Red_Beauty: I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months, but we have problems. My boyfriend is 7" long and 6.5" girth. The length is no problem, but the girth kills me. I've been with large guys before, and they always caused pain, too. However, when I'm with a smaller guy, I'm fine. I can have sex all I want. I asked my gyn about this, and she stated that I'm relatively small down there. We've tried lubricants and long foreplay, but nothing seems to work for me. This has started to become a psychological problem, too. I no longer have the desire to have sex with him at all due to the pain that happens occurs. I love him very much, so I've stayed with him longer than I can sexually tolerate. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I love him, but I don't love his penis. Any suggestions?
josh: um, well if you can honestly say u love him and that you both want to be together 4 rest of ya life, id say that one of u should get surgery. bc in a relationship there has to be good sex other wise it might aswell be a friendly relationship. No offense.
Red_Beauty: No offense taken. I've thought about such things already. What type of surgical options do i have? I can't find anything on penis reduction. I really don't want one of us to undergo such drastic measures unless we're married. We're not even engaged. I've even mentioned that we might want to consider breaking up due to this, but he doesn't want another girl. 
I still want him as one of my best friends. I enjoy his company a lot, and I know I would miss him if he didn't visit.
I still want him as one of my best friends. I enjoy his company a lot, and I know I would miss him if he didn't visit.jerkin4-10: surgery...i dont think so...what happens if the boyfriend dies, turns gay, or moves away...here she is stuck with this surgery...the real key here is...'relax'...maybe a glass of wine 30 minutes before...romance...because you said it earlier...its starting to effect my mind...dreading...well...a little wine...spend some time and find a nice type of wine you enjoy...i prefer the cheaper stuff myself...because its sweeter...i guess im just not cultured enough to enjoy 'dry' wines...hehehe but try that before you do anything goofy...'relax'...its supposed to be fun...*S*...good luck
jerkin4-10: i just thought of something else too...might go down to the local drugstore and buy a container of 'percogesic'..
its a pain reliever with a muscle relaxer built in...wifey uses it when she has back spasms...might take that an hour before...dont take it with the wine though...id try the wine first...
its a pain reliever with a muscle relaxer built in...wifey uses it when she has back spasms...might take that an hour before...dont take it with the wine though...id try the wine first...
Red_Beauty: I've tired wine before, but it didn't seem to work. I'll try it again just to be sure.
I agree about the surgery. I really don't want to subject either of us to that. I'd rather just break up and have both of us find partners we're more capatible with. Someone else that fits the puzzle a little better, I guess.
I agree about the surgery. I really don't want to subject either of us to that. I'd rather just break up and have both of us find partners we're more capatible with. Someone else that fits the puzzle a little better, I guess.
ruscular: Im 8.5 in girth, not bragging, but just letting you know that if a 8.5 boy can get thru it, your man 6.5 is a cake walk. It took about 3 month for me to be able to make love to a girl untill she enjoyed it without pain and after that we were doing it 3 times a day. But i use alot of olive oil and just got inside of her and slept with me inside as long as possible. She was pretty lubricated from inside but even so, the extra olive oil made penatration less painful. Depend how much you love this person. You will be walking kind of funny for awhile. It will take some time for your opening return to old size, if you end this relationship.
nowoonder: Forget about surgery. Out of curiosity I've read some medical articles dealing with that topic. And it's one of the things you don't want to do down there. Penis Enlargement has a realistic chance (though there are more than enough possible complications), but penis reduction is a pretty sure (like more than 50:50 chance) way of getting your guy impotent.
nowoonder: What about tons of lubricant and lots of time? I had trouble with one of my former girlfriends at the beginning, too. And trying it over and over and using better lubricant (the water-based stuff from the shop) has helped here.
mindseye: (She's mentioned that she's tried lubricants already.)
I have two suggestions, and I hope you won't take offense at either of them:
I have two suggestions, and I hope you won't take offense at either of them:
- Purchase a sexual toy of the same thickness -- like a dildo or a vibrator -- and spend some time alone with it? By yourself, you can work at exactly your own pace, and try different angles of entry. (And certainly you can stop before it becomes painful for you.)
