Breaking a size issue with any potential girlfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by basincreek, Aug 18, 2010.

  1. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    Hi everyone. This is my first thread ever but it's about something important to me. I'm not sure if this the right sub-forum for this.

    I am an older virgin. I've spent many years (hell pretty much my whole life after the seventh grade) never asking out girls/ladies due to my conviction that I was repulsive to look at. I took the fact that women were not throwing themselves at me as evidence that it was true.

    But once upon a time I met a girl in college that I did take a chance on. But she turned out to have certain.....requirements that I didn't meet. But I felt like I was surely average. I was pretty devastated by that rejection since me and her were so good together; we had so many common interests (movies, music and outdoor activities, we even volunteered at the same animal shelter and soup kitchen) and I didn't want to make things worse so I didn't check on weather I was actually average. When I did I found that....length wise I'm not alright but not awful at 5.6-5.85 inches depending on how things are going. But then I checked average circumference and saw that it was 4.75-4.9 inches. I was only a tad over 4.5 inches circumference.

    Long story short the whole thing ended up with me becoming so suicidal over that realization that I was briefly institutionalized. Many months of therapy got me back on track and eventually back in college.

    Okay so flash forward to today. I've spent the last ten months working my butt off to get in good physical shape and am determined to enter the dating scene (though with time constraints now that I've got work and new volunteer work at the hospital). Especially since I've had some attractive gals (now taken) confess they actually thought I was cute all along.

    But my problem remains. What can I do about this? Assuming I get a gal into a position where she's even willing to have sex with me how do I break this news to her? Should I alert her well in advance? Assure her that I'm going to be trying to bring a lot more to the table (I mean if she wants toys involved...sure. If she wants an hour of oral stimulation of her vagina and clit...sure. Want it to last awhile...sure I've been doing those exercises to increase stamina) and just hope she won't care if I do all that extra stuff? Should I not mention it at all and still do all the extra stuff and hope she never brings up my issue. Should I perhaps be prepared to let her go out and "do it" with other guys that have more normal genitalia every now and then so she'll be satiated (I really wouldn't want to do that)?

    I'm considering all that because I'm pretty sure there really aren't any reliable methods of actual enlargement. Especially for girth.
     
  2. Bob Ross

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    If I were you I would focus on non-sexual things in your life to build some self esteem as this clearly seems to be the root of these problems
     
  3. DeepDish

    DeepDish Member

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    Hate to break it to you, but your genitalia is normal.

    You are right around average length and slightly under average girth. And that is a perfectly normal and very serviceable size.

    There are lots and lots and lots of guys out there at that size or smaller in relationships who are having great sex and giving their girlfriends orgasm after orgasm.

    You don't need to worry about enlarging anything but your confidence.
     
  4. HiddenLacey

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    I agree with BobRoss. You have to feel confident!

    Though some may disagree with me I will say it anyway. Any woman that really loves you isn't going to care about your size. It doesn't all come down to the penis. Just because someone has a larger penis than you doesn't mean he knows how to use it or do any of the other things you said you would do for your partner.

    PS I have had many orgasms with someone just about your size! Perfectly normal size nothing to worry about!
     
    #4 HiddenLacey, Aug 18, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 18, 2010
  5. Argonaut 1975

    Argonaut 1975 New Member

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    I think you just need to relax.

    As I understand it, woman find confidence sexy. Fretting over the size of your equipment is just going to be a turn off.

    Enjoy her company, help her enjoy yours, if it goes to the bedroom make sure she's having a good time and I don't think she'll care.

    The woman you described sounds like a bit of a bitch. First rule, don't define yourself by what women think about you.
     
  6. Ranxerox

    Ranxerox Member

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    A lot of women want something simple... They just want a guy to take care of them. You be there for her, be interested... be involved... That's it.
     
  7. MarkLondon

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    You were never repulsive-looking (unless you were projecting your insecurity) and now the next step is to realise you have a perfectly normal cock.
     
  8. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    Emphasis mine. Slightly under average is still under average. What if she were to find out? She could look up such statistics as easy as I can. Granted never having a real girlfriend I don't know if they do that but I assume many would.

    I mean the only girl I asked out while in college had pretty specific requirements....7.5 length x 5.5 or 5.75 girth as I recall. And that damned near ended with me offing myself for good (don't let anyone tell you suicide hotlines are waste of time or money). I mean I can accept that someone who is militant about that size is rare but surely there are many more that are militant about keeping things at or above statistical average. And I don't qualify for that!

    I'm not quite sure how I can relax or build confidence with that Sword of Damocles constantly hanging precariously over my head

    Note you said "about" I imagine whatever deviation there is from what you actually had might be significant. I so often read on here (yeah I browsed before voicing my concerns) that a little bit of size difference can mean a whole lot. Isn't there someone on here that makes even tiny size differences deal breakers?

