We all have different boundaries with different people, our boundaries with out close friends are very different to the boundaries we have with for instance someone we talk to at a tube station. Hopefully good friends know your boundaries and don't overstep them, and you know your friends boundaries and don't overstep them but how good are you at setting boundaries and where are your boundaries, do you like a lot of intimacy with your friends/partners or are you someone who likes some distance?
Personally I'm not big on boundaries with very close friends/partners, I think the closer you are the better and with my friends there are no questions I won't ask them or they won't ask me, the same with favours and so on, they can ask me anything and I can ask them anything, if the answer's a no up to now it's always been taken without offence.
SP-I have been meaning to reply to this thread, but I kept thinking and the more I think about what you have written, the more I think that "boundaries" may not be the most accurate word in this case (this is not a criticism).
It sounds to me that what you are talking about is being
transparent (not honest) in your close relationships. Transparency goes beyond honesty and requires a great deal of trust. To me, being a close to someone and trusting them means keeping my integrity while becoming more and more transparent to them. Everyone has boundaries-- you would not let anyone hit you--that is a boundary. Having integrity means keeping those boundaries with everyone.
Where I have come to (I think) is that I must live with a principled center. Principles are unwavering and, therefore, the compass always points North. My goal is to live with integrity and transparency. Read if you will: honesty-- and it is more than that.
Integrity is the value I place on myself--that I say what I mean, follow through, practice what I preach, and that I am me all the time--good, bad, or indifferent. Integrity is owning your words, actions, and truth--making them one with your inner energy.
Transparency lives on the far side of honesty. It goes beyond honesty in that instead of
choosing which things to share and be honest about, you
allow others to see your truth at all times without careful selection of topics and subject matter. It's SO hard to do this.
And (not "but," as "but" negates all that comes before it) I know in my heart that what I try to achieve is good. It is good for me (and my trust issues) to push through and past honesty to transparency. It is good for others to interact without feeling "protected" from my truth (as weird and uncomfortable as that feels to us both/all). Who am I to think I can or should protect them, anyway?
And, as such, I must realize that there will be times when I am judged, marginalized, and compartmentalized by others who feel this truth and, perhaps, are unprepared for it. I realize that their marginalization, compartmentalization and judgment of me is a more primitive reactionary protection that we all do when faced with the things (truths) whose presence transcends our limits in new and unnerving ways.
I realize that while my natural instinct in those moments is to refrain, to hold back, to second guess--that my compass points North. And that as I walk this very challenging path, I reflect on what my greatgrandmother always said to me as a boy: "The long way home is the best way."
I've rambled, but I hope this helps in some way.
