I wrote my son's father and as soon as possible ex husband (been separated for 19 months). I wrote him concerning my son's attitude since he saw him in March. My son refuses to call him daddy, asks if he is dead, said he hated him and so on. He was told not to say he hated him and it wasn't nice. I basically sent a nice letter with my concerns that my son is so confused as to what role he is playing in his life or if he is not going to commit some time to him that he seriously consider terminating his parential rights. Though I would let my child see him, he just wouldn't be financially responsible and IF I meet someone my son could be adopted if both agreed (didn't include that part). But damn, it is frustrating. In 19 months, he has seen him once for 4 hours, sent 2 card/2 letters, and called him twice. Yet, he blames me for taking his son where he can't see him. He has no vehicle, doesn't work most of the time and when employeed works the minimum number of hours to just get by (one reason I left). Yet he blames me for all of that as well. He said in his return email that he intends to file the divorce the week I get back to the county. Shit, I can't get legal cousel if he gets a court date and I have to find someone pro bono. I know he has been to the free legal clinic for information on divorce so they will not take my case as it is conflict of interest. As if I don't have enough stress right now! He doesn't have the capability or even furnature to take care of this child, nor do I wanted him to. I'm just going to be starting treatment of these damn balance problems again when I get back. He is hoping the judge says I am responsible for transportation of my son for visitation. Honestly, I drive maybe twice a week and it's no more than a few miles. Most days I don't feel well enough to drive or I am on so many meds I would never get behind the wheel! I am the one who has the support system. My mom is available almost all the time and we will live with her. My brother and sister in law are 1/2 a mile away and SIL works in town. Also there are several neighbors that could take him in an emergency. I am kind of lost as to where to go at this point. I am trying to improve my health situation so I can provide proper care for my son. When I realized I couldn't I had my mom take him. His father doesn't have the means to care for him or even daycare if he is working and frankly I don't trust him. But this child does not know his father. I offered visits monthly for 5 consecutive months when in the area and he refused all but one visit. Any suggestions, I know the state assistant district attourney in our county. She graduated the year after me. I will probably walk down the block and ask if I can ask her some legal questions and what she knows about the judges in family court in the county. Last summer, when we talked she didn't believe that any judge in the county would grant an order for even over night visits. I am hoping she has a friend that might take my case pro bono. As I know, I will be served fairly quickly. I don't even have the court cost to file or I would do it myself which would be better for my case. But according to him it's all my fault, he can never take responsibility for his actions (abuse) or even have offered or paid any support for his child for almost 3 years. I worked extra shifts just to try to get by until my doctor said no more work. I have had two doctors since say no work indefinately. LOL, you all thought just my health was screwed up! Anyhow, all I want is the best with my son. He is the only one that really matters in this. If he wants to know his father I am fine with that but I don't think he should be forced. To my knowledge, the courts in IL can't take him from me due to my health and I am the one who has the support system and have always arranged for his care when I wasn't feeling well. Simple, my child is my life!