Originally posted by jonb@May 14 2004, 07:56 PM
...Some men can't, due to psychological issues...
Although psychological issues can inhibit any one from cumming, the problem is also often purely physical. Various sex acts differ not only in the type of stimulation they provide, but also in the man's ability to control and modify the stimulation to make it most suitable for him.
For example, in one thread, a number of posters reported that it took them a fair amount of time to cum when having intercourse, but that they could bring themselves off very quickly by hand masturbation. Masturbation is a sex act in which the man has complete control over where the stimulation is applied, with what intensity, and, I believe most importantly, with exactly what rhythm. Of course, while these parameters are completely under his control, there are limitations on the range of sensations possible.
When fucking in many common positions, there is also a considerable degree of control, as the rate, rhythm, force, direction, and depth of the thrusts are under control. Of course, the interaction between the penis and the partner's anatomy, and the response of the partner's body, do limit the range of control possible, but there is still considerable lattitue to do what provides the best feeling stimulation.
However, in many oral sex acts, the recipient is actually fairly passive, and most of the decisions about the type and location (glans, corona, shaft, etc) of stimulation, rhythm, depth, degree of wetness, strength of suction, etc. are being made by the fellator, not the recipient. (There are of course exceptions, where the recipient thrusts, etc, but this is not the case for most oral sex.) The stimulation offered may or may not be suitable or optimum for a particular recipient. A particular fellator may believe that he/she has good technique, becuse of the ability to bring certain people off quickly. But any given technique that one person finds strongly stimulating may not be right for a different person.
Surprisingly, I have found that a lot of fellators are not ammenable to being told how to best stimulate me. Their answer to "You need to take me deeper," or whatever, is often "I know what I'm doing! Don't tell me how to suck a dick." Well, they may know how to suck someone else's dick, but not mine! On the other hand, a really good cocksucker (which are few and far between!
knows how to read your body language, and adjust the technique accordingly. The sad lack of ability to read your partner was pointed out in the thread about "Blowjob Etiquette," where some people were apparently so out of touch with their partners as to require a verbal announcement warning them of impending orgasm.
Therefore, an inability to secure the optimum stimulation may be at fault in many cases where oral sex seems unable to produce orgasm. The first orgasm I ever had with a partner was from oral sex alone, and was achieved quite rapidly. However, that proved to be the last time I came from oral sex for many years! I thought that there was something wrong with me, but after some time, I began to learn that it wasn't me, but rather it had to do with the inability to control stimulation, and the relative rarity of finding people by chance with the right technique for me, which apparently differs markedly from what is "typical."