- Are you sure you love this guy? When you say you'd "rather just break up", that had me wondering. Maybe subconsciously, you're wanting to move on, and that desire is manifesting itself psychosomatically in your tightness and sexual discomfort. This is an awfully presumptuous thing to ask of a stranger, so take it with a grain of salt, but I find I experience more discomfort in bed when I'm harboring negative thoughts about my partner.
STOP! Remember, the vagina is very, very stretchable and can accommodate your lover with proper foreplay! Take your time and don't just expect it to fit without a little prep. Lots of lube, tongue and finger play will help, plus, if you are stressed about his size, then you will tighten up and he will never fit. He is not much ticker than me, and I have had very petite girls take me.
Red_Beauty: "Maybe subconsciously, you're wanting to move on, and that desire is manifesting itself psychosomatically in your tightness and sexual discomfort."
I think the sexual discomfort has given me negative feelings towards my partner and made it worsen over time. :-/ So, I sometimes feel my partner would be better off with a girl that fit better. He says that most girls love his size.....Im fact, I'm the only one that's had a major problem with it. I really don't want him to stay with me if he never gets fully satisfied. I guess I'm thinking of him and his needs in the sexual department when I mentioned breaking up. Plus, I'm disatisfied, too. My love for him doesn't mean he can't move on to someone that can please him better. I guess my love for him means I want him to be happy in the long run....with or without me.
I'll try some of the suggestions mentioned here. There are a few I haven't tried, and I would like to give them a shot. If there are any more ideas, I'd really like to hear them.
I think the sexual discomfort has given me negative feelings towards my partner and made it worsen over time. :-/ So, I sometimes feel my partner would be better off with a girl that fit better. He says that most girls love his size.....Im fact, I'm the only one that's had a major problem with it. I really don't want him to stay with me if he never gets fully satisfied. I guess I'm thinking of him and his needs in the sexual department when I mentioned breaking up. Plus, I'm disatisfied, too. My love for him doesn't mean he can't move on to someone that can please him better. I guess my love for him means I want him to be happy in the long run....with or without me.
I'll try some of the suggestions mentioned here. There are a few I haven't tried, and I would like to give them a shot. If there are any more ideas, I'd really like to hear them.
The suggestions given here thusfar seem credible and worth trying!
Red_Beauty, why don't you return to your gyn and simply ask about some "surgical" options. (You didn't indicate here that you specifically got into discussing such approaches.)
--You can always go for a "second" gyn opinion as well.
Somewhere in past reading in this forum, I recall someone mentioned a surgical procedure to help better accomodate the girth factor...seemed like it was no traumatic deal either. A somewhat simple procedure with a few days recovery, and things got much improved from that point. You can't be the only woman with this situation. As others have noted, perhaps over an extended period of time, his girth can be better received. Whatever you decide to do, you owe it to yourself (regardless of "whomever" is in your life now or in the future) to safe-guard your enjoyment of sex. Don't let this current negative experience rule your future. Try to address it. Make the effort and don't give up. It's too important!
In all due respect here it doesn't seem to be a matter for your guy to seek "a reduction in his size" necessarily. That sounds somewhat sexist I'm sure, but I've never heard that achieving a (significantly) thinner girth is possible for a man. I don't see how it could be.
This whole matter again just illustrates how each one of us (men AND women) is at least slightly different in our sizes-- one way or another. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Instead, we learn to accept, adjust, and make compensations for our differences.
And we don't ever want to refer to such differences as "imperfections" because they're most certainly not.
Red_Beauty, why don't you return to your gyn and simply ask about some "surgical" options. (You didn't indicate here that you specifically got into discussing such approaches.)
--You can always go for a "second" gyn opinion as well.
Somewhere in past reading in this forum, I recall someone mentioned a surgical procedure to help better accomodate the girth factor...seemed like it was no traumatic deal either. A somewhat simple procedure with a few days recovery, and things got much improved from that point. You can't be the only woman with this situation. As others have noted, perhaps over an extended period of time, his girth can be better received. Whatever you decide to do, you owe it to yourself (regardless of "whomever" is in your life now or in the future) to safe-guard your enjoyment of sex. Don't let this current negative experience rule your future. Try to address it. Make the effort and don't give up. It's too important!
