boys playing

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Hunkguy39, Nov 27, 2006.

  1. Hunkguy39

    Hunkguy39 New Member

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    I have a problem and i need an advice, i got two sons one is 17 and the youbgest is 11.I m a single parent, a few weeks ago i caught my 11 years old son "playing" with a friend from school, same age as my son is, i didnt say anything didnt even walk in the room they were, i assumed they were just qurious about the penis and stuff like all boys do in their age.( i did too when i was a boy), but today i got back from work and as i walked to the living room i saw the other boy down on his knees sucking on my sons penis.i didnt say anything to him yet and i dont know what to say , cause i dont wanna scare him ,but i cant stop thinking about it and the fact that my son was enjoying it a lot( he was moaning ) What should i do? how to react if it happens again.Any advise from moms too would be good
     
  2. slate_australis

    slate_australis New Member

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    Delicate situation.

    Part of me says not to say anything, largely because it will scare him to death and chances are he will never tell you anything. Plus he'll get into this shame thing.

    Another part of me says to say something very obscure - don't say it directly. I'm not going to lie - I was doing this at that age (actually younger) and I NEVER saw anyone do it before.

    Some boys will do this... you have to think past what u saw and the natural shock and what this means for him.
     
  3. brandonguy35

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    The biggest piece of avice is don't panic. If you seem nervous and upset, your son will pick up on that--and it could cause further problems. At any age (but especially in those pre-teen and teen years) curiousity is natural. When you are at a point that you can be calm, you should have THE TALK about sex and being safe- he seems to be at a point that it is necessary to get the true facts about what is happening to his body. Above all, accept him for who he is. If he is staight and experimenting, bisexual, or gay, he needs to know that (as his father) you love him no matter what.

    Good luck!
     
  4. B_RoysToy

    B_RoysToy New Member

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    If he knows you saw him, I would think it's necessary to have a private talk with him when both of you can. I wouldn't think of being condescending with him, just stressing the importance of not doing this where they could be so easily walked in on. Reassure him that at his age it's natural for him to be inquisitive re. things sexual and that you will be happy to answer any questions he might have. Seeing him in this act might just serve a good purpose for you to be open with him and form a life-long Father-Son relationship.

    If you know he didn't see you seeing him, I would seriously consider not talking with him about this until another time when this occasion is not paramount in his mind. It would be 'cool' to have a talk with him soon, however, about sexual matters in general.

    Let us know what you decide, Hunkguy, and how it turns out. BTW, your gallery pictures are strictly outstanding, as are your physical attractions! I cringe to think about what your two sons might look like!
     
  5. Rubenesque

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    My ex-husband used to fool around like that with a friend when they were kids - albeit a little older than your son.

    But really, you mustn't worry. Experimentation is perfectly normal and think of the alternatives - furious father of one of his female school friends banging on your door ready to kill him!

    Basically, you have to say something because he knows you know. The anticipation will be far worse for him than you just getting it over and done with. Just ask if he wants to talk about it, chances are he won't, but then just pat him on the shoulder and tell him you love him and that if he does ever want to talk about it he knows where to find you.

    Be calm, be relaxed and be aware that he'll likely be terrified of your reaction.

    Good luck xxxx
     
  6. Gillette

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    Tell him everything he needs to know about safe sex.

    Tell him everything you can about fair play regarding sex, physically and emotionally

    Tell him in future he should do it in his bedroom as the livingroom seems a bit overexposed.
     
  7. Andresito

    Andresito Member

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    I was going to suggest that you should only talk about privacy with him, but Gillette has made the perfect post.
     
  8. carlton10

    carlton10 Member

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    I wouldnt say anything- he would be mortified- just let it go -probably wont happen again in ur home at least
     
  9. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    Try to look beyond culture and see that it may be just two innocents doing what feels good.

    Beyond that, I don't know how to handle it. If it's a phase, it's a phase. If not, not. Time will eventually make that clear.

    Kids sure grow up quick don't they?
     
  10. tradereric

    tradereric New Member

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    How old is the other boy? If he is close in age I would not panic, stay calm and let him know you are there for him if he has a question. At 11 I played around with three cousins at various times with no bad result... If my father had caught me he would have made a scene, declared the activity a sin and made me feel quilty. Easy does it.
    If the other boy is older than four years or five years it becomes a different story.
     
  11. glenroebuck

    glenroebuck New Member

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    should have whipped it out and made the other boy polish off pop...:)
     
  12. davidjh7

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    You seem to indicate that they are unaware that you know. And you say they are the same age. They are definately at the age where some experimentation happens. No matter what you say, or how you say it, he is going to be embarassed, mortified, and scared to death. GIven their ages, it is unlikely there are STD's to worry about, especially if no anal happens. And you can;t be watching them every second--if they really want to do it, they will find a way, away from your eyes. While he is your son, and that gives you a unique perspective, and worry---if I were in your shoes, I would just find an appropriate moment, unrelated to sex or sexuality, to hug him, and tell him you love him. Reasure him that no matter what, you are his dad, and love him unconditionally. If by chance it comes up because of a tv show or something, and you don;t have any real issues with gay people (be honest with yourself) then let him know that you have no issues with gay people, have had gay friends, etc. Don;t personalize it with your experiences, unless HE asks specific questions. Whoever he is, he is, and didn;t choose it one way or the other, anymore than you did. NO matter what, he is still your son, the little boy you held in your arms as a baby, played ball with, held when he cried, and made feel better when he was sick or hurt. And he always will be. Be very careful to not damage that special relationship you have, by judging, or panicking. Just love him, and accept him for who he is, the very best you can. The rest will work itself out through puberty. GOod luck!
     
