Boo weddings!

[B_RedDude]

Give yourself some time, but try to move beyond it. Your girlfriend didn't give you hell and she didn't cheat.

Really sorry to hear about your accident. That sounds like the worst of it.

 

[alwaysguessing]

I think getting married is a really serious commitment and people take it too lightly these days. I think girls react badly to that kind of joke because they think 'If you loved me, you'd want to marry me'. But marriage really isn't (or shouldn't be) about love. It's about committing yourself to another person for the rest of your lives. It's about supporting each other through daily hassles and the major dramas life throws at you.

I'd like to get married some day for the right reasons, and to the right person. My girlfriend isn't ready and neither am I. But I'm not confident that we will ever be.

Women hey? :smile:

No, just her. :smile: Most women I know are willing and able to support themselves, and are more independent and responsible and have a better handle on finances. But I'd still rather have my girlfriend for a lot of reasons. Mainly the reasons that people would label "unhealthy", I think.

I think your chick is a little bit of a hoe for letting him get all touchy feeley with her. And dancing like that in front of you. Get some balls and dump her.

I can kind of understand that. Although, this all happened after I left. I only know what she told me. I do have a feeling that there are some bits that she is keeping from me. I asked her how he knew I was gone, and how he ended up dancing with her and how long they danced, and she said "I don't really remember", which is crap, because she was perfectly lucid when I left, and when she got back to the room as well.

I bet what happened is she got pissed at me for leaving, and she probably expressed that to this kid. (He was seated right next to us at the table.) And maybe she wanted to flirt with him a bit to get back at me. She says that she let him stand there with his arm around her for an entire song! Because she "didn't want to make a scene". I think she could have walked away quite easily. She also told me that she moved away as soon as he started grinding on her. But then she later told me that he "kept doing it", like it was for two whole songs or so.

It's no big deal. I know they didn't have sex or anything because there wasn't enough time for that. And I bet that if she did flirt with him out of revenge, even if it was just the slightest bit, he took that as a green light to get all over her like jam on toast. I don't blame him for that.

 

[D_N Flay Table]

I'd like to get married some day for the right reasons, and to the right person. My girlfriend isn't ready and neither am I. But I'm not confident that we will ever be.



No, just her. :smile: Most women I know are willing and able to support themselves, and are more independent and responsible and have a better handle on finances. But I'd still rather have my girlfriend for a lot of reasons. Mainly the reasons that people would label "unhealthy", I think.



I can kind of understand that. Although, this all happened after I left. I only know what she told me. I do have a feeling that there are some bits that she is keeping from me. I asked her how he knew I was gone, and how he ended up dancing with her and how long they danced, and she said "I don't really remember", which is crap, because she was perfectly lucid when I left, and when she got back to the room as well.

I bet what happened is she got pissed at me for leaving, and she probably expressed that to this kid. (He was seated right next to us at the table.) And maybe she wanted to flirt with him a bit to get back at me. She says that she let him stand there with his arm around her for an entire song! Because she "didn't want to make a scene". I think she could have walked away quite easily. She also told me that she moved away as soon as he started grinding on her. But then she later told me that he "kept doing it", like it was for two whole songs or so.

It's no big deal. I know they didn't have sex or anything because there wasn't enough time for that. And I bet that if she did flirt with him out of revenge, even if it was just the slightest bit, he took that as a green light to get all over her like jam on toast. I don't blame him for that.

Your gf is a hoe. Get some respect for yourself and your relationship.

 

[invisibleman]

That's totally the way it goes! What a sad thing! It's expensive too, and so is the divorce. What a clusterfuck when all is said and done. In the end, it's mostly just the state, the church, and the lawyers that benefit.

I never had that much faith in marriage.

IF EVER I DECIDED TO GAY MARRY A GUY, I want a simple inexpensive wedding but VERY FUN and I don't want a registry for ANY wedding gifts. NO GIFTS. I want a good honeymoon though.

I wouldn't be a GROOMZILLA or want to marry a GROOMZILLA either. I think that brides don't have to be BRIDEZILLAS. Straight men don't have to put up with all of that.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I'd like to get married some day for the right reasons, and to the right person. My girlfriend isn't ready and neither am I. But I'm not confident that we will ever be.

It's great that you're sensible about it. As I said, it irritates me that so many people don't take marriage seriously.

No, just her. :smile: Most women I know are willing and able to support themselves, and are more independent and responsible and have a better handle on finances. But I'd still rather have my girlfriend for a lot of reasons. Mainly the reasons that people would label "unhealthy", I think.

