Boyfriend Wants To Experience Other Men?

massboy1997

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Has anyone run into this before? My boyfriend of almost two years (I am his first BF) has now decided he wants a break to experience other men. He has adamantly told me that he still loves me, in the end, it is just me that he wants, only me in the end. But then says that he wants to experience other guys because he has only really been with two people before. He wanted to do threesomes but now just wants the exclusive on his own experiencing with other men and wants to know if sexually that I am the one and his feelings aren't lying to him? I am not sure what to think or feel. I get so jealous and disgusted by the idea of him with someone else. But feel so much better when he genuinely says he wants me in the end but wants to know what it is like with other men.

Has anyone ever had this same issue with themselves or their partner? I am such the jealous type that it kills me to be able to allow him to experience other men but if it means that he'll be with me in the end then I guess it's worth it.
 
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OctoGun

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Has anyone run into this before? My boyfriend of almost two years (I am his first BF) has now decided he wants a break to experience other men. He has adamantly told me that he still loves me, in the end, it is just me that he wants, only me in the end. But then says that he wants to experience other guys because he has only really been with two people before. He wanted to do threesomes but now just wants the exclusive on his own experiencing with other men and wants to know if sexually that I am the one and his feelings aren't lying to him? I am not sure what to think or feel. I get so jealous and disgusted by the idea of him with someone else. But feel so much better when he genuinely says he wants me in the end but wants to know what it is like with other men.

Has anyone ever had this same issue with themselves or their partner? I am such the jealous type that it kills me to be able to allow him to experience other men but if it means that he'll be with me in the end then I guess it's worth it.

I can tell from your post that you don’t want him to experiment with other men, and that it would hurt you. So I think you should say that you’re not comfortable with it and he does not have your consent or permission to do so.

The fact he said he wants to have sex with others to “make sure” you’re the one is troubling. He should already be sure. And if he’s not then maybe it’s time you parted ways with him. Let him explore and let yourself find someone who appreciates you in the ways that you need
 

Uniballer

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Would you be kewl with you guy doing threesomes or more together, you there but off to the side? You could fuck/suck someone else?
Long ago, in the late 80’s early 90’s I was young and hung and single. Several of my friend had girlfriends that wanted to ride me. As long as her bf said it was okay she got her big dick fix, they kept their relationship. It worked out best when he either watched or participate, I was a little uncomfortable alone. The best was once we all got to know one another. I could tell when she got what she wanted out of me then I let him take over. It started as a MF—-M then MFM then we all allowed uninhibited touching it was just short of male on male penetration. Both of those relationships are still going after 30 years. He let her have what she wanted but when she wanted to make love he was there ready to take over.
It is just something that my friends and I did, I hope it gives you ideas to help your situation.
 

chancesare

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Your boyfriend must care about you because he told you this up front and didn't go behind your back. Still, if you are not comfortable with it, it's a sign to call things off. For many gay men, sex can be just a fun physical act, like playing chess with a hot guy or going on a roller coaster with someone. For others, it's a deeply intimate act meant for just the couple. Our culture of porn and apps nurtures the need to explore. His desire to have sex with others doesn't mean he doesn't love you. His explanation may be his poor attempt to rationalize it to you (had that before) when he just wants a variety of sex partners. But if you are odds with that desire, I don't know if your relationship can work. It's a hard thing to compromise on. His needs matter. Your needs matter.
 

chrisrobin

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Has anyone run into this before? My boyfriend of almost two years (I am his first BF) has now decided he wants a break to experience other men. He has adamantly told me that he still loves me, in the end, it is just me that he wants, only me in the end. But then says that he wants to experience other guys because he has only really been with two people before. He wanted to do threesomes but now just wants the exclusive on his own experiencing with other men and wants to know if sexually that I am the one and his feelings aren't lying to him? I am not sure what to think or feel. I get so jealous and disgusted by the idea of him with someone else. But feel so much better when he genuinely says he wants me in the end but wants to know what it is like with other men.

Has anyone ever had this same issue with themselves or their partner? I am such the jealous type that it kills me to be able to allow him to experience other men but if it means that he'll be with me in the end then I guess it's worth it.
Two of my relationships ended because they wanted other men in the relationship One after 5 years claimed that till he met me he'd lived at home and now found freedom, the other after 11 years when I wasn't enough, the bits he secretly had on the side weren't enough. Its no good thinking you can share their body but claim the soul, it doesnt work like that.
He obviously wants his cake as they say...
 