    Thanks for thinking that. But statistically it isn't normal and this has become somewhat pressing. At the animal shelter where I volunteer with the disabled pets (not as much anymore thanks to my hospital work and funds drying up from the economic problems) we have a new girl who is seven years younger than me (though undoubtedly way more sexually experienced) and who is single. And we never have single women around these parts man. We got 117 men for every 95 women according to the census estimates (and no visible homosexual community either what with the Klan still operating locally). So there is bound to be some competition. Surely the tsunami of guys that will be on her won't all have my same deficiency and that will definitely give them a leg up.
     
  9. At.your.cervix

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    Just my two cents here. We all have preferences about the physicalities of those who we might potentially feel amorous about. And maybe, the coed who you knew went beyond having a preference about cock sizes. But she's in the minority, thank god. Just like there are guys who "require" a girl to have at least a C cup before he'd date her. How absolutely shallow. I know it's easy for me to say this, but buddy, you're better off without that girl, as would any guy--even if they were hung like an elephant.

    So you're not Johnny Dep. So the male to female ratio isn't in your favor. So your not Shane Diesel. So fucking what? Somebody who volunteers in an animal shelter has got to have great empathic skills. What are the other positive aspects about you? Are you funny? Are you a good listener? Are you a "stand-up guy?" Are there certain skills which you posess? Add them up. My guess is that if you honestly think about it, you DO have things to offer women out there--maybe that new girl at the shelter? And, if not her, very likely somebody else.

    And guess what? Some girls actually prefer guys who are slightly smaller than average. I've not only met them, but that's been the reason for problems between them and me. I can guarantee you that I'm not the only guy on this site who's been told by a girl that sucking on a thick dick, well, sucks, and that she prefers sucking on the smaller ones (like yours). Yeah, I've been told that more than a few times. I've also had to stop trying to enter a girl's pussy because no matter how hard we tried, no matter how much lube we slathered on, it just wasn't going to happen. Trust me, those women would have been far happier if I had been endowed like you. Just like there are guys with smaller than average cocks, there are girls with smaller than average pussies--sometimes way smaller than average.

    Do you have a tongue? Know how to use your fingers? Are you capable of scraping tour teeth gently across a young lady's hard nipples? There are ways to make most women be very happy with you between the sheets. But only if you are willing to recognize that you have the potential to do so.

    Good luck, and give the new girl in the animal shelter a try. You've already got a built-in joke about doing it doggy-style.
     
    #9 At.your.cervix, Aug 18, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2010
  10. BigInBellevue

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    Most women will not assume you are small because you are in fact pretty average. Only a few women who have experienced large ones would think it small, and many would even prefer it not to be too big. The guys are right who say you need to build your self-confidence. Suppose you do get lucky. Chances are you will do fine IF you think you will. If you don't this one time, there are many fish in the sea. And if you give her pleasure with your cock, your tongue or your finger, she will appreciate it.
     
  11. D_Rosalind Mussell

    D_Rosalind Mussell New Member

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    I am also going to agree with Bob Ross and Submissivegirl83. It sounds like you have some deeply rooted confidence issues that are the real problem here, not your penis. Your penis is of normal size, it functions (I assume?) and you are a young and vital guy so you have a lot going for you. You also sound pretty sincere and that goes a long way with women. Women are way more forgiving about a man's size than you might think and I hope you muster up the courage to date again soon. I am so sorry that this issue has pushed you to such a degree with your mental health. Nobody deserves to feel that way and I hope you will never return to such a state of mind. *hugs*

    I have written a blog here about my opinion on size. I'm of the opinion that men are way more than what hangs behind their zippers and you'll be delighted to know that I'm far from alone on this. :)
     
  12. LaFemme

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    I'm going to chime in here too. You are normal. I've had smaller than what you have described and had mind-blowing sex. It is not your penis that's the problem - it's your shattered self-confidence. It's a shame, because you sound like a great guy - someone caring and giving. What your first lover said was about her - it had nothing to do with you. Sometimes, when you hear something so devastating from someone you think loves you, you believe it. You believe it because the one person who knows you better than anyone else says it. Again, it was about her insecurities or need to hurt or to feel powerful or whatever mean little reason she had. But holding onto that to what she said only hurts you and that's giving someone who is no longer in your life too much power.

    As a woman - if a man was to "warn" me about how inadequate he was, I would run in the other direction. The woman who is going to be good to you is going to be a confident, secure woman who will be attracted to a confident secure man. Even if you don't feel that way yet, act like it. "Fake it til you make it". Eventually it will become true. Good luck!
     
