Three blondes died and are up talking to St. Peter. He says, "I have one question and if you get it I will let you into heaven."
He asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"
She answers, "Oh, that's that one time of the year when our whole family gets together and we eat turkey."
St. Peter just shakes his head and says to the next blonde, "What is Easter?"
She answers, "Oh, that is the time of year when our family gets together and we all open presents and the fat jolly guy comes down the chimney."
Again St. Peter just shakes his head. He asks the third blonde, "What is Easter?"
She says, "Oh that's when Christ died and they put him in a tomb and rolled a rock in front of it." St. Peter smiles and urges, "Yes... go on..." The blonde continues, "Then once a year we roll the stone away and he comes out and if he sees his shadow we have six more weeks of winter."

 

[kalipygian]

An upside to going grey: I shouldn't have to suffer people insisting on telling these any more.:wink:

 

[nakedwally]

Mirror,Mirror

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first.
"I think I'm the smartest woman on earth."
"POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. p> "I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth."
"POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up.
"I think--" "POOF!"

 

[nakedwally]

I want To Buy That


A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

OK, so you got me going on blonde jokes, here's one I just now remembered;

Did you hear the one about the blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe.:biggrin::lmao:

(well, you got me started)

 

[Pecker]

A blonde went to a world wide mesage center to send a message to her mother overseas When the man told her it would cost $300.00, she exclaimed, " I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"

The man arched and eyebrow, "ANYTHING?"

"Yes, ANYTHING", the blonde promised. With that, the man said, "Follow Me". He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door. " She did. He then said, "Get on your knees." She did. He then said, "Take down my zipper." She did. He then said, "Go ahead...... take it out." She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well..... go ahead." The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips she said................. "Hello, MOM??????"

 

[nakedwally]

Blond in a Rowboat

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

 

[nakedwally]

Blond medical terminology

Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
D&C -- Where Washington is
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Enema -- Not a friend
Fester -- Quicker
Fibula -- A small lie
G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- Suitcase
Hangnail -- Coathook
Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Node -- Was aware of
Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- Letter carrier
Protein -- Favoring young people
Rectum -- It almost killed him
Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- Amorous
Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- Hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- Study of knighthood
Tablet -- Small table
Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
Tibia -- Country in North Africa
Tumor -- An extra pair
Urine -- Opposite of you're out
Varicose -- Located nearby
Vein -- Conceited

 

[nakedwally]

What's in the bag?

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde robbed a supermarket. As they were stealing, a police officer walked in the store and saw what was happening. He dashed toward them, but they were able to get away into the back of the store. There they found three sacks to hide in. When the police officer checked there, he examined each sack.

He kicks the first bag, and the redhead says "meow" in a high voice. The cop determines that it must only be a cat in that bag, and he moves on to the next.

When he kicks the second bag, the brunette says "woof" in a low voice. The officer determines that it must only be a dog in that bag, so he moves on to the last bag.

He kicks the third bag, and the blonde shouts "potato" to the officer

 

[nakedwally]

Slot machine winner

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"

The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

 

[Lordpendragon]

What do Blondes have in common with Boeings?

Most have black boxes.

 

[nakedwally]

Want me to paint for you?

A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.

"I'm here for the paint job," she said.

"Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house."

The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating.

After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a porsche out back. It's a new BMW

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

How do you kill a blonde?

Put scratch and sniff stickers at the bottom of the pool...

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What do you call a blonde in a leather coat?

A rebel without a clue...

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What's a blondes idea of safe sex?

Locking the car door...

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How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?

There's white out on the computer screen.

 

[nakedwally]

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: Because she loved children.

Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor ??
A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

 

[nakedwally]

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!


Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.



Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.