In all due respect here
it doesn't seem to be a matter for your guy to seek "a reduction in his size" necessarily. That sounds somewhat sexist I'm sure, but I've never heard that achieving a (significantly) thinner girth is possible for a man. I don't see how it could be.This whole matter again just illustrates how each one of us (men AND women) is at least slightly different in our sizes-- one way or another. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Instead, we learn to accept, adjust, and make compensations for our differences.
And we don't ever want to refer to such differences as "imperfections" because they're most certainly not.
spork: Sounds like you need a couple of toys.
Find one that's just as thick as you can take enjoyably, and another one that's about the thickness of your boyfriend. Also a bunch of lube -- I've found that women really like Probe, and it lasts much longer than KY or Astroglide.
Then take some quality time for yourself. Give yourself a couple good orgasms iwth the smaller one. Then try the larger one...probably won't make you cum the first time, but that's OK, you're just trying to get used to it.
Keep trying this until the larger one gives you pleasure too.
It also makes it easier if you have a vibrator to play with your clit while playing with the toys. I had a woman once who got that "oh, no" look when my pants came off, but she used a little finger-size vibe to juice herself up first. And she didn't stop when I put it in. I went slow and not too deep while she warmed up, and it was fun to feel the vibe as we went at it. Pretty soon she came a couple times and dropped the vibrator, and everything else was butter 8)
Find one that's just as thick as you can take enjoyably, and another one that's about the thickness of your boyfriend. Also a bunch of lube -- I've found that women really like Probe, and it lasts much longer than KY or Astroglide.
Then take some quality time for yourself. Give yourself a couple good orgasms iwth the smaller one. Then try the larger one...probably won't make you cum the first time, but that's OK, you're just trying to get used to it.
Keep trying this until the larger one gives you pleasure too.
It also makes it easier if you have a vibrator to play with your clit while playing with the toys. I had a woman once who got that "oh, no" look when my pants came off, but she used a little finger-size vibe to juice herself up first. And she didn't stop when I put it in. I went slow and not too deep while she warmed up, and it was fun to feel the vibe as we went at it. Pretty soon she came a couple times and dropped the vibrator, and everything else was butter 8)
neatski2: I feel your pain! (literally)
My boyfriend is 8.5 inches in girth, and I definitely know what you're talking about. The key is foreplay for me. I canNOT take my bf's penis unless I am turned on and ready for him. It's also very important that he goes slowly... sort of a constant tiny thrusting movement that penetrates very slowly. Don't ever take less than a few minutes for him to penetrate. Our vaginas really can stretch a lot to accommodate almost any size, if we allow them time to get used to it. Anyway you mentioned that you already tried foreplay, but did you try very very slow, gentle penetration? 6.5" is a girth that anyone should be able to accommodate. You are probably also so used to pain that you are unknowingly tightening your muscles while he's penetrating. At one point sex was very painful for me with an ex boyfriend, and after a few months of it, it took me a while to learn to relax my muscles enough to let him in, because I was anticipating pain. That slow penetration I was talking about really helped me.
Even with lubricants, foreplay, control, etc., there are ups and downs and sometimes sex can be painful. I love sex, but I definitely would nevr consider surgery as an option. I've never heard of such a thing, but imagine what would happen if there were complications, or if you and your boyfriend broke up. Leave yourself the way you are.
However, just the fact that you're willing to break up over this should make you think....
My boyfriend is 8.5 inches in girth, and I definitely know what you're talking about. The key is foreplay for me. I canNOT take my bf's penis unless I am turned on and ready for him. It's also very important that he goes slowly... sort of a constant tiny thrusting movement that penetrates very slowly. Don't ever take less than a few minutes for him to penetrate. Our vaginas really can stretch a lot to accommodate almost any size, if we allow them time to get used to it. Anyway you mentioned that you already tried foreplay, but did you try very very slow, gentle penetration? 6.5" is a girth that anyone should be able to accommodate. You are probably also so used to pain that you are unknowingly tightening your muscles while he's penetrating. At one point sex was very painful for me with an ex boyfriend, and after a few months of it, it took me a while to learn to relax my muscles enough to let him in, because I was anticipating pain. That slow penetration I was talking about really helped me.
Even with lubricants, foreplay, control, etc., there are ups and downs and sometimes sex can be painful. I love sex, but I definitely would nevr consider surgery as an option. I've never heard of such a thing, but imagine what would happen if there were complications, or if you and your boyfriend broke up. Leave yourself the way you are.
