Boss Asking Probing Questions

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by guest384752, Oct 29, 2009.

  1. guest384752

    guest384752 New Member

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    Hello all; first post, I have lurked on here for a while, but decided to register to ask a question. So, I am an independent contractor and I was talking to the lady for whom I work. She and I have talked a lot, but today she goes "Oh I have a question for you!" I of course, was like, "shoot" and she goes "So, are you gay? I need the opinion of a gay guy." and I was like "Sorry to disappoint but I'm not gay"

    Then I was like "So, why'd you think I was gay?" to which she responded "Well you have a few gay friends, so I just figured." I was taken aback a little and initially I was like, it's 2009....then I started thinking, why the hell is it that if you are a guy who is 1) Active 2) Decent Looking 3) Outgoing, and 4) Diverse Friends you are assumed to be gay...

    I know it's pandering to stereotypes, to a degree, but I am just wondering why it's such a big deal.

    Then that's not even the weird part, she hen continues to ask if I'd ever be with a guy, because she doesn't have a problem with hooking up with a woman. I kinda felt uncomfortable, and I think my response of "My faith teaches me that I am not to engage in homosexual acts, so it's never been something I've wanted to do...though I do not think there is anything wrong with being homosexual" She just kinda looked at me like "I don't understand?"

    I don't know how to approach her about this, or to stop this, or even the legality of this...it's just awkward...I dunno.
     
  2. B_Craiggers

    B_Craiggers New Member

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    Hmm. I think I'd have just said "No, but what did you need an opinion on?"

    The guy at the Gyro shop where I bought lunch on Saturday asked what my racial ancestry was... people just ask wierd shit sometimes, don't get too bent out of shape over it :p
     
  3. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Getting into that kind of thing really isn't appropriate because for you, the contractor, it's a lose-lose situation. It's amazing what a simple, "I don't bring my private life to work and ask that you respect that. If it's a question about work you would like me to do or have done, then please ask me," with a warm smile and maybe a chuckle can do to disarm someone. Your employer already has stereotypical ideas about gay and straight people so unless you can divine her thoughts on the matter, what she approves and disapproves of, and then match her answers perfectly, she'll be disappointed with your answer.
     
  4. dolfette

    Gold Member

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    say, ''i'm sorry but i don't feel comfortable discussing personal issues at work'' and then, before she has time to respond, launch straight into some shop talk...keep the tone warm & professional.
     
  5. Ed69

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    Ive had this happen to me as well.My response was to look her in the eye and say."My personal life and work life stay seperate,now do you have a question about work?"The end,she shut her mouth and we never had that come up again.
     
  6. King_ding_a_ling

    King_ding_a_ling New Member

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    If you really want to throw her off guard turn it around on her with a "Isn't basing someone's opinion on thier sextual preference prejudice? I would hate for something like that to be an issue at work"

    Then, while she's wrapping her head around it, comment on how nice her shoes are, lol.
     
  7. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    It sounds almost as if she wants you to be gay. Maybe she is enquiring for someone else you know or who she wants to set up. Does'nt sound like a big deal but if it does become too uncomfortable then follow advice already given.
     
  8. Principessa

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    I'm not an HR person; but I think her question was inappropriate.

    As for why people assume a man who has gay friends is gay, it's a variation on guilt by association.
     
  9. lakecreeker

    lakecreeker Member

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    sounds on the verge of sexual harassment to me. Bad enough when they give you a cell phone and you leave it one in car and they want to know what you were doing at a strip club or bookstore on your days off or non working hours. Or their non marked company car/trucks with GPS. If it is on your way home why not stop if that is your thing.
     
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