Bottoms - Do You Have A Hard Time Cumming?

[Richardvalentine]

I’ve been with my partner for over 4 years now, he is average (5 inches) and he has been able to make me cum maybe 10 times in our entire relationship. It’s been over 3 years since that has happened and i’m tired of it.

I’m a bottom and I generally have a hard time cumming from getting fucked, but i’m at a point now where I want to really badly and i need to understand why it’s not happening. At first i thought maybe it was him because he isn’t that big, but he’s been able to do it before and I’ve had this problem with other men in the past who were larger.

Bottoms, what makes you cum? Is it bigger dick size? Is it an emotional connection? What am i missing?

 

[HungBoyRN]

Is your expectation that he makes you cum hands-free just by fucking you? Personally, I don't think that's very common for most guys. As I've posted in another thread, I've only cum twice hands-free while getting fucked, and both times were with smaller penises.

 

[Richardvalentine]

Is your expectation that he makes you cum hands-free just by fucking you? Personally, I don't think that's very common for most guys. As I've posted in another thread, I've only cum twice hands-free while getting fucked, and both times were with smaller penises.

No, definitely not that. I always touch myself while he’s doing it (and other people in the past) but I just don’t ever get there anymore. Can you remember what made that happen for you with those guys? Were you just really in the mood, had it been a while since you came?

 

[HungBoyRN]

I really don't remember exactly what made cumming hands-free possible at those times. I think it was simply that the cock was hitting my prostate just right and my orgasm became inevitable and uncontrollable. And yeah, I'm sure I was really horny!

 

[RowanB]

Do you cum when you wank alone? Can you cum if you wank while using a dildo?

 

[Richardvalentine]

Do you cum when you wank alone? Can you cum if you wank while using a dildo?

I do when i’m alone but i rarely use a dildo on myself but that is because my partner doesn’t want me to have one.

 

[7053701]

I do when i’m alone but i rarely use a dildo on myself but that is because my partner doesn’t want me to have one.

I think that is an entirely other problem. Does he see the dildo as a substitute for his cock, and is he jealous because you would want to get one that is larger than he is?

Vegetables are great substitutes. Zucchini or reasonably sized cucumbers work well. That way you can stealth one in your house/apartment under the guise of "salad".

At any rate, see if you can get off with that inside you. Find one that is approximately the size of his cock first, then try others. It might be be a size thing, but maybe you are one of those guys that just doesn't easily cum while bottoming.

Do you jerk off while giving him oral? Can you cum that way? Maybe after he's cum inside you, take the condom off and blow him while you finish yourself off. Or, he can pull out and give you a bj or a handjob.

There are lots of options.

 

[canadian_guy486]

What’s the foreplay situation like? Is there any before you get into it or do you jump right in? For me I find it helps to fool around a bit (blowing each other, fingering, kissing, rimming, etc) before we get down to the dirty. I’ve never cum hands free, I have to be jerking my dick while bottoming in order to cum. Have you tried having him finger you and get you warmed up first? I find that helps. I don’t cum every time while bottoming. If I don’t during, I definitely do after. Do you cum at all during sex? Because if he’s the only one getting off, and the sex immediately stops after he cums and he doesn’t make an effort to help you out, then there’s a whole other issue. Do you like bottoming? Do you get pleasure out of it? If you’re not enjoying it then it’s not easy to cum during it. My first few times bottoming I didn’t enjoy it, so it was hard for me to want to cum. But over time it got better, I did some research online and got some ideas/advice (prepping with a dildo beforehand helps tremendously), and really encouraged him to finger me or rim me before bottoming. That really helps to boost the mood, and sometimes I have to stop myself from cumming too quickly.
Maybe try different positions. I cum more often in certain positions than I do in others. Final question, are you still attracted to him? Does he still turn you on? Maybe there’s something psychological here as to why you haven’t cum with him in 3 years. You can love a person emotionally, but maybe the physical attraction isn’t there anymore. This may not be the case at all, but it is a possibility.

 

[navywill83]

You gotta be very relaxed and really enjoying it to stay hard and later cum. If he’s topping too hard or you are too tight, your body is going to pull in everywhere and not shoot a load out. Ya, def touch yourself the entire time all over your body.