However, just the fact that you're willing to break up over this should make you think....
The surgery option (for her) was intended to be a last resort approach (I suppose) as I first mentioned it.
But, the history of our reader being uncomfortable from past intercourse experiences and the current girth factor of 6.5" caused concerns in my way of thinking that something perhaps unusal was the case here. Though granted, a girth of 6.5" is big, it is a size that is typically accomodated over time. Indeed, should there actually be a matter of her being a bit "too small", it just stands to reason this could be corrected with a bit of medical attention. Doing so would not necessarily ruin (more importantly limit) her sexual experiences for the future (i.e. where she would only enjoy "bigger sizes" thereafter.) I just hate the notion that sex has to become something she fears, avoids, or detests when there could be some reasonable alternatives around this discomfort issue.
As I noted earlier, the other remedies mentioned from our posters are all good ones I think...particularly patience, slow introductions ( "toys" and extra care taken by her partner) and her learning to "relax" and "not tense" up as much during sex.
Red_Beauty, I won't touch upon the matter of your contemplating "breaking up". I will allow you the personal time to think this through. To me as an outsider though, the rationale you have indicated to us about letting him find another partner more suited to size is a flimsy reason to break up. If your relationship to this man is important to you (REALLY important) the sexual aspect of your relationship should (and CAN be) worked out! If HE is enjoying being with you in all the other ways within a relationship, then HE will gladly work with you through all the problems and challenges.
But, the history of our reader being uncomfortable from past intercourse experiences and the current girth factor of 6.5" caused concerns in my way of thinking that something perhaps unusal was the case here. Though granted, a girth of 6.5" is big, it is a size that is typically accomodated over time. Indeed, should there actually be a matter of her being a bit "too small", it just stands to reason this could be corrected with a bit of medical attention. Doing so would not necessarily ruin (more importantly limit) her sexual experiences for the future (i.e. where she would only enjoy "bigger sizes" thereafter.) I just hate the notion that sex has to become something she fears, avoids, or detests when there could be some reasonable alternatives around this discomfort issue.
As I noted earlier, the other remedies mentioned from our posters are all good ones I think...particularly patience, slow introductions ( "toys" and extra care taken by her partner) and her learning to "relax" and "not tense" up as much during sex.
Red_Beauty, I won't touch upon the matter of your contemplating "breaking up". I will allow you the personal time to think this through. To me as an outsider though, the rationale you have indicated to us about letting him find another partner more suited to size is a flimsy reason to break up. If your relationship to this man is important to you (REALLY important) the sexual aspect of your relationship should (and CAN be) worked out!
If HE is enjoying being with you in all the other ways within a relationship, then HE will gladly work with you through all the problems and challenges.
Red, One of my current lovers had a very hard time taking me. I am 8" long, 6" around; the first time I almost didn't fit. She was used to men about half my girth. But I took my time and she now loves to have my cock buried deep inside her. She can only handle me 2 or 3 times a week (she get very sore because I go on forever) but she now looks forward to me to satisfy her after all the smaller men she has in between.
neatski2: Benderten, granted that some medical attention might do the trick. Maybe it's a matter of only a small area of skin being removed. As long as it wasn;t anything too major.
red, whatever you decide, I'd be very interested in knowing, as I definitely am going through a lot of the same thing that you are.
red, whatever you decide, I'd be very interested in knowing, as I definitely am going through a lot of the same thing that you are.
Red_Beauty: "I just hate the notion that sex has to become something she fears, avoids, or detests when there could be some reasonable alternatives around this discomfort issue."
I hate this, too. It shouldn't be this way. I'd like to clarify something on the size issue. He is 6.5" in girth, but it is wider across than down.
I'm going to try a larger toy first. I plan to get one within the week.
I only consider breaking up as a last resort. We enjoy each other's company and can stay close friends if it ever comes to that. I just don't think it's healthy to stay in a relationship where sex, an important factor, is not working. This only develops more tension, IMO. He is willing to try, so maybe things will work out for the best. Only time will tell.
I hate this, too.
It shouldn't be this way. I'd like to clarify something on the size issue. He is 6.5" in girth, but it is wider across than down. I'm going to try a larger toy first. I plan to get one within the week.