  13. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    I thank you all for not cutting on me too much. I'm suprised some of you have had good experiences with ones smaller than mine but I'll take that to heart. And trust me I very much want to do everything I can to make any gal I get happy. Cuninglingus, toys, fingering, clit attention, nipple massages, kisses to the nape of the neck....if she wants it, and likes it, I'll not just go the extra mile I'll go a fucking marathon in shoes of fire while carrying Sisyphus' boulder to the top of Everest where I slam dunk it into the Tycho crater. Hey, I've never been laid I've had a lot of time to think about it.

    But the confidence thing. I've read on here before that some of you get angry if a guy is confident and then turns out to be even average size (which you tell me I am). So isn't that a danger? Is confidence without a huge member a big no no? And I'm not talking about lying and talking up my penis. I'm much to shy to even think of broaching that in any casual way.
     
  14. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    Well, I did intervene when I found out my neighbor was beating his wife. Hurt him pretty good and gave a butt load of testimony to the cops that got him a prison sentence. As for skills, I can paint and do sculpture work (though finding willing models is always hard) but I'm currently putting together a photo-journalism-humorist blog in my off time (when I'm not dealing with idiots that call the Cable company to complain about stupid crap).
     
  15. scottbud

    scottbud Active Member

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    Dude it sounds like the chick at college was a total biatch. In actual reality (not internet world) most chicks would not say no to what you have described, would you turn a chick away just because she only had an A cup? doubt it. They like us may have certain preferences but most will quite happily ditch those preferences for someone who will take out the trash and pay their share of the mortgage on time. I am a small dicked guy (smaller than you) and you just need to accept that people are different and accept that most other people actually know that not everyone can have a 6-10 inch cock.
     
  16. D_JuanAFock

    D_JuanAFock New Member

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    Statistically, it IS normal. Statistically, those larger than you are NOT normal. Get some confidence and see a therapist again, because you dont seem to be over your past experience that caused this whole thing in the first place.
     
  17. cece

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    I agree with the general sentiment here that your self-esteem is the main obstacle to finding happiness, sexually or not. Your size is a very healthy average for any race, and many women all over the world are having sex and getting sexually gratified by average-sized men like yourself, every night. That is the reality. If these men are giving pleasure every night I don't see why you won't be able to. And if a woman is rejecting you purely for size, I think you might be looking in the wrong places. On the reverse side of the coin, I am sure there are many shy women who are waiting desperately for a man like you! Some where in the world, you are some girl's dream man. If the door slams on you, move on and go look for her!

    I think it's wonderful that you're looking after your physical appearance. Good grooming and confidence can be a very powerful combination for women. So work on projecting confidence as well.

    And I don't think it's necessary to let the woman know about your size or your inexperience in advance. That just shows lack of self-esteem straight away, which is not sexy. Just take control of the reins and give her all the pleasure you intend to. Actions speak louder than words.

    Huney, from what I can see, I think you're going to be a very generous and sensitive lover that many women would appreciate. If you find it in your heart to love yourself, many women will too.
     
  18. DeepDish

    DeepDish Member

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    Let me tell you a secret.

    Most women are not going to measure you.

    Men are more hung up about penis size than women are.

    You are very equipped to give a women earth shattering orgasms



    Interesting because I just read a study out of UCLA that found that only 6% of women rated their partner as smaller than average.

    Now we know from the lifestyle condom penis size study that the MEDIAN penis lenght is 5.65". That means 50% of men have penises smaller than 5.65" and yet only 6% of women rated their man's penis as smaller than average.

    http://dfred.bol.ucla.edu/LeverFrederickPeplau-2006PMM-PenisSizeSatisfaction.pdf
    Mr. Average - The true story about penis size, from a site that isn't trying to sell you anything.



    I am going to recommend a very good book to you that I read when I just starting to become sexually active.

    ESO: How You and Your Lover Can Give Each Other Hours of Extended Sexual Orgasm by Dr. Alan P. Brauer and Donna J. Brauer

    It is about $15 at amazon, maybe you can find it cheaper somewhere else.

    I really can't say enough of how much this book taught me. With your sensitive personality, you are going to be a great lover.

    cece is absolutely right:

     
    #18 DeepDish, Aug 19, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2010
  19. LaFemme

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    Your confidence shouldn't be based on the size of your cock. In the real world, there are plenty of confident guys who don't have big dicks, get laid regularly and feel pretty good about it. You may feel afraid - but you don't need to be. If I meet someone who thinks my breasts are too small or too large? He can take a hike - my breasts and I are off to be with someone who likes me the way I am. No one is perfect - no one is airbrushed in real life.
     
  20. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    What else is there to base your confidence on?

    Unless there's a new fetish out there I'm not aware no one is expecting you to penetrate them with your breasts and satisfy them. While breasts can be a tool of sex they generally are not thought to be. A penis, on the other hand, is, within a heterosexual coupling, pretty much required.

    The other issue is how women are going to freak out to learn I'm still a virgin at my age. I think most of them are going to think I'm some sort of freak and stay away. Which kind of makes it a catch 22.
     
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