Boyfriend Broke Up With Me Out Of Numbness

massboy1997

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I've previously made a thread detailing how my boyfriend wanted to experience other guys to get rid of the numbness he has towards everything. This is more about asking how to deal with this?

My boyfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me because he has been feeling extremely numb. He loves me I know he does, but says that he feels nothing with the relationship, life, school, etc. He goes through a lot of depressive episodes and they've been getting worse. After arguing a lot over this and him crawling back to me when he wants me because he becomes un-numb and feels for me again and I let him. But this time officially we called it quits. The problem is we both live together due to covid reasons and have to manage together as just roommates now. We have been crying together nonstop which is probably unhealthy to do but we really do love each other. He says he has to break up with me not out of wanting to break up as he claims. I don't know what to do? How do I get him back? I really don't want to move on. We were so good together but numbness corrupted his perspective of us. Do I stay hopeful that we could end up back together? As bad as that is. Does anyone have experience with this situation? either being in my shoes or his numb shoes. I want him back so badly, deep down he does too.
Thanks
 
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deleted5506831

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You mentioned he has depressive episodes. Has he ever been officially diagnosed?
 
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cedarizzo

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I don't know your boyfriend or you, but I honestly believe the best thing for you to do is get away from your boyfriend. His wanting/needing to be with another man is a HUGE RED FLAG! I am guessing that he is young. He sounds very immature. I am all for open relationships, but from your messages, I am guessing you are very monogamous. And there is nothing wrong with that, but your boyfriend is not wanting that right now. And as much as he tells you he loves you, he isn't in love with the relationship as much as you are.

And everything sucks. I am sorry you are going through this. You can sit around and wait for him. You can hope that your relationship will work out in the long run. But right now, your boyfriend has already moved on to what he wants. His next step is hooking up with other guys.

You need to make a very honest observation about your relationship and what you want. I hope things work out for you, but you have to do what is right for you.
 

Sklar

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I understand that you are together because of COVID but you need to get out of there.

Yesterday.

His attitude and depression will start to affect you more than it already has.

If you really do love him, leave him. Let him get through this on his own and deal it on his own.

You are not his emotional sponge.

You need to take care of yourself, first. Him, second.

You need to move into your own space so you can find yourself again.

But more importantly, you need to be happy again.

You won't be happy with him there.

Sklar
 

KuronoB

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He needs professional mental help NOW. Even if he is seeing a professional already, it may be worth investigating more frequent or different treatment. Maybe he is misdiagnosed; depression vs bipolar, given his history of depressive episodes. You should break up and move on.

First, your relationship will not be fruitful as long as the other guy does not have good mental health, and that will take time.

Second, breaking up with you because he feels numb and wants some excitement in his life could be his way of saying "its not you, it's me" and thus should be respected by you. Or maybe it is a cry for help that translates into a hope that a new man will cure his depression, but throwing away otherwise solid relationships due to mental health issues is a bad sign. He only hurt you emotionally in an effort to feel some sensation, but what if physical hurt is next if he doesn't get enough sensation from another man? Maybe I watch too many crime dramas, but this could head in a scary direction, so getting some space could help. Even if physical harm is not a risk in your estimation, do you really want to be in a relationship where the other guy views the relationship as something to toss aside multiple times like has happened already?

You can still be his friend and support him though his mental health challenges, but beyond that, start mentally viewing him as just a friend, not a romantic partner.