  13. Hunkguy39

    Hunkguy39 New Member

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    Thank you all guys and girls from ur help.
    If i got this right are you assuming that my son is gay?? He is 11 years old, he doesnt even cum yet!!!He only has dry orasms(as far as i know)
    He doesnt know i saw him and his friend, i waiting untill they were finished and got dreesed and then i walked in preteding nothing happened and they both seemed very relaxed when they saw me.
    I was ok the first time i caught them but they were only jerking off eath other cock, but my son getting sucked goes way to much!! If i dont say anything the next thing i know they will be fucking and i dont want my son to have sex in such an early time he is still a baby!!!
    i talked about it with my other son and he laught saying the boy turned "fag"
    Ofcourse i will still love him if he is gay or bisexual but i believe its too early to have a sex life.
    We had the "sex" and "masturbation" talk like father and son a year ago and he was happy i opened my self to him, but i can t have a talk with him about gay sex!!
     
  14. slate_australis

    slate_australis New Member

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    I think talking about it with you other son might have been a mistake- I understand you are concerned - but now two of you know and in that circumstance someone will slip up.

    I'm certainly am not saying your son is gay - his bits are starting to work and he's curious - everyone goes through a experimental phase with their body (I'm 24 and still going through it,lol ) Because he played with another boy does that mean he's gay? No. He's a friend, and at that age when you're curious but also unsure having the security of a friend is important.

    I would worry that if you get too full on over this, he might go into his shell about other more important things.
     
  15. F_Man

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  16. F_Man

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    i talked about it with my other son and he laught saying the boy turned "fag"
    Ofcourse i will still love him if he is gay or bisexual but
    [/I][/QUOTE]

    Talking about it with your other son (behind the other's back) was a pretty sissy and gossipy thing to do! You should think for yourself! You are the adult and the man of the house, and should not share, what is now obviously a problem for you, with your son. Having now one son sneering at another as a FAGGOT is not the way to go. Or do you discuss your own sex life with your sons, too?

    FM
     
  17. carlton10

    carlton10 Member

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    Ever think he might have seen you or your older son getting stroked or sucked by someone else which has led him into such curiosity ? Its amazing what kids see and hear which parents are unaware of-also I dont think that some shared sucking and stroking would lead them into anal -Unless things have changed greatly with kids- I dont think anal sex would even be thought of by kids at such a young age
     
  18. Hunkguy39

    Hunkguy39 New Member

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    Talking about it with your other son (behind the other's back) was a pretty sissy and gossipy thing to do! You should think for yourself! You are the adult and the man of the house, and should not share, what is now obviously a problem for you, with your son. Having now one son sneering at another as a FAGGOT is not the way to go. Or do you discuss your own sex life with your sons, too?

    FM[/quote]
    Sorry if it sounded like that.I wasnt gossiping my son behind his back,I just thought that since my older son is more close to his age maybe he d know more about it or maybe talk to his brother about it.
    I dont use the worf fag my self and my oldest son was told never to call his brother or any other boys like that
     
  19. Hunkguy39

    Hunkguy39 New Member

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    Sorry if my post sounded like i was gossiping my son behing his back, i just thought that maybe because my older son is more close to his brothers age he might know more about it or mayve talk to his brother about it.
    I never use the word fag and as for my son he was told never to use this language to his brother or any other boy.
    As for seeing me or his brother doing something simmilar, i have never had another guy home, my son i honestly dont know.
    I know that jerking off with a bud doesnt make you gay what i worryed about is if it get further than that.And i repait i dont have a problem if my son turns gay but he is too young to be sexual active.
     
  20. fortiesfun

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    Hunkguy: Sex play at that age is pretty common, and it doesn't mean that he is gay. However, most of the gay members of this board will tell you that we did, in fact, know that we were gay well before we were fully sexual. I certainly knew I had male attractions at that age, and though I wasn't sucking cock it wasn't for want of trying. I am absolutely not saying that he is gay, but I am sure saying that you better start thinking through the possibility and about how you will handle that in a supportive and thoughtful way.

    I've raised a son myself, now, and I have to say that I concur with those who suggest more, rather than less, talk. Certainly time to talk about privacy, about safe sex, and about the whole range of complications that ensue from having sex with other people as opposed to oneself. The other kid's parents might not be so understanding and he can find himself in real danger if he gets caught in their house, for example. 11 year-olds can, and do, move on to anal. Don't kid yourself. And they form emotional attachments to those that they are having sex play with that can be overwhelming if not guided, especially if they don't last, which they rarely do at that age.

    Finally, I think that including your 17 year old places pressure on you now. It is water under the bridge, but unless he is the most mature 17 year old ever, and has no conflicts ever with the young son, he will say something sooner or later. You need to have talked to the younger son before that happens or he will forever feel his trust was betrayed.

    I'm sure you know, there are moments when we have to step up to the plate as parents. This is absolutely one of those. I'm sure you son is going to be mortified, but if he is old enough to get a blow job, he needs to be treated as someone who is sexually active. My guess is that he doesn't have enough information to handle that responsibly, and he will only get it from you.

    Don't judge, but tell him that you know he is sexually active already, and that crossing over that particular milestone comes with a lot of responsibility. Talk him through it, including that you think it may be too much too fast. He needs to slow way down if he isn't even shooting yet.

    Best to you. I am sure this is difficult, but it can be the defining moment in your relationship to your son if you handle it with candor, sensitivity, and kindness.
     
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