Unhealthy reasons? You've raised my curiosity now :smile:. Your relationship with your gf sounds like a difficult one to me from what you've said on this and other threads. I'm not quite sure where you're going with it or where you'll end up, but then I'm not sure you do either. I can understand though that need to bee with someone even though you know it's not the best thing for you.

I can kind of understand that. Although, this all happened after I left. I only know what she told me. I do have a feeling that there are some bits that she is keeping from me. I asked her how he knew I was gone, and how he ended up dancing with her and how long they danced, and she said "I don't really remember", which is crap, because she was perfectly lucid when I left, and when she got back to the room as well.

Ouch. This doesn't sound too good.

I bet what happened is she got pissed at me for leaving, and she probably expressed that to this kid. (He was seated right next to us at the table.) And maybe she wanted to flirt with him a bit to get back at me. She says that she let him stand there with his arm around her for an entire song! Because she "didn't want to make a scene". I think she could have walked away quite easily. She also told me that she moved away as soon as he started grinding on her. But then she later told me that he "kept doing it", like it was for two whole songs or so.

I think you're probably right. I wouldn't think it was too big a deal, except that
1) She seems to be lying to you. I really hate it when people aren't honest.
2) The other week she was cranky with you for 'flirting' with a shop assistant. Talk about double standards (on her behalf). Do you think this might have been 'revenge' for that incident?

It's no big deal. I know they didn't have sex or anything because there wasn't enough time for that. And I bet that if she did flirt with him out of revenge, even if it was just the slightest bit, he took that as a green light to get all over her like jam on toast. I don't blame him for that.

Yep, not his fault if she gave him a green light. I'm usually not bothered by a bit of harmless flirting, and I'm glad that you aren't doing the jealous guy routine, but I think you've got some real issues with your gf - sorry. I think you know that though.

 

[D_N Flay Table]

The whole thing stinks. I am a very secure Guy. But this would raise an eye brow even with me.

 

[hud01]

She was sleeping and you had to walk 3 miles home? Fuck that shit.

What was she supposed to do after he wrecked her car, walk with him?

 

[hud01]

I had to accompany my girlfriend to a wedding this weekend. She was a bridesmaid. I wasn't thrilled about going, because I didn't know anyone well, and I felt I had more important things to do. Anyway, the rehearsal dinner was fine, but we got in a car accident on the way home. I hit a curb and did $2000 worth of damage. I didn't sleep well that night, and I got up very early to take the car to a mechanic and have it fixed. My girlfriend was still asleep so I had to walk 3 miles to get back to the apartment. I did not want to go to the wedding after that, but she made me feel obligated.

It is part of being in a relationship. You should have learned from her. She put it behind her and moved forward. What did you have to do that was more important than making her happy? She was a bridesmaid, so she was going to go. Your part of the relationship is to go and make the best of it.

Most of the wedding was fine, if not even enjoyable, until the dancing began. I was in a terrible mood, stressed about the accident and repair bill, and mad at my girlfriend for dragging me there, so I did not feel like dancing. I was ready to leave by 10, but I felt akward walking out while everyone was having such a great time. So I just sat there by myself without even anyone to talk to. Eventually, everyone had been drinking and dancing for a while, and people were commenting that I looked miserable and it was depressing! I understood that as I didn't want to be there anyway.

Ok so it was enjoyable and you decided to be pissed off anyway. Sounds like you have some growing up to do.

I snuck out at 11:30, and immediately my girlfriend's groomsman partner, the groom's 19 year old brother, tried to seduce her. He put his arm around her while she was just standing off the floor during a slow song. Then he came up and grinded his crotch on her ass during several fast songs. I was appauled to know that he did this right in front of everyone, both families as well as all our mutual friends, especially since he met me and we shared two meals together, and he knew I was sleeping right upstairs. He put a lot of pressure on her to keep drinking, and then he tried to invite her up to his room for an afterparty.

He was actually going to sleep with her right that night if he could get away with it. It's unbelievable. He had been talking about how much he wanted to hook up with someone, anyone, since the rehearsal dinner. He really wanted the bride's cousin, but I guess he didn't go after her because her boyfriend was there the whole night. His aunt even informed us that he had a "beautiful girlfriend" back home, whom he had been dating for two years. Apparently the kid even flirts with his brother's girlfriend (now wife), and gets really touchy with her, and sends her texts on her birthday and stuff.

