Boyfriend Troubles

garebear1617

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Okay I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now we first met on Grindr (pretty much a hookup app) but he didn't really plan to hookup just hangout and we both were kinda looking for a relationship though hookups too kinda, he has hookuped up in the past and so have I just not as much. The idea of him hooking up in the last bothers me that he gave it to other people etc. and that he got and gave pleasure to and from others. Like I feel like I don't do thing a as good as other guys did or something. Also when we have sex it isn't that good for me like his dick doesn't hit my spot all the time and I guess I'm kinda mad that others would love it but I don't. Anyways it's becoming frustrating that the sex isn't good and I have been thinking about hooking up but I really do love him so I don't want to ruin it but I want good sex while
I'm still young I'm only 21 and I don't wanna be tied down but I don't want to lose him bc I honestly see him as my like husband and everything but I don't know what to do. Also I get really mad when he jacks off to porn and such. I just really need help and advice please!!
 

garebear1617

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But I really do love the guy and can't imagine life without him he really does make me happy and I feel like I'm mad about things that can't be changed like his past and jacking off although he says he stopped but he still does on occasion. The only problem is the sex and I kinda want new sexual experiences or better ones and I even got back on grindr a couple of times but never did act as I felt guilty
 

mikeyinbrooklyn

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It sounds like you might not be ready for a real relationship. Only you know that for sure, but don't force it on yourself if you aren't really ready. If you think that you do want a relationship, you need to be open & honest with your boyfriend about how you want to improve your sex life. There should be no criticism of him or your sex life. If you can't think of anything constructive to say, then say nothing. Dwelling on his or your past sex life and partners is emotionally destructive. You will not be ready to accept this man as your partner until you can let go. You have serious thinking to do about your readiness, whether you can be happy with him, and finally about communicating your needs & love to him. Good luck.
 

garebear1617

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Well I think some of the problem is we love together bc we are both at the same college, would you agree? Thanks so much for the help
 

SkySkin77

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Dont be mad at your boyfriend if you found he likes to jack off. Well, dont be mad at any man you know, father son friend or else, because he jacks off.
Jackin off for a man is like breathing.
 

Petrolhead

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don't hold his past, or his past partners, against him. and don't get mad about jacking off - you might as well try to stop the tide coming in.

reading your post your main issue seems to be that the sex isn't that great. talk about that - there are ways to spice it up. but if you have to hook up you have to think how he will react. will he cool with it and see it as just sex and not impingeing on your emotional relationship or will he get jealous?

best thing is to talk about these things together - and for you to control your jealousy
 

deviant

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insecure as hell

learn how to get dirty and really get into it. it's obviously not going to be good if you're thinking about other people that he had. get over it and accept him for who he is (that includes his past) or dump him because he doesn't have the same goals as you right now
 
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josh20hung

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I feel like pretty much anyone you date (unless you find someone who wants to stay "pure" until marriage) is going to have past relationships/hookups etc. You need to get over that fast or you aren't going to be happy with most guys. It seems like you want people on here to tell you its ok to do something you already know you want to do, but perhaps feel guilty. If you want to hook up with other guys, then tell your bf, and leave. IMO you either want to be with this guy, or you want to be with others, but you can't have both.
 

bigbadger

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I would agree with most of the above advice, especially the part about you maybe not being ready to be in a relationship. It sounds like you have some maturing and growing up to do (which is okay since you are only 21) before you are ready to truly settle down and commit to someone else long term.

Sorry to disappoint you, but even at your age just about everyone your going to date from here on out will have a past and have been with other people. You have to learn to be more secure and not let that bother you. Because unless you only want to date virgins the rest of your life (which is near impossible to do, not to mention at a certain age I would not want my boyfriend to still be a virgin) everyone you date will have some kind of past.

The masturbation thing should not really bother you. Masturbation is a normal and healthy activity for most men, and something you should not expect him or force him to give up. As long as it is not becoming excessive or consuming, then it should not bother you.

You say you can picture him as your spouse, yet you still feel a need to go out and meet other men. If the sex with him is really that unpleasant or unsatisfying, then you need to talk to him about it. Maybe try something new. But make sure you communicate your needs and desires with him, as this obviously bothers you and may lead you to stray.

If you really do like him and care about him that much, then please put in the time and effort to make things work. It sounds like most of the issues are with you and are things you need to work out on your own. But as far as the sex issues go, please work on that together and make a joint effort in that area. If you say you can see him as your husband, then please make the time and effort to make things work out.
 
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Exbiker

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You are too young to be thinking this way.

Most people ( not all ) should probably not be thinking about settled relationships until they are say 25, 27 etc. More so for gay people I think, because there are fewer role models around us, and maybe less direct linkage to the reproductive issues...

Until then, explore and learn. There is no need to cheat or be unkind. But don't over- commit either ...not everyone you have sex with will be your life-partner, though the closer they are to that, the better... But you can't always know that...

Gay life needs to not depend overly on straight role models... there are some parallels and we can all learn from each other. But please don't think a straight ideal from 1960s TV will necessarily be appropriate for you, here and now.

I entered my civil partnership a few years ago when I was 45, after knowing my partner 8 years... there is no hurry. Emotional depth and complexity is more important, and longer lasting, than physical optimisation...
 
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KuronoB

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You're 21 and in college. You're probably going to break up sooner or later, so don't get too invested in him. That being said, tell him that you think sex can be better, and suggest ways to make that happen. Use toys, different positions, or something else. And don't worry about him jacking off. Don't you jack off?
 

NYHoti

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My ex-fiance, who I still love with all my heart, wasn't exactly great in bed skillwise but he rocked my world because of him. We made love in bed and it didn't matter how small he was or that his parts didn't work all the time. If you say you love him, you should be making love and not thinking that you have to be having porn star sex. Even when my ex blew me, his teeth scrapped my dick because he couldn't open his mouth wide enough. It didn't matter because he was doing the best he could and I loved him. If you really loved your boyfriend and wanted to be married to him one day, stop just having sex and start making love.
 
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