- Joined
- Mar 30, 2021
- Posts
- 75
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 318
- Points
- 63
- Location
- London, UK
- Sexuality
- 90% Gay, 10% Straight
- Gender
- Male
So, hello! I'm a 21 year old guy, and I'm 6'2 / 188 CM. I currently weigh about 182 pounds / around 83 KG and recently I've found myself struggling with body image, yet again. This is nothing new to me, mind you. While in high school, I was, obviously, still a developing teen, and I had no idea what my body type was. I felt (and still feel) insecure because I was comparing myself to people who had the build for getting really big, AKA the mesomorph body. Seeing that specific body get celebrated so frequently got to me, and as an ectomorph with long arms and legs,I felt very insecure.
Now, since January of this year, I've gone on another gym journey, this time focusing on getting stronger, and thus, bigger. I'm definitely stronger, and I see my muscles everywhere developing. Yet, I still compare myself to the huge mesomorphs I see online, and yearn for that. I created an illusion of what my body looks like, and trying to convince myself that I have the body type I simply don't have. I get scared to eat less than I do, because the thought of loosing the size i've amassed for myself is quite discomfortable. Especially because just last year, I suffered from an eating disorder that made myself hover around the 138 pound / 63 KG mark. With labels in the gay community like "twink", I have fear of becoming that again in other people's eyes, even when I know that's not even who I am. I know I'm much, much, much more than a simple label or what my body looks like; I know I'm an individual worth more than simply physical appearance.
Despite my difficulties, past and very recent, I'm taking action towards this. I am changing my diet to not gorge myself with food / force myself to eat when I'm full, but rather eating how and when I feel comfortable. I'm continuing my strength training, and I'm excited to keep getting stronger and to hopefully get leaner, as I have some belly fat from all the food I've been consuming. But I still, like today, feel body dysmorphia, and I feel like it may be something that I deal with for a long time, but that it can be something I can manage and control better. I'm heavily attracted to the mesomorph body type, and because of that, I wanted to BECOME that so that I feel self-love.
But I'm realizing that I need to love my body more for what MY body is, not what HIS body is, or how I want my body to look like HIS. It's a painful pill to swallow, though.
I'm hoping that this can reach someone, anyone. Please let me know if you're a tall guy with long limbs, if you feel what I'm speaking on. And wish me luck, because though I know I can do this, I also know it's gonna be a hard road to go down, managing my body dysmorphia. And if you have any advice or experience with this, feel free to share. Please.
Now, since January of this year, I've gone on another gym journey, this time focusing on getting stronger, and thus, bigger. I'm definitely stronger, and I see my muscles everywhere developing. Yet, I still compare myself to the huge mesomorphs I see online, and yearn for that. I created an illusion of what my body looks like, and trying to convince myself that I have the body type I simply don't have. I get scared to eat less than I do, because the thought of loosing the size i've amassed for myself is quite discomfortable. Especially because just last year, I suffered from an eating disorder that made myself hover around the 138 pound / 63 KG mark. With labels in the gay community like "twink", I have fear of becoming that again in other people's eyes, even when I know that's not even who I am. I know I'm much, much, much more than a simple label or what my body looks like; I know I'm an individual worth more than simply physical appearance.
Despite my difficulties, past and very recent, I'm taking action towards this. I am changing my diet to not gorge myself with food / force myself to eat when I'm full, but rather eating how and when I feel comfortable. I'm continuing my strength training, and I'm excited to keep getting stronger and to hopefully get leaner, as I have some belly fat from all the food I've been consuming. But I still, like today, feel body dysmorphia, and I feel like it may be something that I deal with for a long time, but that it can be something I can manage and control better. I'm heavily attracted to the mesomorph body type, and because of that, I wanted to BECOME that so that I feel self-love.
But I'm realizing that I need to love my body more for what MY body is, not what HIS body is, or how I want my body to look like HIS. It's a painful pill to swallow, though.
I'm hoping that this can reach someone, anyone. Please let me know if you're a tall guy with long limbs, if you feel what I'm speaking on. And wish me luck, because though I know I can do this, I also know it's gonna be a hard road to go down, managing my body dysmorphia. And if you have any advice or experience with this, feel free to share. Please.