So he is a sleazebag...If you hadn't snuck out and left her, this probably would not have happened

Oh yeah, a while ago I was told that the groom had a "big dick", and I knew that my girlfriend was going to partner with one of his brothers. So I couldn't help but wonder if he was packing and if he would end up trying to seduce her. At least one of my fears was confirmed. :frown1:

Feeling inadequate on top of it all. Again your issue.

What a terrible experience! Makes me want to avoid weddings now, as well as any kind of get-together with her friends. Yesterday I told her that it could have been worse, I could have been the guy that got married. She was not amused.

The entire bad time was you, nothing and nobody else.

But anyway, she felt bad that she forced me to go and totally understood that I was stressed. She felt so bad that she made up for it by giving me one of the best blowjobs yesterday, and later that night she made a real effort to take it in the butt! Didn't make it in, but I appreciated the eagerness. :biggrin1:

So you wrecked her car and were a total ass at the wedding, but she gave you a great bj....You are a lucky fuck to have such a gf.

 

[B_New End]

My rule is, if I'm going to a wedding, I cannot know the backstory. Because every wedding I have been too, (besides my sister's... married 11 years now) I have felt like a charlottan for acting liek I believied it would last forever, when I knew all the drama and infidelity that led up to it.

I was a best man, and three days before, he just unloaded on me about how he didn't want to get married, how he wanted to try new girls, how his fiancees tits weren't big enough, etc etc. And I had to give the speech. Fuckin' sucked. That lasted less than 3 years.

There was another wedding where I was fed the long winded soap opera story before. I couldn't help but just sit there and roll my eyes in my head at every laugh and ha-ha and joyful remembrance and anticipation in the crowd and on stage. That one lasted less than a year.

 

[alwaysguessing]

The whole thing stinks. I am a very secure Guy. But this would raise an eye brow even with me.

Hmm, maybe I'm too trusting.

So you wrecked her car and were a total ass at the wedding, but she gave you a great bj....You are a lucky fuck to have such a gf.

Yup. :biggrin:

 

[alwaysguessing]

What was she supposed to do after he wrecked her car, walk with him?

She could have picked me up with my car, but she didn't offer so I didn't ask.

 

[helgaleena]

Your gf is a hoe. Get some respect for yourself and your relationship.

Will you quit dissing the man's taste in women? You need to read some of his other threads about her. They have so much history he's not going to just dump her like a broken appliance.

The wedding was some friends of hers, not her own family. Hopefully their dysfunction is not contagious. It sounds almost like it was an arranged marriage to get the family to leave them the heck alone, which is very common all over the world in traditional cultures.

OP, you have really been growing IMO, and so has she.

 

[alwaysguessing]

What did you have to do that was more important than making her happy?

Keep myself happy. It took me three years to learn this.

OP, you have really been growing IMO, and so has she.

Wow, I really appreciate that. It doesn't feel that way right now. I almost feel like we've taken a huge step backwards.

After reading some responses here and talking to my friends, I'm dissatisfied with her lack of candor regarding the details of her interaction with that kid. I just don't believe that she "doesn't remember". She seemed completely sober to me. I doubt anything serious happened, but I'm bothered that she won't tell me everything.

Unhealthy reasons? You've raised my curiosity now :smile:.

Honestly, I'm starting to feel like the sex keeps pulling me back. Not just the physical aspect, though. I crave the emotional connection as well. I just wonder how it would be without sex.

 

[helgaleena]

The fact that she is telling you anything at all, not just saving it for her therapist, is a very big step forward. And the situation between you will soon be strained or stretched by your departure for your career. Cut yourselves slack. Enjoy what you have at this time.

 

[D_Yotonne Yogurtcannon]

Sounds like you handled it admirably well! The kid is a hormone driven 19 year old with no common sense.... sucks.

 

[alwaysguessing]

The fact that she is telling you anything at all, not just saving it for her therapist, is a very big step forward.

She's been telling me about men flirting with her from day one, and I'm sure she does it to make me jealous. At least she used to do it for that reason. This time I can't tell. I wonder if she is playing coy to keep me unnecessarily anxious and jealous about the whole situation. If so, it's working. I'm wondering, did she initiate the flirting? Did she encourage him to dance with her? What else might have happened?

The fucking "I don't really remember..." comment (accompanied by the distant glance to the side) is pure bullshit, intended to get a rise out of me. She used to do this to me a lot back in the day, and it drove me nuts, and she knew it.

