Body Insecurity Preventing Relationships

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deleted1025121

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This is a serious question and not one about having a small penis...although that is part of the issue.

I've been single my entire life. And a big part of it I believe is my insecurity about my physique and the fact I have an average to below average THIN cock. I know that I shouldn't be ashamed for either of my issues but it still prevents me from hooking up with guys or engaging in sexual activity which often leads to relationships for gay men. My performance isn't great either. I suffer from premature ejaculation and so the entire sexual experience is lackluster and embarrassing for me.

Has anyone had similar issues and found a way beyond this? And yes, I see a therapist but that doesn't help my performance issues and my tendency to just ignore the dating and intimate part of my life altogether. Of course Covid hasn't helped the past year. All interaction with people has ceased.

Just any advice on how not to let my dick size or my aging body and growing mid-section (i'm age 50) stop me from finding joy? Or is this it? Do I just have to accept this at my age and find other things to concentrate on?
 
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deleted1025121

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I’m insecure that’s why I’m single
Well just based on your physical images...nothing to be insecure about. Thin, toned and a big cock. All excellent attributes. But I understand insecurity is deeper than that.
 

Perfectsix

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Insecurity goes way deeper than just the physical. I am totally confident naked around others and yet I am probably smaller than you when flaccid. I hope this thread helps you fight your insecurity as you really don’t appear to have anything to fear about being around others
 

Vasko

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@la6nine - I guess you won't believe me but your dick pics show a cock of a good average/slightly above average length and the thickness is in proportion. When you said you have a thin dick I envisaged something different; your length and girth are in perfect proportion.
As far as the PE goes, is this all the time? Or just when you first meet someone new? I know I cum quickly after a long ''quiet period'' or when it is someone new I am really excited about. Its just one of those things - I just laugh it off and carry on concentrating on my partner. If the other guy is relaxed enough and happy to meet again, then the sex gets better...its just the first meeting when it can be a bit of a problem or a little awkward.
And how you regard your body is a bit up to you, too. If you don't like some things, look at your diet and exercise and see whether you can influence it somehow. In the end, we all age. I am a similar age to you and feeling a lot more confident in my "aging body" than I did when I was younger and fitter.
 
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deleted1025121

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@la6nine - I guess you won't believe me but your dick pics show a cock of a good average/slightly above average length and the thickness is in proportion. When you said you have a thin dick I envisaged something different; your length and girth are in perfect proportion.
As far as the PE goes, is this all the time? Or just when you first meet someone new? I know I cum quickly after a long ''quiet period'' or when it is someone new I am really excited about. Its just one of those things - I just laugh it off and carry on concentrating on my partner. If the other guy is relaxed enough and happy to meet again, then the sex gets better...its just the first meeting when it can be a bit of a problem or a little awkward.
And how you regard your body is a bit up to you, too. If you don't like some things, look at your diet and exercise and see whether you can influence it somehow. In the end, we all age. I am a similar age to you and feeling a lot more confident in my "aging body" than I did when I was younger and fitter.

All valid points. Its just when you're mentally in the frame of mine, and you haven't had any real time reinforcement, it just all weights heavy and the next thing you know you're into that frame of mind. I know my dick isn't the smallest out there or the thinnest. But I have been told quite a few times I'm a bit small to be an adequate top. Yea...I actually had guys tell me that. So that adds to it all I guess.

I do have PE almost all the time. Even when I'm jerking off. I have to be very careful until I get past that point of ejaculation..and then I can hold onto it all better. But its so embarrasing when you meet a guy for the first time and you cum like 15 seconds have he puts he mouth on your cock. Or you cum as you're trying to push in when having penetrative sex. Its just embarrassing. And drugs dont seem to help, or numbing gel, etc. I have such a trigger happy cock I guess.
 

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...and being human, we tend to remember the negative comments rather than the positive ones. Plus, if we feel bad about something ourselves already, such comments become negative reinforcements. Not easy to get over such things, I understand that.

Not sure whether this may be a way to deal with the PE but could you have sex several times then instead of having one long session? Just tell your partner that this is how you function and see whether they are able to adjust to your needs. Just a practical idea..
 
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deleted1025121

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...and being human, we tend to remember the negative comments rather than the positive ones. Plus, if we feel bad about something ourselves already, such comments become negative reinforcements. Not easy to get over such things, I understand that.

Not sure whether this may be a way to deal with the PE but could you have sex several times then instead of having one long session? Just tell your partner that this is how you function and see whether they are able to adjust to your needs. Just a practical idea..

