Body Positivity Support

Scarletbegonia

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Depends.
Is this a partner? A close friend? A casual friend? A relative?
is this someone who really cares what you personally think?

Think about WHY you have this impulse.
Do you think appearance is a necessary component? Does she?
Do you know what her issues with her body are, because she’s actually said something? Or are you assuming?


So, let’s say she is someone close enough that your input will be valuable. And she wants to hear it.
What would you want to hear?

I have weight as my pain point. And it’s because my mom programmed it.
I NEVER want to hear comments pro or con about my weight.
But I’m a bit vain about my hair.
But what matters to me is people acknowledging my intellect.

find what thrills her.
 
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Thepenismightier81

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This is a friend, probably my best and oldest friend. She is going through some things. I probably posed this question wrong. It’s not even all about body positive. It’s about personal positive. So I’m that respect, this helps. Thank you.

Depends.
Is this a partner? A close friend? A casual friend? A relative?
is this someone who really cares what you personally think?

Think about WHY you have this impulse.
Do you think appearance is a necessary component? Does she?
Do you know what her issues with her body are, because she’s actually said something? Or are you assuming?


So, let’s say she is someone close enough that your input will be valuable. And she wants to hear it.
What would you want to hear?

I have weight as my pain point. And it’s because my mom programmed it.
I NEVER want to hear comments pro or con about my weight.
But I’m a bit vain about my hair.
But what matters to me is people acknowledging my intellect.

find what thrills her.
 
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Scarletbegonia

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This is a friend, probably my best and oldest friend. She is going through some things. I probably posed this question wrong. It’s not even all about body positive. It’s about personal positive. So I’m that respect, this helps. Thank you.
I asked because loose friends, well meaning have said things that landed wrong.
 
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Tight_N_Juicy

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Myself, I've come to learn that I don't "believe" or truly take in any opinions of anyone but myself.

My insecurities come from my personal preferences. I realize that my body/physical self is easily appreciated by other humans in a general sense.

Sure, I've been influenced by society and the "norms" it's pushed to the forefront.. but at the end of the day I want to be what my own brain finds attractive. I'm lucky enough to be able to appreciate a wide variety of body types, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have my preferences.. And that I don't resemble them.

At the same time, knowing that I'll never come close to my fellas preference physically fucks with my head. We had that very conversation tonight. Sure, he finds me attractive 'enough', but like so many people.. I know he looks at other bodies and enjoys them more than mine based on that alone. Superficial as it is, it matters to me.

I guess that's social conditioning as fuck. But the feeling is still real, and relevant.

He can tell me I'm sexy/beautiful/whatever the fuck else all day. None of it sets in until I let it.

There's no lecture, no set of phrases that you can use to make her feel what you want her to feel.

All I can advise: if she's verbalizing her feelings about not being attractive, tell her that she's the least lonely person on earth in that regard. Don't take my advice. But yeah. I'd be brutally honest.

Fuck dudes who gives too many fucks about what someone looks like. She's better off without that shit.
 

Thepenismightier81

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I was not aware of that, but will definitely read the link. Thank you for sending it. In a way, it makes perfect sense. We all go through ups and downs. And I think it’s ok to admit, and hopefully learn from, the downs. Not everything is rainbows.

thanks for everything you have said. I just want to show support for my friend.

Are you aware of Toxic Positivity?
It is (very simply) when the pressure to be positive/chin up/ stiff upper lip etc negates a human’s lived experience.

Toxic Positivity: The Dark Side of Positive Vibes
 

Scarletbegonia

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I was not aware of that, but will definitely read the link. Thank you for sending it. In a way, it makes perfect sense. We all go through ups and downs. And I think it’s ok to admit, and hopefully learn from, the downs. Not everything is rainbows.

thanks for everything you have said. I just want to show support for my friend.
As we say in the Rainbow Family of Living Light, “You can’t have rainbows without rain.“
Of course, I’ve usually lived in drought stricken places, so Rain is special, too.
 

Thepenismightier81

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Isn’t perspective amazing? :)

As we say in the Rainbow Family of Living Light, “You can’t have rainbows without rain.“
Of course, I’ve usually lived in drought stricken places, so Rain is special, too.