But seriously more often then not, the bottom, including me loses my erection and kind gets real flaccid. I’d not obsess or you really won’t be able to. Focus on enjoying cumming elsewhere with your partner and not make it a thing.

 

[XAE14G]

Foreplay is key. I don't when bottoming, I cum with foreplay. Maybe it's a chemistry thing who knows. Talk to your partner and let him know your expectations.

 

[WebMale80]

Bro you don’t know how good you have it. 5 inches is perfect. I have the exact opposite problem with you. Can you tracing and prostate stimulation makes me cum almost immediately.

 

[CubBoy216]

I’ve had a hard time cumming from bottoming and getting head in the last. Check with a doctor though, if you’re on meds that could be the cause. It could also be from blood flow just going elsewhere

 

[blkcocktail]

There definitely doesn’t have to be a deep emotional connection. If it’s not happening regularly, try taking control of the situation by climbing on top and riding him. Relax and have fun, and know this is your time to be selfish, you instruct HIM on what to do. Look at it as a fact-finding mission, maybe try grinding him in a way that hits your “feel good spot”. And if u can hit it enough times in a row, it should get you off. Just as top guys figure out what positions gets them off; we as bottom guys have to speak up, take the initiative to explore, and find what works for us. Best of luck to you.

 

[mrtman327]

When I’m with a top, I don’t care if I cum or not. My goal isn’t to get off, my goal is to make my top feel like a King. If I cum that’s incidental to pleasing him.

Every once in a while however, a top will make me cum hands free. I tend to prioritize those lol.

 

[Infernal]

When I bottom it's about a physical lever of intimacy that I'm craving. It's not really about getting off. If it happens that's great, and if not, that's fine too. I've rarely gotten off just from getting fucked. WHen it happens it's amazing, but working on making it happen can be too much of a distraction from the experience itself.

 

[Mogluver]

When bottoming I experience multiple sensations, many times it is not the ejaculation for me that counts, but the waves of pleasure from being fucked, and how my ass reacts in spasms, which tend to last and repeat over and over again putting me in another place of intense pleasure. Sometimes I shake and spasm as my prostate milks which is unreal. I agree with Infernal, it's the physical intimacy, and totally becoming the experience that brings joy.

 

[1588121]

I love being fucked and often don’t think about me cumming from it as that important actually. Because it’s quite hard for me to do so. Usually cum afterwards or from the top jacking me off while he fucks me.

but the only two times I’ve cummed handsfree from being fucked it’s been a combo of the position, size and situation.

once I came while being fucked doggie. The guy had his bed really close to a large window that looked over a street. The voyeur in me really enjoyed the feeling of being exposed if someone looked up. He grabbed my hair pulled my head back to his and started licking my ear while his dick, average length but really fat, pushed deep in me. It was all too much and I came all over the bed and almost hit the window.

 

[1588121]

When I bottom it's about a physical lever of intimacy that I'm craving. It's not really about getting off. If it happens that's great, and if not, that's fine too. I've rarely gotten off just from getting fucked. WHen it happens it's amazing, but working on making it happen can be too much of a distraction from the experience itself.

very well put. My thoughts exactly!

 

[canadian_guy486]

What I’ve found that’s helped recently for me is when I ride my boyfriend cowboy style. I feel like I have more of a sense of power when I ride him vs him taking the lead and fucking me missionary style or something, and it turns me on even more. My bf is a bigger guy so my dick will also rub on his belly when I ride him which feels great and helps me cum too without jerking myself off. I find I get really turned on when he’s about to cum and I won’t stop riding and just keep going until he cums in me. Makes me feel like I’m in charge even though I’m bottoming, so I tend to cum within seconds after he does.

 

[fournineteenfiftynine]

What I’ve found that’s helped recently for me is when I ride my boyfriend cowboy style. I feel like I have more of a sense of power when I ride him vs him taking the lead and fucking me missionary style or something, and it turns me on even more. My bf is a bigger guy so my dick will also rub on his belly when I ride him which feels great and helps me cum too without jerking myself off. I find I get really turned on when he’s about to cum and I won’t stop riding and just keep going until he cums in me. Makes me feel like I’m in charge even though I’m bottoming, so I tend to cum within seconds after he does.

Me too....when I'm riding, he is hard, and I'm touching my nipples. And lately I've had to be super horny or in other words where I haven't cum for weeks maybe....avoid alcohol, too.