Yea. Thats not a bad idea. I've often thought of jerking off before I even meet up with someone or go on a date. So then it'd be my "2nd time". But honestly, I'm 50yo. And the older I get the more difficult it is to cum twice. But its worth a shot.

You're so correct about the negative comments. The first guy I was ever with when he dropped his pants had the thickest cock I'd ever seen. A literal coke can. I kid you not. I couldn't even put my mouth around it. I just figured it was luck of the draw. Then the second guy I was with was and Italian guy and had a HUGE banana curved dick. When he saw me naked...he looked at mine and said "oh look how cute it is". So that started the downfall of my self image.
 

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Yea. Thats not a bad idea. I've often thought of jerking off before I even meet up with someone or go on a date. So then it'd be my "2nd time". But honestly, I'm 50yo. And the older I get the more difficult it is to cum twice. But its worth a shot.

You're so correct about the negative comments. The first guy I was ever with when he dropped his pants had the thickest cock I'd ever seen. A literal coke can. I kid you not. I couldn't even put my mouth around it. I just figured it was luck of the draw. Then the second guy I was with was and Italian guy and had a HUGE banana curved dick. When he saw me naked...he looked at mine and said "oh look how cute it is". So that started the downfall of my self image.

That is unfortunate, indeed. I started 'experimenting' with boys when I was about 13years old, with a guy from my class, so it was someone of the same age and we had similar sized dicks.
In the end, I guess, it does come down to having confidence in your own body - if someone makes a comment such as "how cute" and is being cynical or patronising, then the only thing for you to do is put your clothes back on and walk away. Such a guy has rigid ideas in his head how he wants sex to be, that is up to him, but it means he does not appreciate you and what you do have to offer.
(If the comment was meant to be playful, then perhaps it was simply ill-judged.)

My apology, if I ramble on, but I have one more thought and that is to do with the language we use: "Premature" ejaculation - how can it ever be "premature"? That is impossible. Ejaculation happens when you have reached all you can take in terms of stimulations, so it will always be ''mature''. It simply means you respond to stimulation (physical, mental..) more intensely than others... Any orgasm, regardless of who comes first, is something to cherish and celebrate together with your partner. (On the flip-side, I once was with a guy who had serious problems coming. We spent a whole weekend together and he managed to come only once when I came several times. That did not make me feel good or desirable, I have to say. I enjoy seeing my partner cum and share this together.)
 

wallyj84

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Yes, my body insecurities really hurt me romantically. Especially when I was younger.

My insecurities actually had nothing to do with my dick size. Seriously. My thing was with my chest. I had an extreme case of gynecomastia that started early in life and I didn't get surgically corrected until I was in college. I was so defensive and ashamed of my breasts that any kind of physical touch or intimacy was impossible. More than that I couldn't even process the idea of a woman finding me attractive. This prevented any kind of dating or sex even when the woman was coming on to me, which happened more than once.

I remember after I got plastic surgery to remove the breast tissue I felt such a sense of relief it was amazing. Like my life had begun anew. It had been so demoralizing up to that point because I had tried exercise and losing weight, but neither really affected my gynecomastia. I just became a skinny dude with big tits. It was horrible. After that surgery though, everything changed. I was of course still insecure, but not like before. People could touch me.

That is my story.
 

Cum_is_Great

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Oh yes, definitely; especially as a gay man. Being morbidly obese, I never ever tried to make a move. And obviously no one tried to on me either. I'm sure if some day I finally get my shit together, get the therapy to fix my mind, and lose the weight, I still will have problems letting anyone get close to me or feel even the slightest bit as "attractive".

I've been alone for so long, I'm imagining having someone close to be a hindrance to my "happiness". Maybe it's a result of the toxic family relationship I'm in but sadly I find myself wanting to be alone and it's a good thing since I pretty much have and will be.

(Here's where people give me weight loss advice :rolleyes:)
 

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Wow OP, maybe your pics are outdated? Who knows, but I would love love love to have your body. I would be treated as a human and not just a fetish or kink fuel.

I hope you can overcome your insecurity. I know everyone has their own challenges... but every time I see these beautiful/good looking men feeling insecure, it indirectly makes me feel like I'm judged as worse than a talking plastic bag filled of shit piss and vomit.
 
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That is unfortunate, indeed. I started 'experimenting' with boys when I was about 13years old, with a guy from my class, so it was someone of the same age and we had similar sized dicks.
In the end, I guess, it does come down to having confidence in your own body - if someone makes a comment such as "how cute" and is being cynical or patronising, then the only thing for you to do is put your clothes back on and walk away. Such a guy has rigid ideas in his head how he wants sex to be, that is up to him, but it means he does not appreciate you and what you do have to offer.
(If the comment was meant to be playful, then perhaps it was simply ill-judged.)