Stephenmass

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Huge red flag. Be honest and straightforward with him. If he still insists on cheating on you (because that's what it is), he doesn't deserve you.
If it's been worked out between the two of them, it really isn't cheating. Many male couples have open relationships. They aren't for me. That said, seeing how the original poster feels, I think it's time to let go. What happens if he finds someone that he finds more interesting than you? You're not good enough. If he doesn't, you are good enough? Makes no sense to me.
 

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dump him if he is really serious abut porking someone else he is not serious about you Espssally now in COVID time and hiv time etc etc better to be monogamous and be alive than dead

and if that is you in the avitar he is a stupid fool you look awsome
 

Stephenmass

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dump him if he is really serious abut porking someone else he is not serious about you Espssally now in COVID time and hiv time etc etc better to be monogamous and be alive than dead

and if that is you in the avitar he is a stupid fool you look awsome

Like you I noticed his avatar too and thought the same exact thing!
 

commpulsive

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I can totally understand where your boyfriend is coming from, because I've been there and can relate with the thoughts and feelings that he's shared with you. For me, I truly did need to play the field for a bit and experience a variety of people on my own as an individual. If I hadn't, I feel it would have been detrimental to my development as a person and I would continue to echo the same concerns. That being said, I haven't been with the person I was with when I was going through this in close to 20 years. Best thing I ever did!
 

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It would be hard to see this working going forward if you are not comfortable with it.

It is good that he told you his feelings it shows you he is honest.

You seem like a nice guy and I would put my foot down and tell him this is not the type of relationship you want.
 

bellybama

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Is chemical castration legal in Massachusetts?

I find it's best to offer a partner options when you're in a predicament.

Like A) you can sleep with whoever you want, as long as you let me poison your libido,

Or B) sign over all your earthly posessions before you swipe right.

It's win - win, and shows how much you love them, and consider their emotions.

It's like that old romantic ballad by Eminem, Stan.

(That's a joke by the way. Don't actually poison him... Maybe just tell everyone he has genital warts.)
 

EquusAZ

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"Has anyone ever had this same issue with themselves or their partner? I am such the jealous type that it kills me to be able to allow him to experience other men but if it means that he'll be with me in the end then I guess it's worth it."

To answer this question, yes. I've had this issue when I was much younger (45 now). Back in my 20's I got insanely jealous. Over time I've mellowed out to the point where it really depends on what is going on. I've learned that love and physical sex are two different things. I can have sex with people I don't love, and I can love people without sex. Other people 'cheating on me?' Well, it comes down to my own definition as to what cheating is. If my husband is having sex with someone else, that's fine. If he's catching feelings for someone else, well, it depends on how it affects me. Is it going to enhance or take away from what we have?

I've learned over time to slow down, to read situations, and to ask myself hard questions. Mostly I follow these rules:
1. Think, don't just react.
2. Analyze what it is that is making me feel good, and not making me feel good.
3. Ask yourself what is important to me
4. Communicate #3 with my partner
 
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paruk

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Yes I have experienced that and I was the one in a position similar to yours. Big difference was that my partner had had his share of fun over the years so he just wanted to keep having the freedom to have sex with other guys. After some initial discussions and heated arguments I can tell you I don't regret opening the relationship AT ALL!!! In a very selfish way(?) I am able to experience the best of being single and at the same time of being in a relationship. I am sure this is not an arrangement that everybody will want to agree to but just do not lock yourself into thinking "I am jealous", " not for me" ecc, I would suggest you read the book the Ethical Slut which is the reference book for people who want to open up their relationships. Good Luck
 

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He's manipulating you so he can get what he wants and doesn't care about you or what you want.

The moment you agree to it, your relationship is over because it's now all about his needs and wants, while your needs and wants take a second seat.

I'd go out on a limb and suggest that's he already "experienced" other men, and liked it and now want's your permission.

Because you will "always be there for him," because it's really YOU that he loves and all the others are just flings so he can get off and "experience" other men.

You may love him but you need to love yourself more.

Dump him.

Yesterday.

Find someone that wants you. And ONLY you.

You not only can do better but you deserve better, too.

Sklar
 
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I personally could never be in an open relationship, if guy I was with wanted it and stuff the relationship would be over. I’m happy with one guy to cuddle and make love with.
 
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