Boy have I been pissed off today!

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by MidwestGal, Oct 6, 2007.

  1. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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    I wrote my son's father and as soon as possible ex husband (been separated for 19 months).

    I wrote him concerning my son's attitude since he saw him in March. My son refuses to call him daddy, asks if he is dead, said he hated him and so on. He was told not to say he hated him and it wasn't nice.

    I basically sent a nice letter with my concerns that my son is so confused as to what role he is playing in his life or if he is not going to commit some time to him that he seriously consider terminating his parential rights. Though I would let my child see him, he just wouldn't be financially responsible and IF I meet someone my son could be adopted if both agreed (didn't include that part).

    But damn, it is frustrating. In 19 months, he has seen him once for 4 hours, sent 2 card/2 letters, and called him twice. Yet, he blames me for taking his son where he can't see him. He has no vehicle, doesn't work most of the time and when employeed works the minimum number of hours to just get by (one reason I left). Yet he blames me for all of that as well.

    He said in his return email that he intends to file the divorce the week I get back to the county. Shit, I can't get legal cousel if he gets a court date and I have to find someone pro bono. I know he has been to the free legal clinic for information on divorce so they will not take my case as it is conflict of interest.

    As if I don't have enough stress right now! He doesn't have the capability or even furnature to take care of this child, nor do I wanted him to. I'm just going to be starting treatment of these damn balance problems again when I get back.

    He is hoping the judge says I am responsible for transportation of my son for visitation. Honestly, I drive maybe twice a week and it's no more than a few miles. Most days I don't feel well enough to drive or I am on so many meds I would never get behind the wheel!

    I am the one who has the support system. My mom is available almost all the time and we will live with her. My brother and sister in law are 1/2 a mile away and SIL works in town. Also there are several neighbors that could take him in an emergency.

    I am kind of lost as to where to go at this point. I am trying to improve my health situation so I can provide proper care for my son. When I realized I couldn't I had my mom take him. His father doesn't have the means to care for him or even daycare if he is working and frankly I don't trust him.

    But this child does not know his father. I offered visits monthly for 5 consecutive months when in the area and he refused all but one visit.

    Any suggestions, I know the state assistant district attourney in our county. She graduated the year after me. I will probably walk down the block and ask if I can ask her some legal questions and what she knows about the judges in family court in the county. Last summer, when we talked she didn't believe that any judge in the county would grant an order for even over night visits. I am hoping she has a friend that might take my case pro bono. As I know, I will be served fairly quickly. I don't even have the court cost to file or I would do it myself which would be better for my case.

    But according to him it's all my fault, he can never take responsibility for his actions (abuse) or even have offered or paid any support for his child for almost 3 years. I worked extra shifts just to try to get by until my doctor said no more work. I have had two doctors since say no work indefinately.

    LOL, you all thought just my health was screwed up! Anyhow, all I want is the best with my son. He is the only one that really matters in this. If he wants to know his father I am fine with that but I don't think he should be forced. To my knowledge, the courts in IL can't take him from me due to my health and I am the one who has the support system and have always arranged for his care when I wasn't feeling well. Simple, my child is my life!
     
  2. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    You have plenty going for you right there. Two letters, two calls and a 4 hour visit in 19 months? What kind of parent is that? He's not in contact with his son, has no car, and has no financial means to support him.
    It would be a good idea to visit that friend. Just being a woman she can relate and if she's a mom she'll really be able to relate. There are always lawyers that will take cases pro bono. Some lawyers really do care and they aren't all sleazy.

    I'm not sure what's going on with your health, but good luck with that and your son and keep your chin up. :smile:
     
  3. Not_Punny

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    This "Father" is nothing more than a sperm donor, and I'd go out of my way to terminate his parental rights.

    It sucks, but that's the truth.

    And I'd tell my son that real men don't bail out on their family, and that when he grows up, he can be the daddy he never had.

    - - - - -

    SOrry, no comment on the legal side of things.
     
  4. Osiris

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    You can go to the free clinic. There is more than one lawyer there I'm sure. It just means you can't use the same lawyer is all.

    I'd still go do it.
     
  5. Mr. Snakey

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    I had a nightmare about my Ex-Wife the other night and woke up shaking. She was like The Devil with a fuckin' Handbag
     
  6. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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    As for what kind of parent he is, he is NO parent in my book. The cards had comments in them to berate me. His friend let his stay with his. His friend emailed me 6 months later asking if he had paid any support to my son. He had not, so the friend kicked him out and they lost their friendship. I did not know that that was part of the deal of him staying with the friend. So in one of the cards it makes reference to having to move because of mommy making him lose his home. What kind of father does that to his child????

    I feel like a horrible person for saying I wish he would get hit by a bus or something so I didn't have to deal with him ever again. But I am too damn kind. If my son decides he wants to see him I will let him and also jerk's family. Other than his mother, none of them have ever done anything wrong to me. She is just an alcoholic with a bad temper and a nasty mouth.

    The lawyer isn't a mother but she lost her dad at a young age so I think she knows what it is like growing up without a real father. But when she hears more of the story. I think she will help me out. Her comment to me at the block party last year was if I knew you were this nice in High School I would have made an effort to get to know you.
     
  7. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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    I will try to the best of my ability to get them to terminate his parential rights. I might be able to on abandonment. He has had no contact with my son since March of this year. Made no efforts, never asked how he was doing or anything. I would send updates and pics to him and his parents almost every month.
     
  8. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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    I will ask, but as a rule they will not do that. They rarely handle any divorce cases anymore. But with my medical condition and being unable to provide transportation if ordered needs to be based on my condition the day of any visitiation if he gets it.

    I will make a call there Monday. Problem is they require you to pay the court cost and I can't get an answer. I just want the best for my son and I need a little time to start my treatment and see if I get response to the treatment before stressing me out again.

    Honestly, my soon to be ex is the most selfish person I have ever met. He is doing this all just to hurt me, not in the interest of his son.
     
  9. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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    sorry to hear that uncut, I hope your nightmare ends. I hope you don't have to deal with her at all these days.
     
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