My apology, if I ramble on, but I have one more thought and that is to do with the language we use: "Premature" ejaculation - how can it ever be "premature"? That is impossible. Ejaculation happens when you have reached all you can take in terms of stimulations, so it will always be ''mature''. It simply means you respond to stimulation (physical, mental..) more intensely than others... Any orgasm, regardless of who comes first, is something to cherish and celebrate together with your partner. (On the flip-side, I once was with a guy who had serious problems coming. We spent a whole weekend together and he managed to come only once when I came several times. That did not make me feel good or desirable, I have to say. I enjoy seeing my partner cum and share this together.)

Its still embarrassing when you cum before you even get started with any kind of sexual activity. But I'm not very active anymore so I dont know what I'm complaining about, honestly. And like you...I have been with some guys where its such an effort for them to cum I feel bad. I've been with some guys that just give up. I cant imagine that. And ironically they are usually very well endowed. So I wonder if there is a connection. Since mine is small, thin and gets rock hard. I cum quick. But these guys are huge, very thick and girthy and takes them forever. Maybe their stimulation nerves dont work as well. But regardless..my situation still has me second guess any intimate reaction with another fella.
 

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And ironically they are usually very well endowed. So I wonder if there is a connection. Since mine is small, thin and gets rock hard. I cum quick. But these guys are huge, very thick and girthy and takes them forever. Maybe their stimulation nerves dont work as well.

On that point, the guy I was with, who was struggling to cum, was slightly smaller than me, so that's that theory out the window ;)

As with any insecurity, the key to dealing with them lies within yourself and not outside. No matter what I or anyone else tells you, it won't matter until you can see yourself differently. I really hope that the therapist you are seeing can help you change your perspective.
Added to this, this site is dedicated to the large penis, so if you are feeling insecure about your size, it might not be helpful looking at the pics here...because the sad irony is that you have nothing to feel insecure about, as far as your size is concerned.
 

Dave NoCal

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Okay Mr. OP, you have a great body, larger than average flaccid penis, and your penis is length/thickness proportionate. There is NOTHING wrong with your appearance. People have varying tastes but you are undeniably a great looking guy.

PE, on the other hand, can really play games with your mind. There is a medication that is FDA approved for PE. Basically it is an rebranded antidepressant. I do not remember the name. However, in know from my previous line of work that the antidepressant, Paxil, is notorious for causing delayed ejaculation. It is not used too much for that reason but it has been used as an "off label" treatment for ED. It's an old medication and surely generic (i.e. cheap) and benign. Consider talking with your primary care physician about this. My guess is that he/she would be happy to let you try it out.
 
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Okay Mr. OP, you have a great body, larger than average flaccid penis, and your penis is length/thickness proportionate. There is NOTHING wrong with your appearance. People have varying tastes but you are undeniably a great looking guy.

PE, on the other hand, can really play games with your mind. There is a medication that is FDA approved for PE. Basically it is an rebranded antidepressant. I do not remember the name. However, in know from my previous line of work that the antidepressant, Paxil, is notorious for causing delayed ejaculation. It is not used too much for that reason but it has been used as an "off label" treatment for ED. It's an old medication and surely generic (i.e. cheap) and benign. Consider talking with your primary care physician about this. My guess is that he/she would be happy to let you try it out.

Thanks for your compliments but its that kind of comment that is hurt. I know I'm not awful. But it doesn't really help me when I'm out meeting guys or online, etc. I still end up in the same situation and the same frame of mind. Guess something I should just keep talking to therapist about.
Actually I have tried Paxil before. I had to stop because of other side effects. I was on a minimum dose too. My body is just so sensitive it just irks me to death. Its been a number of years though. Might be worth it to explore again. I dont know. But I appreciate your words.
 

Dave NoCal

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Thanks for your compliments but its that kind of comment that is hurt. I know I'm not awful. But it doesn't really help me when I'm out meeting guys or online, etc. I still end up in the same situation and the same frame of mind. Guess something I should just keep talking to therapist about.
Actually I have tried Paxil before. I had to stop because of other side effects. I was on a minimum dose too. My body is just so sensitive it just irks me to death. Its been a number of years though. Might be worth it to explore again. I dont know. But I appreciate your words.
My apologies, I certainly did not mean to be hurtful. It's easy to become critical of ourselves and dismiss affirmations. It seems clear to me that the main problem is how you feel about yourself. That said, ED can be extraordinarily demoralizing and a medical intervention might help you break the cycle of self-criticism. I truly wish you well.
 
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