I'm starting to get more pissed off the more I think about it.

 

[helgaleena]

Tell her this.

 

[HiddenLacey]

She's been telling me about men flirting with her from day one, and I'm sure she does it to make me jealous. At least she used to do it for that reason. This time I can't tell. I wonder if she is playing coy to keep me unnecessarily anxious and jealous about the whole situation. If so, it's working. I'm wondering, did she initiate the flirting? Did she encourage him to dance with her? What else might have happened?

The fucking "I don't really remember..." comment (accompanied by the distant glance to the side) is pure bullshit, intended to get a rise out of me. She used to do this to me a lot back in the day, and it drove me nuts, and she knew it.

I'm starting to get more pissed off the more I think about it.

Wait, didn't she just get jealous at you for going through the check out with the hot girl?

It sounds to me like you both have some jealousy issues. Given that, I do not think she should tell you people are flirting with her and then act all coy about it.

Personally I would never tell my boyfriend that someone flirted with me unless they were bothering me or creeping me out. I have people flirt with me all the time, so what? I'm sure anyone I date will have it happen to him as well. I hate it when someone talks about people flirting with them to try to make me jealous. It has the opposite affect on me. I start to pull away from that person.

I don't understand why people feel the need to play mind games.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Keep myself happy. It took me three years to learn this.

This is something that is so important in relationships. If you aren't happy yourself, you're going to take it out on her, possibly unfairly. And YOU are actually the most important person in your life - YOU are the one you have to live with 24/7, not her.

After reading some responses here and talking to my friends, I'm dissatisfied with her lack of candor regarding the details of her interaction with that kid. I just don't believe that she "doesn't remember". She seemed completely sober to me. I doubt anything serious happened, but I'm bothered that she won't tell me everything.

'I don't remember' should be a real danger signal, not necessarily because she did anything to feel guilty about, but because she isn't being honest. Embarrassing story time. You'd better appreciate this because it really is embarrassing for me to tell it :redface:. Many years ago I cheated on someone I was in a LTR with. This is why the story is so embarrassing - because cheating is completely against my own morals. Anyway, to cut a long story short, my bf and I had had a rocky relationship for a while. I went to a party without him one night, got drunk, and fucked someone else. Basically, it was because I wanted to break up with him but didn't have the balls to tell him so - I thought cheating on him might make him break up with me. I came home with a big bite mark on my neck. When he asked how it happened I said that I fell asleep on the stairs and someone must have done it while I was asleep. He chose to believe me because he didn't want to believe otherwise. I've never quite forgiven myself because it was a terrible thing for me to do to him. My point in telling this story is not to try to tell you your gf has cheated on you. I'm just trying to illustrate that flirting with someone else and not telling the truth about it is a real danger signal. And now I'm embarrassed because I've told the LPSG world my big bad secret :redface:.

Honestly, I'm starting to feel like the sex keeps pulling me back. Not just the physical aspect, though. I crave the emotional connection as well. I just wonder how it would be without sex.

Thanks for sharing this with me - I'm too curious for my own good :smile:. I've had relationships like this where I know they aren't good for me but I keep getting pulled back anyway. Only you will be able to determine when the 'She's not good for me' bits outweigh the craving for her.

 

[alwaysguessing]

Tell her this.

I have talked with her about this on many occasions. I don't think she wants to stop. I think she likes exercising the power to make me jealous. I just texted her today, telling her how bothered I am by her behaviour in this particular instance. I know she has a therapy appointment later today so she can bring that up if she wants.

Wait, didn't she just get jealous at you for going through the check out with the hot girl?

Yes, exactly. She is naturally stricken by extreme jealousy over me. I believe she plays these mind games because she wants me to feel jealous as well. I think she wants to drag me down to her level so she is not alone down there. Plus it might make her feel good about herself to know that I am jealous over her.

It sounds to me like you both have some jealousy issues.

Why do you think I have jealousy issues? I have never felt jealous or distrusted her. I always encourage her to go out with friends to bars, clubs, etc. I don't mind if she has guy friends or spends time with guys. I just don't like when she plays games and tries to make me jealous by telling me some details but not all. I don't like what she is trying to do. She is trying to make me jealous and that bothers me. I just want honesty, that's all.

It would not have bothered me to see her dance with that guy or other guys that night. I just don't like the way it was done behind my back, combined with him trying to get her drunk and get her in his room. Then I don't like her games and the lack of full disclosure after the fact.

I don't think I have jealousy issues.