I only consider breaking up as a last resort. We enjoy each other's company and can stay close friends if it ever comes to that. I just don't think it's healthy to stay in a relationship where sex, an important factor, is not working. This only develops more tension, IMO. He is willing to try, so maybe things will work out for the best. Only time will tell.
moroccansgirl: Hi, Red,
I am new here but I am soo very happy to find such a place as this! Anyway, I know how you feel. When my husband and I got married, I was a virgin and that first night, I never knew that a man could be that big for real My husband is about 7" and about 6.5 around and I was scared to death my wedding night when I saw it. I can tell you that was the most painful night of my life. I bled more than your average blushing bride. I bled every night for a week. And it didn't get any better after that. Once we realized that this was going to be a problem, I had to figure out a way to get past it or some way to adjust. I did like one poster already suggested; that is we took it slow. He would just push in a little bit at a time and then we would wait until I could adjust. What I could adjust with, that is how we stayed until eventually I could accept all of him. It takes time and patience on his part and yours. I think one of the previous posters said was right about the tensing up thing. Now that you know it is hard to have sex with him, each time you are on edge and that can make what was painful, twice as painful. I think that you need to start focusing on what you love about him and relax. You should have a talk about going slow, taking it inch by inch until you feel discomfort and then stop. The vaginal wall has enormous stretchability but it has to be trained, so to speak. I also find that we can't have sex certain ways when I am close to my TOM because when he thrusts, it causes me more than discomfort! More like OOOOUCH! :-/ The cervix is very tender right before so avoid having sex then, too. I have come to enjoy having sex with my husband but even so, there are times when I still experience some small discomfort, like when he wants to do it more than once or twice a night; I don't know if I am seeing things or not but sometimes he is so super hard, I swear he seems to grow even half an inch more those times when he is extra horny. But it does not hurt as bad as it did in the beginning. I really think that you will be able to learn to take all of him and enjoy sex again. You don't need surgery or anything. That would cause more complications than help. I think you should just talk to him tonight. Tell him, to make you more comfortable that you need his understanding, you need a bit more foreplay and that you want to try just going inch by inch for now, until you can accomodate him. It is much easier to relax and take him in if you are more ata fever pitch of excitement than afraid. I think he would truly understand. If he is a good guy! Good luck and let us know if things get better.
I am new here but I am soo very happy to find such a place as this! Anyway, I know how you feel. When my husband and I got married, I was a virgin and that first night, I never knew that a man could be that big for real
My husband is about 7" and about 6.5 around and I was scared to death my wedding night when I saw it. I can tell you that was the most painful night of my life. I bled more than your average blushing bride. I bled every night for a week. And it didn't get any better after that. Once we realized that this was going to be a problem, I had to figure out a way to get past it or some way to adjust. I did like one poster already suggested; that is we took it slow. He would just push in a little bit at a time and then we would wait until I could adjust. What I could adjust with, that is how we stayed until eventually I could accept all of him. It takes time and patience on his part and yours. I think one of the previous posters said was right about the tensing up thing. Now that you know it is hard to have sex with him, each time you are on edge and that can make what was painful, twice as painful. I think that you need to start focusing on what you love about him and relax. You should have a talk about going slow, taking it inch by inch until you feel discomfort and then stop. The vaginal wall has enormous stretchability but it has to be trained, so to speak. I also find that we can't have sex certain ways when I am close to my TOM because when he thrusts, it causes me more than discomfort! More like OOOOUCH! :-/ The cervix is very tender right before so avoid having sex then, too. I have come to enjoy having sex with my husband but even so, there are times when I still experience some small discomfort, like when he wants to do it more than once or twice a night; I don't know if I am seeing things or not but sometimes he is so super hard, I swear he seems to grow even half an inch more those times when he is extra horny. But it does not hurt as bad as it did in the beginning. I really think that you will be able to learn to take all of him and enjoy sex again. You don't need surgery or anything. That would cause more complications than help. I think you should just talk to him tonight. Tell him, to make you more comfortable that you need his understanding, you need a bit more foreplay and that you want to try just going inch by inch for now, until you can accomodate him. It is much easier to relax and take him in if you are more ata fever pitch of excitement than afraid. I think he would truly understand. If he is a good guy! Good luck and let us know if things get better.Similar threads
